Woman

Hey babes, so I kinda wanted to do a deeper dive on how to manipulate guide men via sexual encounters. I compiled a list of tips/insights that work really well for me and have definitely contributed to maximizing my relationship

0. Initially: Your Reward First

So I feel obligated to remind everyone (especially the newbies!) that NEVER engage sexually before he compensates you appropriately. A peck on the cheek or a hug is fine, I’m talking about anything beyond PG interactions. But, ultimately this guide is for sex within an established arrangement so it’s geared towards regular interactions, both sexual and social. Just a re-establishment to always secure the initial bag.

getting back on track to the tips…

1. Don’t Be Too Heavy Handed

So a common mistake I see/hear girls make is openly and blatantly using sex as a reward. I hear them literally openly brag at (co-ed) parties about how “I gave [boyfriend] a bj bc he brought me flowers, hehe!” or even directly to their bfs “I’ll have sex with you if you do the dishes!” and…. yikes. While arguably, some men may be into it… but the average man is disheartened by this dynamic. It reinforces the stereotype that women only have sex with an alternative agenda. Trust me, men want women who like sex. Sure, there are cute media tropes that portray men as being rewarded with sex… but when you’re blatantly spelling out the fact you’re doing sex for a reward that’s bad.

It might even work, but the obvious open use of sexual manipulation will be a long term turnoff for the man. Never describe your use of sex as a means to get what you want from a man, especially not to him! (Note: girl-talk in private is fine, I’m talking publicly or directly to him) Your approach to using sex as a reward must be subtle and never openly discussed. I even recommend against “joking” about using it as a reward bc it might cue him to the fact that it’s DEFINITELY what you’re CONSCIOUSLY doing. Make your use of sex as a reward always seem natural and therefore, he should only subconsciously know your happiness and his sexual pleasure are connected.

2. Actions > Words

In the same vein of #1, you can build his associations of your happiness with his sexual pleasure much stronger with actions instead of words. Specifically: instead of saying you want to have sex bc he bought you a new dress, upon opening it, instantly sexually escalate. The more things he does to make you happy, the more you should ramp up your affections.

He brings you flowers = you linger more in the greeting hug/kiss

He gives you a small gift in public = you get more affectionate (hold hands, snuggle closer, etc)

He gives you a larger gift in private = you escalate sexually - even reference it as you do so (ex: spray the perfume on you, change into the lingerie immediately, etc)

He takes you to a $$$$$ restaurant = you instantly initiate sex as soon as you’re in private.

He brings you traveling = you blow his mind with nightly, aggressive, hot sex

There should be an unspoken build up of a trend where him pleasing you = you pleasing him 😏. NEVER specifically credit your sexual actions as a response to him spoiling you. He will pick up on the trend, and if anything, he will begin to think he’s manipulating you into having sex via his actions and presents! Lmao. Men are dumb 😂 

3. Keep Him Guessing

So, to reemphasize, there should be a TREND with his actions correlating to a sexual response. That means occasionally things should not necessarily correlate - these instances should be saved for a few times later. For a smaller and less significant favor/gift, suddenly withdraw any reward - carry on as normal. Emphasis on less significant things that would normally inspire at least some response from you. It will keep him subconsciously wondering what is different AND will keep him simultaneously motivated to push above to get that response back.

On the flip side of that, when there is no specific behavior, good or bad, suddenly get super hot and heavy with him. It will keep him scratching his head wondering what he did AND/OR prevent him from thinking the relationship between his actions and sex is something you do on purpose. Bluntly, this strategy overall helps prevent that dreaded “Transactional Feel” that men hate.

4. Deny!

Ok, so anytime he tries to articulate your manipulation use of sex as a reward, DENY!! Act confused, offended, even a little hurt he would see something so intimate that way! What does he mean you only like having sex with him when he buys you something? Does he not like having sex with you? Does he really think you would be that shallow?? Ya, escalate that. Note: even him “joking” about how/why you are having sex with him as a reward requires denial.

5. Make It Seem Genuine

I took a pretty strong stance on never verbally articulating that you’re using sex to reward him… however I do think there is a way to subtly imply it and reinforce the message in his head. Surrounding the topic of what you want (money, trips, etc.) discuss it in the context of being sexual. Switch the narrative from “I’ll have sex with you if you [action]” to “I’ll want to have sex with you if you [action]” - but again, that phrasing alone is too heavy handed. Here are a couple examples of how to subtly reinforce in his head the sex=reward trend:

Flying first class is just so… sexy, you know?

I always feel so horny after shopping 🤷🏻‍♀️

Europe makes me horny 😘

See how they’re generated around how you feel horny/interested. It makes the “sex as a reward” as more natural… you’re not f*king him to repay him, you’re doing it bc he’s made you want to.

6. Remember… Sex Should Be Enjoyable For You Too

Also, I feel obligated to just casually remind everyone… you should enjoy sex in general. Yes, it will occasionally feel like a chore or not be genuine, but I sincerely encourage everyone - both vanilla and SBs - to make sure they’re enjoying sex. Whether you need more stimulation, toys, foreplay, etc. you should feel comfortable finding a way to make sex enjoyable. Hell, you can even pre/post-masturbate to make sure you get that orgasm! It will also lend to making #3 easier bc hell! You are occasionally going to want great sex randomly if you’re enjoying it! Trust me, enjoying sex will make the “sex-as-a-reward” dynamic even easier. 

Hey, love. First of all, I will link some answers I have already given that may help and then give you some more tailored advice:

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/189943673577/i-saw-the-tag-spoiled-girlfriend-on-your-blog-a

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190748175242/signature-scent

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190753861597/what-a-man-wants

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190754260117/things-every-sgf-should-know

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190762492282/ultrasugarlifestyle-sugar-baby-spoiled

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190829954642/whats-the-difference-in-how-the-wealthy-in

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190831001667/being-a-spoiled-girlfriend-how-to-hold-off-on-sex

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190833826172/follow-trophy-queen-x

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190838420877/where-do-you-think-is-a-good-place-to-start

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190841353077/best-advice-to-an-18-year-old-trying-to-go-the

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190884375482/how-do-you-start-the-whole-i-want-you-to-pay-for

Also read all these books on these reading lists:

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190620991877/sugar-reads

https://trophy-queen.tumblr.com/post/190800241882/my-spoiled-girlfriendtrophy-wife-reading-list

Being a sugar baby and spoiled girlfriend do require different approaches because the spoiled girlfriend dynamic is less explicit than the sugar baby-sugar daddy dynamic.

It requires a lot more manipulation from the get-go and these are things you learn through practise and learning the psychology of seduction. To practise go freestyling and strike up a conversation with wealthy-looking men - practise your ability to keep their focus and attention then see if you can get them to call you the next day (give them your number or business card). When you start to get calls the next day you know you are doing something right.

The way I found I maximised my income and getting my man to spend until they eventually did completely unprovoked, was by training them with intimacy.

Paying for dinner = a smile

Buying small presents (e.g. perfume, headphones, a bag) = a peck on the cheek and a hug

Taking me shopping or paying a bill (e.g. phone bill) = a french kiss and touching

Paying for a luxury holiday or committing to even larger bills (e.g. paying my rent, buying me a car) = sex

You need to train these men like the dogs they are so when they want sex they know subconsciously that they need to do something bigger. They also won’t get bored of you because the treats are spread out.

