bondage

Secretary (2002): Arguably the best motion picture about an emerging BDSM relationship. The stars of the film give well rounded, nuanced performance of individual characters, not types. Maggie Gyllenhaal’s transformation from a shy, unhappy, and passive young lady to a happy, determined, and confident woman is marvellous. James Spader’s performance of a conflicted dominant is pitch perfect and brilliant.

Maitresse (1973): This French film was created with the advice of a professional Domina and includes real footage of S&M. It is a convincing love story about the romance between a well well-intentioned – if an ignorant young man – (Gérard Depardieu) and an emotionally guarded dominatrix (Bulle Ogier.) Vanilla audiences might be shocked by some of the scenes of S&M while today’s generation of BDSM purists will be alarmed by the numerous scenes in which people in bondage are left alone for long periods. Directed by Barbet Schroeder.

9 ½ Weeks (1986): An erotic classic directed by Adrian Lyne and starring Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke. The terms S&M and BDSM never really come up and it’s easy for mainstream audiences to see it as kinky but mostly innocent fun – but D/s and S&M are still D/s and S&M not matter what you call them. The perfect choice for a date film when testing the waters with a vanilla lover or spouse. Say “Gee, this looks like an interesting film honey” at the video rental store.

The Story of O (1975): A tasteful adaptation of Pauline Réage’s classic French novel of sadomasochism, submission, and love. It’s classy. Never vulgar. The emphasis is on the dreamlike nature of the erotic fantasy. The drama comes from an internal struggle as O (Corinne Clery) tries to submit totally to the whims of the man she loves. Lots of lovely nude actresses, simulated sex, and sadomasochism. Directed by Just Jaeckin, the director of Emmanuelle. French title: Histoire d’ O

Quills: A very well done, wonderfully cast, and intellectually stimulating. It’s a film adaptation of a play about the final days of the Marquis de Sade (somewhat fictionalized.) The focus on the film is less on the eroticism of the divine Marquis’s writing (which has not really appealed to me) and more on questions of ethics and the politics of pornography and censorship. The most erotic scenes are more or less vanilla but they feature some lovely actresses including Kate Winslet. (yum!) Never has necrophilia looked so appealing.

Crash (1997): James Spader and Holly Hunter star in this film by David Cronenberg based on a novel by J.G. Ballard about a subculture of people who intentionally crash their cars for erotic thrills.

BASIC INSTINCT (1992): Paul Verhoeven’s erotic phenomenon starred Michael Douglas as Nick Curran, a detective investigating the case of a rock star who was brutally stabbed to death with an ice pick by a mystery blonde. The prime suspect is Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone), an icy, bisexual writer with a penchant for bondage. While the leg-crossing scene is the most iconic, there are also several sexy BDSM scenes here featuring Stone tying Douglas to the bed and riding him like Seabiscuit.

BELLE DU JOUR (1967) “Do as you wish with me,” says Séverine Serizy. In surrealist Master Luis Buñuel’s 1967 film, Serizy (Catherine Deneuve) is a young housewife whose sexual relationship with her husband is nonexistent. To satiate herself, she fantasizes about BDSM. Eventually, she begins working at a brothel under the name “Belle Du Jour” while her husband is at work, fulfilling her sexual fantasies and desires—including with a young gangster, Marcel, who brings her to the brink and back with his active dominance.

PREACHING TO THE PERVERTED (1997) ·An English comedy written, directed and produced by Stuart Urban about a Member of Parliament’s attempts to prosecute group of perverts participating in consensual S&M. While a few of the scenes are a little contrived (e.g. presented to make a point on the film maker’s behalf) and while I would disagree with a few of the pronouncements made by the perverts (i.e. “You’re either a dom or a sub”) the film is very well researched and constructed – much better than Exit to Eden which it resembles somewhat. The dialogue used in the court scenes are lifted from actual British trials. The usual arguments against consensual sadomasochism are presented by the forces or law and decency and suitably addressed by Mr. Urban. Many of the extras and performers in the Fetish club and party scenes were real participants and performance artists drawn from the British Fetish underground. Voyeurs will be pleased with the eye candy and drinking game enthusiasts are advised to drink every time hot pink appears. Julie Graham is terrific as the head slave. She’s convincing, engaging, and very, very sexy. (But then this critic has a weakness for beautiful, nearly bald-headed women.)

