Lish Reads and Writes

“The Hub.  That was the Hub,” Natasha’s voice was soft, her eyes wandering over the charred landscape before them.

“Good thing she wasn’t there,” Tony said brusquely.  “I’m suiting up.  Let’s get down there and get this over with.”

Steve and Natasha exchanged a look of concern.  Tony hadn’t taken the news well, they knew he wouldn’t.  Neither had they, if they were being honest with themselves.  But his refusal to accept Evelyn’s fate was only going to hurt him more the longer he denied it.  None of them wanted to find what they’d come looking for, but at the same time… Maybe it would make things easier if they did.  Maybe it would be easier on everyone if there was a chance for closure, a chance for grieving, for healing.

The trio walked silently from the Quinjet, towards what was left of the Hub.  It had been a large facility, evident by the remnants of the foundation that stood among the ash.  Tony berated himself for not sending his army of suits out to search for it the moment Evelyn mentioned it.  If he’d known it was this large…  It would have stood out.  One of the suits would have found it.  He could have intervened.  He could have found her.  He could have-

“I don’t know if there’s anything left here to find,” Steve said solemnly.

“Shut it, Rogers.  Jarvis, start scanning.  I want everything you can give me on this place.  Even better if there’s satellite footage from the days leading up to, to this.”

“Of course, sir.”

Natasha stood at the edge of the destruction, and scooped up a handful of ashes.  She gripped them in her fist, then let them scatter away through her fingers.  “This was the backbone of SHIELD.  All of our intel, all of our support, tech, it all came through here.”

“Never took you for the sentimental type,” Tony remarked, focused on the data streaming on his HUD.

She side-eyed Tony. 

He tried not to think about anyone else.  The number of people it would have required to be the backbone of SHIELD.  The number of people that would have been going through another day of work when Hydra struck.

“Mapping analysis complete.”

“Project it.”

Before their eyes, the Hub seemed to come back to life; grand and imposing.  Natasha stepped back as the green walls loomed before her.  Steve came to her side, and placed a hand on her shoulder.  Tony stayed where he was, unable to decide his next step.

“Area analysis complete.”

“And?” Tony asked, not wanting to hear the response.

“Most human remains are located at the back of the building, sir,” Jarvis said.

“And,” Tony pressed.  Say she’s not there, say she’s not there…

“Many have no remaining means of identification.  Those who do are at the bottom of the piles.  However, no trace of Ms. Abel can be identified from the remains at this time.”

Tony closed his eyes, raised his face to the sky, and let out a long-held breath.

They walked around the charred remnants of the Hub, a somber air hanging over them.  The piles Jarvis spoke of (and if Tony let himself recall, Romanoff had mentioned), were unceremonious pyres.  Bodies laid upon bodies laid upon bodies, contourted, burned, unrecognizable.  Steve put a hand over his mouth and nose; the smell of gasoline still lingered thickly in the air, and his stomach rolled at the sight.

“Monsters,” Natasha whispered.

Tony’s jaw clenched tightly.

Steve turned away, hands on his hips, eyes on the ground.  “What do we do?”

“Jarvis said she’s not here.  So we go home.  We find her.”

“Tony…”

“She’s not here, Romanoff,” Tony said firmly as his helmet retracted.  “That means she needs us.”

The demon’s breath was warm on Evelyn’s ear, her head dipped to the side, as she forced a smile at the departing group.  She nearly caught Fitz’s eyebrows pinch together and his eyes dart to her right hand, but missed it when a cough and groan left the man behind her.  She closed her eyes at Ward’s performance, fingers twitching to tap to her thumb.  His bruises might be real, but the cause of them wasn’t.

“Make sure Abel rests up.

“I’ll show her to the barracks right now.”

Her eyes flew open, looking between Coulson and Koenig.

“Good.  I think that hike from the bus must have taken more out of her than we thought.”

Evelyn had to bite her tongue.  She wanted to pipe up, to say that she was fine, better than she seemed, but he was right; she was exhausted.  But a decent, comfortable bed was all she really wanted.  To say it had been a long day would be an understatement.  Lying down and drifting off to sleep behind a locked door was all she could hope for.  

“Nap time, darling?”

She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard as she rolled her head back side to side, trying to conceal her reactions.  This wasn’t the time or place for getting in a back and forth with the nightmare man.

“Evie,” Fitz said, his voice heavy with concern.  He met her eyes briefly before he looked at her bare fingers again.  “Where’s your-”

“Good idea,” she said, giving Coulson a weak smile.  She could feel her heart begin to pick up the pace at the thoughts racing through her mind, at the decision she was about to make.  She turned to Koenig.  “A rest is exactly what I need.”  A rest…  A dream…  Tony…

“Ready to join me, are you?”

She tried not to lean her head into the gleeful voice speaking into her ear, but Fitz caught her reflexive action easily.

