“I don’t know why it affects me like this when you’re not even mine to consider.”
- Pedestrian at Best, Courtney Barnett.
Warnings: swearing, masturbation, explicit talks of sex, angst, cheating, use of drugs. (Let me know if I missed anything🥰).
Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader.
The first time JJ had met her she didn’t leave quite the good impression on him, considering the only thing that covered her body from his eyes was one of John B’s Hawaiian shirts. He thought she was just a hook up, noting serious. Although he did think she was a little bit out of John B’s legue, to the better though. The next morning when he saw her sitting at the table eating breakfast with his best friend, he knew it was something more serious. John B kept her around for a long while, introducing her to the gang. She hit it off pretty quickly with the rest however JJ kept his distance. It wasn’t until one night when he came out of his room and saw her on the porch that he really made an effort to talk to her.
She was sitting on the couch, a joint held between her fingers as she exhaled the smoke, tilting her head slightly upward. He walked out of the opened door, drawing her attention to him. Now that he was outside he saw her full figure decorated with a shirt that no doubt belonged to John B.
“Hey, what are you doing out here?” He asked, still standing awkwardly beside her, hesitant to sit next to her.
“Just needed a smoke.” She shrugged her shoulders. “What about you? What are you doing up?”
“Couldn’t sleep.” He answered simply, deciding to put his doubts aside and sat down next to her. She put out her hand as an offer for a hit from her joint, he accepted with a small smile.
He took two long drags, enjoying the light-headed feeling it provided him.
“I didn’t know you smoked.” He said as he handed her the joint.
She took a hit before responding. “I mostly take my smoke breaks on the hammock in the back.”
He nodded, taking the joint from her as she offered it again. They sat in silence for a few minutes, and JJ felt his tiredness slowly slip away from him as he thought of what to say. He felt nervous for some reason, not knowing if striking up a conversation would the appropriate thing to do or maybe she just wanted to sit in silence. Before he could make his decision she made it for him.
“You know, I couldn’t help but notice that you are the only one who I didn’t get the chance to speak to.” She said, however her tone wasn’t accusing, she was just stating a fact.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. At first I thought you were just a hook up but then John B decided to keep you around.” He didn’t know what exactly in his words was the cause to her scoff.
“John B decided to keep me around?” She asked, and he knew he had opened his big mouth in the wrong time, again.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” He quickly defended himself. “It’s just that he usually doesn’t really have girlfriends, so it surprised me a little to see you stick around.”
“It’s okay, you’re good.” She dismissed him, a smile playing on her lips as she took another hit off the joint. “Oh, look, it’s finished.”
He turned his attention to the joint, only the butt of it left. She pouted before putting it out on the ashtray.
“I hate when that happens.”
For the first time since he met her, they shared a real smile rather than the polite one the sent the other’s way in the form of greeting. Just now he noticed how the corner of her mouth was tugged to the side and how she pressed her lips together and looked away as he kept his gaze on her. However he couldn’t figure out if she was shy or just uncomfortable. And, god, he wouldn’t forgive himself if it was the latter.
“So, how did you and John B meet?” She asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“We’ve been friends since the third grade and just kept in touch throughout that years.” He explained. She adjusted her position on the couch, turning her body to fully face him as she talked.
“That’s amazing, I don’t think I ever had a friend who stuck around for that long. You two must be very close.” She stated as she leaned her head in her elbow.
Although her first words made him think them over, he chose not to pry and instead commented on the latter of her words.
“Yeah, we’re all very close. Pope and Kie, too.”
Her question made him chuckle. “Well, you are dating John B, and I’m pretty sure Pope has a thing for Kiara but he will die before he makes a move.”
She nodded her head, her hand coming to the back of her neck, moving her hair away. Her noticed the start of a small hickey on the collarbone, and something inside him twisted. It didn’t feel good.
“What about you? Any girl who caught your attention?”
