Aries:

is a sassy bitch, let’s just accept that. always answering back, they’d even answer back to any god (may it be diplomatically or sarcastic)

always give people cheap gifts not because they’re broke but because they think that’s the only standard or gift you deserve

has a huge disgust with humanity so they either get delusions of controlling the world or they avoid/limit their human interactions

their logic is out of this world: it’s either you get mesmerised and see a new horizon or you end up getting crazy because you can’t get it

beneath all their layers, they’re one of the smartest and hardworking people out there… always willing to help you study/work/etc.

Taurus: 

their trigger word is literally food and all its proper nouns. they’d sell their souls for a ceaseless supply of food and they’d won’t regret

literally possessive as fuck, aphrodite lives in their titties cos they dun calm down if they see someone circling around their man/woman.

obsessed with getting shit organised y'all don’t even know. they will never move unless a very detailed blue print is in front of them.

they will keep hustlin more than a twenty of you combined. they know and prioritise how precious time and money are.

when they say they can’t do an errand/plea, dun quickly believe them at all cost or you’ll get a small surprise: they’ll do it after some while. 

Gemini: 

know that archetype of a kind person who’ll obey & follow you to the death but has so many fucking personal motives? yep, that’s gemini.

their knowledge and expertise are vastly scary; multilingual people and historians. they aint called GEMinis for nothing, hunty.

for them, it’s a dog-eat-dog world. if you don’t match their pace, you’re basically out of their surviving list, whatever list that is.

insanely in love and proud making other people swoon over them (oh the oozing warmth of being loved and respected) but says otherwise

bad at remembering dates but that dun mean they love you less or you’re not that important to them, just believe in them.

Cancer:

they dun talk much but best believe me, whenever they speak it’s either they gon hand you your ass or roast the living shit out of you

are all terminally sarcastic bless their souls. they don’t have time for your bullshit, they don’t even have time for their own.

they will never side or they will avoid picking a side. they’re the best people to rant cos they will literally get where you coming from.

one of the sweetest and loving signs out there but for some reason, they tend to have some problems making real long time friends.

always look brooding or even out of reach. that’s cos they’re afraid words/actions won’t come/show they way they really want them too.

Leo:

so demure but once you get close to them/they know they have the upper control, they will fucking nag & bully everything

but after the searing primadonna stage, these lions are all just smol precious clumsy beans who must be protected at all cost

knows the traditional ways or romancing someone, like the flowers and cupcakes and shy yet formal asking you out for events/dates

easily clouded by false/dark ideas and hard to snap them out of it. it takes another brave alpha who can help them out of the cray

but don’t be fooled, these lions can be tamed and would be willing to tag along the right people for the rest of their life line.

Virgo:

dont slack off in front of them, they will give your ass a whoop back to reality. trust me, they give so much vigour and moral to people.

not easily scared of pretty much anything because they always think about the story/reason behind it, for this one, what made it scary?

they can get super fucking salty and shady and they aint afraid of being salty and shady, for a good or bad reason whatsoever.

they never fail to always see the bigger picture, that also means they’re not afraid to do everything to get to the biggest picture.

loves having fun and enjoying life without taking advantage of things or forgetting to be humble and well-grounded.

Libra: 

too pure for this world but these people have a skyrocketing tendencies to becoming a yandere (lol they probably already are)

their aesthetic perfectionism sickness is practically beyond all earth signs combined: they’ll set fire on anything lower than their standards.

too kind and angelic we dun deserve them. we also dun deserve their life sucking flirtatious killer charms. we just dun deserve then all in all

these bitches love to meddle with other people’s business tho. either they save the situation or aggravate it, there’s no in between

even with all the hate on their kind, libra people just keep their heads up and tryn’a understand and accept other people’s view of them.

Scorpio: 

for the vagillionth time, y'all have to remember that these “””devil children””” are all just 4D weird bastards who easily space out.

the sexy airheads we all get from anime. but dun cross them & their fambam, they won’t think twice about apathetically cutting you.

everyone’s fairy godmother/father cos if they love you & they see you deserving, they will lavish &treat you so great. aint lying, dis the truth

willing to learn from others but is obsessed with “i am the most mature one so my wisdom is the greatest and the only effective one”

so many layers, like they’re literally never-ending. but after plucking all these layers out, you’ll see a fragile marshmallow baby inside 

Sagittarius:

they need like a dozen of hobbies as outlets for their energy. if they don’t get the energy out, they become a host of a time bomb.

insatiably absorbs all information of all kinds like a baby on his mom’s chest or a tic sucking out blood from a fresh catch: you choose

no one really knows if they’re showing genuine reaction/emotion cos you don’t know if they’re forcing it or not or they dun even know too

is the jack of all trades cos they have so many talents but can’t focus and drill hard on one cos they jump from different talent to another

may come arrogant but always they always want everyone to be happy and enjoying the time, probably more than how libra wants it.

Capricorn: 

always late on almost everything. insomniac children of the night, so no matter how dire the situation is, they’ll always be late. deal with it.

condescending as fuck cos they know they can do pretty much anything please beware they are vicious machiavellians

obsessed with segregating people in their lives; they don’t want their friends to socialise with their family, this group with that group, etc.

avoids and gets easily tired with human interaction, but is magically brilliant with human interaction. their magic? idek ask them.

after you pass their scrutinising sifting of people in their lives, you’ll just see a funny, dependent, happy-go-lucky, perverted side of them

Aquarius:

also don’t like taking sides, will never jump onto anything without all the cards are seeable, yet also not afraid to speak up in the end.

obsessed and deranged with their fanaticism of any horror shit idk how they can carry on with a fine stomach after all that scary jazz

can never be controlled, they might seem controllable or easy to manoeuvre but spare your ass and don’t be fooled by this sign

disappears and reappears at their own will, and doesn’t care about the consequences of their absence, they literally don’t care.

in the end of the day, aquarius has no fucks to give any of the other signs. they don’t ask for a lot and they just wanna be left alone.

Pisces:

are quiet little shits who looks way more gorgeous when they’re mad cos they just turn fiendish but still in a cute way, like wtf how???

needs a fuck ton of guidance from older or more mature people cos they tend either the laziest, silliest, or most annoying things ever. 

how fucking annoying it is whenever they pull out the victim card like dude shove that thing back where it belongs or so I will.

are actually sensible people, kinda shocking for some but it’s the truth cos these people stay in tune with their emotions, they dun run away

break them to pieces and you’ll see a child needing to be loved and wanting to know what are the things that they can improve and learn