Your expenses should also revolve around having fun or something that will stop you from seeing him. Then they will want to spend the money. Remember though if you don’t ask you don’t receive. If a man won’t spend on you after you asked (nicely) then ditch him. He’s not sugar daddy boyfriend material.

To weed out the salt daddies you need to keep testing them. G.L. Lambert suggests the headphone trick:

Ask your POT to pick up headphones for you before you go a date. If he brings headphones then you can give him more of your time, if he doesn’t bring them then he is salt. Then look at the headphones: Are they an expensive brand? Or are they from the petrol station? If they are expensive he is a true POT if they aren’t, drop him.

I would also suggest checking for these things as you have conversations with POTs:

Do they live in a nice area?

Do they work at a reputable company?

Do they carry professional business cards?

Is there suit tailored and well-fitted

Does he enjoy the finer things e.g. golf, opera, fine dining, wine etc

Does he order the cheapest things off of the menu?

There is a lot you need to learn and build up before you go into being a spoiled girlfriend. Start off by reading “Ho Tactics” by G.L. Lambert. It’s not perfect but it is a good place to start. Find out where the wealthy live and go for fun in your area. Do real market research on the type of man you want to pull.

It honestly just takes a lot of practice and the best way to think about it is “sugaring is a lifestyle”. Always be on. If you are going to the grocery store look good and make sure you keep up flirty energy around you. Sugaring is a like a job when you are on-call 24/7.

I will be putting out more and more tips on sugaring, hoeing and being a spoiled girlfriend so watch out for those.

I hope this helps, good luck!

It’s obvious that the bowl is somewhat over-saturated, particularly on sugaring sites, with salts and salt babies - and thus, the proposed solution to finding generous men and procuring effective arrangements is freestyling and meeting these men in person, rather than online. Despite freestyling being praised as the new way of sugaring, there seems to be confusion on what exactly it is and what exactly to do when you’re at high-class establishments.

The most common definition appears to be going to high-class restaurants, clubs, and places where “rich people frequent”, looking as though you belong there, and then having a rich man approach you or vice- versa, but it seems as though this method is becoming outdated. As the sugar bowl has become more popularized as journalists and college students try to capitalize on this sensation, the richest men and ideal targets are skeptical. If you’re on one of the many establishments of Wall Street, Capitol Hill, or downtown LA, you’ll hear hedge fund managers, bankers, and trust fund babies talk about avoiding gold diggers when picking up women - and they’ve learned to tell the signs: expensive, attractive, well-dressed women sitting alone, waiting to be approached by men. Moreover, the wealthiest men generally will not approach women if they are strangers they don’t know. Such developments call for a new approach in freestyling, which is not to say the old one should be completely abandoned, but rather that it no longer produces the level of success that it used to.

If you’re looking for genuinely rich men (especially not just new money, or those who think that because they have a $100K salary, they’re rich), then the way of entering arrangements is through networking - which is not just meeting these men at wealthy establishments, but entering and mingling with their social circles. If you’re serious about this life and are looking to enter the upper class, become a socialite, or become a trophy wife, then nailing this skill is very important. The best arrangements, the most generous men, and the most valuable services I’ve acquired have always been through men that I was introduced to through social circles or a friend. Example: I have a male acquaintance that I was introduced to by a mutual friend, and when it was obvious there was chemistry, he introduced me to his other friend, a trust fund baby, and together with two other girls we went on a weekend trip to the trust fund baby’s lakeside house, complete with a jacuzzi, jet skis, and tubing. His net worth/income is impressive for his age (one year older than me), but isn’t enough for me to pursue a physical arrangement with him. However, he works in finance and has a knack for investment, and we’ve entered an agreement where he invests my money and keeps 20% of the investment, but over a year he’s nearly doubled the thousands of dollars I originally gave him to investment. You’ll see this through practice as well: how did Prince Harry and Prince William meet their current wives? Through their social circles and current friends. You’ll understand why rich men tend to date rich women, isn’t necessarily because they have a preference for rich women or that rich women are more attractive (though there may be correlation) but rather because in their social circles that is the kind of woman they’re often introduced to. When you’re wealthy and powerful, it’s not in your interest to talk to most people - because naturally, people will be coming to you. In this way, social circles act as a means of both protecting their wealth and status and separating the cream of the crop to include those that are attractive, have social approval, and have a lifestyle fit with these men for ideal romantic partners.

So how do you ‘break’ into such circles? How do you make the results of freestyling become a reality?

•First, if you’re just starting out or are looking for an allowance, it will be relatively difficult to find the *exact* results that you want. You can see from billionaires or men renown from their wealth, they take care of women who aren’t necessarily at their financial level, but have stability and some income of their own. This makes them more attractive because for super wealthy men, they are used to groupies/women throwing themselves at them, so when they encounter someone who is attractive, interested in them, yet has a level of financial independence, this poses a challenge and makes them more likely to invest in you for sponsorship, SGF, or trophy wife, whichever you wish.

•That being stated, I encourage freestyling from the very beginning, since even on standard dating platforms there’s an inundation of time-wasters and irrelevant folks who try to capitalize on the beauty of a young, attractive woman. So to get started, first, you have to network. Assuming you already know how to take care of yourself and to network, the next step is finding out where the rich and successful people in your area hang out. Humans are naturally social, and so when a girl claims she cannot find worthwhile men, it must be that she’s investing time or social energy into the wrong kinds of men. Envision the kind of life or standards that you’re looking for, and delete any man who doesn’t meet these standards or contributes no use to you. This will free up space and social networking so you can pursue relationships with men who CAN invest in you. If you’re looking for men who can do more than buy you fast food and share Netflix subscriptions, delete those that do.

•Next, do some research about which social circles to join. It’s good to decide what kind of interests you have - are they political? Financial? Perhaps you’re interested in philanthropy. If you’re not sure, that’s fine and join as many as possible, and make sure they have a certain level of status or are inviting the right people, or else they will just be another waste of your time. Go to the introductory meetings and dress to impress, and make a great first impression. Introduce yourself, have a story about yourself, and make small talk, and if you’re attractive and reasonably socially-skilled, you’ll find that people are drawn to you. Once one person is interested, the rest will follow. Some women are too transparent by only mingling with the men - take great care to establish good relations with the women there, because they can put in a good and very influential word for you.

•Go to these events, meet new people, and continue going to them. Men will want to contact you and will ask for your number - you should give it, but don’t get overexcited or too eager. You have to refine through these men and ensure that they’re ones that you’d like to date or to pursue arrangements with. So contact them, be approachable, but also ensure that you present yourself as having other things going for you. You don’t have to necessarily be working but having your own savings, own assets, whether those are from yourself, your family, or another man, are important. Always, always, always have the man approach you first. If he doesn’t seem interested, never seem discouraged and just move on to the next one. Have a mentality of abundance. Next step is testing him and doing your research.

•Before doing anything, you should be able to answer the following questions (outlined in books like Ho Tactics):

-Where does he work and live?

-Is he wealthy, and if so, where does his wealth come from? (Trust fund baby, old money, self-made) What profession is he in? Does he look wealthy or is he actually wealthy?