“Sir, maybe Evelyn should come with us after all?  Simmons can monitor her injuries and-”

“Simmons already made sure she has enough of her meds to get by until we get back, and said she’ll be fine until then.  Abel’s staying.  What she needs now is time in one place to rest and heal.  She won’t get that out in the field with us.”

“But, sir-”

“Nice try, Fitz,” Ward interrupted.  “I’ll keep a close eye on her.  She’ll be fine.”

Looking somewhat placated, Fitz nodded.  He looked worryingly at Evelyn one last time, flashed a feeble smile, and waved before boarding the Quinjet.

“Right this way, Miss Abel,” Koenig said, holding his arm out to indicate which way they’d be going.

Evelyn nodded and fell in step beside him.

“Hold on.”  She froze at the sound of Ward’s voice.  “I’ll go with you.  Can’t keep an eye on you if I don’t know where you are.”  He met her eyes with a smile that made her blood run cold.

What was he planning for her?  Did he have a plan yet?  Had he ever had a plan?  Or would everything be set off when he found out Skye was able to hack the NSA satellites and see him and Garrett on the rooftop of the Fridge, working together to infiltrate the facility?

She returned his smile, but kept silent, leaning heavily into her exhaustion.  She continued down the hall, sandwiched between Koenig and Ward.  Doubtful voices quietly caught her ear, wishing the others luck and assurances that the tasks they were told to do would be finished before the team returned.  This was all wrong, she thought.  She shouldn’t be here for what would come next.  But Coulson was following his heart, and she couldn’t fault him for it; she was about to follow hers.

“This is the first hall,” Koenig said as he stopped before a hall lined with doors that seemed to stretch on.  “You can have your pick.  I keep all of the rooms ready at all times in case a situation like this should arise.  Never thought it would pay off.”

“Ok, I’ll-”

“You’ll take this one,” Ward ordered, opening the first door by his side.  “It’s my job to keep you safe.  That means I need to know where to find you.”

“Right,” Evelyn said with a stiff nod.  “I’ll take this one.”

“Alright,” Koenig said uncomfortably.  “Dinner’s at 6, we’ll see you then.”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.  I really just need to get some sleep.”

“You need to eat, your body needs fuel to heal,” Ward said, his order laced with kindness.  “Don’t need Fitz worrying about you.  I’ll bring you a tray.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Evelyn said with a shrug.

“I’ll leave it outside the door if you’re asleep.”

Evelyn gave what she hoped was a friendly, sleepy smile.  “I appreciate it.  I’m gonna go lay down.”

“Sweet dreams,” Ward said, watching her reaction closely.

But Evelyn didn’t give him one.  She stepped in, closed the door gently behind her, then pressed her ear against it.  The voices on the other side were heavily muffled, but she was still able to tell when they began to move away.  She hastily turned the lock, then scanned the room for something to barricade the door with.  If she was going to get any kind of rest, she’d need peace of mind that Ward couldn’t just waltz in at any moment.

She secured the back of the chair from the desk under the doorknob, then eyed the medium sized dresser.  Normally, she wouldn’t stop to think twice about pushing it across the room.  But with her shoulder and her ribs, just the thought of raising her left arm enough made her wince.  The small sofa would have to do.  She managed to push it into place using mostly her right hip, and while she would have liked to do more, that would have to do.

The timing of upcoming events was unclear, but in the show, everything seemed to happen in quick succession.  Evelyn needed to rest not only for her health, but also because there was no telling when she’d have a chance to do so again.  She knew she needed to get her ring from the broom closet, she knew she needed restful sleep, but first, she wanted to see Tony again.  She wanted to feel the smallest connection with the only home she could remember.

The blue sky was thick with billowing clouds of smoke and dust as it continued to fill with Chitauri.  The grounds before her were full of clashing bodies and weapons.  The cacophony sounded familiar, almost comforting.  Evelyn ran, as she always did, across the battlefield that had been the Avengers Compound, her feet sure and steady beneath her as each step brought her closer, and closer, and closer…

Evelyn ran.  And ran.  And ran.  The battlefield never ended.  The space between her and Tony never narrowed.  Her legs began to ache.  Her chest began to feel tight, her breaths short.  She clutched at a stitch in her side, and pushed on, running, and running, and running.  She couldn’t do it.  She couldn’t run anymore.

Coming to a stop at last, she bent over, bracing her hands against her knees as she tried to catch her breath.  She hadn’t even reached the point where she would normally trip.  She straightened herself up, hoping to gauge how much further she had to go, but-

An unsteady gasp escaped before she sucked it back in.  She took everything in with wide eyes, trying to understand what, where… The glasses she was holding shook with her hands, liquid splashing over the sides.  She was standing at the foot of a set of porch steps, a flagstone pathway before her led to the white picket gate of the white picket fence.  Beyond the fence were gardens, so many gardens, clearly well cared for and each one was in full bloom.  

