brain rot

ocd is like and for my next trick i’m going to make you kill yourself

hey just so you know, i healed from a lot of what’s mentioned here. i don’t ever want to lead anyone down the hole i was in. you can get better and its okay if its a long process. i wish it wasn’t said to the point of being a cliche, but time truly does heal all wounds, even inner ones.

people actually responding to my posts on here now it must be the twitter migrants. anyways: don’t take shit i say here seriously bc i cannot reply from this account and i hate to let yall think you’ve won.

i don’t “check” on people like i used to. i don’t need to anymore. i don’t stop myself from wearing things or dyeing my hair certain colors because i feel they “belong” to certain people. i think i’ve been so scared lately because i finally broke out of my little chrysalis of delusion. it feels scary when the worlds too real. i like to live in my little fantasy world, but there’s good things in the outside as well.

i know i just have to let it pass over me, but i always think i’ll never feel this way again. i wish i was capable of holding onto all my progress, but i know i will be okay.

maybe ants have little hopes. they hope that maybe today someone will drop something sweet on the ground, because they’ve been living off of bread crumbs for awhile and they’ve grown quite tired of it. maybe they dream that they’re seven feet tall, and they can simply reach their feelers out into the pantry instead of having to climb. perhaps they wish they could be the queen, spending her days feeding and breeding, all while not having to move a single antenna. of course, then we come along, big meandering things, and all those tiny little hopes and dreams and wishes dissipate under the weight of our shoes. they mean nothing to us, but they meant everything to the ants.

the love of my life is downstairs making us breakfast right now. i never thought i’d have anything this wonderful. i’m glad i have someone like him to exist alongside. i’m so happy that i’m still here.

i called my friend tonight (shes an online friend that i’ve known since 2016) and we both had such a good time. we talked for like three hours and it was really nice. i’m so happy and thankful for the moments like these where i feel like a human.

the greatest strength that i have ever known lies in my understanding and my forgiveness, for both myself and others. kindness is truly the most powerful force in existence. our capacity to love and be loved is what makes us alive.

every bald man i see is billy corgan

life is too short to abide by social cues and only do what is considered normal and acceptable

there’s no heat in my house currently so i’m sitting around the space heater pretending to be a homeless person sitting beside an oil drum fire

my hair is dyed my favorite color, and you can’t bring down a person whose hair color is their favorite color.