-And most importantly, is he generous? (How much money does he drop on his hobbies, is he cheap/frugal, does he like spending money on women)

Most women get caught up in the generosity, because sadly, wealth is not equivalent to generosity. Test him by going out on a date and seeing what he proposes. Generous men tend to be quite obvious, in my opinion, and won’t show any hesitation in paying for services, calling you Ubers, or taking you on spontaneous trips and otherwise showing off their wealth. If he doesn’t seem generous, drop him immediately. If he makes any excuse that seems disingenuous, drop him immediately. If he tries to force any physical contact, drop him immediately. If he makes any complaint on spending, drop him immediately. Trust your intuition. Filter through the trash. A superior man will take his place.

•By the second date, you should already have established that you’re high-value. Be nice and pleasant, but don’t be so easily impressed. This is where he should be spending more, and you should establish the dynamics of the relationship. Hold off on physical contact until you’ve filtered through his intentions and gotten what you wanted. Some girls are confused as to whether or not they should be upfront or not, whether to ask for allowance straight up or not. It’s difficult to say, because this varies from person to person - and I would say go with what your intuition tells you and do what’s most comfortable in the persona you adopt. Maybe making up a sob story or emotional manipulation is what you’re best at. Maybe it just suits you better to be blunt. Maybe batting your eyelashes and asking to go shopping is your forte. Whatever works for you. Just make sure you establish the grounds of the relationship and get what you want before anything physical happens. Have foresight on what you want and get the money/gifts FIRST.

No, no, no…

What do you think…?

Yes, it’s all an act…

Plenty of plain women securing the bag. Plenty of model-looking girls getting used and dumped.

And no one ever speaks regarding this… but relegating yourself to an ultra-glamorous “bombshell” type, or even an all-natural “model” may actually be a detriment. Because you attract a personality inclined towards short-term thinking and satisfaction (aka, not as much revenue for you.)

And aside from fitting in and demonstrating some social capital to your audience or target client in regards to style, dress, external accessories, it is also meaningless in the pursuit of end goal (wealth).

People get too caught up in the details, bite off more than they can chew.

Ultimately, things like your heel height and the style of your nails hold no real meaning: they’re just arbitrary details used to 1) induce conversation, 2) attract the eye and signify someone who invests in their appearance, and 3) are blank canvases to project some qualities on that you want to be associated with in your persona of seduction.

Selecting them doesn’t mean anything otherwise - like nobody genuinely cares whether you’re all in nudes, though perhaps it’s to appear sensual and modern; or red nails, yet another popular choice, given that red’s supposed association with “passion”, which is also discretionary …

You need to perfect the “heaux” aura… your mindset, the way you carry yourself, and your body language should indicate that you are a woman who fulfills the fantasy, but only if you obtain investment. Only then! Otherwise? Never.

You don’t need to wear ten thousand diamonds, or to don a crocodile Hermès Kelly.

You don’t need to have 10L of Juvederm injected.

You don’t need to have been on the cover of Vogue.

But you should be comfortable internally and externally, projecting the image, that you are a sexual object available for consumption at the right price. And you need to find men who recognize that quality, and terminate relations with anybody and anything that doesn’t recognize this.

Even I, as an escort, can recognize other escorts when traversing out and about. Just from a glimpse. And I can recognize clients - men who would hire escorts - from walking out and about. And men normally recognize me as an escort … the number of times at Davos, I was asked, “Are you here for business or pleasure?”

The “heaux aura” or behavior signifying you are an escort normally comprises of body language, some overt sexuality, and positioning yourself in social situations where there is a “gray” area. Is a ‘good’ woman going to be out alone, at the bar, with no girlfriends or a boyfriend, at 9pm in a somewhat suggestive outfit? No…

So, how do you do this? How do you project this image?

The first change is internal.

When you go out… you internalize and have the mindset, that you don’t perform sexually for free.

Your time is not free …

Your beauty is not free…

Your presence is not free …!

Read it, internalize it, embody it, breathe it. You don’t explain yourself: when somebody even questions this mentality or framework, you move on.

The second you go out to freestyle, your mindset should be, where is the money? Are you making rent tonight, or no?

Because then, you control your body language to project the image that you are sexually available. You are not a regular woman. What does a regular woman do?

A regular woman hides behind their phone, pretending to be busy. A regular woman avoids eye contact and is timid and insecure. A regular woman is afraid to be seen as sexual and to take up space. She gazes around hurriedly to seem preoccupied. She’s there to relax and be alone, to meet a friend, for a little business meeting.

You differentiate yourself. You’re alone and seem approachable. You’re not on your phone, and you are open and confident. You are aware you’re easily an object of desire, and own it. You are sexually open and in control. And yes, you are a sexual being, but only for the right price. You make eye contact.

And if you’re a beginner, it will take time to reprogram yourself. You need to constantly re-position yourself, and notice and alter the way you carry yourself to give that suggestive, questionable atmosphere. A steep learning curve. So practice whenever you can, and exert discipline.

It should happen. If you are in the right position, meaning, you are 1) in a locality with high amounts of wealth, 2) in a space with a high number of single, unattached men, and 3) have the right body language, it should occur.

You nip conversations with useless men in the bud. You keep your eyes on the prize. You internalize your value and remain unwavering on your end goal.

And you’ll always experience dead nights, or useless men seeking to exploit you. Grow a thick skin; unfortunately, male entitlement to attractive members of the female sex knows no bounds and knows no humility or humbleness..: Make it clear you are here for business - get to the action as fast as possible. Cut them off; keep it moving.

Honestly, I used to struggle a lot with networking in the past. But that’s because I felt like a fake bitch forcing myself to be a bubbly excited person. Nobody is that excited about finance internships, FYI. 

As I got older, I relaxed and started to be myself more. I took a more calculated approach to networking as well. If I was talking to a recruiter, I would watch them discreetly from across the room to discover the type of person they were. 

If I saw a woman who seemed bored by all the other “Fake bitches trying to present themselves as perfect”, I would go up to her with a nervous smile and say something like “Hi–I-uh, sorry I’m not great at these things”. That would definitely not work on me or if I were speaking to anyone else because they would see me as unconfident and weak, but to this woman I was bold and open. Which was a refreshing change from the five other students in suits and seemingly perfect behavior. She was much more open and enthusiastic because she saw someone who stood out. 

If I were speaking to an alpha male type, it’s all about boosting their ego. A simple, “Oh so you’re Joe? I was told you’re THE guy to talk to about markets.” Just that small line will have them looking at you in a more appreciative light. 

Networking is all about knowing your audience. Know what kind of person they are and it’ll be easy to talk to them. 

Some general tips: 

Use their name often

Smile a lot

If you’re funny, slip in a joke. If you’re not, then please for the love of god don’t try to make a joke. 

Be professional. 

Ask questions about them

The Sugar Daddy Formula - Taylor B. Jones

Smart Women Finish Rich - David Bach

Smart Girls Marry Money - Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake

Solving Single - G.L. Lambert

Men Don’t Love Women Like You -  G.L. Lambert

The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene

Ho Tactics - G.L. Lambert

French Women Don’t Sleep Alone - Jamie Cat Callan

Your Inner Fox - Marilyn Greenfield

Why Men Love Bitches - Sherry Argov

Why Men Marry Bitches - Sherry Argov

The Power of the Pussy - Kara King

Style: The Modern Lady’s Guide to Elegance and Charm - Eliza Chamber

Too Pretty to Pay Bills - She Ra Seven

How to Marry the Rich - Ginie Sayles

Rich Sex - Ginie Sayles

The Seduction Mystique - Ginie Sayles

The Unicorn Delusion - G.L. Lambert

The Gold Digger Guide to Seduction - Eve Rabi

Parisian Charm School: French Secrets for Cultivating Love, Joy, and That Certain je ne sais quoi - Jamie Cat Callan

This is my current reading list. One thing I will say is that if you read all of these books you will be overwhelmed with different perspectives and sometimes even contradictory methods on seducing and sugaring. My tip is to find what most appeals to your capabilities and personality and utilise that instead of trying to use every single technique.