THE PET (2006) This movie covers the idea of a relationship based on power exchange- but not in the best way. The plot is a little out there and tries to include too much into one movie. If you’re already in the lifestyle, then watch to discuss with your partner or friends… if you’re not in the lifestyle and are looking for an inside look then you should avoid it! 

KINK (2013) A documentary by James Franco looking into kink.com and BDSM dynamics mixed with pornography. A very honest look and shedding a more positive light on the practices. “They aim to demystify the BDSM lifestyle, and to serve as an example and an educational resource for the BDSM community.” 

NYMPHOMANIA VOL. 1 & 2 (2013) This movie is exactly what you would expect from director Lars von Trier – lots of artistic interpretations, avant guard approaches, and a general feeling of uneasiness with a dash of confusion. On top of it all … piles and piles of weird sexual encounters as a self-proclaimed nymphomaniac tells her life story not as much BDSM as other movies, but there are some brief encounters.

BODY OF EVIDENCE (1993): Madonna & William DaFoe

THE MISTRESS (2014)

What starts as a beautiful and strangely innocent affair between a vulnerable teenage romantic and a French S&M mistress soon becomes more dangerous. Director: Stephen LanceWriters: Gerard Lee (screenplay), Stephen Lance (story and screenplay) Stars: Harrison Gilbertson, Emmanuelle Béart, Anna Ryan 

Fifty Shades Series is an American film series that consists of three erotic romantic drama films, based on the Fifty Shades trilogy by English author E. L. James. It is distributed by Universal Studios and stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan as the lead roles Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, respectively. Sam Taylor-Johnson directed the first film and initially, she was slated to be the director of the sequels as well, however subsequently the second and third films were directed by James Foley

The first film, Fifty Shades of Grey, was released on February 13, 2015, while the second, Fifty Shades Darker, was released on February 10, 2017. Fifty Shades Freed, the third film, was released on February 9, 2018.

My Wonder Women (2017)

Walk all over me (2007) 

The Duke of Burgrundy (2014) 

SM Rechter (2009) 

Ex Dominatrix (2018) 

Going Under (2004)

LESSER KNOWN AND LESS KINKY DVDS

EYES WIDE SHUT (1999): A film by Stanley Kubrick starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Most of the film is a deadly bore made even more boring by the bland performance by Tom Cruise. But it picks up when Tom Cruise’s character sneaks into a lavish masked orgy hosted by rich hedonists. While it’s not really about BDSM, the ornate rituals and Catholic church influenced hierarchy to make it interesting to D/s enthusiasts.

THE IMAGE (1975) Technically classified as adult, but it takes you on a wild ride and makes you feel the journey the characters are taking. The directing is quite beautiful for a film that gets so explicit in some scenes - if you like filmography and pornography you will love this interesting take on a sadomasochistic relationship

MOONLIGHT WHISPERS (1999) A Japanese love story between two schoolmates - the boy is a masochistic and the girl transforms into a sadist to please him. The filmmakers boldly portray the fetishes without judgment and allow you to relate to the characters. You’ll empathize with them even if you don’t understand or agree with their actions. I recommend this for people who are intrigued with S/M and are looking to explore it more

BEYOND VANILLA (2001) This documentary is eye-opening and graphic for most people. The production quality is poor and the film seems to have meshed together in an incoherent way. It does show a look into lots of different kinks, though. Might be good to check out if you’re looking for images of extreme kinks. Don’t view this looking for an insight into the psyche of kinksters.