Following along the fenceline, to her right, was a small dirt driveway that met a stand alone garage.  Parked just outside the open garage was an older model car with its hood propped up, and a man stood there, bent over the engine.  His t-shirt clung to his damp skin in such a way that she could see his muscles flex beneath it as he worked.  Evelyn didn’t know what was happening, she didn’t know where she was, but she knew that back, that hair.

“Tony?” his name tumbled from her lips.

It was loud enough for him to hear, and set off a panic in his heart.  He carefully pulled himself up from under the hood, grabbed his rag and began wiping the grease off his hands as he eyed her shocked expression.

“Ev, honey, what’s wrong?”

The glasses fell from her hands, shattered glass scattering before her.

He dropped the rag, sprinting to her in a panic, closing the distance between them as quickly as he could.  He slowed a few paces away, taking in her wide eyes and the utterly lost expression on her face.  He finished his approach cautiously, eyes darting around her frozen form searching the yard, the gardens, the porch, trying to find what had her so out of sorts.

“Ev,” he said softly, “honey, is there someone in the house?”

Evelyn pried her eyes away from his and looked to her side.  Sure enough, there was a house behind her, a quaint cottage.  She returned her focus to him, more confused than before.

“Tony… where are we?”

“Home, sweetheart.  We’re home.”

He let his guard down, no longer concerned with the possibility of danger.  Now all his worry was for Evelyn.  The glass crunched beneath his footsteps as he neared.

“What?  I-”  She stopped short when he gently laid his warm hands on her shoulders.  An ache in her left one caused her to wince.

“Maybe we should go inside.  Is the heat getting to you?  We’ve been out here all day, Ev, let’s go in and get you cooled down.”

“Tony, I…”

He was here.  He was safe.  And his touch felt so real.  This.  This was all she’d wanted.

“Honey, what’s going on?” he asked, then pulled her in for a hug.

Pain shot through her shoulder, her ribs, front and back.  She didn’t even try to hold back the gasp that left her.

Tony reacted instantly, pulling away, worry etched across his features.  “What’d I do?  Are you hurt?  Did I hurt you?”

“No.  No, of course not,” she said, hating to worry him.  “I’m fine…”

“That didn’t sound ‘fine’ to me.  Turn around, let me see.”

Evelyn did as instructed, the skirt of her sundress twirling as she did so.  Dress?  She wondered what she’d worn in her other dreams.  Nightmares.  They’d been nightmares…

“What the hell?” Tony muttered.

“Hm?  What is it?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at him.

He looked up from her shoulder to her face, horrified.

“That’s what I’m asking.  What the hell is this?” he asked, then gently ran his fingers over a spot on her shoulder.

She sucked in a breath, the pain searing.

“No,” he groaned.  “No, not again.  Things were going so well.”

“What?” she asked as he spun her around to face him.

He looked defeated.  Utterly defeated.

“Every damn time.  Can’t I just stay once?  Just once for a whole day?”

“Wait, Tony, what are you talking about?” she asked, reaching up, placing her right hand on the side of his face.

He leaned into it, savoring the sensation of her touch, her warmth, her comfort.

“We never get a full day together.  That’s all I want,” tears began to well in his eyes.  “Just one more day with you.”

“Tony, I have no idea what you mean, but my shoulder; that has nothing to do with anything here.”

“What do you-”

“I got shot.”

His eyes went wide, brows lowered.

“You what?”

“I mean, that is to say, I tried not to, but…”

Tony couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his perfect dream world shattering around him.

“You.  Evelyn, that’s not possible.  You’ve been here with me all day.  I would have noticed if you’d been shot,” he said, while trying to work out what was happening.  The dreams, they never ended like this.

“Not today, a few days ago.  At the Hub.”

It was Tony’s turn to be frozen with shock.

“The,” he swallowed the lump forming in his throat.  “The Hub?”

“Yeah, I-I’m sorry, I-”

He cradled her face in his hands, searching her eyes with his.

“Don’t be sorry.”  Tears began to fall.  “Don’t you ever be sorry, sweetheart.  Not for that.  Not for what happened there.  Not…” he trailed off, trying to maintain his composure, to soak in every moment with her before he would wake up from this dream.

“Tony, are you ok?”

He nodded, a sad smile on his lips.

“In the real world, Tony.  Are you ok when you’re awake?”

“When I…”

“Are you eating?  Are you sleeping?  Are you,” Evelyn felt her throat begin to tighten.  “Are you ok?”

His thoughts were spinning.  What kind of trick was his mind trying to play on him?

Evelyn whipped her head out of his light hold, scrutinizing the house beside them.

“Ev?”

“You hear that?”

A light knocking sound.

“You get a lot of visitors around here?” she asked.

“None,” he said, joining her in trying to zero in on the sound as it became louder.

More of a bang than a knock.

“Who could be-”

“Ward,” Evelyn breathed.

“Who?” Tony asked, then saw her panic stricken face.  “Ev?”

“I gotta go,” she said quickly, searching around them for an exit.

“Wait, no, I’m not ready,” he said, and grasped her hand in his.

