sad sab

another day well spent cause it seems like i made this day productive than the usual slacking off during school days. i didn’t fo to school at all, i just waited for the dismissal for me to go to school and meet the band for practice. this was our first band practice and i must that we are a mess hahaha it’s just that we’re not that prepared so we kinda messed up but somehow made it through. anyways, me and my dad made up na cause i really can’t stand fighting with him especially we’re close so i set my peace with him. gab paid me a visit pala during band practice and bought me another tote bag from artowrk. god i love her so much.

so ayun it’s just any other day well besides that i am still hurting and i still don’t know if when can i have my check up since i’ve been very busy making errands for what i missed in our classes. well i think this day is sort of good cause i came over at gab’s and spent my day there and you know that i’m much more happier when i’m with her. i spent my day well if y’all asking so summary is it’s a good day and well spent.

so this is like the most recent physical pain that i felt lately. oh my goodness i cried because of physical pain that’s whack kskssk anyways my uti went back and now i’m having troubles with peeing. it’s so hard to sleep right now i really wanna go to the nearest hospital and confine myself but i’m pretty sure i’m just doing it for clout. i can’ move the lower part of my body because every move that i do my abdomen just hurts. it’s like restraining me from doing something. well beforehand that me and my dad fought like bigtime. he’s so annoying kasi then i just burst out. you don’t fool around with a tired kid, pop.

this is just like any normal day. we spent our yesterday at dasma and now this is the time where we get to go home. We just went home and mom buy some stuff for our house haha there’s nothing much to say besides it’s normie and  all. i just loved the trip back home.

spent this day visiting my cousin at dasmarinas. it’s not much of a special day but i wanna say that i made up with my cousin who i had entry with. the entry’s title was “disappointed” and yes he set peace and now i think we’re okay and doing well. that’s a good thing.

wow so after this i will be having my dedass rest and this is what i’ve been waiting for. the only thing that matter right now is i will get the chance to sleep longer than what i’ve been lately. so excited to sleep and rest. i hope i don’t have lots of workload tomorrow. i wanna spend tomorrow just resting.

wow finals and the only thing that i can say is that i’m tired. not of studying (somehow) but with overthinking. i’m so tired i just want this season to end ugh god i really wanna rest and i know that i’m failing but i just wanna rest with gab and then recharge myself.

i always do entry when our monthsary comes. it’s been 11 months oh god that a legitimately a long time. we didn’t have any plans for today because gab keep on saying that i should rest na lang but i just wanna celebrate this day with her so i went to her house and brought her some food and stayed at their’s and talked and reminisce what we’ve been through. it’s not a big celebration but at least i got the the chance to see her.

this is another tiring day. oh god why do i get to spend my everyday routing with either being sad or tired, wala bang bago? spent the night at cesca’s again but this time i’m with dannah. we made our paper for pagpag and man we didn’t finish it. i had 7 cups of coffee and my head is really throbbing and i don’t know what to do. i’m so tired i wanna cry and rest. i wanna sleep for a whole year to make up for my sleepless nights. i rushed myself to gab for some recharge that’s a good thing by the way.

i woke up still sad about what happened last night. i’m still sad i need something to cope up with what i feel. i spent this day deciding if whether i will cut my hair short or just let it be, but i needed something new or just to start with something new. i cut my hair short and i’m really happy with the result. gab also set her peace with me and i guess my chest doesn’t hurt that much than it used to.

this is what i’ve been saying. i just had my official breakdown for this month. i never cried this hard and it feels so different. i’m not asking for too much but don’t i deserve the same energy back? i know that life ain’t self-seeking but don’t i deserve a bit of love showering??? i spent my whole day just self-loathing and i was at peak with my sadness. i really thought i was going to do something stupid. glad i didn’t. anyways i spent an hour crying at our subdivision’s court. that was a hell of a night. me wanna die.

this day is stressful. i don’t have any sleep for today cause we finished our practical research paper. i’m really tired and i think my body will shut down soon. i think i might breakdown. i’m so tired and my body is just intoxicated by caffeine. i think i had too much and i just really wanna rest but i think i can’t. i wanna scream and shout. imagine what being tired, sleepy, sad, empty feels like. i just wanna drown myself.

i’ve been spending my days sadder than the usual. umuuwi ako maaga cause i don’t really want to socialize with any individual. i tend to go home to isolate myself and just continue self loathing. this is bad practice but i realy can’t help it no more. i’m just so empty and tired about everything and i really want a break. i’m sad.

i welcomed this month with sadness. well i always welcome every month with sadness but this month is so much more. i don’t know why i think it’s just the peak of my longing for attention and i’ve been really empty lately so i’m just so sad. i can’t say too much because i just spent my day crying and self-loathing.

wow it’s actually my 17th today and i don’t actually feel good about it. my birthday is not really my favorite day because i know that everything goes wrong when my birthday is coming and guess what i guessed right. i celebrated this day with a heavy hear. actually there’s no celebration that happened actually. it’s just like any normal day where people got the chance to greet me lol. oh god i miss my ate, we used to celebrate these days. she used to make me feel better every birthday. i’m just so sad right now, every year gets sadder. oh there are people that i expected that would greet me and yun they all messed up my birthday at least i have tix for lany concert.

wow woke up great today ugh i hope everyday is just like this. i hope i get to spend my everyday with gabby cause it just feels so good. nakakalimutan ko na puno ako ng kalungkutan and it really feels so good. still tired from last night’s festival so medyo ngalay pa ako sa mga pinaggagawa ko kagabi. i’m with gabby ulit and happy happy lang. we ate samgyupsal together it’s like 15 and 16 our own kinds of valentine’s day. so overall it’s also a good day. my day is always good if i spend it with gab. 

so this what we’ve been waiting for. this is what we’ve been saving up for hehe it’s up fair and oh my goodness this is my first time attending up fair and i will be attending it with the love of my life. it feels so good that we have the same thing with almost everything and especially music that made us perfectly made for each other. this day was a lot of fun. it was so tiring but worth it. i got to spend this day with the best human being that i know. we got to listen to out favorite bands and danced all through the night. i hope this won’t be the last. i know that will be migrating in a few but i really do hope that we will work it out and i hope that this happen again and i also hope for the best and aim for bigger music festivals. that’s all, i really had fun today.