HEADSPACE (2003) This documentary provides a realistic look into a sadomasochistic relationship. It is quite graphic at times and may be disturbing for some viewers. If S/M is something that interests you and you’re looking hearing from real-life practitioners, then this may be for you. FYI - It can be a tad hard to find since there are a bunch of other movies, documentaries, or shows with the same name.

SUBMISSION OF EMMA MARX (2013) This is an adult movie but portrays an interesting look at a dom and sub relationship. The relationship is a much more accurate (and healthy) portrayal of a power-exchange based relationship- what 50 shades gets wrong, this one gets right. However, If you’re offended by hardcore sex scenes- skip over this option and keep going down the list

REMEDY (2013) This film is about a young woman’s journey from the underground kink scene to the professional kink scene. The interesting thing about this movie is that all scenes are based on the director’s own sessions. It thoroughly explores most aspects of commercial BDSM. A great insight if you’re looking into working in the industry or becoming a customer.

DARK SECRETS (1996): Directed by John T. Bone. Written by Jean-Marc Rocher. This is a shot on video erotic thriller featuring B-movie star Monique Parent and glamour models including Julie Strain and Doria Rone. It also stars Justin Carroll, Chanda, Tom Crowl, and Joe Estevez. If you’re in the mood for an intelligent film with an intriguing story and nuanced acting keep looking. However, if you’re looking for softcore erotica with beautiful women and nothing else you’re more likely to be pleased. Some will be disappointed that most of the women were artificially — and excessively — augmented but some of the S&M play — some hot wax play, some plastic wrap mummification, some flogging, some verbal abuse, some violet wand play — is interesting. More importantly, the girl on girl sex scene between Monique Parent and Julie Strain is among the hottest softcore scenes of its kind. Here’s the plot: An aspiring young female reporter goes undercover to investigate a handsome eligible bachelor Millionaire with Dark Secrets and she falls in love with him. But do his Dark Secrets include murder — or just kinky sex? Alternate title Julie Strain’s Dark Secrets. 91 minutes.

De SADE (1969): Biopic about the Marquis de Sade starring Keir Dullea and John Huston

EXIT TO EDEN: a Moderately funny comedy based on a novel by Anne Rice. Gives a positive but inaccurate presentation of the BDSM community. The production team meant well but they just didn’t get it.

THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE: Standard biopic about Fetish icon and 1950’s American pin-up model Betty Page. As played (very well) by Gretchen Mol, Betty is an attractive woman and a sympathetic person but not an especially interesting character. She has no reservations about her choices seeing no conflict between posing nude for photographs and her devout Christian faith. While her views are enlightened and refreshing, they don’t make for dramatic moments of introspection or self-discovery. The story lacks dramatic tension: While her life is not without it’s heartbreaks and difficulties, she emerges seemly unscathed from some really harrowing tragedies. What really saves the film are the depictions of the repressive America of the 1950s and the other historical figures from America’s sexual history that Betty encounters such as Irwin & Paula Klaw, John Willie, and Bunny Yeager. (Admittedly this critic is not a huge fan of Betty Page’s work.) Written by Mary Harron & Guinevere Turner and directed by Mary Harron.

BETTIE PAGE REVEALS ALL (2013) A documentary, including audio tapes from Bettie Page herself, looking at the life of this iconic pin-up girl influenced people like Dita Von Tease and Huge Heffern, not to mention mainstream kink in general.

MOONLIGHT WHISPERS (1999) A Japanese love story between two schoolmates - the boy is a masochistic and the girl transforms into a sadist to please him. The filmmakers boldly portray the fetishes without judgment and allow you to relate to the characters. You’ll empathize with them even if you don’t understand or agree with their actions. I recommend this for people who are intrigued with S/M and are looking to explore it more

STRANGELAND (1998): Dee Snider – of the band “Twisted Sister” – plays a “Captain Howdy”, a sadist who frequents Internet chatrooms looking for vulnerable teenagers to abduct and torture. This critic hasn’t seen this film but be warned: Other reviews were universally negative.

