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Mentor? Me?
After a month of unemployment "finding myself" time I am on my last week of no income. It should be exciting because I will have pay coming in again but truthfully the job I have is not where I want to be professionally. It's a temporary assignment so I can pay rent-- and that is very important, but I was hoping for more. It's no secret that I don't want to have children. I see myself as being the cool Aunt, who takes the kids out for a day but can go home alone. The funny thing is, I have always wanted to help kids find what I found when I was young-- a mentor. When I was very young, I used to hate going to sleep-- a night owl from birth-- and so I would beg my parents to read more and more books to me every night. Now, these were not chapter books-- just cute kiddy simple amazing books. Side note: Amelia Bedelia was my favorite-- this book actually was where my nickname, Baina, came from-- Alaina Baina. As I got older, I started to realize that my love of reading when I was little helped me in my reading comprehension when I was older. It helped me read books fast and understand what I read pretty easily. Now, when I was in HS-- I went to two high schools, and I thank my parents so much for moving us mid-way thru. My second HS was in East Lyme Connecticut. As well as an avid reader, I loved musical theatre and, well, music in general. I was always in a choir class, so it's no wonder my mentor in HS would be a choir teacher. Her name was Mrs. Liniak- Bodwell, but the students who knew her well called her MA (those were her initials, but she was a mother to us as well). She was the person who made me cry at my high school graduation, and all she said was "Now, go be great". I hope every kid has a teacher, or parent or sibling or boss or advisor like that. After my month away from the working world has made me more aware of my desire to become a mentor to a kid like me. One who never thought she was worth anything, who over compensated because she didn't want people to know she was broken. I want to help the kid who never thought they could be great and make them see they already are. I want to help a kid find their voice by giving them a book or library to go crazy with. The question I am now on-- how does one do that?
This is Not a Blog
On my first day off, I spent the morning running errands— Trader Joe’s, CVS, Michaels, and Barnes & Noble. I started at the book store, since Matthew and I are looking to move out west by April, we talked about buying a map of the States and marking where we want to go— the book store seemed like a good place to find a map. While there, and since I had no one with me to ask me when we were leaving, I roamed around for awhile. I came across a table of books, all by the same author— Keri Smith. I had heard about her book, Wreck this Journal on YouTube, I looked through the stack of three or four books that were on the table. I ended up buying one, This is Not a Book.
I can best describe This is Not a Book as an adult activity challenge, as it is full of activities and imagination provoking topics. I went through the full book when I got home, and realized that a majority of what is in it needs to be done in public, which mean these activities are going to force me to go out and do my best to complete each “This is not…” task.
One of the “challenges” tells you to draw a “Limited Edition Art Piece”— This is Not a Book provides ten 1” squares to draw your art pieces in, cut out and display in public somewhere and selling them if you want (for free of course). Drawing something is one thing for me, but displaying them is completely out of my comfort zone— hell, I just started really writing about myself for others to anonymously read over the Internet.
I am not one to be active if I don’t have a deadline to hit or other people counting on me, I fall into the uncomfortable category of the people who find laziness so easy but then feel ashamed to feel that way… Perfect example- I had a totally lazy day yesterday, of course I still sent out resumes and looked up information on the three cities Matt and I are thinking about moving to, but I did this all from bed while watching Bleak House on Netflix. When Matt got home from work, I felt so bad for being in the house all day I was a mess. Today begins the first day of my month of change, I will do at least one activity from This is Not a Book everyday. Beginning October 20th, Matt and I signed up for an e-Course taught by our favorite TED-talk social worker Brené Brown all about how to let go of who you are supposed to be, finding who you really and becoming a wholehearted person.
Sounds crazy for a 28-year-old to not be happy with herself right? I’ve come to find I am not the only one. This is my challenge to those ladies, like me, who are trying to figure out how to be happy to join me on this journey. Now, I’m not saying you have to pay for the e-Course but let me know what is one thing you will challenge yourself to do everyday this month to move you towards becoming a happier person?

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The Avett Brothers' body of work forms the outlines of a makeshift guide to life, and to being fundamentally decent in the pursuit of something even better. On Magpie and the Dandelion, Seth and Scott Avett examine the push and pull between day-to-day pressures and a need for connection, contentedness and openness to wonder.
Stream Magpie and the Dandelion from NPR’s First Listen now.
The café I am in is playing TAB right now. Had to repost
She Has a Great a Personality
When going through high school, no one ever made me take a personality or aptitude test. I walked into college I kept trying (and changing) what I wanted to do with my life— Stage Management, Journalism, Publishing, and Marketing. As I went through these ideas, I never thought about what fit my personality and personal strengths in the work place. My boyfriend, Matt, went to a career counselor a few weeks ago and one of the first items they had Matt take was a personality test.
The Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator is pretty well known but most the people I know don’t know what if they’re an INTP or an EFGH. I took the test when Matt came home from his counseling appointment and found that I am an ESFJ (Extroverted Sensing Feeling Judging). The last week I’ve spent reading up on what my personality type is and it fits me pretty perfectly.
"People with an ESFJ personality type tend to be outgoing, loyal, organized and tender-hearted." (About) So, basically, I have a nice personality… but I swear I’m pretty too!
After reading about my type I’ve come to realize a few things: 1. I am looking at the right career path for me, as I want to be in marketing so my personality fits well. 2. Apparently, my boyfriend and I are not compatible with our personality types, but then we could have told you that two years ago when we first met. 3. I worry too much about what other people think, rather than what I think about what I do and think.
What’s my conclusion? I quit my dull office job, of three and a half years, to “find myself”. No, that is not what personality tests are supposed to do for you, but when I read through everything I realized how terrible it is to not reach your full potential because you need to find a job when you have a job. Those ideals are not living like there is no box, that’s living within that tiny cubicle box, that I’ve been stuck in for over the last three years.
Have you taken the Myers Briggs Personality Indicator test? Here’s a link to a free test to see if you’re an ESFJ, like me, or an INTP (the exact opposite of me). PERSONALITY.
In the #stripdistrict for a fresh sandwich with Matthew. #pittsburgh #primantibrothers
Total #girlcrush on #lauramarling. Loving her new single #wherecanigo
Just got the pic in from our night with Alan Alda. He was everything I hoped for and more. #alanalda #hawkeye #mash #thewestwing

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Excited to try out my new #traderjoes #coffee
Since I was only home for less than 24 hours I couldn't hit every favourite but I had to get my smiley on!
As a Pittsburgh fan thru and thru I am still celebrating a #baltimoreravens win! #bradying (at Edgemede)
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
— F. Scott Fitzgerald (via slekes)

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Whenever someone who knows you disappears, you lose one version of yourself. Yourself as you were seen, as you were judged to be. Lover or enemy, mother or friend, those who know us construct us, and their several knowings slant the different facets of our characters like diamond-cutter’s tools. Each such loss is a step leading to the grave, where all versions blend and end.
Salman Rushdie (via juskysnewbooks)
I Love Jean Valjean
I’ve taken to listening to Les Miserables on Radio 4 Extra since Monday. And after seeing two movie adaptations, the musical and now listening to a dramatised radio serial… I think it’s time to actually read the book.