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"I realised that I had to say something to this little girl who looked so lonely. I had to say something. "I'm not like your previous butler!", "I'll stay with you forever!". No!! Such shallow words, they mean nothing to her. There had to be something I could say, something that could resonate with her and erase her loneliness."

Had it been more than 3 years, really? The point that I realised I was being observed, too? That someone actually cared? The point where I knew this, perhaps, was real?

I mentioned casually something about not having a friend to play co-op with. And I stared at the floor, being consumed by the profound loneliness I had been feeling for more than a year. The Indonesian couple, just like everyone else whenever I said something like this, just looked on, continued their chattering in the crowded arcade. This was how it normally would go - I got upset, no one did anything about it, and I got over it by myself. I could always get over it by myself, in the end.

But you noticed. And more, you acted. You came closer, said hello a few times, but I was too preoccupied in my own mind to notice it, so you then stood right in front of me, and bent down to meet my eye level - sending the most memorable eye contact I ever had in my lifetime. You didn't say any word, but you looked at me with those ever compassionate expressions you'd always had, and even without any word exchanged I knew you were trying to communicate that I'm not alone. That someone actually cared.

As I never got why Ilya felt that way during that scene in TLG.

But somehow it happened to me. I might get promoted, I passed an audition for a show, I joined a tournament for my favourite game just last week. Things were seemingly going so well.

And yet I broke down in tears on a Friday afternoon. At work. Well that's a first.

Then I instantly understood Ilya - star athlete, in his Gladiators costume from a Halloween party, having spent time with Shane who drove 2 hours just to see him - he broke down because he couldn't help it. That's just how it is sometimes.

The better things go, the more desperate pull between need for total control of even the smallest things - and - just leaving it all behind.

Always thought that their love story fits sooo many songs that I know. Mostly popular songs, just to be basic but also not touching the indie perfection that the show already created.

So here I am trying to find the song released in that year that also describe their situation at the time (with their age in brackets).

There are some songs that will be off by 1 year, just depending on how well I think it fits their story.

So here we go:

June 2008 (17): first meet - Love Story/Taylor Swift

This line of lyrics - “We were both young when I first saw you”

June 2009 (18): drafted, gym bike - I Know You Want Me/Pitbull

Ilya CLOCKED that beautiful freckled boy - and yes it’s gonna be ANALOGUE because they are both MILLENNIALS who can read the hour and minute hands, thank you very much

Summer 2010 (19): CMM ad campaign, shower scene, 1410 - Rude Boy/Rihanna

That towel adjustment…it's only either that or S&M, but it's gotta be a Rihanna song baby

January 2011 (19): All star game, shoe, 1221 - Just Can’t Get Enough/Black Eyed Peas

Summer 2011 (20): Vegas rooftop - Don’t Wanna Go Home/Jason Derulo

Might just be the title, trying to find something that describe Ilya’s situation with his family

Autumn 2013 (22): Shane's apartment - Heart Attack/Demi Lovato 

This line of lyrics “You made me glow, But I cover up won’t let it show”

Honourable mention 1: 22/Taylor Swift - cuz they were both 22 in this scene lol, also this lyrics was very relevant “You don’t know about me, but I bet you wanted to”

Honourable mention 2: Troublemaker/Olly Murs - enough said lol

Winter 2014 (23): Sochi - Demons/Imagine Dragons

So relevant, also these lyrics

“I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you, But with the beast inside, There’s nowhere we can hide”

June 2014 (23): Vegas - Do I Wanna Know/Arctic Monkeys

I mean...

“Crawling back to you. Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?”

Shane was literally crawling back to Ilya lmaoooo I’ll see myself out

Honourable mention 1 (not time following): Untouched/The Veronicas (describing the yearning AND wanting the physical intimacy so well)

Honourable mention 2: I Knew You Were Trouble/Taylor Swift - need I say more?

October 2016 (25): Tuna melt - What Do You Mean/Justin Bieber

The title said it all - poor Shane, autistic baby trying to decode Ilya’s double-meaning speeches

December 2016 (25): Rose - Stressed Out/Twenty One Pilots

Perfectly described Shane’s anxiety and fear of being known. Poor baby being so Asian of tying his self-worth to his accomplishments and living as society expected of him

December 2016 (25): Club scene (All The Things She Said obvi holds supremacy) - Dancing On My Own/Calum Scott

Using this cover version rather than Robyn's to fit the year. "I'm not the guy to take you home, I keep dancing on my own" - this is BOOK accurate for both Shane/Ilya

Honorary mention: I Hate U, I Love U/Olivia O'Brien - jealousy and the despair of not being the "right" person for their love - in that line "And I'll never be her"

December 2016 (25): Shane coming out to Rose - Dangerous Woman/Ariana Grande

Just like the song, Shane’s newfound confidence in his sexuality AND his feelings for Ilya

January 2017 (25): Tampa All star game - Despacito/Luis Fonsi

Lmao the song was just so upbeat I had to include it here. I think it kinda captured the whole vibe at the bar & the helmet kiss very well

January 2017 (25): THE Hug - Closer/Chainsmokers

Lovers getting back together...need I say more?

