I would die for Robbie Rotten

(he will later claim that he only ran to her side because the crying was super annoying. “Sure, Robbie”, Sportacus will say with a roll of his eyes)

Robbie gets to the park a few minutes later and is like “What, did your dance CD skip or something?”

Stephanie shows him. Ziggy had gotten gum in her hair. A Lot of gum. “And if I cut it out, I’ll have really short hair. And then I’ll look like… Before.”

Robbie’s a breath away from saying “Before what” when he remembers the conversation Sportacus had with him last month. Stephanie looks miserable and almost starts on a fresh wave of tears when Robbie says “Come by the lair in 5 hours- no, 3 hours! Actually, I’m a genius, 2 hours. And don’t bring any gum! It’s a waste of perfect good candy!”

And he runs off. Confused, Stephanie does go to the lair around 2 hours late to find Robbie busy at his work bench, screwdriver between his teeth and magic on his finger tips. “Take a seat, touch nothing but that plate of cookies.”

Half an hour later, Robbie waves a fan he calls The Sweet Mover 4000 at her hair and the gum falls off, leaving her hair untouched.

Sportacus took a large chunk of metal off of one of Robbie’s lab tables, experimentally tossing it from hand to hand.

“Is this important?” he asked, wiggling it at Robbie.

“Nope, fidget away,” Robbie waved an arm in his direction, occupied with finding himself some CAKE.

Sportacus smiled and spun it around in his hands, threw it in the air and caught it, and then accidentally tossed it across the lair.

“Shit, sorry,” he said apologetically, starting to run over to where it clanged to the ground, “I’ll get it.”

Robbie froze, and he stumbled backwards for a moment as his worldview completely shattered. SPORTACUS just CURSED.

Once he had blinked himself back into some semblance of brain function, he vigorously wiggled a finger in his ear, mind working quickly. Were his ears deceiving him, or did he REALLY hear-

“Did you just-did you just say a bad word, Sportapure?” he asked cautiously.

Sportacus shrugged, returning with the piece of metal. “Yeah, I guess.  Haven’t you ever heard me swear before?”

“NO I haven’t!” Robbie said accusatorily.  Why was he being so…cavalier? “I thought you were…I don’t know, MORALLY OPPOSED to swearing!!”

“Well,” Sportacus said, placing the piece back on the table, “I do not swear in front of the kids, obviously. But, we are both adults here, and I am certain that none of the kids are going to pop up down HERE, so I can…drop the filter.” he smiled.

“I-I-” Robbie garbled, trying to reconcile what he just heard with what he knew about this…paragon of virtue.

It must have been contorting his face in some sort of interesting way, because Sportacus tilted his head. “Are you okay, Robbie?”

“This-this-” Robbie gestured everywhere, “-whole FUCKING TIME I’ve been CENSORING MYSELF around you AND NOW YOU JUST-”

Sportacus’ jaw dropped. “You’ve been CENSORING YOURSELF? For me?” he asked incredulously before he burst into laughter.

“IT’S NOT FUNNY, SPORTAFLOP!!” Robbie near-screamed over the sound of his laughter. “I thought you would be OFFENDED!! Because you’re such a…HERO type!! STOP LAUGHING!!”

Sportacus was doubled over in a fit of mirth.

“All-all this time,” he said, wiping his eyes and letting out the rest of the breath as a laugh, “You thought I couldn’t handle a few bad words?” he let out a couple more chuckles.  "Oh…fuck, that’s so funny.“

Every time Sportacus swore it sent a jolt of surprise through Robbie.

“I-you-uh??” he stuttered, flustered.

Sportacus walked over and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Looks like I’M not the one you had to worry about, eh Robbie?” he said, mustache twitching with the effort of keeping his composure.

“Go to hell, Sporta-SportaFUCK,” Robbie snarled.

Sportacus just put up a finger gun at him with his free hand. “Nice one,” he complimented, winking.

“UGH!!”

sportablonde