Nix

Homesickness

1. Louise Glück

2. Franz Kafka

3. limer3nce

Thrillingly trapped by your kiss

Happily trapped by your eyes

But the worst part of all

Is you liked me trapped by your lies.

So I painstakingly took a match

It was so hard for me to do and see

But I set it all on fire, forcing you to lose all interest in me

From there I can finally start healing,

Finally help myself breathe

And when the smoke settled down

There was a tremendous relief...

Against your wish, I set myself free

Came on my Spotify

And suddenly I was back to last year

I can even smell the time difference

I feel the girl I was then

How different I am now

I mostly like who I am now

But I miss that girl

There was a depth to her

That I don’t have anymore

A hope to her too

That feels maybe gone now.

I miss her ability to connect

Her willingness to be open

She was both more and less guarded

And there was something beautiful about her

But she really had no idea at all

Mostly though, she had begun

To love him this time last year

And now I’m still here

But he is not

And perhaps, that right there

When I first fell in love I felt it in my elbows / When my heart broke I felt it in my throat / I never felt love so intensely before / I didn’t know what was happening / My hands shook and I felt the blood thumping in my arms / My brain wasn’t moving fast enough to realize what was going on / I knew I was in love / But I was still in love