March 2017 (25): Russian monologue - Dusk Till Dawn/ZAYN & Sia

Very hard to find a song to describe Ilya’s situation, but this song described Shane being there to listen to Ilya articulate this feeling

April 2017 (25) : Shane’s injury - I Feel It Coming/The Weeknd

Very hard to find a song to describe this kind of incident, so I focused on the fact that it paved way to Shane’s invitation for Ilya to come to the cottage, to be less fearful just like the lyrics

"I know what you've been through, Just a simple touch and it could set you free" 

May 2017 (26): SKIP Kiss on ice - Something Just Like This/Coldplay

This was just such a happy song for this monumental scene

July 2017 (26): Cottage - That’s What I Like/Bruno Mars 

Captured the playful, loving vibe at the cottage (yes I’m still there lmao why ask)

July 2017(26): Confession - Say You Won't Let Go/James Arthur

IMO the most heartfelt song, also touching on the beauty of domesticity which was defo the whole vibe at the cottage

Honorable mention (not time following): Latch/Sam Smith

IMO the most beautiful love song ever

July 2017 (26): Discovered by parents & ending - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back/Shawn Mendes 

Described very well Ilya’s all or nothing attitude once he’s known they’re together

And yes I know they have Diamonds by Rihanna as their wedding song which some people didn't like, but I found that very fitting to their whole love story - just looking at this lyrics alone

"You're a shooting star I see, a vision of ecstasy

When you hold me, I'm alive, we're like diamonds in the sky

I know that we'll become one right away

when I backed down and went out of my way to be agreeable to help out your mum

rather than just being myself

gosh did I hate that moment, and myself for noticing it

just like the time you didn't want me to have a haircut

Not only she's Shane's biggest ally and friend, she's also at the top of her own game as a film star. Shane clearly said that he's a big fan of her, and vice versa. It's clear from the start that Shane had a competency kink - the only people he seriously dated were the people he deeply respected and also highly accomplished themselves, like Ilya.

As I relate to him so much - I also relate to this part of him. This has been painful at times as I struggle to look past the discrepancies in educational/professional achievements in potential partners, even though I'm aware my ideal relationship should rather be focused on emotional compatibility instead. But the challenge is there, and it's real - because if I had worked and sacrificed so much to be where I am now, how would my partner be able to understand me fundamentally, if they hadn't equally put in the work themselves?

From that first conversation they had, it's clear they had so much in common - including the loneliness of standing at the top.

I doubt a person as serious and sincere as Shane would go for her just because of her looks/fame (obviously they help a little), he just really liked her as a person.

For once it's not the POC protagonist but it's the white guy that needs a visa. Lmao.

And seeing the ignorance in all of the discussions about why Ilya can't already get a green card. Lmao. As if they are completely ignorant of the fact that many workers on a visa have to endure harsh working conditions because they rely on the job/company to grant them the visa to stay.

And (such in my case), the company needs to ensure the govt that they will continue to employe the worker for a permanent residence card/green card. Boston Raiders pretty much has Ilya's fate on their hands.

Because I can relate to him so much.

He's serious, high-achieving, neurotic, introverted and a bookworm (also Hudson with glasses *chef kiss*).

He easily freaks out, needs to control everything in his life, and ties his self-worth to his achievements (which is a very Asian thing, and what I feel many people don't get especially for his arc in The Long Game - Asian kids just really don't believe unconditional love exists okay lmaooo and Yuna being a momager doesn't help sometimes).

And even the spectrum side as well - he doesn't get social cues easily and neither do I. Parties and noisy places overwhelm him, and being a professional athlete means that he has to deal with these very often which can be exhausting - and he will need so much time alone to recover from them afterwards.

I even love the fact that he's judgemental and doesn't even hide it (Jacki's pregnant. AGAIN??) because that's sooo me.

Even relating to being a secret freak as well lmaoooo =))))

But he's locked in when it comes to family, friendships and relationships. He will never hurt anyone's feelings on purpose, and when he knows he has hurt someone's feelings - however unintentionally - he will always apologise and not make the same mistake again.

He cares about whom he loves in the most Asian way ever - making decades-long plan (and ties in with his character trait of needing control). Because he wants to personally ensure that he can be with Illya, rather than just hoping for the best.

