fairly cool guy

Being attracted to any kind of body is normal. Fat bodies. Trans bodies. Disabled bodies. All normal. Being extra attracted to a specific kind of body is normal too. Totally normal to have a type.

Not unlearning the societal stigma attached to those kinds of bodies, the people who inhabit those bodies, and the people who fuck them, to the point where you do any of the following:

Only want to date/fuck the person in secret.

Reduce the person to the feature that you desire and ignore the rest of who they are as a person.

Expect the person to be a walking porn fantasy instead of a real person with their own sexual preferences and boundaries.

Would no longer love the person if the stigmatized aspect of their body changed.

Consider yourself superior to the person, think the person should be 'grateful' that you love their body, etc.

See the person as a temporary adventure while planning to eventually settle down with someone whose body isn't stigmatized.

Is bad and harmful and you shouldn't be dating anyone until you've worked on your shit, because this makes you a very terrible partner. This doesn't mean you are a bad person with bad-fetishist-desires who can only desire people badly, it means you need to unlearn societal stigma so you can be a better partner to the people you desire.

but i feel like i will persist.

may other trans girls and all trans peeps experience this.

you will persist, i promise you

it's not going to corrupt you. it's not going to somehow be psychically transmitted to the world at large. give yourself space to recognize that these are, in fact, your genuine thoughts and feelings, no matter how intensely uncomfortable that feels. recognize that you can let them be the dominant attitude in your mind for a few minutes without it affecting your behavior or compromising your integrity.

once you've gotten all of it out and seen the train of thought in its entirety, you can take a breath and step back to examine it from a distance. you can respond to it the way you would to a child who doesn't know better, non-judgmentally, trusting yourself to stay true to your pre-established values. and having processed it this way, you can feel closer to those values instead of feeling that tension between what you believe and the thoughts you refuse to acknowledge because they don't align with it.

"but it's bad to give any credence to harmful ideologies in the public discourse!" good thing this isn't the public discourse then.

"but prejudiced people aren't entitled to my empathy and education!" they are when they're you. it's non-negotiable that you have to live with you, therefore you are necessarily entitled to your own compassion.

"what would people think if they knew?" you don't have to tell anyone shit. your thoughts can be completely your own, and some of them should stay that way, but that doesn't mean they're evil to have, even if you hate the idea of acting on them. good news, you have free will and you don't have to act on them.