walls put up

Dear you,

This is scary. Every time, we meet feels like I'm on a blind date with my   heart erratically beating and fingers fidgeting like ones of a kid on first grade. My hands feel clammy and I desperately cross my fingers and hope I don't stutter as if I don't know you won't mind. I still wonder how you would take my hands and interlace it with yours like we didn't do it on our second date. My nerves are in an earthquake and I'm pretty sure the aftershocks are as strong. I hope you won't feel them when I rest my head on your shoulder, when you put me in your arms or when you lightly plant a kiss on my lips. I wish they stop quivering when you finally do. You are just too much for my own good.

I wouldn't be there and for a moment, I wish I could be air so when it breezes, you'll hear me say those three sacred words or I could be still so you won't feel cold or be the sun so I could watch you by day and be the moon to light on you at night. I know saying sorry won't suffice for I know how and what being alone feels, I've been there. Don't be sad. Don't pout and don't cry. I hope this won't leave a scar on us for I maybe thousands of miles away from you, my heart still belongs to you 525, 600 minutes a year and 86, 400 seconds everyday.

huhuhu, sorry na

i think i'm in love with a douchebag. i don't care what others would think of me. pero natatakot ako, idk why at 'di ko alam kung anong dapat kong gawin.

May I borrow some of your pictures?

I am a fool, am I not? For a moment today, I thought my words will be enough to shoo the doubts away and my arms will keep you warm, my poems will protect you from fears and my lips will be enough to tell tomorrow it can go fuck itself. I hope I can trace my fingers on you right now, just so you'll know that you're beautiful and that my tongue craves of you. But maybe, nothing will ever be enough unless you plant and bloom trust in what we have. It is not an act I can do alone. I can't do this with only a pair of hands. 

Never apologize for coming into my life. It may seem to be different for all the wrong reasons but it makes me happy even for only two existing right reasons and those are you love me and I love you. When I met you, I finally got what "me and you against the world" means. I finally experienced what "true" feels and saw how capable the heart  can love a person beyond this realm. I have always wanted someone who will want to see my scars no matter how much I warn of them being hideous, who is willing to waste time on unraveling my secrets, my idiosyncrasies, my insecurities and my fears, who's not afraid to lose sleep just to make sure I am not hating before I slumber. And you came. Who am I to be overparticular on who comes when I myself is not someone worth having? If in the end of this, we won't tie with each other, remember please. A part of me is not simply a part of you. A part of me is you.

Your lies are nothing but water disguised to be drugs that heal, fool my heart and mind into thinking that forever is mine and yours, ours. Placebo effect, something I couldn't understand until you came and fused me with always that never happened again, forever that was so fast I didn't even feel it passing, infinity that ended the next day. "Pull the plug," one day, you suddenly decided and I had only hours to realize I was dying. My insides had been rotting, my veins cut open bleeding, and my flesh burning since day one, yet I only found out when my breaths were already numbered. You see, I wish I could have lived my remaining days with the truth.