25 years of living in the world of fictional characters has allowed me to immerse myself in the realm of their lives and imagine how myself would act in their situations, without making it too personal.

So I'm damn tired of the Shane vs Ilya fight, and too old to participate in them. Many women (straight, young, or both) just lovvvvveeeee the idea of a bad boy with a golden heart and a tragic backstory.

Just enjoy their beautiful love story and move along. I cannot emphasise how much I adore their relationship - especially that Ilya seems to be the only one that can calm Shane down from his panic attacks (not even his parents can) - as a person who has panic attacks regularly, I literally sob at these moments because it's so rare to find such special people in real life, mine or many other people's.

Because no women were harmed in the process?? Hello??

Women are half of the world, and most of them straight, and yet how many shows have y'all seen portraying healthy relationships when women are involved?

Examples:

The "girlfriends" (Svetlana & Rose): very strong allies to Ilya & Shane but let's not forget that they themselves had not been mistreated either. Both Ilya & Shane might have been in denial about their sexuality, sure, but they had always treated these girls with love, friendship & respect in & outside the bedroom. The topic of being a gay man's beard is a very complicated one - let's not forget the reality that many women have been (and are being) lied to by their closeted gay husbands, but the show managed to handle this sensitively.

The actual WAGs (Jacki): Hayden is such a great example of healthy masculinity as a professional athlete: clearly devoted (and obviously attracted) to his wife after 3 children - clear contrast to reality of many affairs-ridden lives of sports stars.

Yuna Hollander: basically the mastermind of the entire family. She might have been, yes, demanding, but this came more from her being an Asian tiger mom. She basically managed Shane's life (lol mummy's boy this is so Asian lmaoooo) but her plea for Shane's forgiveness at EP 6 was so refreshing - many IRL Asian mothers would not be able to accept, let alone apologise for not creating a safe space for their children to come out. The show managed to portray a female character with so much power, and yet not turned her into a villain - just a complex human being with flaws and fears.

And even in the indirect context of the relationship between Shane and Ilya - consent was portrayed in such a revolutionary way. The last time I watched a mainstream show that explicitly featured consent multiple times was Normal People - and yet even in that show Marriane was badly abused (sexually, and otherwise!!!) by other men in her life apart from Connell.

In a world where the most likely person to hurt/kill a woman is her partner, perhaps they just want a safe space in the realm of fictional characters.

and there's ordering on Deliveroo what you want x2 from a restaurant we ordered 20s of times before without

knowing what I normally want to order

or even fking asking me what I want in the first place!

I'm really that invisible to you aren't I

Long time no poetic lyrics!

Phai chang em da yeu (Did I fall in love?) - Juky San ft. RedT

The translation of this lyrics is made complicated with the word "thuong".

In Vietnamese, this word indicates the most evolved form of romantic love - "yeu" is romantic love, and after "yeu" there's "thuong" which is more of an unbreakable bond. The closest equivalent I can find is the Greek concept of Pragma - something along the line of long-standing, committed love.

But I just put the word love in the translation for this line: Because the word love is so heavy - in the original it's "thuong", not "yeu"

Male characters written by female writers are always on point - even when they are antagonists.

The cheating scoundrel Tomoya/Min-hwan is no exception. And the adaptations put some very purposely-intended cultural differences between them. Just look at the dialogue they have with 2FL after their first cheating night:

Tomoya (to Reina): You know, about marriage... you should have different people for different things right? Misa is the kind, modest wife type. You are the sexy, cute mistress type.

Min-hwan (to Su-min): I will not marry you. Ji-won went to a prestigious university, and she's got a lot of savings. She's self sufficient. And what do you have beside being pretty?

In both adaptations, Misa/Ji-won are indeed more accomplished than Reina/Su-min, but look at the reasoning behind Tomoya vs Min-hwan.

Tomoya - reflective of Japanese misogyny: will marry a modest, low-maintenance woman to have a domestic slave to his family. And done in such a Japanese way of on-surface sweet, beat-around-the-bush talking (but Reina saw through it all and had with that iconic hatred look on her face)

Min-hwan - reflective of Korean misogyny: will marry a woman that has achieved a lot - because it boosters their social profile and ego (I can tame the successful bird). And done in the in-your-face, Korean straight-talking way.

The dressing might be different, but the writing clearly exposes and makes fun of the reality of many (Asian or otherwise) men: they will date one type of woman (attractive but ignorant), but marry another type (plain but conscientious) - and will continue cheating on their spouse with the first type.

And even sadder that this type of men is really not rare in reality - and they do, and continue, to have families.

Because what are the chances that the ML, a director or CEO has harboured a crush on you for decade(s) (so many Asian dramas have this plot - cringe)?

2nd ML is a much more realistic character.

