a bouquet of clumsy words

hope leaves behind it's feathers and me, the fool, i keep them. there is something to be said for cradling softness' remnants long after everything else is gone. for trying to nurture a ghost back to life. i am pandora closing the box like everything will come back. i am pandora closing the box and watching my last chance escape anyway.

in my dreams, i make friends with fireflies and dance to the awe of the night the stars do not know that they’re already dead maybe i don’t either there’s a heat that crackles my bones like summer coming alive and somewhere the trees are laughing i ask god to let me sleep

longing to be human more than half, oh, more than half something whole but there is saltwater stinging in your wounds like knives in your feet and the seafoam in your lungs blocks the words from your tongue you are dressed in waves but it will forever be the wrong atire there will always be an ocean between what you want and what you are

the billboard down main tells you that you’re going to die alone and the birds have not forgotten what you whispered to the night while you thought they slept some simple facts for clarity’s sake: fact: morning will come but you will not be forgiven fact: the butterflies in your belly are afraid of the dark fact: the world will not end though you wish it would fact: despite all this you must endure

he, the revolutionary, ever the optimist, believed the world could one day be perfect if only someone gave him the stones to rebuild it with his own two hands i tried to tell him, through careful caustic words, ashes are no substitute for bricks complete ruination is not mandatory to rehabilitation but i was ever the cynic and did not know then that i would give all my ashes for the small chance to have him rebuild me wonderful in his perfect world just before it burns

Can you post a link to your "5 things my mother never taught me" poem? I've been looking for it & can't find it again!

I read your five things my mother never taught me poem like maybe a year ago and it had such an impact on me and I know it by heart and I have it on my wall and it took me forever to track you down bc when I read it there wasn't any source or anyone credited and I finally found this blog a few weeks ago and I'm just so happy you're so talented and your poetry just makes me feel great idek I just wanted to say thanks and that I appreciate it so yeah

you pulled your bones out of bed this morning, straightened your spine and said, this is not the day I lose no one will know how this is a triumph. your world comes tumbling until all you are is black nights and blue skies with legs like earthquakes and a voice like tremors, you stand amidst the rubble and say, i will rebuild no one ever remembers a missed apocalypse. heavy eyelids are the only match for heavy burdens with a yawn, you whisper that you only yield when you are done no one will name you lion when your courage does not roar they do not write songs about girls like you but quietly, softly, still you hum your own tune and, my dear, that is enough

juanmartindelhotro replied to your post: “you will not name me martyr make...

you will not name me martyr make me die for what is mine call me non-believer, if you wish, say i’m faithless i have no time for gods that abandon me (i have faith in me, i am the only goddess in which i need believe) how can you be surprised that i do not waste my years chasing the impossible when holding on to what i have now seems futile enough? after all, trees do not dare dance when they live in constant fear of being uprooted and lipstick and nylons are the only war paint and armor a woman has when she spends every day fighting a battle you left her to you wonder, perhaps, can a queen still be a queen when she’s been robbed of her kingdoms? i dare you, watch and see

"He is not Midas and you have always been golden" has helped me in ways you cannot imagine. I remember being moved to tears when I first read it and it still has the same effect now. Thank you. Thank you so very much.

you always expect me to give and give and give and take nothing for myself do not be surprised then when you find me empty

my head is an empty church everything i see is stained with colour by careful hands and dirt left behind when those hands no longer saw a place for their work when you walk your footsteps echo endlessly off walls that have only known silence for so long it is clear no one has worshiped here in decades the pews are covered with dust but i swear they can still hold you if you just sit a while and see but then you kneel in front of my altar with your knees cracking on tiles, begging for my love and i swear your voice is made of hymns

you told me, when i first met you, that your biggest fear was drowning laughed and said, 'no one wants to die gasping' i didn't know then that you were a frayed rope splayed too many ways, forgetting how to tie yourself whole again i didn't know then that the sirens in your throat had been drowned out by ambulances long ago i didn't know then that you were born a hospital bed destined for four am, white sheets, pale skin on the wrong body, gone by morning and i know i've no right to speak of loss or voids, of grief or guilt i'm just a girl who boarded a ship only to find he had long been sinking under his mother's tears but i hope that heaven is a desert where the sun is bright and you never have to fear water again

Just found your blog and read some of your work, your poems really are beautiful. you're very talented with words.

i came into this world kicking and screaming. when did i learn to go against my nature?