“I gotta go, Tony!  My life depends on it.”

“Your-”

“If I don’t wake up right now-”

“Ev.”

The banging grew louder.

“Tony, please,” she gave his hand a squeeze, “find me.”

He felt his stomach drop.

He slammed the bottle down on the counter.  “Fucking Romanoff,” he muttered, his words a bit more firm and coherent than before.

“It wasn’t just Romanoff,” a voice sounded from behind him.

Tony turned his head, following the sound.

“I got the same intel,” Steve said, his head bowed over a glass of something Tony couldn’t discern.  Steve sighed.  “Everything we could find led to the same conclusion.”  He lifted his glass in Tony’s direction then took a drink.

“Remember that night?  The first night we all sat here?  I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone sit at this table before then.”  He took another drink.  “But that demon tried to get the best of her, and she wasn’t gonna take it sitting down.  She fought back.  Even if he was only a reflection.”  Steve looked to the empty seat beside him fondly.  “I pulled every piece of glass out of her fingers, and she barely flinched.”

Tony huffed, not sure what response Rogers was looking for.  “She flinched, alright.”

Steve turned around in his chair, enough to make eye contact with Tony.  “She couldn’t keep her eyes off you, though.  No matter how much I dug around in her hand, she kept looking for you.”  He turned back around and took another drink.  The effects wore off much too quickly, ebbing away just as soon as he’d start to feel a flush trying to rise in his cheeks, and he wished for something stronger.  “When it came down to it, when she needed something to focus on, it was you.  You finally sat down beside her and everyone else disappeared.”

“Steve fucking Rogers,” Tony said, picking up his bottle.  He took a drink, and kept his fingers wrapped around the bottle, tapping his fingers against it several times.  “You were the first one there.  First to find out what was going on.  First to be there for her.  First to help her.  I was just… the guy who called the doctor.”  He harrumphed as he stumbled towards the table.  He fell into the seat he’d used the night of Evelyn’s first patch job, leaving the chair between himself and Steve empty.

“That’s all you thought you were to her?” 

Tony pulled another sip from the bottle and clumsily set it on the table.  “On that night?  That’s all I was good for.”  He shook his head.  “Maybe that’s all I was ever good for.”

A wry smile took hold of Steve’s lips.  “I wish,” he mumbled softly.

“What’s that?” Tony asked, looking side long at Steve.

A cynical laugh grumbled its way out of Steve’s throat.  “It was always you.”

The two men caught each other’s eye.

Steve took another drink.  “It was always gonna be you for her.  No one else had a chance.  That was the night I knew for sure.”

Tony pressed the bottle against his lips and took a drink, faintly remembering thinking the same of Rogers, then tried to make his eyes focus on the label of the bottle after he set it harshly against the table top.  “Didn’t stop you from trying.”

“Would you?”

Tony looked from the bottle to Steve, conviction burning in his eyes.  “Never.”

Steve smiled weakly.  “Me either.”  He took another drink, the everclear burning its way down his throat.  “We didn’t do anything wrong,” he said assuringly, just as much to himself as to Tony.  “Every move we made to keep her safe was the right one.”

“Yeah?  Well we went wrong somewhere.  Something went wrong.  Or she’d be here right now telling us… telling us…”

Steve watched Tony take another drink from the bottle before him, and followed suit with the glass in his hand.

“I know,” he said, gently setting his glass on the table.  “I know.”

“You know an awful lot for a guy who doesn’t know what the hell happened to her.”

Steve sighed.  “We’ll get in there, find out the details.  And you—”

“I’ll be right there with you,” Tony affirmed.

Steve pressed his lips together and closed his eyes.  He’d hoped Tony wouldn’t insist, but knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the man away.  “We’ll find out what happened to her.”

“Then we’ll take care of whoever did it.” 

Standing beside Coulson, Evelyn listened carefully as Ward weaved his story.  About how a rogue Hydra agent that had gone undiscovered in the SHIELD ranks had set the other Hydra agents free, and about the attack that followed.  How he and Hand had barely made it to the quinjet Garret was loaded on, and how worried about his fellow agents he was as they left the Hub under siege.

Then, how the agent sitting across from him had surprisingly turned on them, killed Hand, then tried to kill him, but he managed to overpower the man at the last moment.  How he regretfully had to take out the other agents, who were clearly Hydra as they tried to come to the man’s aid, and then, it was just him and Garrett.  Garrett knocked him out, but when Ward came to, he fought his way through the Fridge just to find the traitor and give him the justice he deserved.

Her stomach churned as lie after lie left his lips.  At how casually he dismissed the lives he’d taken so he could sit before the team now and try to play them… so he could get Skye closer to his side… so she’d be willing to unlock the harddrive with all of the team’s mission info.

She could feel Coulson tensing up by her side as Ward revealed Hydra’s activities—his own activities—at the Fridge, that most of the criminals had been released.  And she knew, she could feel the air around her change, the moment Coulson set his mind on his next move.  They wouldn’t be having their long-promised talk.  He’d be on his way to the cellist.  And Evelyn wanted to go with him.

