Multi-Colored Socks

can you all stop being reborn as a lotus i’m getting lonely here

find a man who cherishes you enough to cut off the dick of the man who has scorned you in order to use it to tenderly make love to you after proposing with a peach ring so that you do not have to die a virgin and can instead live on forever with him while he regularly brings flowers to your gravesite and tends to your undead body's electrocution wounds as he reads percy bysshe shelley's poetry to you. do NOT settle for less.

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

where is "at this rate sonic will become president" when you need it

Decided to finally visit my school's mental health clinic about my depression and they prescribed me a cathartic sword duel against this girl with pink hair. I asked if I'd need insurance to help pay for the sword and they said not to worry about it.