SWEPT AWAY: A vehicle for Madonna directed by her husband Guy Ritchie. The film was panned by critics.

CRUISING: Very controversial motion picture about the gay leather bar scene of the 70s. It’s borderline homophobic but it contains scenes filmed in the leather bars of the day and features real leather men as background talent.

BATMAN RETURNS Michelle Pfeifer as the latex-clad, single tail whip welding Catwoman. Me-YOW! Also staring Michael Keaton as Batman. Tim Burton makes it look like a German Expressionism film. One expects Dr. Caligari and Count Orloc to turn up any time. Indeed one character is named Max Shreck (after the actor who played Count Orloc in Nosferatu, the first film adaptation of Dracula.)

CATWOMAN (2004): How bad can a film be if it has Halle Berry kicking butt and prancing about in a skimpy leather outfit? Pretty bad. But now with the wonders of technology, you don’t have to sit through an inane plot, predictable characterization, and over the top direction. Just fast forward to the good stuff like Halle Berry licking cream from a shot glass.

COLOR OF NIGHT (1994): A psychological thriller and murder mystery in the format of Basic Instinct and Jade. What makes this movie relevant to this list is subplot plot about a kinky relationship between a psychologist played by Bruce Willis and a beautiful and mysterious woman played by the incredible Jane March.

A DANGEROUS METHOD (2011) David Cronenberg is no stranger to BDSM—take the brilliant “device” sequence in Dead Ringers—and this film provides a fascinating psychoanalytical exploration of humiliation. Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley) is being treated at a psychiatric hospital in Zurich by Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender). Her frenzied condition was, it seems, caused by the simultaneous humiliation and sexual arousal she felt when her father spanked her naked as a child. At Freud’s (Viggo Mortensen) apparent suggestion, Jung and Spielrein begin a hot and heavy affair—one that includes bondage and plenty of spanking (by Fassbender, no less).

BITTER MOON (1992)This is legendary filmmaker (and fugitive from justice) Roman Polanski’s stab at BDSM. Nigel (Hugh Grant) and Fiona (Kristen Scott Thomas) are a bored, married couple on a cruise to Istanbul, passing through India. They come across Mimi (Emmanuelle Seigner) and her paraplegic husband, Oscar (Peter Coyote), a couple very into BDSM. Oscar first tormented Mimi, humiliating her constantly and forcing her into an abortion, then, after Mimi renders him paraplegic, she relishes both dominating and humiliating him, having sex with other men in front of him. Nigel finds himself taken by Mimi, but she may prove too hot and twisted for him to handle.

AFTER FALL WINTER (2011)

FRUITS OF PASSION (1981)

THE BUNNY GAME (2010)

THE PIANO TEACHER (2001)

MODERATELY & TENUOUSLY KINKY

Birthday Girl: All too brief scene of Nicole Kidman nude in bondage.

Blue Hawaii: Elvis Presley spanks his leading lady

Boxing Helena (1993): Directed by Jennifer Chambers Lynch and starring Julian Sands and Sherilyn Fenn. It’s about sex, obsession, and possession taken to an extreme. It’s somewhat reminiscent of The Collector. It would be unfair to tell more.

Cat People (1982): Erotic horror film or an erotic film with moments of horror. Of particular interest is Nastassja Kinski’s bondage scene.

Collector, The (1965): A psychological thriller based on a novel by John Fowles and starring Terence Stamp and Samantha Eggar. A introverted man kidnaps and imprisons a woman in the hope of forcing her to love him. The film does not end happily.

Fight Club: (1999) A great film that covers a lot of ground. One of the many plot elements that makes it relevant to the list is an underground club where men go to beat the c**p out of each other. The goal isn’t winning. It’s fighting. The movie is brutal and violent but a lot more. Edward Norton and Brad Pitt star. David Fincher (of The Game) directs. Based on the kick-butt novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk.