She tried her best to look interested and sympathetic to what Ward was saying, but all the while, her mind was spinning, trying to think of ways to talk Coulson into letting her go with him to Oregon, and what to do if she was left behind.  She knew he’d be splitting the team up, taking some with him to save his cellist, and leaving the rest behind at the base.  She knew May would leave.  She knew Koenig would die.  She knew Skye would have no choice but to leave with Ward.  But she didn’t know how she herself would play into any of those events.  Close to Coulson, that was where she wanted to be.  That was where she’d feel safest.

But when she said, “I’ll come, too,” Coulson shook his head.

“I want you to stay here.  We need you safe, out of harm’s way.”

“But, we can finally get our talk in on the way there,” Evely tried.  “And I promise to stay out of the way while you work the case,” she tried to make sure she’d stay close to Coulson and Fitz, Trip and Simmons, far away from Ward.

“No.  This is the safest place for you.  And Ward will be here to make sure of it,” Coulson said, firmly putting his foot down and ending the conversation.

Her stomach churned, and Evelyn tried to tell him, with her eyes, that she wouldn’t be safe here; he needed to listen to her.  But his focus was pulled away.

“I’m with Abel,” May said.  “Are you sure it’s wise to split up the team?  To leave the base?  What if it’s part of Hydra’s plan?   A distraction…”

“She’s got a point,” Skye piped in.  “ I mean Fury brought you to this base for a reason: we’re safe here.”

“Yeah,” Coulson agreed with a curt nod, “we’re safe here.  But what about everyone else?  People who don’t happen to have access to a top-secret underground shelter?  What about them?”  He paused, checking everyone’s reactions.  “I don’t know if it’s wise, but it’s right.”

That was when Evelyn knew that nothing about this would be changed.  Coulson was standing on principle, and he was taking half of the team to go save the love of his previous life, his cellist.  She nodded, muttered a quiet, “Understood,” then backed out of the conversation.

Next came the lie detector Fury had designed to beat the best agents, even Natasha.  Coulson insisted to Koenig that Abel wasn’t an agent, and wouldn’t be leaving the base, so she wouldn’t need a security badge, and it worked… but only just.  Koenig said that was fine as long as she didn’t try to leave the base without a clearance badge, and… considering how much she knew about the events in The Winter Soldier, (and what little she knew about besting lie detectors), Evelyn decided to steer clear, and keep what she knew to herself.

Everyone moved to the lounge to wait their turn.  Evelyn joined them, deep in thought as she followed along and took a seat away from the group.  Nobody seemed to be too nervous.  This was somewhat par for the course for them, and no one had anything to hide.  Except for Ward.  And Evelyn.

Thinking over the questions she knew Koenig would ask while conducting the test, she was relieved to have the chance to avoid it.  Have they ever met Robert Redford’s character?  Have they ever heard of Project Insight?  Why were they here?  Did they have any ulterior motives for being here?  She already knew everyone’s answers.  She already knew what Ward would say.  She already knew that the only reason he would pass was that his lie was also his truth.

Ward was there for Skye.  His ulterior motive was Skye.  When Ward would be failing the lie detector test, when Koenig would cock and aim a gun at him and ask: “Do you have another agenda here?  Agent Ward, why are you really here?,” his response would be Skye.

Skye had been kind to her since the first time Evelyn saw her face instead of Ward’s when she was stuck in the Cage, and Evelyn’s wardrobe consisted of mostly borrowed clothes from her.  She wanted to warn Skye, to tell her that she was falling for a psychopath, that Ward would murder Koenig and make Skye leave the safety of the base with him.  But doing so would bring more attention to Evelyn’s apparent ability to know the future.  That might get her locked back up.

“They’ll steal you away in the night and you’ll never be seen again.”  Tony’s words were never far from the back of her mind.  She re-examined her position within the group: not quite a prisoner, not quite a friend.  Trusted enough to not need the handcuffs or black bag, but not cleared of being too dangerous to return to Avengers’ Tower.  And soon to be left in Ward’s care while half of the team left to save the day.

She tried to remind herself of her own words, have faith in Tony, but-

“-vie?”

Evelyn looked up, abandoning her train of thought, to see Fitz hovering, looking just as concerned as he had when she emerged from the broom closet.

“You look like you’re a thousand miles away…”

“Depends,” she shrugged lethargically with one shoulder.  “How far are we from Manhattan?”

“Thousands of miles,” Fitz nodded half-heartedly.  “Probably.”

“I just,” she turned away from his crestfallen face, “I wanna go home.”

The hem of his sweater was swept back as he placed his hands on the back of his hips.  He stood with his mouth slightly open, ready to speak for a moment, then snapped it shut.  He folded his arms over his chest, and quietly said, “Sorry.”