Bear in mind that Japan is still quite a conservative society where women are supposed to be subdued & passive. I used those words because these can be said to describe how women are treated in Asian societies in general - and it's a lot more complicated than oppression.

The Jdrama is quite extraordinary in the way that it tackles - quite surprisingly, progressively - issues with women's right in Japanese society. I will write another post about this but it will be quite long lol.

For now - the main couple is great. Once Wataru made clear of his feelings to Misa, and Misa finally got rid of Tomoya:

Asking "aren't you going to kiss me?" - a smart way to ask, not just for consent, but also showing her initiative in a rather Asian way because it's subtle. The subtlety of telling him that she, does, return his feelings and whether he still feels the same.

Note that she only started doing this after Tomoya already married Reina - so even if she realised her feelings earlier, she knew she's still technically engaged to another man so did not take action about her feelings - again, reflective of the polite, conservative Japanese/Asian standard

I also like how Wataru had always been straightforward about his feelings towards her in their 2nd timeline, and always took actions to clear up any misunderstandings, but never pushed her to return his feelings - a non-pushy ML, lol how rare - someone this smitten could only probably be fictional lmao

Grabbed his hand - ep 8

Hugged him - ep 9

Literally proposed to him (at the same time he wanted to propose lol) - ep 10

Toxic Yuri/Yandere does, yes, have, obsessive control and manipulation, but the basic motivation behind is always love (however twisted) and fear of abandonment.

Where on earth does that exist in this adaptation???

Just because Reina said a couple sentences along "I'm afraid you will spend more time with Yuto and leave me" OR "Let's die together?"

Do people forget that this woman:

Gleefully discussed Misa's life insurance payout whilst being a home wrecker during Misa's terminal cancer - a true Yandere would not want a world where their object of obsession stops to exists (Some - mentally ill - Yanderes would even go so far as to confine them)

Sabotaged Misa's career & friendships pretty much every chance she had (letter sent to Yuto, deliberately gave wrong address for Misa's presentation, made all boys that spoke to Misa like her instead) - where's the fear of abandonment here? If Misa gets fired from her job, she won't be working/spending lots of time with her.

Backstabbed Misa in front of Wataru in the 2nd timeline, even when Misa at this point was still engaged to Tomoya - she's purely motivated by the desire to one-up Misa and bag a wealthy boyfriend

Literally KILLED her in 1st timeline - but not followed by suicide. Yanderes would kill themselves afterwards because their object of desire no longer exists. Reina would still live, be with Tomoya and get Misa's money & job

Look at her ACTIONS, not her WORDS. If anyone believed her words, they were just as manipulated.

Reina is just a purely narcissistic, entitled villain, that chooses Misa as her victim. Yes she did follow her around, but she always schemed to undermine & isolate Misa - not for the purpose of keeping Misa by her side all the time - but to make herself look better - because she knows deep down she is a trash human being whom no one loves (also can be explained by her childhood).

Misa is patient, kind, optimistic, and loving - this triggers intense envy from Reina, because she knows Misa is always a better human being than her. That's it.

I had a similar situation where a long-time friend with very similar life paths also regularly undermined me (made fat jokes about me, made fun of my finances in front of someone we just met, explosive insults at my uni project when it got better results than hers) and yet always commented how we were so similar - so I could relate slightly somewhat to Misa's situation & only laugh at the claim of Yuri.

This friend also said she wished the boat company in front of her house would go out of business so that she had a better view of the river. Yup. People should lose jobs for her morning view insta post.

The Vietnamese title translation of Marry My Husband is something else.

The tone of the sentence can both mean:

A dare - Female lead is daring the 2nd lead to marry her husband (“Let’s see you try and marry my husband, I wanna see how this ends”)

An expression of absolute contempt - Female lead is showing almost nonchalance at the fact that 2nd lead is stealing her husband (“You can have him, I don’t care”)

The use of Vietnamese pronouns - female lead is addressing 2nd lead as if they were strangers, not best friends from school, hinting already in the title the conflict between female lead vs 2nd lead

The title in English is supposedly quite neutral and many can give different interpretations to how it means e.g

“I want you to marry my husband”

“How about you marry my husband?”

“Please marry my husband” 

But I can't even purposely ignore him without feeling a little sorry, even though he straight up told me he would wear a shirt with her name around the house - and when I said that made me upset, he passed it off as a joke.

what a failure. I can't even do revenge properly

I just want to get outta here

Just as this very script I wrote, I always took it for granted that my words are not ignored. That someone actually cares.

Yes I do know, you need me to be there for you to win.

The realistic me says it won't happen. The hopeful me say it will. It must.

And hope, is exactly as described by none other than my ultimate villain's alter-ego.