Her voice made him return his eyes back to her own, feeling his face heat up in fear that he was caught staring. But she didn’t mention anything. “No, not anyone in particular.”
She nodded her head again, eyes darting from him to the room and he suddenly felt guilty for her visible boredom.
“So, where are you from?” He asked her, a small feeling of satisfaction resting on us heart as she turned back to him.
“Well, I’m originally from Michigan but I moved foster homes all the time so my childhood was kind of spread across the county.”
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You’re an orphan?”
“Not exactly. My father was a piece of shit and my mother was never around. One day the neighbors called the police and I was sent away.” She explained, and he was surprised at how casually she said that.
“Some life story you have.” He commented, relieved when he heard her chuckle. “How old were you?”
“Wow, so you’ve been in the system for ten years now.”
“Yes.” She tucked a stray of her hair behind her ear and something in him was jealous, wanting to do that himself. “It wasn’t that bad, not until I moved here, anyway.”
“Is it that bad here?” He teased her, a fake hurt look on his face.
She laughed. “No, I like it here. It’s just that no family has ever adopted me, and I got used to being in the orphanage. I had a friend there, Max. He is the funniest guy I have ever met, he really helped me go through everything.”
“That’s good. God, I can’t even imagine going through that.” He said, shaking his head in disbelief. “So, wait, what family adopted you here?”
“Do you know the Tedfords?”
“Yeah, they live not too far from here.”
That he didn’t know. He was sure she was just a touron John B has met at some party.
“How much time have you been living here? I never saw saw you around the island before you and John B started dating.”
“Almost a year, actually.”
“I have no idea how I never saw you.”
“Well, I don’t around that much, I met John B in the grocery store, nothing special.” She said smiling, and her smile did something to him. It didn’t turn him on but he did feel his heartbeat in his ears, the warmth spreading from his neck to his face again.
“What about you?” She asked, cocking her head to the side. “I’ve only seen you here but I’m pretty sure you don’t live here.”
“Yeah, I don’t. It’s just that most of the time I’m here so it’s easier to just sleep, eat and basically live here as well.” He explained, his body now turned to her. Usually, he’d hate when the part of his father or living situation would come up, but something in her made him want to spill all his secrets, but yet he still kept a straight mind.
“That’s cool, your whole dynamic of the group is really cool.” She said, however there was something in her voice that he quickly picked up on.
“Well, since your dating John B I think we’re officially your friends.” He told her with a reading smile. “Cause we all know what a pain it is to not get along with your boyfriend’s friends.”
She chuckled, pulling her knees to her chest. “Yeah, but gladly John B has some great friends.”
“I’m great, I know.” He said with a cocky smile, sending her a wink.
“I guess you’re okay.” She said with a small giggle, however she had no clue of what that giggle did to his heart. I’m fact, she had no idea of what would become of that innocent, late-night conversation, neither of them knew.
They kept on a good friendship, however JJ’s image of her became further and further from being a friend. He thought of her in all the ways he shouldn’t, all the ways John B thought of her. He cursed himself for feeling that, however that didn’t keep him away from her. He wanted to be near her all day long, to talk to her and to make her laugh. He was well aware of the fact that it wasn’t his job or place to do that. He wanted to stay away from her, but he couldn’t. She was like this drug he couldn’t get enough of, like the best joint he had ever smoked - but better.
They had met a couple more times late at night, smoking together became a habit he learned to love and appreciate. He could listen to her talking all day long. She was different from the other girls he dated in the past, she was much more interesting, and much more like him. Their bond was noticed by the whole group, including John B. JJ was worried that he’d suspected something was going on but he claimed he was just happy she was getting along with the group.
As time passed, JJ and Y/N became closer and closer, however instead of focusing on that, all he though of was how long it’s been since she and John B has started dating. It uncanny for him to keep a girl around for that long, which only meant that they were getting serious, and that only made things harder on JJ. Every time they talked, every time he saw her, all he wanted was to grab her and kiss her - but he couldn’t. Not as long as she was dating his best friend. And even if things were to end between the two, it would be immoral and overall just a dick move to get together with her.