Her heart clenched at the sound of his voice.  She turned around to see him leaving.  His arms still firmly folded before him as he made his way to a seat at the bar, beside Coulson.  A quick sweep of the room and Evelyn saw that Simmons was engaged in a deep conversation with Trip, further tugging at her heart strings.  Fitz was isolated from Simmons, and at the moment, it seemed to be all Evelyn’s doing.

She saw the struggle as he dragged his eyes up to meet hers.  A sad smile flitted across her lips.  He placed his hand over hers.  It lingered for a moment, then fell back to his side.

“I lo-” her voice caught in her throat.  She drew in a shuddering breath.  “I’ll be home soon,” she said, trying to smile through her tears as she reassured them both.

She pressed her salty lips against his until there were no more warm breaths against her cheek.  Knowing what came next, she pulled back, eyes closed, not wanting to watch him fade away.

“Home?  Darling, if that’s all you want, I can take you home…”

Evelyn opened her eyes to the darkness surrounding her.  “You--what?”

“All you have to do is say the word, my dear, and we can go home…”

The whispers surrounded her, as sweet and taunting as ever.  And his words… too good to be true.

“I, I don’t believe you,” she breathed.

“Believe what you like, darling,” his voice came closer, a faint breath brushing against her ear.  “I’ll be waiting…”

Then, the demon allowed her to wake from her nightmare effortlessly.  Yet Evelyn longed to return.  To learn more about what he promised her.  To see Tony again, to hold him again, no matter the circumstances.

Life had been moving so quickly around her that the empty space beside her had nearly gone unnoticed.  But now… Now she desperately wanted to be back home.  To be by Tony’s side.  To see that he was alive and well.  To think, no matter how naively, that she might be able to save him.

Evelyn used her free hand to wipe away her tears, then pushed herself up off the floor where she’d slept.  With her movement, the lights automatically turned on.  She was in a large broom closet.  If she would have stretched out any more, her feet would have knocked several brooms and mops over.  A vacuum was tucked in the corner, and on the floor beside it, her ring, with its red gem gleaming in the light.

And that was where it stayed.

Carefully, slowly, she pulled herself up to stand.  After steadying herself, she opened the door, prepared to rejoin the group, but instead found Fitz, asleep, propped up against the wall across from the closet door.  He, unlike herself, had shed his heavy coat and tucked it in between his head and shoulder as a pillow.  A wrinkle in the middle of his brow suggested that he was not sleeping peacefully, but he continued to doze nonetheless.

The thought of sliding down against the wall beside him and falling back asleep was appealing, but the persistent pain in her back and shoulder reminded Evelyn that she’d most likely missed her last dose of meds, and it had been a struggle enough to get up off the floor a moment ago.  Instead, she gently nudged his boot with her own.

He awoke at once, his eyes popping open and finding Evelyn at almost the same moment her boot made contact with his.  “Evie, you’re alright.  Are you alright?  What-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now,” she said plainly.

“Right,” he nodded as he stood.  “Simmons’ll be looking for you,” his voice was heavy with worry, and the crease between his brows remained as he undoubtedly noticed her puffy eyes.

She smiled gently, “Lead the way?”

“Of course.”  His features relaxed a little, the crease fading just a bit, and he gestured for her to follow beside him down the hall.

After only a brief scolding, the room was quiet as Simmons dispatched painkillers and antibiotics, then ushered Fitz out through the door.  She handed Evelyn a paper exam gown and asked her to change her top.

“It’s fine,” Evelyn said.  “You’ve sewn me back together, seeing me in a bra shouldn’t be too shocking.  I’ll need a hand anyway, I’m not used to unbuttoning a shirt with one hand.”

Simmons bristled and Evelyn couldn’t figure out why, until her coat was pulled away.  Seeing the navy blue shirt reminded her of Simmons’ reaction when Fitz insisted Evelyn use one of his dress shirts instead of one of the few t-shirts she had, to make getting dressed easier.  Evelyn had tried, adamantly, to refuse; she was very aware of the growing chasm between Fitz and Simmons, and did not want to contribute to it any further.

But Fitz had insisted.  Simmons had grabbed the shirt from his hand in a huff and exclaimed, “Oh, for goodness sake!  Just get out so she can get dressed!”

And that was the end of it.

“Sorry, I um, I just-”

“No,” Simmons smiled.  “It’s no bother at all.”

The buttons fell away quickly beneath Simmons’ nimble fingers, and soon, the controversial shirt was laid aside on the exam table.  She pulled on a pair of gloves and spun Evelyn around, then began prodding delicately around the deep purple bruise on her back, and checking the stitches holding the hole in her shoulder closed .

“Well.  Looks like you’ve been careful enough,” Simmons began, then drew in a deep breath.  “But you should certainly not go about sleeping on any more floors until it’s time to get these stitches out,” she finished with a chiding tone.  “And you need to be sure to make yourself available when it’s time for your antibiotics from now on, or else that’ll end up infected.  But I’m sure you already know that.”

“Roger that,” Evelyn responded with a nod.