Also, I was able to download some of these books as PDFs by using the website: https://8freebooks.net/ 

Some of the others e-books I purchased using my kindle unlimited 30-day free trial.

Basically, don’t go spending your money when most of these books are free online!

Hope you find this post useful girls and remember - “reading is fundamental”!

High society is comprised by people who have earned a certain amount of tenure and accomplishment, not everybody is allowed into their spaces for that same reason. Spaces and people of high quality only concern themself with others of high quality as well, it's part of being elite to stand out from the crowd.

Ask yourself, are the patterns of behaviour that I've been engaging in conducive to an elite person or am I being part of the crowd? Am I acting the same way, speaking the same way, walking the same way, entertaining the same activities that the people around me of low status and class are doing and entertaining? And by low status I'm not speaking about people who might work hard but not have much money, I'm speaking of the habits and lifestyles that mediocre people engage in, regardless of how much money there is in their bank account. Being elite is all about character.

- Having a good skin care regiment. In order to be high maintenance you definitely have to invest in a good, all-natural skincare routine. I find taking care of your skin to be extremely important in comparison to all of the superficial stuff. Do your research and really have a thorough step by step skincare routine that you can incorporate in the morning and the night. 

- Manicures and pedicures once a month. This is a personal opinion but the first thing that I look at on a person are their nails and feet! No chips or unevenly filed nails. I’m not saying it’s a must to have a full-set blinged-out acrylic set, even if it’s just a simple manicure to your natural nails, that is fine! Just always make sure your nails look decent and clean and your toes are polished during the summertime especially. 

- Beauty treatments. Lash extensions, brow tinting, lash tinting, waxes, facials, etc., Some sort of beauty treatment should be incorporated into your daily beauty routine. I feel as though beauty treatments is what being high maintence is all about. It’s a great investment for you to always look and feel good! 

hey babes, so here is the final part of my transition from SB to SGF! I officially entered the sugar bowl two years ago and a lot has changed - personally, professionally, socially, etc. Parts of my transition were conscious and intentional, others were subconscious mannerisms and dynamics that are a reflection of what has happened to me my whole romantic life (pre-bowl), and some aspects were completely unintentional. This is the culmination of my full journey ☺️

The full journey is kinda complex so I broke it down into three parts. My early stages (0-6 months), middle range (6-18 months), and current situation (aka final stage). For reference, here is the early stages and here is the middle stages

These are the different aspects of my transition/experience in the final stages (18 months-present)

The Big Turning Point: So if you have read the early and middle parts, you know that we had overcome different problems and had many different “turning points.” Now, the BIGGEST one we had, which solidified my relationship with him as an official SGF instead of SB was in October. He basically caught me sugaring and FREAKED out. We worked through things, and he has given me full reign financially and we are now both fully invested in one another. I’ll describe each aspect that has changed in full by section below.

I have previously written the full story of the break up here. And to accompany that, I wrote some tips on how to end things with SDs/POTs bc I used these when I broke off all other sugaring connections since I’m now Sawyer’s SGF.

General Logistics: So now we are more than just the “girlfriend-experience” sugaring, but tbh we had slowly gotten there anyways; the only thing preventing it from being full was the lack of full financial support, which trickled down into lack of full reliance preventing full emotional commitment from me. (Note: me sugaring also didn’t help with me fully bonding and trusting him, but Sawyer also was seeing one other girl as PPM - something that stopped when we upgraded to SGF) But ya, we had our somewhat regular schedule of around 2 formal dates per week - all at fabulous restaurants and/or shows that kept me entertained and happy. One evolution that is slowly happening is that I’m now spending more time with him on weekends. I’m not particularly happy about that as I previously had reserved weekends for myself! Going out with friends, workout out, getting work done, etc. But he’s quite defensive about me NOT spending weekends with him, so we have been slowly striking a balance. The nice thing was I no longer had to worry about sugaring to make enough money to maintain my lifestyle. This, in turn, made me a much better gf! I was happier and more relaxed to spend time with him. I stopped resenting spending time with him and started enjoying it again.  I have been able to take care of myself more and be prettier for dates again. I started up my beauty routine, and even made it a bit more intense! I get facials mostly (instead of quarterly) and my skin has been glowing! I get deep tissue massages and rejuvenate myself as needed. I sign up for fancy workout classes and only eat healthy stuff when not with him. I know this is touching on financials, but being upgraded to SGF really made me even better all around!

Current Financial Support Situation: I talked about it a bit above, but I would say the financial aspect is the main difference I have experienced as a SGF. AND I LOVE IT!!! It’s amazing! I don’t have to worry about money AT ALL! When I need something, I get it! Simple as that! Now, it has been a development for me gauging what I want. I’m not particularly materialistic so I have limited interest in designer bags/shoes/etc. Also, it’s somewhat an underlying stress point bc Sawyer VERY MUCH does keep track of what I spend and where. Everything has a vague standard of “being reasonable” which I am still somewhat getting accustomed to. The way I evaluate my purchases, is I decide if I would have gotten it during the early stages (when I had a corporate salary AND his allowance). I use this method for evaluating concrete purchases (clothes, decorations, etc.) as I now make more aesthetic purchases I would not normally have done previously - hair done more often, cocktail dresses, etc. But those all directly benefit Sawyer so he doesn’t mind those. The thing that makes me nervous that I haven’t really grown out of is the utter lack of saving I’m doing. I maintain my bank account balance at the same point it was before he began to fully finance my life - now he just covers all my expenses. That being said, that’s RISKY! I am saving NOTHING! I have considered filching petty amounts, but that doesn’t even seem worth it as it would be far worse to get caught than to sneak away like $100 a month 🤪. This worry is more deep set, and doesn’t affect my daily life, but it’s definitely on my mind. 

Current Sexual Relationship: The sex got slightly better. It felt more genuine from both sides. He was no longer meeting his PPM girl, and, while I was never sexual with any of the other SDs/POTs beyond a slight kiss, I felt more genuine with him which made me feel better about it. I still masturbate to make up the difference, but that’s fun 😜. I no longer actively mention how he use to make me feel (somewhat abused, unimportant, power imbalance, etc.) but I can tell he remembers it… and still denies it 😕.  He does occasionally still try to gaslight me about what our starting stages sexually were, but I don’t let that happen by simply not engaging him on the subject. My goal is to continue moving forward with our sexual relationship, and I think he mostly feels the same way.

