Welcome to my jungle gym...

I wish I could never hear another word about Brett Kavanough. Enough already. We know who you are. All that matters if whether Senators care who you are as part of their consideration of whether you should have a life time appointment to unleash your views. 

I believe Christine Blasey Ford told the truth, I also believe it’s possible he has no memory of the incident, either because he was black out drunk (bad) or the incident was so inconsequential to him he didn’t commit it to memory (probably worse because it goes to his lack of concern for women or anyone else). 

All of this nonsense could have been avoided if from the beginning he said something to the effect of: I drank more than I should in high school, I did somethings I am not proud of and which do not reflect who I am today*.  I do not remember the incident in question, but it’s entirely possible that it occurred. The affect on Dr. Ford is quite apparent and I feel terrible about the pain. If I contributed to that pain, I am deeply and profoundly sorry. Might have also been helpful for him to say he no longer drinks** This should have been followed up by a donation to a group that helps survivors of assault.  Done. 

But he couldn’t do that. His ego couldn’t allow him to admit any failings. His arrogance led him to come out swinging and act angry and petulant toward United States Senators who had the audacity to perform their constitution duty of advise and consent on his nomination. He was also partisan and generally behaved in ways unbecoming of someone on the Supreme Court, or any court really. Now he wants to say he is impartial and perhaps was too emotional in his own defense. No. You had to apologize to a Senator for asking her if she ever gets black out drunk. An opinion piece in the WSJ doesn’t get you out of that. In no other job interview would anyone be considered if they behaved as you did. 

So I’m done. I hope after the next two days I never hear your name again, but I fear that I will and the message that sends to women and survivors. 

* Who knows if this is true

This may be overload, this image. But I tried out the ‘gif’ feature: pick a picture and write! Well, here is the picture. 

What is this? I heard Seth Godin recommend to write a blog post every day, that it will force one to think of things to write, to look for things to write. The blog post should be public. It may be that no one reads it, but someone lcould. That is this blog. Also selecting a random gif to write about may be a bit much and defeat the purpose. But possibly it’s gotten me to find a theme for this first day: distraction. 

I always intend to write. I have a constant stream of things rolling through my head to write. But I’ve yet to actually sit down and actually write on any sort of consistent basis. So really what I need to do is create a habit. See, I’m constantly distracted by the latest shiny thing: what’s happening on Twitter? What if I don’t know every single nuance to what is going on in the news today and what twelve different people think about it, and who is making sarcastic remarks about it?  Well, what if I don’t know?  I’m the same with reading. I start books. I really, really want to read the books and yet another new book will come onto my radar or a library hold will come in and I’m off to get that book. I’m reading seven books right now. I want and intend to finish them all. I know that means I don’t enjoy or absorb them as much as I could, and yet I persist with this approach. Why? 

The results of my Books on the Nightstand Bingo are in and it's BINGO! 

I read so many other books than this, but they didn't fit.  Sad trombone.  In truth, the only category I had to go out of my way to find was 'Set in South America'.  I had to Google books set in South America and was pleasantly surprise to find Bel Canto in the results.  I adore Ann Patchett and here was a book I hadn't read.   That the entire book takes place inside a large home with characters from all over the world, thus it's actual physical setting isn't that relevant doesn't matter!  It still counts. 

This northern gal once visited Charlotte, NC where she saw a historical landmark sign indicating ‘President Davis slept here’. I thought: we never had a President Dav….. OHHHhhhhh.

I have a theory on Harper Lee, and it probably won’t be popular, but I kind of hope it’s true. I think Go Set a Watchman was the story she wanted to tell or the story she needed to tell to work through her own issues. Because she is a person raised in a small town, who goes off the New York and sees the the world differently. How disappointing to be disillusioned with a place you once loved, a society you believed in, a father you loved so well. Her society, how she was raised, her childhood itself that tarnished now. How to go on? Certainly long, rambling rants against the injustice of it all is one way!

After pulling off the feat of writing a novel as a first time author, and one with many lovely passages, then to be told that the flashbacks to childhood are more interesting, to be asked how did Atticus become such a hero, what did young Scout see to believe so much in him, in her world ? And then this idealized version of the person who hurt her, who let her down so much becomes a hero to the world? What happens when you are acclaimed, win the Pulizer Prize and all the rest by portraying potentially your biggest heartache as idyllic? You become a recluse, lapse into Boo Radley mode. Why not. He didn’t like the world he saw, and nor do you. And now, in your advanced years, sister is gone, you think: I’m going to tell my real story, of how the south let me down, how even though my father is flawed, I can still find a way back to love him. He’s a character from his time, fighting for life as he’s always known it.