So he kept his distance. Part of him was feeling guilty, seeing as they were becoming good friends with the time, however he knew the temptation was too hard for him to resist.
His self control was put to the test when he had just gotten to the Chateau after a long day of work, only to hear the moans of what he guessed was his best friend and his girlfriend, whom he liked. At first, he thought that they were just having sex, which made him want to run away from the house and curl in a hole for the rest of his life. However after a few seconds, he realized he could only hear Y/N’s moans. His eyes widened at the realization, jaw clenching as he listened to her soft moans, some higher, some breathier, and some so fucking sexy he swore a porn video was playing. But no, it was just Y/N, just the girl he was pretty much in love with, just the girl who dated his best friend. With that, he turned around to leave. He had no right intruding on her privacy or to listen in on her touching herself like some pervert.
But just as he was about to take his first step toward the door, he heard her say something he had grown to love and to cherish the sound of - his name.
He heard her moan breathlessly, making him take a step closer to John B’s bedroom, rather than to walk out of the house before he does something that he’ll regret. All of his built up self control vanished as once again he heard her moan his name, louder this time.
He felt his pants tighten as a series of moans followed her statement. As she got louder and louder, the only thing JJ could think about was what was going on in her head, what was she imagining as she moaned his name is such a sultry way. Did she imagine him pinning her down on the bed as he took her, leaving marks all over her perfect chest? Or was she imagining herself riding him, breasts bouncing in his face as she used him to get herself off. Or perhaps she imagined laying on her stomach, letting him use her, letting him slap her juicy ass as he rammed his dick into her over and over again until she was so cock drunk she couldn’t even utter a word.
He then realized he was picturing her in every position imaginable for men, however there was only one detail missing - her body. God, what he would do for her little slutty, red bikini to just fall off, and to reveal what he longed to see - what he thought of every night while he stroked himself. He wanted nothing more than to see her beautiful breasts, or her pussy, all dripping for him. As his thoughts carried away he had to physically restrain himself from taking his cock out and cumming all over the wooden floor. Before he could, he shook his head violently and walked out of the Chateau, heading to the dock where his fishing gear was already set up from the day before.
After a few minutes of him trying to clean his mind from the dirty thoughts that had possessed it only moments ago, he turned around to see her walking out of the Chateau, a tank top and jeans shorts adoring her defined figure. She sent him a smile which he returned as she walked over to him, leaning her back on the rail he was leaning his elbows on.
“Hey, what’s up?” She asked, and god, he was angry. He was angry that she had the nerve to just come out of there like she didn’t do these slutty actions - like she wasn’t touching herself in a house that wasn’t hers where anyone could walk in. How she dared to look at him with what she probably thought were innocent eyes, however he knew she was far from that.
“All good, where’s John B?”
He cursed himself at the mention of his friend, but he knew that the thought of him was the only thing keeping him from pressing the girl against the railing and slamming hip lips onto hers, whether she wanted it or not. And judging by what he heard, there was a very slim chance that she didn’t.
“He’s working today, told me to spend the day here since all of you are supposed to come by sooner or later.” She answered him, crossing her arms over chest, her breasts slightly pushing upwards, drawing his attention for only one mere second before his looked away and cleared his throat.
“Yeah, I just got back from work, figured I’ll fish something for dinner.” He said and put his hand on the fishing rod.
“Oh, good. There are new groceries so I can make some salad or something. If anyone else coming as well?”
“Yeah, Pope is supposed to pick Kie up from work so they’ll be here in a few.” He said, not moving his eyes from the water.
“Okay.” She said, and he felt her eyes on him, but he didn’t turn. “Is everything okay?”
He shook his head mentally, why in the hell would she ask that? Did she really care?