The Game: None of the outwardly recognizable trapping of BDSM and not very kinky in an erotic way but this critic argues that once seen in its entirety this is the best film depiction of a rigid, uncompromising man’s journey of discovery of his repressed masochism and deep-seated need to submit.

Kiss Me Kate: Another movie musical with a spanking scene

Marquis: Directed by Henri Xhonneux and starring François Marthouret and Valérie Kling. Another “Marquis de Sade in prison” film but in this one, the story is performed by puppets.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: Doug Liman’s film remake is most famous for being the movie where current husband-and-wife duo Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie first got together. In the film, they play a happily married couple who both lead double-lives as spy-assassins. When they’re forced to target each other, that’s when the shit hits the fan. Now, this isn’t a BDSM-themed film per se, but there is a fun sequence featuring Jolie in full leather dominatrix gear smacking around a handcuffed mark with a riding crop—before snapping his neck. 

The Wild One: A terrible film that has somehow become a classic. No S&M but Marlon Brando’s performance as a biker has become iconic for the Leather community.  

FRENCH FILMS

Irreversible: (2002) Horrible and extreme! An art film meant to shock and disgust — and it succeeds even with this jaded critic. For those looking forward to seeing Moica Bellucci’s sex scene be forewarned: It is violent, degrading, and repulsive – in a bad way! The only reason for including this film on this list is because it includes a scene taking place in a French Leather bar. (But many Leather men will take offence at the implication that non-consensual sex is acceptable in their community.) Starring Albert Dupontel, Vincent Cassel, and Monica Bellucci. Directed by Gaspar Noé.

The Piano Teacher (2002): Where Secretary showed how BDSM can be a positive element in a healthy relationship, this film illustrates the reverse. But the film’s makers were not intent on bashing a lifestyle. Rather they were being psychologically truthful about a desperately unhappy woman in an untenable situation played by the marvellously subtle and expressive Isabelle Huppert. Against her better judgment title character gives into her repressed masochism at the hands of a persistent admirer. When she confides in him about her desires he’s at first repulsed. Later he participates wholeheartedly in her fantasies but without concern for her health and safety. She doesn’t recognize how extreme and costly it would be to act out her fantasies and he’s clueless about the niceties of negotiation and safe words. The result is painful to watch.

Sade (2000): Inspired by the novel by Serge Bramly staring Daniel Auteuil as Marquis de Sade and Isild le Besco as a spirited young woman who seeks pleasure at the hands of the Divine Marquis. While the setting is historical, the style of the film is blandly contemporary with naturalistic performances. Daniel Auteuil’s Divine Marquis is unexpectedly passionless. Those of us who expect a larger-than-life style period film — think Dangerous Liaisons and Amadeus — will find the film bland and slow.

GERMAN MOVIES:

Punish Me (2006) (aka Verfolgt)

Seduction: The Cruel Woman (1985)

A Woman in Flames (1983)

DOCUMENTARIES

Fetish: Pain or Pleasure? (2006)

Fetishes (1996): Nick Broomfield

The Hidden Fuhrer: Hitler’s Sexuality: Was Adolf Hitler gay? The documentary is fascinating and entertaining but it ultimately fails to prove it either way. In addition to arguing whether he was or wasn’t, the film covers the history of gay culture in Germany. Of particular interest to historians of Leather culture is a deleted scene in the bonus section of the DVD that covers the influence of Nazi uniforms on the art of Tom of Finland.

Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Suprmasochist (1997)

Whole: There are some people – perfectly rational in every other way – who feel a deep-seated psychological need to be amputated. Is it socially responsible to allow (sane) people to mutilate themselves? There’s no easy answer.

MOVIES FEATURING PROTOCOL

The Caine Mutiny (1954): US Navy protocol. Written by Stanley Roberts from the novel by Herman Wouk. Directed by Edward Dmytryk. Starring Humphrey Bogart, José Ferrer, Van Johnson, Fred MacMurray, and a host of other familiar names and faces.

