Logic Thompson

I had an art show 9 days ago and it was magical. I wish I had all the pictures ready to share but they are still being edited/uploaded by the photographers. I've never been able to have a show like this. More than 100 people came. I performed 3 songs. My mom and so many others from my childhood were there. For those couple hours I was surrounded by my art, my friends, and there was love in the room.

I'm pretty anxious nowadays. I think I forget that I'm a work in progress. That the only way forward is through new and uncertain places.

The newest uncertain place: Vulnerability

I admitted to someone I love very much that I experienced truama, have crippling self-doubts, and hide behind a facade that I curated over many years. I cried in front of her. More than I wanted to. I said things about my past out loud that I'm only now realizing I haven't healed from. Over a decade of pain laid bare before her.

And she reached out and she held my hand. She let me cry. And she listened to me.

I've felt lighter ever since. I felt loved. And it was in spite of how ugly, defeated, and worthless I felt for so long.

It's been a few days since, and I've gotten the chance to process it. Yeah I'm happy, but I also see now that there's a lot of healing that has to be done. It's not like I thought that having this moment would fix everything right away, but now that I'm here, I feel exhausted. Exhausted from holding onto this hurt for years. Exhausted from seeing how much farther I have to go.

But thank God I'm here. As scary as this new ground is, I'm happy to be healing. Happy to be moving forward. Happy to have people who care for me while I do so.

I sketched a new character today. Meet Misty, AKA Thick Genius.

"WHERE I WANNA BE" 24"x36"

by Logic Thompson

Despite Appearances...

Idk if you've ever had to pick up and change your life, but it kinda sucks. Lately I've been talking to God a lot. It's weird when you don't know what's gonna happen next and The Creator Himself is pretty cryptic and tight-lipped about it. Believe it or not, I'm pretty faithful, but man does it sting when I plan something and it doesn't seem to match up with where life is taking me.

I'm letting go of something I thought was a pretty sure thing, or at least I just wanted it to be. And it hurts. I'm trying to break out of my bad habit of latching on and clinging to people, places, and things that I deem to be part of my world prematurely. I have to learn to be patient.

I have some art coming out. And I have a feeling it is going to be centered on the things that I'm waiting for. How little I feel I have in my life even though I look like I'm pretty put together to many of my friends.

CHARACTER STORY: Marcus was that dude. Always a vibe. Laughing big. Making moves. And his homies knew it to the point that Marcus couldn't pull up to the function without the compliments and praises coming at him. Blessed as that felt, Marcus was humble and would always laugh it off and calm the crowd down with a cool and simple, "YO CHILL..."

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I recently had a dream where I saw these huge, blue stone pillars crumbling around me in this large dark expanse. As I moved forward through the pitch black space, I eventually came to a cage-like structure made out of the same stone pillar material and it quickly crumbled in front of me as well. Left in front of me was a black expanse & immediately I knew I was in my own mind and that I was in control.

After waking up, I laid there and really looked at my life. Full disclosure, I’m not where I envisioned myself to be in my 30s. I recently lost my position at a failed startup. I moved back in with family (while still paying rent) and I’m just so unsure of what to do next. Do I apply for a similar position to my last job (even though it confirmed how much I hate corporate)? Do I go back to school and dedicate a lot of time, energy, and resources to starting a new career? Do I double down on my own ideas and spend the next year of my life writing and pitching material?

I’ve had this nagging feeling that I need to be productive. Like I need to do everything I can, use every day, every second to get back to what I’ve lost. Like I’m some gutless chump who can’t make ends meet despite having a decent amount of talent, brains, and connections. But I took a chance. Instead of feeding that urge for productivity, I did the opposite. I chose peace.  

I’ve been doing more art and trying new methods. I’ve been staying up late and venturing out into the city taking pics and video of what I see. I’ve been visiting friends more often. I’ve been talking to myself out loud. I’ve leveled up a ton in the games on my phone. I’ve danced til the bar closes and gotten home as the sun rises. Some days I do nothing on purpose. And others, when shit gets hard, I ask for help. 

I feel more like me than I’ve ever felt. Yeah I’m still applying for jobs. Yes I have a pitch meeting lined up for a project. Yeah I have a few online classes lined up. But I’m not rushing back the the unhealthy, unrewarding grind of a hollow, faithless American society. I’m not going to dull my personality in order to fit into some checkboxes on a sheet. And I’m definitely not losing myself or my self respect in the mix of feelings that come from being locked into a way of thinking that doesn’t allow for rest, steady growth, or freedom of expression.

Those pillars have crumbled. My mind is open.

I have a strange disconnect between my feelings and my reality. Despite all of the things I draw, songs I sing, & stories I tell, surprisingly expression doesn’t come easy for me. I’ve haphazardly curated an experience for people to see on the outside while I’ve spent around the last decade digging through my trauma, meditating on my shortcomings, and trying to “fix” myself. 

During the process, I had to break myself down repeatedly. I looked at each individual piece of my mind, personality, and spirit. The good & the bad. The dark and the light. It was a long and exhausting journey. I kept it all private. I didn’t want people to worry about me. I didn’t want to inconvenience people. But more than anything, I didn’t want people to know I was struggling.

Years later and I know that self improvement never really ends. Even after finding a sense of peace, forgiving my family’s mistakes, and naming my bad habits, there’s still more work to do. I think my next step is to put myself out there more. I recently realized that I tend to leave out my own personal feelings in conversation. I’m always worried that my own bias will interfere with having a respectful human interaction. But I see now that while being that way can create peace or ease, it doesn’t create a real connection. True connections come from sharing who you are and how you are with others. When we vulnerably allow the other person in that moment to accept or deny us, we allow fate to run its course while being our true self.

So from now on, despite this being insanely strange for me, I’ll be writing here and doing my best to share my true feelings about things (within reason) cuz I’m dedicated to letting my true self out.