“Good,” Simmons said.  “Then let’s get you dressed and we’ll-”

The door was flung open and bounced off the stopper.

“Simmons, get- ohmagodimsorryiswearididntseeanything!” Fitz had burst through the doorway and immediately turned around, hands over his eyes, when he realized he’d intruded too soon.

“It’s fine, I’m completely covered,” Evelyn said, reaching for the blue shirt.

Simmons turned her gaping face from Fitz to Evelyn.

Fitz, however, remained firmly in place, and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter.  “No!  No!  You are definitely not completely covered!”

Evelyn exhaled a laugh.  “What does Simmons need to get?”

He began to lower his hands and turn to face her, his flaming cheeks peeking out from between his fingers, then swung back around, stuttered, and said, “Ward.  Get ready for Ward.”

The shirt slipped between Evelyn’s fingers, falling to the floor as her breath caught in her throat.

Simmons reacted immediately, moving to re-check all of Evelyn’s wounds.  “What is it?  Where does it hurt?”

“Evie?” Fitz joined them, all concerns for Evelyn’s modesty gone.

Fingers tapped to her thumb on her right hand, and Evelyn focused very hard to steady her breathing.  “No, uh, nothing.  Nothing.  I just, um…”

Fitz grabbed his shirt off the floor, then carefully began maneuvering Evelyn’s injured arm into it.  “He doesn’t blame you, you know,” he said softly.  “He knows you were only trying to do the right thing.  No one could have known what would happen at the Hub after we left.”

A sound between a cry and a scoff escaped Evelyn.  No one could have known…  She knew.  She knew now that Ward was every bit as dangerous as she’d initially assumed he was.  But she couldn’t have known it would cost so many lives to leave him behind at the Hub.

He pulled the sleeve up her other arm.

A smile began, fell, then began again.  “Right.”

“You’re sure nothing hurts?  You look like you’re about to cry,” he said even quieter, close to her ear.

“I,” she began, then pressed her lips together.  She needed to get her face straight before Ward walked in.  “I’m fine, thanks.”

“You’re never fine when you say you are,” he mumbled as he began buttoning the shirt up.

She sighed lightly and let her eyes close for a moment.  He was probably right.  But she couldn’t be anything other than fine.  Falling apart wouldn’t get her any closer to home.  “Fine,” would have to suffice.  She’d worry about everything else later.

Just as Fitz was fastening the last button before the collar, the door swung open again.  Ward walked in, closely followed by Skye.  His face was bruised, his lip bloody, and he was limping, holding his ribs.  

Simmons gasped.  “What on Earth…”

“Hydra,” Skye reminded her.

“We had to fight our way out,” Ward said with a wince.

Evelyn’s insides felt like they’d turned to stone.  Hydra, indeed.

“Excuse me, I need to find Coulson,” she said, stepping towards the door.  She didn’t want to hear anymore.

“Abel,” Ward said as she passed.

She paused, her pulse quickening.  He held her eyes with his, and she saw a glimmer of the real Ward for the briefest moment.  He knew.  He was reading her features like an open book, and his eyes flashed with recognition at whatever it was he gleaned.

The corner of his lips turned up, “I’m glad you made it out alright.”

She cemented a smile on her face, trying to keep up the facade.  “Yeah.  Me, too.”

Her fingers were still tapping absently to her thumb.  She didn’t notice.  All she could focus on was getting out of that room.  Could she tell everyone what was coming?  What he would do?  No.  They probably wouldn’t believe it.  Not until they could see it with their own eyes; Ward was Hydra.  She was trapped, again, held hostage by her knowledge.

She slid past him, and made her way down the hall.  Listening to the heavy thuds her boots made against the tiles, she tried to keep her pace steady, unhurried.  The layout of the base was unfamiliar, she didn’t know where she was going, but anywhere away from Ward’s watchful eye would do.

“Miss Abel.”

Evelyn froze mid-step.

“Feeling alright?”

Recognizing the voice, she turned, relief calming her nerves.  “Agent Coulson,” her smile reached her eyes as she watched him leave the room he’d called her from, “I’m fine, just… never been shot before.  I guess I haven’t been handling it very well.”

“I don’t think anyone takes it well, but you’ve been doing great.  I don’t know anyone who could take a bullet then hike for miles through difficult conditions the way you did.”

“I’m sure I have Simmons to thank for that.”

He nodded his head towards the end of the hall she’d just left, “I know you just came from that way, but, walk with me?”

“Oh, yeah, I, Simmons just checked me out and gave me meds, I’m good.  I was actually looking for you so we could-”

“I know I promised we’d talk the other day, but it’ll have to wait a little longer.  I need to talk to Ward and find out what happened.”

“Then I’ll just-”

“Join me?  We can talk after,” he promised, looking at her expectantly.

“Yeah,” she said, fixing her fake smile in place.  “Sounds good.”