If you want tips on how sex can specifically be manipulated used to build the relationship, here are some things I have previously written: Casual touch sex as a reward Choose your Weapon: sex vs. crying

Current Emotional Component: Most of our emotional growth during this stage has been a continuation of the middle stages, with an added increase in intimacy from the trust and reliance associated with a SGF. I felt genuinely closer to him and happier to be with him. On the flip side of that, he has grown more attached and invested in me. Things are nice. So, Sawyer also has been going through an increase in tension with his ex-wife that has made him increasingly vulnerable and unhappy. I have always been somewhat a bandaid on that (as most SBs are) but my role has further increased the more their marriage careens towards divorce. I have previously written tips about the marriage void, and I was doing all these things in full. In general, I was also being an entertaining and happy little SGF - same role as SB, but more fun and committed! Also, I was still being bratty… don’t worry 😜 Overall we grow closer every meeting. We have our ups and downs that basically any vanilla couple has. There is still somewhat of a power imbalance, but I feel more relaxed with him and I know I matter. I’m not secondary and while I may be financially reliant on him, his reliance on me is equal in that he needs me emotionally. 

So ya, that’s the end part of my journey. I’ll break it down later into tips, as well as key points I think are necessary for any SB to transition to SGF. I’ve come so far ❤️

Sugar blogs

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    Hello, ladies! I have a mentor who started off as a poor girl in Sweden, at 20 she moved to Italy and started dating rich young men, then she started dating sugar daddies/ having sponsors fund her lifestyle and now she is in her 30′s and married to a multi-millionaire. Literally rags to riches! All because she was in the right places at the right time and knew how to market herself. One thing my mentor, A, and I have discussed a lot is that the EASIEST way to meet rich men is by TRAVELING! People are much more loose and open to talking with people when they are away from their native cities. There are places were you are GUARANTEED to meet wealthy men and those places are down below! If you’re a sugar baby who is interested in travel message me! I’m looking for a traveling buddy, more about that at the very end. 

THE MOST LUCRATIVE CITIES :

(These are the cities where you are guaranteed to meet rich men. You should frequent these cities as much as possible in their high season.)

WINTER : 

Aspen, Colorado / Gstaad, Switzerland - Wealthy men of all ages love to ski. You can find great wealthy men in Aspen, a lot are single and there is a lot of young rich men that come with their parents and family. Mostly American men and a few Europeans. The age range is typically 20-40. This place is ideal for people seeking to become a Spoiled Girlfriend/ Trophy Wife.

Tulum, Mexico - Tulum is very hip and trendy right now. A slightly younger crowd of rich people flock here around New Years Eve for nice beach parties with the worlds top DJ’s. Mostly single groups of girls and guys and mostly Europeans can be found here. The age range is typically 20-30. This place is ideal for girls seeking to become a Spoiled Girlfriend. 

Dubai, United Arab Emirates - Dubai has so much potential. Winter is the best time lots of people travel here during this season because it’s not as hot. Tons of bars, restaurants and clubs to meet men at. There are more men in Dubai than women, and that means less options for them and more for you! A lot of them are new money rich people so if you’re looking to be spoiled with shopping trips, Dubai is the place to be. New money rich guys are usually very generous and love to spoil girls with top brands, they feel the need to prove they are rich so a good strategy here it to act like your last partner bought you very extravagant things. This may not be true of course but it will probably make him want to buy you even better. Also, a plus is that lots of men in Dubai take care of several women and it’s not a strange thing there, you won’t get a bunch of stares. It’s very multi-cultural there, there are Arabs, Europeans, Americans, Asians and Russians. The age range is anywhere from 20-60′s+. This place is ideal for people seeking to become a Sugar Baby/ Spoiled Girlfriend or Trophy Wife. 

The Caribbean - It’s always a good idea to travel to one Caribbean island every winter. Winter is the best time to visit the Caribbean Islands because there is little to no rain, and you will find a LOT of European’s take vacations for several weeks here. Perfect time to meet rich boys or even rich girl friends who can later introduce you to rich bachelors they know back home. Also, a lot of older American men love to travel to the Caribbean by themselves. People of all ages travel here and this place is most ideal for people seeking to become a Sugar Baby/ Spoiled Girlfriend.

SPRING :

Miami, Florida - Miami is famous for their Spring Break festivities. There are thousands of people all over the city that come from everywhere to party. It’s mostly children from rich families that go to school in New York, Boston or California and Europeans whose parents have given them unlimited credit cards. Prices shoot WAY up during the end of March and beginning of April. Just know that regular hotel rooms double and triple in price so you should go with a group. Mostly everyone partying in Miami for spring break is single. The age range is typically 20-30 years old. This is great for people taking the Spoiled Girlfriend route. 

Los Angeles, California - Lots of potential in this city. There’s people that work in finances, show business, athletes, doctors, surgeons, there are so many rich people in Los Angeles, and a lot are single! I’m from California so I know a little about how this place works and I think it could be a good first “big” city place, for people. The atmosphere is generally welcoming and the social circles aren’t hard to get into. Basically everyone is new money rich and if you present yourself as someone who is already taken care they will treat you well. The best time to visit is in spring because the weather is perfect. Also, it’s not really in Los Angeles but, attending Coachella in April isn’t a bad idea. If you get a V.I.P ticket you will be surrounded by social media minor celebrities, models (good to befriend them because they can get you into exclusive parties with celebrities), and tons of rich kids from America and Europe mostly. Typical age at Coachella is 20-25, but in Los Angeles there are men of all ages of course. Los Angeles is great for anyone seeking any kind of beneficial relationship. 

London, United Kingdom - Tons of millionaires here. London has the most millionaires in all of the UK! Lots of old money and new money. Lots of young single men that were born into generational wealth and have trust funds. Lots of everything. This place is a gold mine. I am moving here in 2024. This is where I plan to get my masters degree. It has all ages and is ideal for people seeking to be a Sugar Baby/ Spoiled Girlfriend or Trophy Wife. 

SUMMER :

St. Tropez, France - An amazing place to meet sugar daddies. Mostly old money and new money rich men LOVE to be in St. Tropez during summer. (Bastille Day is a popular day in St. Tropez) The richest men, whale daddies and sponsors can be found here. The age range is typically 40-70. Ideal for girls seeking to become someones Sugar Baby/ Spoiled Girlfriend or Trophy Wife .

Nice, France - Same as St. Tropez. You will probably find more high caliber men here, but the night life is better in St. Tropez. 

Monte-Carlo, Monaco - Monte-Carlo is every sugar babies DREAM! There are not very many men in Monaco that aren’t at least a millionaire. You will meet the richest, most generous and BEST whale daddies in Monte-Carlo. It’s not a good place for beginners, as every women in Monaco is most likely doing the same thing you are. It’s also flooded with very low rate hookers, you should dress extremely classy in Monaco. Classy doesn’t mean boring, if you dress too raunchy the men will think you are an escort and not want to approach you. The way to present yourself in Monte-Carlo is that of a young beautiful women who is just used to being taken care of by her “boyfriends”. You can find men here to fund your entire lifestyle. Hotels are quite expensive so it’s best to stay in Nice, France and take a taxi into the city each day. The age range is typically 40-70+. Ideal for girls seeking a Whale Daddy/ Sponsor. 

Ibiza, Spain - Arguably one of the easiest places to meet a rich boyfriend. It’s a party island with mostly rich trust fund babies. Lots of big groups of single men. Very hip, very trendy, very fun! Most all of the people here are Europeans but there is some Arabs and Russians as well. The age range is typically 20-30. Ideal for girls seeking to become a Spoiled Girlfriend. 

Mykonos, Greece - Same as Ibiza. However, you will probably find a richer young man to spoil you in Mykonos since it’s more expensive and less mainstream. Also, Mykonos has a bigger age range. You can find ages 20-40 here, I’d say. 