“Yeah, just tired.” He responded with a shrug of him shoulders, sending a small smile her way.
She returned the smile with one of her own. “It’s been a while since we had a smoking session, I gotta be honest I’m starting to miss them.”
For the first time since seeing her today, a real smile creeped up on his face. “Yeah, me too.”
He didn’t t bother making up an excuse to why he wasn’t coming out of his room anymore, he knew she deserved better than that.
“Maybe I’ll see you tonight? I got some things to tell you.” She suggested, and he could see the hope in her eyes, and god knew he could never say no to them.
“Maybe you will, and maybe I just got a new stack to try out, some weird combination my cousin made.”
She giggled. With most girls he had met, when they giggled it was the fakest sound he ever heard, most horrible coming in second. He knew it was only a way for them to flirt with him. However with Y/N, he knew it was real and he wanted nothing more than to make her laugh all the time, just to hear it.
“Well, you know I’m always up for a challenge.”
Everything went smooth after what happened, although the sound of her moans never left his mind. She never left his mind. It was bad enough that she was basically living with John B, making him a constant witness to their sex life. JJ tried to remember that it was his name she moaned as she touched herself, not John B’s, however after he heard her scream his best friend’s name, he couldn’t help the jealousy burning in him. God, what he would do to have her.
He started to ignore her again, not completely but he didn’t show up to their mid-night smoking sessions and all the other times he saw her she was with John B so he just kept quiet and let her converse with him or the others. He noticed the confused looks she sent his way, and it hurt him to know that even though they didn’t know each other for that long, she still missed him. He wished he could sit beside her, wrap his arm around her shoulders or hold her hand - but he couldn’t. She wasn’t his, she was with John B.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
He turned his head around, only now taking notice of the girl walking his way. He just got back from a ride on the HMS Pouge after a date. It wasn’t anything special - well, not to him anyway - just a distraction. Since he was trying to get over his feelings for her he’s been seeing a lot of girls. Well, hooking up would be the right term. But nothing helped, every time he was in bed with a girl the only thing he could think of was Y/N. His mind instantly went to the sound of her moans, he imagined how her face would look like when she was cumming.
“I haven’t, just been busy.” He replied, turning away to finish tying the boat to the dock.
“Busy? With what?” She asked and cocked her head to the side, taking a step closer to him.
“Just working.” He shrugged.
“Did I do something?” She asked, all hint of playfulness gone, her tone now completely serious.
“No,” he said quickly, “you didn’t do anything.”
“Then why are you avoiding me?” She pressed on, her voice more stern.
“I’m not fucking avoiding you.” He raised his voice, only realizing he did so until he saw her slightly flinch. Guilt immediately consumed him but she already snapped back at him.
“What is your problem? Do you not like me or something?” She asked, and he just shook his head and opened his mouth to deny her suspicions but she wasn’t done. “I don’t understand why you’re ignoring me, I thought we got along-“
She sounded more disappointed and hurt than angry, and that only made him feel even more guilty. He never meant to hurt her, all he wanted was to get rid of the feelings he had for her.
“Y/N, stop.” He said before she could ramble on and on. She glared at him but stopped talking. “Look, it’s not that I don’t like you, I do. I mean, in like a friend way. You’re cool. But I’ve just been busy, I’ve got work and I-“
He wanted to tell her the truth - he wanted to tell her how he felt in great hope she’ll return his feelings. But he couldn’t. Because doing that meant losing his best friend, and he didn’t think he could ever be okay with that.
“I have a girlfriend.” He blurted out, however he regretted it immediately after seeing her reaction. She looked hurt - sad even.
“Oh, I didn’t know that.” She said and dropped her gaze to the floor before quickly looking up at him with a smile, but he knew better than to believe it was real. “I’m so happy for you. Who is she?”
“Just some touron I met at the bonfire.” He said quietly, hoping she didn’t ask any further questions.
