I'm a Liv

Christopher Richard Wynne Nevinson (1889-1946)

5Bursting Shell (1915)

A disabled white man sees a disabled black man making positivity posts for disabled black people. He feels insecure because he's not included, so he asks the disabled black man if it's okay to be a disabled white man. The black man would probably get frustrated by this. He might even roll his eyes or playfully tell him no, it's not okay to be white. Even though they are both disabled, it's easy to understand why this interaction was not ableist.

A trans man sees a trans woman making positivity posts for trans women. He feels insecure because he's not included, so he asks the trans woman if it's okay to be a trans man. She gets frustrated. She probably rolls her eyes. She playfully tells him no, it's not okay to be a man. It should be easy to see why there's no issue with this interaction.

I get that the less oppressed person is being annoying here and should be keeping their left-outedness to themselves, but it is still kind of a shitty joke. If you feel justified in making that joke then that's your call but I don't see how one could argue it's not mean spirited.

It may not be transphobic but that is a deeply invalidating thing to say to a trans person that it's not okay to be who they are. I'm not gonna say it's oppression but it isn't kind.

Like, if a cis man asked me if it was okay to be a cis man, I'd probably tell him it's not okay to be cis even if I don't actually feel that way-- because even if he is genuinely feeling insecure in his cisness, why would it be my job to make him feel better? Because I'm trans? Because the idea of my existence is what threatens his right to exist as a cis person?

I feel like that's the message that trans men give off when we* ask them if it's okay to be men. Not "Hey I'm a fellow trans person that wants my gender affirmed" but "You need to tell me right now that you're not a threat to me or I'm going to cry and throw up."

So are those kind of jokes a bit mean? Maybe. But I personally think it's way more mean for someone to go out of their way and beg someone that they oppress to tell them that it's okay for them to be an oppressor.

A disabled white man sees a disabled black man making positivity posts for disabled black people. He feels insecure because he's not included, so he asks the disabled black man if it's okay to be a disabled white man. The black man would probably get frustrated by this. He might even roll his eyes or playfully tell him no, it's not okay to be white. Even though they are both disabled, it's easy to understand why this interaction was not ableist.

A trans man sees a trans woman making positivity posts for trans women. He feels insecure because he's not included, so he asks the trans woman if it's okay to be a trans man. She gets frustrated. She probably rolls her eyes. She playfully tells him no, it's not okay to be a man. It should be easy to see why there's no issue with this interaction.

I get that the less oppressed person is being annoying here and should be keeping their left-outedness to themselves, but it is still kind of a shitty joke. If you feel justified in making that joke then that's your call but I don't see how one could argue it's not mean spirited.

It may not be transphobic but that is a deeply invalidating thing to say to a trans person that it's not okay to be who they are. I'm not gonna say it's oppression but it isn't kind.

May 20, 2026

Jessie Gender @jessiegender.bsky.social‬ We see here how the concept of “male socialization” leads directly to transmisgony. “Stop acting like a man or else you’re not really a woman, nor are you transitioning hard enough.” Fuck off. No woman, trans or cis, has to act a certain way to be a woman, nor do you gatekeep someone’s transition.

broccoli ‪@billymayslesbian.bsky.social‬ the fastest ive ever seen "male socialization" debunked was the time in a gender studies class three cis men argued if trans women had male privilege for like ten minutes while a trans girl sat patiently with her hand up the whole time.