Gosford Park (2001): English peerage and servant protocol. Directed by Robert Altman.

JAPANESE MOVIES

Three Films About Sada Abe: Sade Abe is famous in Japan for the death and partial dismemberment of her lover in 1936. In her youth she was raped. As an adult she killed her lover by erotic asphyxiation and cut off his penis and testicles – which she kept with her while she wandered through Tokyo for three days. After her capture, she explained that she murdered her lover out of love and a desire to possess him totally and exclusively. The crime was a media sensation. There was a lot of sympathy for her and she has since become a cultural icon of sorts. There have been at least three films about the incident.

A Woman Called Sada Abe (1975): soft core porn version directed by Noboru Tanaka and staring Junko Miyashita as Sada and Hideaki Ezumi as her lover.

In the Realm of the Senses (1976): an art film with explicit sex directed by Nagisa Oshima and staring Eiko Matsuda as Sada and Tatsuya Fuji as her lover. Explicit, erotic, and well made but this critic was bored.

Sada (1998): a Very stylish and kinetic retelling of the story with less sex than the other two.

Audition (2000): A very suspenseful and disturbing horror film with a great underplayed femme fatale performance. A lonely ageing widower decides to find a new wife by staging auditions for a non-existing television series. The winner appears to be a demure old fashioned girl but she turns out of be an angry, predatory sort of later day Sada Abe. Think of “Isla the she-wolf of the SS” as played by a geisha. Directed by Takashi Miike and staring Ryo Ishibashi as the widower and Eihi Shiina as the object of his affections.

The Bondage Master: Japanese “direct to video” film with a simplistic but positive presentation of the Japanese fetish community.

Flower and Snake (Hana to Hebi) (2004).

Moonlight Whispers (1999)

School of the Holy Beast (1974): An “Erotic-Grotesque” with a plot that seems lifted from the over-heated and uncensored imaginations of High Gothic novelists like M. G. “Monk” Lewis. Forbidden secrets! Murder! Betrayal! Naked Japanese Catholic nuns! Hot (softcore) Lesbian Sex between Japanese Catholic nuns! Naked Japanese Catholic nuns flogging themselves! Naked Japanese Catholic nuns whipping each other! A sex-crazed Japanese Catholic priest! A sex-crazed Mother Superior! Ravishment! Incest! This film has everything including the yummy Yumi Takigawa. It was released in 1974 but it opens with a scene of swinging Tokyo that seems lifted from an Austin Powers film. Director: Norifumi Suzuki. Japanese title: Sei ju gakuen

Spanking Love (1994)

Tokyo Decadence (1992): This dark, cerebral film tells the unhappy story of a professional call girl in love with and rejected by a married musician. While it has been marketed in the U.S. as an erotic film, it is more a commentary on Japanese society by Ryû Murakami, a Japanese novelist and social critic. S&M is a symbol for the troubles of Japanese society in the years of prosperity. As a professional domina explains wealth saying “It’s wealth without pride. It creates anxiety, which drives our men into masochism.” The film has erotic scenes of S&M play but it’s really not worth watching unless your interest is more intellectual than carnal. Director: Ryû Murakami. Japanese title: Topâzu

A new Love in Tokyo (1994) 

R100 (2013) 

Sweet Whip (2013) 

Here’s a HUGE list (courtesy of IMDB) of BDSM themed movies or documentaries.

@staff

I see that you have changed your terms of use and will no longer permit adult content.  I guess you find it offensive.  I could write a book in response but I will leave it with a few cogent points;

1.  Why didn’t you warn all of us in advance that you were going to do this?  Instead, you deleted a vast number of blogs/accounts (my NSFW blog included) with ZERO warning.  The effect of that is that you denied all of us an opportunity to coordinate and find an alternative site so that we would be able to follow each other again.  

