They say it hurts until you feel nothing

i overthink into oblivion. i stare at words for too long and wonder if they’re actually words. i’d rather be in bed than go out. my family is falling apart and i feel like i’m the only one who sees it. i’m falling apart and i feel like i’m the only one who knows. i haven’t been doing well for awhile now. sometimes i get a glimpse of a good future, and then i remember what happened the last time i put my all into a certain future. i was never a senior in high school. i graduated, but didn’t have a ceremony; i barely celebrated. i feel like i’ve been stuck as the same person for 5 years. i have to distract myself or every thought i think i feel the seconds and minutes slow down with them. i’m on the phone with someone i should be able to talk to. but how am i supposed to. i can’t explain anything because i don’t understand my own mind.

it’s either always me or them but it always happens

Life hasn’t felt real for like 5 years.

I feel like I’m living my final days but idk for how long. I’m also tired rn but fuck I’m every type of tired.

It is so hard to wake up

At least once a day I think about killing myself lmao and at least every other day I joke about it. It’s not so much that I want to die, I just want this cycle to end and not to have the world in shambles.

Every day there’s less of a reason to live 💀