my one and only

hi, my name is lola! i began my growth and self-improvement journey about a year ago, and i feel like it would be fun to start documenting it here. i'll be posting my personal tips and guides to help you become your own it girl <3

i am the one that i am excited to see when i get home, and i am the one that i can't wait to tell about my day.

anybody can be left behind, and removed from your life. you do not owe your friendship or love to anyone who does not serve you anymore.

you are better off alone than being dragged down by negative, draining people.

this may seem like a very obvious statement, but i feel like many people don't truly understand what it means. personally, i didn't grasp this concept fully until only a few months ago.

when i first started implementing this into my life, i really only focused on social media. while limiting social media has a great impact of your self esteem and mindset, it is so easy to forget the other types of media that we consume on the daily. this can include music, films, books, etc.

it's a very normalised concept to be constantly listening to sad and depressing music, as well as watching sad movies, reading sad books, whatever. while i also enjoy these things, it is so important to understand that they have a time and place.

the biggest issue for me when it came to depressing media was music.

if you wake up in the morning and the first thing you listen to is 'chinese satellite' by phoebe bridgers, you have to understand that you are kind of setting yourself up for a rough day. when the first thing you give your mind in the morning is depressing, it will carry that with you for the rest of your day. on the hand, if you wake up and listen to something that makes you feel calm, happy, or anything positive, you will carry that with you throughout the day.

another thing you need to do is take that music OUT of your playlists. it has no business playing on shuffle while you're having a good day, so do not give it the opportunity to do so. something that i found really helpful was making a single playlist where i put all the music that makes me feel down. i find sad music to be helpful when i am doing some rough shadow work, or i just need to have a good cry. those are the only times i reach for that playlist, because otherwise i am making myself sad when i really do not need to be.

these things are so much harder to implement than they sound. a year ago i was exclusively listening to sad music, and it took a long time for me to understand that it was not benefitting me at all. once i was able to remove most of this extra sadness from my everyday life, i felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders.

believe me when i say i still slip up every once in a while, and end up putting melodrama on shuffle for no good reason. that is okay! it truly is just about moderation, and understanding when it is becoming an issue.

stay dreamy, my angels <3

something really key to improving your self esteem and productivity is getting off of that phone !! but i feel like we all know this, and most of us also know that the best way to get off your phone is to find a hobby. this sounds simple enough, but it might be one of the hardest things i've had to do in my growth journey.

finding a hobby can be really difficult for a multitude of reasons:

there are so many possibilities - if you google 'hobbies', you are hit with hundreds (or even thousands) of ideas. while that's promising at first, as you scroll through these lists it can become quite overwhelming and confusing. after ten minutes of scrolling, you're likely to just lay back down and play on your phone again.

lack of interest - the biggest issue for me was simply a lack of interest in ANYTHING. i would scroll through lists on google, tumblr, whatever and nothing at all would catch my eye. this is probably something to do with instant gratification (i don't know much about it), and is most likely a result of the amount of time i spent on my phone doing a whole lot of nothing. either way, know you are not alone in this feeling!

perfectionism - if you do find something that peaks your interest, that's great! however, i know a lot of us struggle with perfectionism. often this can cause you to give up on the hobby almost as quickly as you started it, because you are not outstanding at it immediately. once again, you will probably end up feeling defeated and resort back to your phone.

it took me a long time to be able to push past these obstacles, but once i did it was so insanely rewarding. here are some of the things that helped me to do so:

hide your phone - so silly, but this truly did help. i put my phone in a drawer, and closed it. with my phone out of sight, i couldn't just pick it up out of habit. this forced me to kind of just sit with my boredom, and eventually i found things to do. (usually ended up being something from the MANY lists i had read)

try anything - i mean ANYTHING, anything at all. pick something that didn't really catch your eye at all and just try it. for example. i tried crochet out of boredom. it turned out that i didn't really enjoy it that much, but now i know how to crochet which is kind of cool. just try as many new things as possible, until something sticks.

change your mindset - shift that perfectionist mindset ASAP. find a way to embrace doing things badly. this is way harder than it sounds, but it is so worth it in all aspects of your life. try things and do them badly. learn to accept your bad attempts at things. these hobbies are for you and your enjoyment only, you do not have to show people. the best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself permission to make mistakes.

i have found many hobbies in the past year, some i am more passionate about than others. these are some of my favourites:

reading: an idea you have probably seen everywhere, but it is genuinely a favourite of mine. don't buy into the idea that you HAVE to read in a pretentious way. for many people, classics and books written in the 1800's are not enjoyable and that is perfectly okay. don't be afraid to read something that might seem silly (e.g fantasy, young adult, even children's novels). there is no point in trying to read something you know you probably won't enjoy.

coding: i got into this by accident if i'm being honest, i just got hooked on it when watching my younger brother do something for his digital technology class. this is something i NEVER would've guessed i would like. if you have access to a laptop or a computer, it is so worth trying. there are thousands of free resources online to teach you, and it is super fun learning to code your own little projects.

dance: something i sometimes do in my spare time is learn dances (specifically k-pop dances). i enjoy a lot of k-pop girl group music, so i find learning the dances really fun (and sometimes challenging). i would totally recommend trying this, k-pop or not, as it also doubles as exercise!

learn a language: you can do this in so many different ways, whether you learn the basics of many languages or you dedicate yourself to fluency in a single language. this is such a cool skill to build, and i honestly just find it really fun.

this is a very brief overview of finding a hobby, but the main point i want you to takeaway is to try anything and everything. ultimately, you will not know whether you enjoy something until you try it. please do not feel discouraged when you don't enjoy the first few things you try, there is something for everyone !

stay dreamy, my angels <3