“That’s great.” She said and nodded her head. “Sorry I attacked you, obviously I’m not the center of your life.” She added with a chuckle. If only she knew.
“It’s cool, I get it.” He shrugged it off, hoping she didn’t think he was mad. She should be mad at him, for avoiding her with. I explanation whatsoever.
“Good.” She said and stared at him for a few moments before looking away. “I’m gonna go, John B and I are going out for dinner.”
He tried to hide his jealousy and disappointment and smiled at her. “Have fun. But not too much fun.” He teased her with a wink, although his heart was aching for her.
“Thanks. And have fun with your girlfriend, whenever you see her.” She said with a smile of her own - similar to his.
As he watched the girl walk away the only thing he could think about was how much he wanted to be the one to take her out. He could just imagine it; he’d dress up in a white button up and bring her a bouquet of flowers and take her out on a romantic dinner - just the two of them. Then after the date he would kiss her goodnight and walk her to her door. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t do any of it. And that hurt him more than anything.
This was officially JJ’s worst day ever. He went to work only to be yelled at by his boss and then had to deal with spoiled Kooks all day long. When he finally got home his dad decided to pick on him, leaving him bruised and with a bloody nose. After storming out of the house he walked straight to the Chateau. The sky was already dark but he had no trouble remembering the way to John B’s - he had been taking the same route since he was a little boy. As he got closer to the house he saw that the lights on the porch were on, indicating that he was still up. However as he reached the top stair to the porch he saw her, sitting on one of the couches, smoking a joint. He couldn’t help the guilt that built in him as he looked at her, he didn’t know she kept coming out there at night. Then he reminded himself that she had been doing this a while before he joined her. Then ditched her.
His former footsteps seemed to catch her attention as she turned towards him. The smile that first rose to her face at the sight of him disappeared as she observed his rough condition. She quickly put her joint on the ashtray that was placed on the coffee table and stood up, a concerned look on her face.
“JJ, what happened? Are you okay?” She asked as she rushed over to him.
As much as he missed her, she was the last person he wanted to see at the moment. He didn’t want her to see him that way - all beaten up by the hands of his father, tears threatening to fall and an anxiety attack just waiting to break through. He was a mess, and the exact opposite of what she wanted, what she deserved.
“It’s nothing, I’m okay.” He brushed her questions off. “Where’s John B?”
“What do you mean you’re okay?” She asked, ignoring his question. “JJ, your nose is all bloody and your face is-“
She cut herself off, taking a deep breath and looking away from his for a second.
“JJ, please, tell me what happened.” She begged, and he could see the tears forming in her eyes. That’s that last thing he wanted.
“Hey, hey.” He said softly, aching to touch her to calm her down but he restrained himself. “I’m okay, really. Just got into a fight.”
She didn’t answer him, all she did was take his hand in hers and examine it. After huffing, she dropped his hand down.
“Your knuckles are fine. And before you tell me you punch with your other hand, I’ve seen you punch.”
He clenched his jaw. Of course she noticed, how wouldn’t she? He was basically living with John B when he had a place of his own, he avoided talking about his home life and now he showed up in the middle of the night sporting one too many bruises. How could she not notice?
“JJ.” She whispered, but he kept his eyes on the floor, holding back the tears. She placed her hands on his face, careful not to touch any bruises along the way. “Please tell me it’s not what I think it is.”
He finally looked at her, and god did he regret that. The look she had in his eyes almost hurt him physically. It made him want to crawl into her arms and cry like a baby. It made him want to spill everything - to tell her about his father. Instead of doing the latter, he did the former. Without noticing a tear fell down his cheek, and a sob broke through him. With no sign of hesitation, she wrapped her arms around him. At first he was shocked, staying still as she hugged his tightly. But then, after letting himself go, he allowed his arms to wrap around her waist and to bring his face to her neck as he let go of his tears.
