Random

“Ninnyhammer”

To my dearest Gerald,

Though I am giving my speech to the public next Tuesday, I know that you’ll be there and that you, at least, will listen to my speech. We have done so much together over the past years. We have known each other through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows of our lives. In those times I was terrible, but you still stuck with me. I hate how people overlook you. I hate how they overlook us and what we are trying to do for this world. We have slaved over community gardens, protested in the rain, sang to the children in that one school. Do you remember? Recently things have been getting worse for our mission. I have seen more trash around this town than I have ever seen before. I have seen more schools start using more micro plastics. Children are becoming reckless.

Why is everyone turning a blind eye? Why is everyone doing these things that are killing our planet? Killing our child and our grandchildren?

Car companies are trying to advertise more, but some more electric cars are coming out. There is hope, well maybe. It’s hard to tell. Is the electricity to fuel these cars coming from a good place? Who knows?

I don’t know how much more I can do? I live in a small house, I grow my food, cotton, and wood, I take short showers, I recycle and I donate to charities. I am doing my absolute best, but it’s not enough. I feel like anything I do won’t make a difference. Is it even worth it? I mean if I’m doing my best but the rest of the world is just withering away, is there even anything that I can do? How can I make it better? How can I change things? How can I be enough to save this world?

Maybe there really isn’t a chance.

I sacrificed so much, I could be happier. Gerald I could be happy again. Is that selfish? Is that so bad to think about? Do I deserve to be happy? If I’m happy the rest of the world suffers.

No. I can’t think like that. I am making an impact. I am doing good for this world. I am doing my part more. I am doing this. Yes, I am. Gerald I can do this. For me, for us.

I will give that speech next Tuesday, I will talk to those children. Then I’ll be happy. I’ll be happy when I can finally see that things are changing for the better. I want this to be ok.

You think as an old man I would have figured out this place. That I would have figured out the meaning of life, but I’m still stuck. All my life I didn’t think that much about what this world was until you came around. Then I started finding my place, my purpose. It was all for the good of the world and the good for the living creatures on this planet. But that is just so small in comparison to the universe around us. What is our purpose as a whole in this universe? Maybe it’s something big, but maybe there is no meaning.

Sorry for being such a downer.

You’d be glad to know that my hair is still all white and frizzy as usual. I still haven’t put much thought into what I wear. I wish I could stitch as well as you, but I guess that’s something I can remember you by…

How are you doing Gerald? Have things been better for you? It’s been a while since we last talked.

What am I thinking about, of course you’re doing well. You're Gerald! You make the best of everything. You really do.

I miss you, I really do.

I visit you almost everyday, but the flowers in my garden are not in bloom right now so I’m sorry that I don’t have something better for you.

One day I’ll give you the most beautiful flowers.

I love you Gerald I do. Rest in peace for now, I’ll be with you soon.

With much love,

I walk through the halls trying to avoid eye contact. Not because I don’t want to make eye contact, quite the opposite actually. I desperately want people to notice me, to think about me.

I feel self centered when I say that, but I can’t stop myself from feeling that way.

I avoid eye contact so that people don’t see me as workers for looking at them, or get the wrong impression of my intentions.

I try so hard to talk with people and make them like me, but turns out that method doesn’t work.

I sit with people at lunch but I don’t feel comfortable around them. Maybe I am asking for too much.

I sniffled and looked up. How did he get here? How did he find me?

With a forced smile I wiped my tears away and said, “Oh. I’m fine!”

“Alright” and he sat down next to me.

We sat in silence.

Tears ran done my face. I hated that he saw me like this. I hated that I was like this.

He didn’t make a sound.

I looked at him.

He still sat there.

I closed my eyes. I was feeling everything I was touching. I was trying to concentrate on that.

The floor, my clothes, the light wind.

That text.

The floor, my clothes, the light wind.

That look they gave me.

The floor, my clothes, the light wind.

That feeling.

The floor, my clothes, the light wind, his hand on my cheek, brushing away my tears.

I cracked my eyes open.

“Looked like you needed someone by your side. I can be that person for you.”

More tears.

He stood up and offered his hand. Taking it, I stood up. Then quickly, I ended being swiftly embraced by his string arms.

“I’m here.”