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The Misconception of “I Am Just Fine” – Pt.2

“I bow my head to the chief of the Sakyas, Whose body was formed by ten million perfect virtues, Whose speech fulfills the hopes of limitless beings, Whose mind sees precisely all objects of knowledge.” – Master Tsong-kha-pa, The Great Treatise On The Stages Of The Path To Enlightenment Vol. 1, Pg 33

All of us have different hopes, but the basis of all hopes for everyone is the same – that is, to be happy and not to be unhappy. We all hope for happiness and definitely not suffering, and there are different ways to making ourselves happy.

The ordinary conventional happiness would be shopping trips, parties, a bigger house, owning an expensive car etc, which leads to further suffering later, because the chase for this kind of happiness are the reins of samsara that causes us to be attached deeper into cyclic existence.

The other type of happiness that the Buddha taught through his discourses is the ultimate supreme happiness where we are no longer affected by our afflictions which are the causes that bind us into endless repeated rebirths.

His Speech That Fulfils The Hopes Of Limitless Beings. In The Great Treatise On The Stages Of The Path To Enlightenment by Master Tsong-kkha-pa, the following verse was extracted from the 《Praise in One Hundred and Fifty Verses》 – “ Your speech, like a rain cloud, settles the dust of attachment; Like the garuda, it expels the snake of hostility. Again and again, it is like a sun dispelling the darkness of ignorance. Since it razes the mountain of pride, it is also like the vajra. Because you see the truth, your speech never misleads; since it is faultless, it is correct; since it is well-composed, it is easy to understand.”

The discourses expounded by the Buddha fulfill our hopes of attaining happiness and true freedom by teaching the ways and methods needed to get rid of our faults, meaning our attachment, hostility, ignorance, pride and so on, that makes us unhappy.  A good example would be the Buddha’s very first discourse, the Four Noble Truths, that tells us that although our current situation in cyclic existence is suffering and that there are causes to these suffering, there is a solution to be free from all our suffering, thus hope is not lost for us.

What Do Our Speech Bring Then? While the Buddha’s speech brings hope and benefit to others, what do our speech bring then? When we speak in jest or idle chatter, our friends join in for a good laugh or the conversation turns interesting, and yes, it is undeniable that there is that moment of happiness, but if we think a little deeper – is there any real meaningful purpose of truly bring us or anyone any benefit? After that moment of happiness, did our lives transform for the better? Did we bring true happiness to ourselves and our friends, as in we can all be free from the reins of samsara like the Buddha?

Similarly, when we have a dispute with someone, we often think that it is very important to present our viewpoints which we firmly believe to be correct and true, especially when we have the experience and knowledge in the topic of the dispute. If we think a little deeper again – what is the objective and purpose of this dispute and is this objective truly meaningful? Can the dispute solve our real problems of life and death? Why did we insist that our views and our experience are absolutely correct – is it based on our inner reflections upon ourselves?

Or did we insist on our stand so what the opposite party will acknowledge that we are correct? So what if the opposite party or even the whole world agrees with us?  How does it transform his life for the better? Can our viewpoint which we vehemently insist on bring us freedom from the reins of samsara? Can we be free from the real problem that everyone faces – repeated cycles rebirths, aging, sickness and death?

Him Whose Words Are Like Antidote. Ours Whose Words Are Like Poison. When the Buddha speaks, his purpose is to fulfil the other party’s freedom from unhappiness and suffering, and his teachings enables the transformation of one’s mind to recognize and eliminate their own faults and the development of wisdom. His words are like an antidote for a deadly incurable illness that is a salvation for not only you and me, but for limitless beings.

However, when we speak, more often than not, we fulfil our own purpose of acknowledgement, we not only forgot about bringing happiness to others, instead we bring disappointment, sadness, anger and hostility.

The Misconception Of ”I Am Just Fine”. So this is the stark difference between the Buddha’s speech and ours. If we do not reflect upon the difference between the Buddha and us, then we will not be able to see that we are not applying the correct solution to the true problem in our lives. Since we have been educated since young that suffering means pain or great misery, we do not see the imperfections of our body, speech and mind to be a problem, and so we will think that “I am just fine”. This misconception of ”I am just fine” further misleads us to think that there is nothing wrong with our lives, there is no danger in the repeated cycles of existence, and so there is no need for the dharma to transform our lives, and so we do not need to take refuge in the Buddha because we will think ,”I am just as fine as him, why should I go to him for refuge?”

Sharing of reflections is based upon personal contemplation from the learning of the dharma teachings at BW Monastery.

Even if you’ve hurt other people in the past, or have been the kind of person that you really don’t respect, you can always make the decision to change. The tips below might be helpful for this.

1. Look for the good in the people that you meet, and try to empathise, and understand others’ viewpoints.

2. Remind yourself of this: “That it’s not all about you” … and the feelings and the wishes of others matter too.

3. Be polite; try saying “thank you”; and don’t take people for granted. What they did took thought and effort, and it’s nice to be acknowledged.

4. Think before you speak. This will save a lot of grief. For once those words are spoken, they cannot be taken back. They may never be forgotten, and can haunt you later on.

5. Check your tone of voice and the words you choose to use. These can cause misunderstandings, or create a bad impression.

6. Don’t gossip about others; look for things to praise instead.

7. Don’t take the bait and be pulled into arguments. Just let the comment go. You don’t need to rise to that.

1. Make sure you do things on your own, as well as doing things together.

2. Don’t lose your independence and individuality.

3. Be realistic in your expectations. Neither you nor they are perfect so you’ll disappoint sometimes.

4. Don’t make everything a battle or a cause for argument. Life is full of “give and take”, and just accepting differences.

5. Be loyal and trustworthy, and allow yourself to trust. This is truly fundamental for a strong relationship.

6. Be honest and communicate your feelings and your thoughts – and also listen to your partner, and encourage them to talk.