Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!
A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.
So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.
Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.
Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.
Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.
Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.
Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.
Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.
Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.
Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.
None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.
The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.
Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity. There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style. You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.
There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:
Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.
Ask him to give you a full-body massage.
You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take his eyes off you!
Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself, whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by. The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes you.
You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”, “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.
Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance. For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his balls. When locked, he will want his balls ‘slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!
Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will drive him crazy like nothing else.
Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!
Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get back in the tube!
Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity device.
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