little space

FIFTEEN CHICKS?? AND YOU HAVE A SUB..

Tsk tsk Mister Fuzzy Bear.

Glad I got out of that fucking mess when I did.

It’s @heartfulofpain 🤷🏻‍♀️

I became friends with him around Christmas. He took on a caretaker role when I was in a very fragile state. I asked him to ask smol if she was okay with it. He adamantly insisted she remain in the dark because she was going through some shit.

This dynamic quickly turned sexual. I tried stopping it many times but he kept insisting we were “just friends” and he was “just helping” me achieve orgasm because I was having difficulties with it at the time. He even kept count of how many orgasms he gave me over time. (Looking back now I see how incredibly manipulative he was at getting what he wanted from me in my vulnerable state.. especially when I told him I had feelings for him so I wanted to stop and just be friends because he was in a relationship and what we were doing was wrong but he kept insisting it wasn’t because it was “our little secret” and that he was just helping me achieve “fireworks”)

He became more and more involved in my life, and I in his and his children’s lives until it got to the point where he was treating me like I was his, told me he loved me, bought me gifts, was calling me “Baby” and was constantly telling how his relationship with his girl was horrible and she was abusive and he wanted to leave her but was too afraid to because he feared for her safety if she did.

I fell for him hard.

Until about 4 months in, when I found out he was ALSO engaged in sexual activity with another girl on Tumblr - a close friend of mine I won’t name.

I ended it but we remained friends.

But he continued to lie to me so I cut him off completely about a month ago.

And I just found out today that he has been fooling around with multiple girls, including one he is supposedly “dating” behind his sub’s back.

I stayed quiet about what he did to me and smol because I wanted to avoid drama, but now seeing that he’s doing it to so many other girls?

No.

He became my first ever Daddy. I fell fucking hard. He told me he loved me. He told me that he never talked this way with anyone and that I was special. We were in a dynamic for around 5 months. He told me that Smol was absolutely fine with him being a caregiver to other girls every single time I asked him, but said that she was having a hard time at the moment. He skewed his relationship with her and made her seem like she was abusive and controlling.

I feel so goddamn stupid, I always had the feeling in the back of my mind, but I naively believed him whenever he had an answer to my questions. This is one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn, always fucking trust your gut.

the same thing happened to me!

he sent me a DM, he was cute as hell, we were respectfully flirting as friends. We added each other on WhatsApp and were in touch almost 24/7.

things got weird and personal, and he started crossing boundaries and touching his cock to me or whatever. I told him I was attracted to him but he would need to talk to Smol, but things didn’t change. He kept saying he would talk to her, but that she was having a hard time currently and that he couldn’t do it right now.

I’m polyamorous and totally fine with well-communicated multiple relationships with multiple people, but it’s clear that he wasn’t interested in communicating clearly with all parties and getting consent.

Eventually I read his ass for filth and he stopped talking to me of course he was doing this to untold amounts of other littles. Please don’t fall for his game. He’s hot as fuck but quite clearly manipulative and up to some weird shit.

I met Ger (@heartfulofpain) in January. I made a simple throwaway post saying “Iz lonely 😔” and that prompted him to send me a DM asking if I would like to chat. We had been reblogging each other back and forth for a bit and I thought he was handsome so I was glad for the chance. It was instant chemistry. It wasn’t even sexual at first, for days we talked about music, movies, fandoms, general D/s things, he told me all about his fiancée Smol (@sillybaby144) and his kids and about his job. I told him about my life in return, and the attraction grew.

We started talking about my desire for a Dom. I am a brand new sub, only about a year in the lifestyle. I told him all my wants and wishes and how wonderful I would be to a Dom but that I would probably never get to experience it. That’s when he started acting more like caregiver. It was gradual. He was oozing charm and affection and validation. We talked all day, every day. I was so lonely and so excited that I was experiencing D/s that I ate it all up. He tells me that he often takes subs under his wing, that it’s all in the name of helping. He tells me Smol is fine with it, it’s always been that way, but she’s “having a hard time right now so I don’t want to do anything public”. He tells me about other subs he’s helped along the way. I fall HARD. I didn’t call him “Daddy” at first, he was “Dadda”. He helped me explore my little space. He gave me tasks to complete, he gave me structure, he gave me affirming lines to write. It was everything I had wanted, and I rode high as a kite on the “Good girls” and “Baby Bears” and all the other pet names.