2.  You destroyed friendships.  A lot of them.  Many of us who shared the same adult interests and desires formed close bonds with other like minded adults (yeah, adults with adult interests; adults who NEVER posted kiddie porn; adults who self-policed their blogs to ensure minors did not follow us; ADULTS!!!!!).  We formed friendships.  We talked about our kinks to be sure but we also talked about our families, we cared about each other’s health, we celebrated milestones (birthdays, anniversaries, grieved over lost parents and rejoiced inthe birth of children).  We did what NORMAL people do.  We interacted socially and respectfully  And in doing so, we formed lasting friendships.  Some of us nurtured those friendships over a period of YEARS.  BUT because you gave us no warning before you deleted our accounts and destroyed our connections, we did not have the chance to exchange email address and phone numbers.  So people that we care about – and only got to know because of Tumblr – are now gone forever to us with no warning and no chance to ensure a permanence to our connections.  I’ll never know how my friend Dan is doing after being diagnosed with a heart condition.  I’ll never know how my friends’ babies are doing.  I’ll never know a lot of things about a lot of people that I cared about.  Thanks Tumblr Staff.

3.  If you are so worried about offending people, think about your “recommendations”.  Even though my blog was clearly marked NFSW and I repeatedly blogged about people under 18 not being permitted to follow me, you “recommended” blogs run by minors.  THINK!!!!!!  

4.  And while I’m on the subject of your asinine recommendations, on this blog I listed that I’m interested in “Politics”.  I didn’t say that I was a Democrat or a liberal or a socialist.  I simply said “politics”.  So what do I get?  You recommend every left wing, whackadoodle on earth to me.  Guess what?  I happen to be a conservative Republican (leaning towards libertarian), not a socialist or a communist.  Some of the stuff that you have recommended to me, I find highly offensive.  Some of it has been anti-military (guess what, I’m the proud father of a Marine Corps Captain who literally has fought for your liberties).  Some of it has been anti-police (guess what, I support the police and favor law and order).  Some of it has been highly incendiary and offensive.  And these are YOUR recommendations.

I could go on and on and on but instead I will leave you with a constructive suggestion.  You should IMMEDIATELY reinstate ALL the adult content blogs that you have deleted over the past few months.  (I’m not talking about blogs that posted kiddie porn; I’m talking about adult content blogs.)  Then you should give us at least two months to make alternative arrangements, tie up loose ends, find our connections and exchange emails and phone numbers with those with whom we wish to remain in contact and ONLY AFTER you have done so, then you can delete our blogs.  Why two months?  I know that seems like a long time.  But let’s face it, it is the holiday season.  People are busy with end of year things.  Holiday parties, Holiday cards, shopping and celebrating, vacations, etc., etc., etc.  People are distracted with other things than keeping up with Tumblr’s rule changes and scrambling around to ensure continuity with their on-line friendships and export their content to an alternative site.  Many people don’t even check their Tumblrs over the holidays and may not realize that their accounts are gone or at risk of being deleted and won’t find out until a month from now (after New Years).  Any student of management will tell you that very little gets done at the end of the year (absent a change in law that mandates you do things before year end).  So the chances that anyone would be able to make alternative arrangements in a week or two, or even a month over the holidays is a more perverted fantasy than any of the “adult” blogs have ever displayed.

Have a Heart @staff and reinstate our accounts and give us proper notice and an opportunity to arrange our affairs and alternatives properly.  While you may not be legally required to comport with due process, good management and good customer relations demands it.

New comic! (link to good version)

This comic was originally posted on Everyday Feminism.

When we talk about consent, we don’t talk a lot about how consent changes in a relationship. People who have been partnered for 20 years sure as heck don’t negotiate sex and intimacy the same way that people who have met just do, and it would be ridiculous to suggest that they should. As our relationships change, we can use consent activities to build a structure that lets us make assumptions about what the other person wants.