You aren’t, either.

Today my copy of Go Set a Watchman arrived… finally (one whole day after release, the torture). I may never pre-order a book again. Then again, it could just be I shouldn’t have pre-ordered this book. You see, I’m on a sort of internet black out, at least a bookish internet blackout and since I adore the bookish internet, this is torture. I am not reading reviews, discussions of reviews, spoilers, other’s opinions, anything, until I’ve read it. I haven’t read one word, yet, and if it’s poorly written or horrible in some way, I will be sad, but still fascinated because we’ll get a glimpse into the difference between a first ‘finished’ draft and what it became: the creative/editorial process at work!

I was attempting this, but I do scan the front page of the New York Times every day, so I know, I read, I processed. Really dumb, NYT, really dumb. You know what you did.

Ok, one spoiler coming. If you are somehow completely off the grind (and yet reading this.. hmmm), and don’t know, the NYT has spoiled that Attitus may be a racist, in the headline of the review no less. Again: really dumb, NYT, really dumb. What do I think about the perfect father and lawyer, not being ever so perfect? A. He’s a white man, in the south, in the 1950s… he’s not unusual. B. He should also be in 70s by the time of Go Set a Watchmen. I’m sure we all know older people with views different than the current times, and we still love them. C. He’s a human being, thus by definition not perfect and what is literature, but a device to hold a mirror to ourselves? To Kill a Mockingbird was a fairly unflinching look at a town at a period of time, why should this be different. If we ignore our past because we don’t like it, we are dishonest. Frankly, it sort of makes me like him more because he still did the right thing.

Where do I start, where do I begin?

Here, once again, is my BEA book haul:

How does one decide amongst these fine titles, never mind the (cough cough**) number of books already on my TBR. What to do? WHAT TO DO?

Punt! I’m going to finish the three books I have in progress, then tackle City on Fire (which for some reason I keep calling City of Ruin – why? no idea. Springsteen reference? – even to the reporter who asked me what galleys I was most looking forward to at BEA… thus proving I’m an idiot, not worthy of being in his article. Surely I redeemed myself by mentioning The Muse and The Water Knife?? Even a little?). City of Fire will take enough time for me to have pondered what to do next.

Now that I’m home, but the BEA buzz hasn’t yet worn off, I decided to see what CSPAN had filmed for us (tip to BEA lovers: CSPAN films some sessions at BEA. They are then broadcast on Book TV on the weekends or available at their website. Also, PBS has Book Now Live, which records bookish events, including some BEA and Bookcon. Sweet!). On CSPAN I find a panel entitled: Women and Leadership in Publishing:

http://www.c-span.org/video/?326180-1/bookexpo-discussion-women-leadership-publishing

This rings all my bells. Well, women and leadership in almost any field is an interest of mine so.. Let me get some popcorn. though I know what I’m going to hear: that it’s hard to balance everything, that men are asked or expected to balance everything, that some men don’t realize any of this and expect it all anyway and that we can’t have it all, we have to choose. Still, bring on the horror stories, because we like to understand each other’s experience.

The above is a shot of Bethlam Forsa and Madeline McIntosh after Bethlam described that she felt she had done something wrong by getting pregnant after taking on a new role and that she returned to work 2 weeks after giving birth (Mcintosh audibly said: “oh..” after). I immediately thought: that was her choice. No one could legally make her do that. And then she immediately went on to say it was her choice. She did what she thought was needed for her career. At this point, I turned it off. Just this and the earlier descriptions by Lisa Sharkey of previous jobs where men threw typewriters if angry and ‘sneaking out’ via the back stairs at 8pm was enough to sate my penchant for the horror stories.

One of the things I love after BEA is the book haul postings. Love it! There are many people who will a completely different haul, 100% different than mine, and be just as thrilled. I love that because it means there are so many books out there, to please so many kinds of people.

And so I return home after another wonderful BEA. Here is my two day haul:

Day 1 (Thurs)

Day 2 (Fri):

AND:

All this certainly looks like less than it felt like when carrying it or rolling it down the street in this bag, which was completely stuffed, and another entire tote bag.

I will not be attending Book Con because of last year’s experience. Being herded like cattle in a small, sweltering space just isn’t for me. I hear some of the issues have been resolved, but I’ll reserve judgement until this year’s attendees weigh in. Wait.. maybe not. I’m not sure I want to hear about things I’ve missed. I’m already sad about missing Nick Offerman, and I’ve avoided knowing who else is there so I’m not sad…