I shared everything about myself with him. I told him all about my life, my traumas and abuses I’ve suffered, things that I had never told anyone before. I sent him pictures and videos, eating up the compliments he would give me. He made me feel like I was worth something. For 6 months we talked every single day, on Snapchat, kik, tumblr, email, and on the phone. Eventually I called him “Daddy”. I gave everything of myself to him. My submission, my fears, my love, all of it. We tell each other that we love each other, and that no matter what happens with our dynamic we would be friends for life. He tells me that he doesn’t talk like this with anyone, not even with Smol.

He starts telling me how controlling and abusive she’s becoming, how she threatens self harm if she doesn’t get her way. He tells me about his ex wife and how she was abusive in the same way. I’m so angry with myself that I completely fell for all of his bullshit. I comforted him. I supported him. Just last week he tells me that they are on the verge on breaking up. All lies.

Our dynamic had been over for a about a month, but we still kept it contact everyday. Towards the end he slipped further and further away, he left me alone while I was in sub drop, wouldn’t reply for hours, stopped enforcing rules. And yet I still stayed right by his side, trying so hard to be a good sub and a good friend. He says he’s “numb” right now. Can’t feel anything at all. He called me every day and vented about his job and his friends and his ex wife, and I sat and listened and tried my best to be there for him, no matter how much he was hurting me with his actions.

Then yesterday, I come on tumblr and find out he’s been doing this to multiple girls. All feeding us the same bullshit. He finds us while we are vulnerable and slithers his way into our lives. Smol had absolutely no idea he was talking to any of us. I am so fucking angry with myself that I fell for it all. I brought up all the red flags I saw multiple times, but I naively accepted his answers because, well, I’m weak and he made me feel good.

I am completely shattered by this. I am so fucking angry and hurt and ashamed. This was my very first real D/s experience. I don’t know if I will ever even try to have another Dom. I can’t go through something like this again. For all you new subs out there, any even the experienced ones, always ALWAYS trust your gut. If you you feel something is wrong, RUN. It doesn’t matter how good tha t person makes you feel, that gut feeling is there for a reason.

I’m now terrified that this man has so much information about me. He knows all about my trauma, he has lewd pictures and videos of me, he knows the general area of where I live. I feel so goddamn stupid. Everyone out there, please learn from my mistakes. And if a Canadian man named Gerry tries to talk to you and befriend you, FUCKING RUN AWAY.

I hope from now on I will trust my gut. I hope I can heal and move on. I hope I can get into little space again someday. For now though, it’s all tainted. I know this post isn’t very coherent, but I needed to get it all out of me.

Me: *covers face with blankie*

Daddy: Where is she? Where’d she go? I need my little baby!

Me: *pops head up and giggles*

Daddy: There she is! There’s my baby!

Book Dinosaurs

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🍼🍭THE PRIZES🍭🍼

🍼 A Three Pack Of Adult Paci’s

🍪Your Choice Of An Adult Onesie From LittleForBig: 🍭 I ❤️ Mommy / Daddy 🍪 Plain Pink 🍩 Plain Blue

🍪A Unicorn Skater Skirt or Dinosaur Overalls

Skirt : 🍭https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01H349DQM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_f5NHzbX1XBKH6 🍭or 🍭 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZU52Y7C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_V9NHzb7E57B81 🍭 As for the overalls, I will be buying overalls and apply dinosaur patches to them (:

Cat Sweater- your choice in color - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SO75MJK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_7mrMzbH9QWERC

🍭 A Five Pack Of Play-dough

🖍An Extra Large Coloring Book

🍬 Three Normal Size Coloring Books

🦄 A Necklace ( made by me )

🎀 A Bracelet ( made by me )

🍼 A Three Pack Of Bubbles

🍪 Ten Sticker Sheets

🍭🍬 Your Favorite Candy

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🍬 Two Big Bottles of Glitter

🦄Glitter Gel for your hair!🦄

🍼Scooby Doo The Monster In Mexico Movie🍼

🖍 A Twenty Four Pack of Crayons

🦄 A Bath Bomb From Sudsysirens

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