Marbella, Spain - Same as Ibiza. Except this is not an island so it’s cheaper to access. In order of most rich men to least of these three party locations I’d say 1. Mykonos 2. Ibiza 3. Marbella. But don’t sleep on Marbella because there are still wealthy older European men that travel here specifically to meet young women. 

FALL : Boston, Massachusetts - There are wealthy business men here. It’s less crowded than NYC, but quite similar and you can find a ton of rich college students choose to study in Boston for the location. The age range here is 20-40 maybe. Ideal for people like me who want  a rich boyfriend in each city. The bars are really lively here. 

Manhattan, New York - One of my personal favorites. The city is filled with business men, bankers, hedge fund managers all single or very ready to cheat on their spouses. Lots of high caliber sugar daddies here, and most actually are single because they find their lives too busy to fulfill a typical relationship. You can actually find legit guys on Seeking Arrangements/ Tinder or in bars after work hours. The age range is typically 35-65 and this place is ideal for people seeking to be someones Sugar Baby/ Spoiled Girlfriend or Trophy Wife.

OTHER LESS “JETSET” CITIES I PLAN ON VISITING : 

(With these locations I just plan to stay a long weekend in the best hotels and go to high end bars/ restaurants/ clubs and just network. Meet potential rich boyfriends, sugar daddies, business partners or rich girl friends who can invite me into their rich social circles. Meeting rich men for material and monetary gain is important, but meeting rich girl friends is really important to me as well. I want to have friends everywhere. More girl friends= Access to their rich girl friends, Access to their family members, invitations to weddings filled with rich people, invitations to birthday parties with rich people, invitations to yacht parties, invitations to go somewhere on their dad’s jet. You get the picture) 

Washington D.C, Maryland

Seattle ,  Washington

Tokyo , Japan

Beijing , China

Kuala Lumpur , Malaysia

Bangkok , Thailand 

Mumbai , India 

Moscow , Russia

Seoul , South Korea 

Las Vegas , Nevada 

Beirut , Lebanon 

Lake Maggiore , Switzerland 

Lugano , Switzerland 

Tel Aviv , Israel 

Honolulu , Hawaii 

Venice , Italy / Milan , Italy / Lake Como , Italy 

Glasgow , Scotland 

Singapore , Singapore 

Paris , France 

Tanzania , Africa

Fiji , Fiji 

New Orleans , Louisiana 

San Juan , Puerto Rico 

Sydney , Australia 

Nassau , Bahamas 

Marrakesh , Morocco 

Vienna , Austria 

Doha , Qatar 

Phuket , Thailand 

EVENTS I’M INTERESTED IN ATTENDING : 

(The plan for events is to go looking like a million dollars and wait for the affluent men to approach me. Simple and also fun! I’m not just traveling to meet affluent people and network I’m also traveling to experience life. Lol.) 

Coachella - California, USA / April 

Mardi Gras - New Orleans, Louisiana / February 

Burning Man Festival - Black Rock City, Nevada / August 

St. Patricks Day - Dublin, Ireland / March

Fashion Week - NYC, USA / September 

Balloon Festival - Albuquerque , New Mexico / October

Gay Pride Festival - San Fransisco , California / June

March Madness Basketball Game - Los Angeles, California / March 

Oktoberfest - Munich, Germany / October 

Montreux Jazz Festival - Switzerland / July

Holi Festival - Goa, India / May

EVENTS I’M INTERESTED IN ATTENDING PART 2 :

(These events are really expensive and I don’t ever want to go somewhere and not be in V.I.P, so I’ll need to hold off on these events until I have a sugar/daddy/ sponsor to get me the tickets I want to these events.) 

Super Bowl - Pre-game parties filled with wealthy people, groups of rich single men, after parties with actual NFL players. This event happens in February in a big city they decide on the year before. 

FIFA World Cup - Same as NFL, except soccer players and it takes place in an international city. 

Wimbledon Tennis - Old money rich people love to watch tennis. Tennis players are also some of the highest paid athletes, and the V.I.P tickets give you access to them. This event is in London, it’s at the end of June and beginning of July. 

Royal Ascot Ladies Day - Same as Wimbledon except horses. Also, there is tons of rich men there who bet on the horses. Also, it’s iconic. Lol. 

Opera - Old money rich people love listening to opera music, and I would love to get all dressed up in a black gown and pearls. This event is all-year-round in Sydney, Australia. 

Concerts - These happen all the time. I want front-row seats and backstage access. 

York Races - Same as Royal Ascot Ladies Day, except this event takes place in York. 

Formula 1 Grand Prix Races - Packed with rich people. Many of my mentors friends have met their rich husbands at these events. They take place during summer in Dubai, Monaco, Abu Dhabi and Barcelona. 

Fashion Week - Great opportunity to meet people in the fashion industry and make some high society girl friends. These events take place in September for NYC and Spring for Moscow. Front row seats are a must. 

AMFAR Gala - Extremely important. Packed with celebrities, yet open to anyone who can afford a ticket each year. A-Class celebrities. Most notably, Leonardo DiCaprio.Ticket prices are sky high and you have to dress to kill.  Takes place in NYC every February. 

Cannes Film Festival - Same as AMFAR Gala, just less celebrities and more regular wealthy people. 

Normally I’d just send you a link to A-Pinch-Of-Sugar-Please’s blog, buuut since she’s a psychotic bitch, I’d be happy to help you out.

BEFORE MEETING:

Invent fake facts about yourself. Create an email address specifically for sugaring and only email them there. Get the Google Voice App and create a phone number to text/call men from distinct from your own. Use a fake name for the first few dates. List the next town over as your location on your profile and never tell them the actual college that you go to — especially if it’s small! If they ask what your parents do for a living, make it up or be vague. Once you’re super comfortable with them, you can tell them “Oh my name’s actually Katherine, not Katelynn” or even give them your real phone number if you want to as I often snapchat with NASA. But he’s the only one of my SDs who knows it as Google Voice works flawlessly and the others don’t really need it. 

On an opposite note, get as many details as possible about him from him or through background searching. If he tells you he’s the CEO of Apple, go to Apple’s website and confirm that. Also, invest in a Spokeo Account. Don’t be that annoying SB who begs girls to look men up for her. A lot of girls only buy the monthly plan which has a search quota so if these girls are kindly looking men up for you, that’s less POTs they can search for themselves. I think it’s like $49.95 per year and it’s well worth the money for the amount of information it gives you. You can reverse search his phone number, email, name, etc. to find out his address, income, family members — anything! I love to find their children’s names then look them up on Facebook to see how they live. Riding horses on vacation in Santorini as your cover photo? Okay, I’ll break bread with your dad tomorrow. Little Ashley’s making duck faces and wearing Abercrombie? Sorry, John, I’m actually no longer searching for an SD — best of luck!

Get as many photos as possible (5+) from a man you’re talking to so that you can reverse search them and find out company info, criminal history, or if he’s on any other sites to cross-check age, location, and other facts on the profile you first saw him on.

Before a first meet, Skype with him (for 5 to 30 minutes) to again make sure the photos he sent are of him and not some handsome model on JCrew’s website (guys on SD4M do this all the time — you’re not slick)! While you don’t want the skype date to replace the first date, it is a good way to keep and/or build up his interest and by revealing yourself in 3D and decreasing his chances of cancelling/flaking on you. New SDs in particular often get nervous by the whole process, especially if they’re married, so if he sees “Wow! She’s gorgeous/real/funny/witty/ and excited to see me Thursday!” he’ll be more at ease not only to go through with the meet, but to spend more chedda. Moreover, a Skype date can show you “Wow! He’s an asshole and begging me to slide the camera down to my boobs.” So you can know way before you spend hours on hair and make-up that the date will be a waste.