It was the first time he allowed someone to hold him so soon after seeing his father. It felt good, better than he had expected. He always didn’t want to be touched after an incident with his dad, but something felt different. Instead of flinching away or shutting himself out, he found comfort in the girl’s arms. He found warmness in the smell of her hair and peace in the feeling of her heart beating as she was pressed up against him. He hugged her tight with no intention of ever letting go, he hugged her because she was his solution, his light. She was the only one who could bring lightness into a dark night like this.
“I’m sorry.” He let out, feeling slightly awkward in the hug after he had managed to calm down.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She said and shook her head, pulling back just enough for her to see his face. This time, he didn’t shy away from her, just focused on the beautiful features. Goodness, she was beautiful. He though to himself.
“This isn’t your fault, J. None of it. You don’t deserve any of this.”
They were these words that seeped into his mind, feeding his hunger for her. At the moment, he no longer thought of John B, or the fact that she was John B’s girlfriend. All he could think about was how much he wanted to feel her lips against his. He started to slowly lean in, noticing how she didn’t step back or pull away from him. Instead, she brought her hand to his hair and ran her fingers through it before joining their lips.
As soon as he felt her lips on his, he was a goner. He let out a groan at the feeling, pulling her closer to him as he deepened the kiss. It was everything he imagined and more. The mixed feelings of her hands in his hair and on his neck and her lips moving with his gave him a head rush, and he never wanted it to stop. He took initiative and ran his tongue over her lips, a new feeling of excitement washing over him as she opened her mouth and allowed his tongue to intertwine with hers. She pulled at his hair, making him groan into her mouth as he moved his hand up to her neck. The kiss didn’t last as long as he hoped for. After the king time he had to restrain himself from kissing her, now that he was, he didn’t want to stop.
She pulled away, her hands staying on his cheeks, thumb wiping the tears that stayed on his face.
“Don’t.” He cut her off, Leaning his forehead against hers. “Don’t say anything, please. Just wanna stay like this for a moment.”
To his slight surprise, she didn’t object and closed her eyes. He felt her soft breathing on his face as his fingers played with the ends of her hair. He wished he could stay like this, with her in his arms. He wished he could kiss her again and to hold her again. At that moment, with her so close to him after a shared passionate kiss, he realized he was in love with her. It only made sense; he could not stop thinking about her, and not even in a solely sexual way. He wanted to do so much more than just sleep with her. He wanted to take her out on dates, to hold her hand and to hug her close in his arms. Before he could remind himself that she wasn’t his she pressed her lips to his again. It was a light kiss, unlike their first one, but it had the same effect on him.
“I’m sorry.” She said quietly, almost as if she didn’t want to say the next words. “But I can’t do this, I’m with John B and I-“
She took a deep breath, a pained expression on her face. He knew what she was gonna say.
“I love him, JJ. I’m sorry.”
It broke his heart, more than he could ever imagine. Hearing her say these words hurt him, because it made all of his suspicions and concerns true. She didn’t love him, she loved his best friend. It shouldn’t surprise him, really, she was in a relationship with him. But it still hurt, the rejection hurt.
“Then why are you touching yourself to me?”
He didn’t mean to say it, he didn’t mean the tone he used. But he was upset, and unfortunately for him, that manifested into anger.
“W-what?” She stuttered, clearly surprised by his question.
“You say you love him but yet you’re moaning my name when you touch yourself. So explain that.” He said and took a step closer to her.
She scoffed, shaking her head. “Were you listening to me? Are you stalking me or something?”
“No, I’m just saying that you should think twice before you do something like that in a house that isn’t even yours.” He said, keeping his voice low. “Cause all I had to do was walk into the Chateau and hear you moaning for me.”
“Save it. Just go back to your boyfriend, maybe think of me once or twice when you fuck him.” And with that, he walked off, leaving her standing in the porch. A part of him hoped she would call after him, but she never did. He shouldn’t have expected her to, as she said, she loved John B, not him