NON RED-FLAGS:

Need for discretion. If a man doesn’t tell you much about himself, his job, or his life, is using a GV number or a fake email, is going by a fake name, it does not matter at all. 9 times out of 10 I show up to POT dates knowing the results of their latest colonoscopy while they think I don’t even know their name. Focus on the steps above and let them think they’re slicker than you. Nigerian Prince never told me his real name. I knew it from 5 seconds after he emailed me, but I played along and feigned ignorance because I knew he was safe and rich and whatever other secrets he kept from me were irrelevant. After our first date, he revealed his real career, location, (still not his real name) etc. and I’d already known it all, but, like us, he was simply wary of giving too much info to the wrong person. My favorite is when a guy emails you from his real email using a fake name. “Inbox: New Email from Steve Jobs” “Hey it’s Mike!” lmfao Hey Mike! Whatever makes you comfortable enough to meet me for dinner and pay me. All this being said, sometimes a man’s “need for discretion” makes it fucking impossible to find out anything from him. In that case, I say “While I respect your need for discretion, it does not trump my need for safety and I would not feel comfortable meeting you for dinner without…(at least a skype date)(as many photos as I’ve sent you)(information about XYZ)(etc.).” If he refuses to accommodate, he’s blatantly disrespectful of your safety concerns and he’s not worth your time.

RED-FLAGS:

Asks for sexy photos. You really need to make sure your profile photos are serve their purpose and depict what you look like from head to toe. If you only include iPhoto face shots, that’s dandy but you need a full body shot of you in a cute outfit and I also always include a bikini shot. Nothing raunchy, just a fun day at the beach. If they’re asking for sexy photos and you already have full body shots on your profile, then kindly end it because they’re 12 year old horn dogs stuck in 45 year old bodies. But if your photos suck and they just want to confirm that you’re not Shrek, then you need to amp up your profile and oblige.

Asks your favorite position, kinkiest moment, sex history, what you’re into etc. There’s no space for immature, tacky, desperate rapid fire sex questions in the sugar bowl. At its core, sugaring is about companionship, chemistry, and fun times. If he needs a rap sheet of what you will and will not do in the bed room, then he should call up a pimp and ask for a very specific hooker. Even if you tell him this and he apologizes and stops, you still know that that’s his main incentive for joining this site so he’s probably looking for pay for play but has too much pride to admit to wanting a prostitute. If you’re fine with 4 hours a month with this man for however much you agree on, then boom! You just landed on easy money. But if you’re looking strictly for a sugar arrangement with outings, dinners, etc. then you need to move on. But be mindful that a lot of these men might be into BDSM, so if they ask specifically if you have interest in that then that’s not necessarily a red flag so much as them not wanting to waste either of your time. If you do say yes, however, and he presses you with sex questions, he’s equally guilty of the above offense.

Sleezy username/bad grammar. If “Hotsex69” messages you, you already know what he’s there for. He’s not a sugar daddy. He’s blatantly looking for pay for play.

Takes offense to your precautions. A lot of men will quickly realize that you both have iPhones and that your messages aren’t coming up blue. If he questions it, let him know straight up, “I’m using an app called Google Voice so that I don’t have to share my real phone number with strangers. Once I’m comfortable enough with you, I will give you my real number and you can reach me there.” 99% of guys completely get it and think “Damn, I wish I’d thought of that. She’s smart and safe and not full of shit! I can tell a lot of guys have wasted her time and I don’t want to be one, so I better step it up if I ever want the honor of using iMessage with this hottie!” The other 1% will cry like little bitches and be like “We’ve hit it off thus far! Don’t you trust me?!?” If he honestly thinks trust can be fostered after a few email messages, he’ll be equally pissy when you don’t have sex on the first date or when you reject his marriage proposal on the second date.

Insists on meeting for just drinks. 10:00pm drinks at the hotel bar so you can get drunk and then go upstairs? Um no. In a fun way, tell him you’d rather meet for dinner at this great restaurant you’re dying to try yada yada. I had this one guy come back at me with “How about we start with drinks and if we hit it off, then we can get dinner?” Lmfao why?! I literally see no incentive to that besides wanting to roofie me. If you’re that awkward and can’t be around a younger, more attractive woman without drinking then let’s drink at dinner. Have 10 glasses of wine with your food. I don’t care. But if I’m getting dolled up, I’m eating food. You are not skimping out on buying me dinner and you are not roofie-ing me and you are not getting me drunk so you can drag me back to your lair. I do too much damn cardio to drink my calories. Buy me dinner, you fuck.

MEETING:

Meet in a public place and STAY in a public place. Stroll in Central Park? Awesome! He wants to wander past the “DO NOT ENTER” sign and show you this ‘amazing view of the river’? Nope. Restaurants, coffee, theater — doesn’t matter as long as you’re surrounded by witnesses.

Have your own transportation to AND from a first meet. And from. And. From. AND FROM!!! Not “Oh I took a taxi here, but let me save $10 and go home with him — he was so funny and obviously legitimate!” Even if that’s true and he’s a sweetie and who he says he is, these men never need to know where you live. (Notice I did not say never should know. Doctor knows where I live and that’s fine. But he doesn’t need to.) If you ultimately decide you’re comfortable with having an SD over at your apartment, then that will come after several dates, not the first. Plus, the chase is half the fun for him. Don’t reveal all of yourself too quickly. For this same reason, never get into his car on the first date. Besides just safety reasons, you don’t want him to feel like (physically and mentally) that he has you 100%. Leave something to be desired.

Tell someone where you are and who you’re going with. If you’re close with a friend or relative who is non-judgmental, make sure they know where your date is and when you’ll be back. Otherwise, find a resource on here (I’ll gladly help you out)and text them (from your GV number) where you are going, when you get there, when you leave, and when you are home. Whenever I get in an SDs car for the first time, I always text my sugar friends his license number.

Some SBs insist on staying sober. I like to drink and I can handle it, so I do. But definitely don’t get drunk. It’s sloppy and unattractive but will also distract you from your goal of setting an allowance/arrangement in place and getting to know this man better. Plus, it will impair your judgment and prevent you from remembering the rest of these safety tips.

NON-RED FLAGS:

Doesn’t bring a gift or cash to the first date. Stop being so entitled. At this point, he owes you just as much as you owe him — nothing.

The car he drives. The $3000 allowance of a man who drives an Aston Martin is just as green as that of the man who drives a Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Offers you a ride there or back. He might genuinely want to save you the hassle of travelling. Most of these men are fathers and have that protective instinct. It’s 9pm, dark out, she’s waiting for a cab, this is nonsense, I’ll drive her. It’s not a redflag that he’s trying to be a gentleman, but either way, maintain your stance and politely decline.

Awkward behavior. Steve Jobs gave brilliant speeches, but outside of that, the dude was awkward as fuck. Nonetheless, he was richer than God. If a guy reaches to hold your hand on the first date and you don’t want him to, just say, “John, I’m having an absolute blast but I’m just not comfortable with that yet.” There’s no need to flip out and write a post saying OMG THIS GUY WAS SO CREEPY HE LIKE TRIED TO RAPE ME BLACKLIST!!!!! Doctor is the most awkward guy I’ve ever met in my entire life. Like him, many of these POTs were valedictorians of Harvard who went on to spend the next 8-12 years of their lives accumulating degrees in the dungeons of the Ivy Leagues. They lack sunlight and social skills. It’s okay. That doesn’t mean be wishy-washy when he tries to cop a feel. No. Be firm and put him in his place. If he makes you excessively uncomfortable, end the date and don’t pursue another. But if he stutters or can’t maintain eye contact or holds eye contact for too long or snorts or recites how beautiful you are or has a creepy smile, that doesn’t necessarily make him a potential serial killer.

RED FLAGS:

Talks about hotel time, private time, intimate time, ‘getting away’. There will be no sex on the first date. There will be no sex on the first date. There will be NO SEX on the first date. If he thinks dinner and a few hundred dollars gets you two “alone time” at the Ritz Carlton, then send him packing. Be blunt and embarrass that loser. Literally say, “John, I’ve had a blast getting to know you thus far but I have zero interest in trading sex for lobster and a gas money. I’m a lady who is looking for a gentleman with the means to provide for her and support her. If you’re only interested in sex in exchange for money, then you’re looking for an escort, not a sugar baby, and a second date would be a waste of both of our time.” Scare the shit out of him and make him realize just how crass and pathetic he’s being. You wear the pants. He’ll straighten up very quickly, or realize that you’re right and head down to the corner of main street instead.

Cringes at the bill or what you’re ordering. If he can’t afford lobster, desert, or how many drinks you’re getting, he can’t afford you. This is an absolute no brainer. Even if he says he can afford your $3000 monthly allowance, if it means he’s going without food, laundry, or anything else just to afford it for you now, there WILL come a later when he leaves you hanging. A real SD loves to treat you and doesn’t care if you buy the bar!

Switches stories. It’s one thing from initially stating he’s in finance to getting more specific about which sector or region he works in, but if yesterday he was CEO of Apple and today he’s a professor, he’s probably full of shit. Don’t be afraid to call him out on it. “I thought you said —-?” Learn the dynamics of body language and be able to discern when someone is lying or hiding key information from you. He could very well be the manager of the local K-Mart hoping to spend as many free dates with you as possible before you catch him in his lie.

Insists on anything. If he’s choosing your meal for you, forcing you to ride home with him, or backing you into a corner in any way, ditch him. If he’s that pushy on the first date, he’ll be even more pushy on the second or on the third because you let him win this time.

DATING:

Use a condom.

If you don’t use a condom, get tested regularly together and show each other the results.

RED FLAG 

Doesn’t meet allowance. If he owes you $500 per meet and misses a meet, he needs to bring it to the next meet, or else he’s breaking the terms of the arrangement. If it’s the end of the month and he shows up without allowance, he needs to send it to you/bring it to the next meet, or else he’s breaking the terms of the arrangement. Do not let him get comfortable and think of you as a friend or girlfriend. This is a SUGAR ARRANGEMENT. Do not let him treat you like something that you’re not and get sloppy with the reason why we’re here.

Wants to meet your family. Doctor still insists on introducing me to his sisters. Eck. Whatever. But he’s never meeting any of my family. I am not your girlfriend. This is not a relationship. We have no real future together. Read this haiku. It is the anthem of the bowl.

Insists on not using a condom, trying XYZ in bed that makes you uncomfortable. As always, don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with and let them know. A real SD will put his desires aside for your safety and comcort. If he’s being pushy in bed or otherwise, he’s not there for your best interest.

NON-RED FLAG

Asks about your personal life. It’s not weird for a man to want to know what classes you’re taking or what’s new in your world. He’s not being creepy or nosy, he’s just curious about what makes you tick. He shouldn’t be prying into if you have a boyfriend or anything super specific, but don’t get weirded out if he asks a lot of things about you.

Asks for sexy pics or texts suggestively. After you’re intimate together, this really is fair game to ask. As always, you need not oblige, and if you do, play it safe and don’t include your face or use SnapChat. But just because he’s thinking of sex more doesn’t mean he’s still not invested in being a sugar daddy. If it makes you uncomfortable, say so. If he’s a true SD, he’ll respect your boundaries and get over it.

Is affectionate in public. Just because he likes to hold your hand and kiss you, doesn’t mean he’s thinking of you as a girlfriend and less of an SD and forgetting your arrangement. If PDA makes you uncomfortable and you need a bit more discretion, let him know. But just because he likes your soft skin doesn’t mean he’s going to propose and leave your arrangement in the dust. He might just like your soft skin.

Hates shopping. Not surprisingly, a lot of men hate shopping, especially for women or with women or in women’s stores. So just because he’s not buying you louboutins doesn’t mean he won’t give you the money to buy them yourself. 

IF YOU REMEMBER NOTHING ELSE, REMEMBER THIS:

Your token line is: “I’m not comfortable with that (yet).” Don’t be wishy-washy! If he wants to have sex and you lie and say “Oh uh I’m on my period” he’ll just ask again the next time. Instead, be honest and be firm saying you’re not comfortable with sex, riding in his car, his hand on your leg, meeting his mom, etc. etc. etc. Drop this line WHENEVER you need to say no. It sets the tone that you are the one who sets the boundaries of the relationship and that those boundaries will not be crossed. If a man ever persists against something you’ve blatantly stated makes you uncomfortable, then you know it’s time to end things.

• People will fail you, they will leave you and treat you as disposable. God is the only one who is constant and will forever be by your side. Prioritizing relationship with Him rather than flawed humans always comes first.

• Realizing that I deserve more and the only person who can give me that is myself.

• Making peace with the fact that l don't fit in with most people and that's ok.

• An enlightened mind can't be controlled. Knowledge is power.

• Feminity and sensuality are part of the core of who I am and I shouldn't feel shame for expressing myself in a sensual way or indulging in my own feminine energy when it's appropriate.

• Social media can be a useful tool for improvement if you use it the correct way, by following the right accounts with the right content that can inspire, motivate, and push me to exceed beyond mediocrity every single day.

• Socializing for the sake of it is overrated. It's preferable to restrain yourself from engaging in social settings with people who are on a different life path from you and who can be a huge burden and detriment to your character as a person by influencing you in wrong ways. Solitude doesn't mean you have to be alone, you can be surrounded by a (the wrong) group of people and still feel lonely.

• The importance of saving my money. Being frugal with my earnings and utilize the money I stack as a means of acquiring future freedom.

• Delaying gratification is a must for any person who is pursuing a path of success. Choosing to disengage with quick and instant pleasures that can be detrimental for personal improvement (like eating junk food, or splurging in unnecessary material things), and instead work on my will power to set boundaries conducive to my goals, purpose and a more meaningful happiness in the long run.

• Class never goes out of style.

• To never speak negativity about myself in any manner, not even jokingly. Your brain often times has a hard time discerning between what's real and what isn't, leading to an eventual internalization of the negative self talk, which translates to self esteem issues and poor mental health.

• The power of saying no without an explanation.

• To be organized with my time and set up my days with hourly deadlines in order to achieve more goals through it and be more productive.

• Romantic relationships that have a dead end are pointless and only leave you with unnecessary emotional baggage as well as soul ties.