Time passed.  Tony sat in that chair, with his hand over his mouth, until his head became too heavy to hold up.  He slid his hand to the side of his head, and remained in the chair, his eyes unfocused, thinking over all the mistakes he’d made that led to this point.  That led to… to Ev not coming home.

At some point, Tony’s eyes became heavy.  He tried to keep them open, but his body couldn’t fight the exhaustion anymore and, at last, his eyes closed, and his consciousness drifted away to a dreamless sleep.  When he awoke, in the same chair, he was both relieved and disappointed.  Dreams would have meant seeing Evelyn, being at the cottage, living their life together.

But, dreams would have meant seeing Evelyn, being at the cottage, living their life together… he wasn’t ready to revisit that.

He pried his eyes open and his gaze slowly roamed around the lab.  Shit.  That bottle of whisky didn’t make it.  He blinked for a long second then looked to the other desk beside him.  His head throbbed in protest, but he needed a drink, and knew he wouldn’t make it downstairs to get one just yet.

And there it was, his hope, his shining light: the remnants of a glass of something he’d left behind and not swept off a desk in his rage sat glimmering in the light that shone from above.   He rolled his chair over, grabbed the glass, and tilted it up as he drained what little there was to be had.

Not enough.

He closed his eyes, his head pounding, Evelyn’s smiling face shining at him from behind his eyelids.

It wasn’t enough.

He’d made progress, ever since his brush with death from the palladium in his first arc reactor… he’d come a long way from relying on drinks to keep him from feeling the fear of it.  But then there was the invasion, and then there were the anxiety attacks, and then the nightmares, and then and then and then, and eventually he’d found it easier to just keep a light buzz going all the time and things didn’t feel so… immediate.  Death was more like a ship passing in the night rather than a looming presence pursuing him.  Failure was more like something he was working to avoid rather than running towards.

But now?  Now he needed more.  A buzz wasn’t enough.  He’d been fighting that feeling ever since Evelyn was taken; he knew he needed a clear head to find her and get her back.  But now?  Now that she… now that she might not be coming home?

He exhaled heavily, and pushed himself up out of the chair.  But now, he needed a drink.  He needed to go downstairs, get a bottle, and see if Rogers was still around.  Shit.  Maybe apologize for that right hook.  Then he needed a drink.  And he needed to find out what Rogers knew, where he’d gotten his information from, and then… Tony would have another drink, and try to find Evelyn.

Quick summary, might be repeating from before, sorry: in the show, everyone lets Ward go with Hand to deliver Garrett to the Fridge, without question.  And that has always made no sense to me.  So, he flies off, the rest of the team stays at the Hub, fix up the Bus, then they’re on the run bc Colonel Talbot told Coulson that he was on his way to the Hub with his men to take everyone in bc SHIELD can’t be trusted now bc of the Hydra leak (this exchange took place while Evelyn was out, getting stitched up and recuperating).

On the way to the Fridge, Hand has a gun out, asks Ward if he wants to kill the real Clairvoyant (Garrett), and hands it to him.  He kills the other agents and Hand and frees Garrett, and they trick their way into the Fridge, to release dangerous criminals and steal lots of wild weapons.  They get away, but once they reach their hideout in Cuba (?), Ward still has the external hard drive.  They then find out that Skye encrypted it so that only she can unlock it or it will erase all the data on the drive.  Garrett tells him he has to go back, and Ward’s kinda cool with it bc he’s for real falling for Skye.

“Agent May and I could lead a scouting party first, make sure this isn’t a trap,” Agent Triplett offered.

Coulson began pulling his gloves on.  “There’s no time.  In less than eight hours, a NATO satellite will pass directly over us.  If the bus is still here, they’ll know.”  He paused, making eye contact with some of them, seeming to take in just what was at stake.  “I’ve been doing this long enough to know that something’s up there.  But this mission has to be your choice.  A lot’s changed in the last few days.  I know you all have your doubts about what we’ve been doing; about me.  But I don’t.”  He made his way to the panel on the wall.  “Which is why I’m going to find whatever Fury has waiting for us…  With you, or without you,” he said as he hit the button for the cargo door.

Looks were exchanged, zippers pulled, adjustments made.  Coulson stepped towards the start of the ramp, then turned to face the group once more.  “Any thoughts or feelings you’d like to share, Miss Abel?”

Evelyn’s breath caught in her throat.  So many.  She had so many thoughts and feelings.  She wanted to tell him everything she knew would happen, that he was right, but… but she couldn’t be sure.  There was no telling what ripples might have been cast out from the changes she made at the Hub.  And she still had to keep her cards close to her chest.

“Feels like we’re heading in the right direction,” she said with a nod.

“Excuse me?” Trip asked, looking around at all the serious faces with their eyes on Ev.  “She’s been out cold the last couple days.  She doesn’t know what’s going on, or where we’re going, but everyone wants to know how she feels about it?”

Coulson gave Evelyn a nod, then brought his eyes to Trip.  “We’ll talk on the way; we need to get moving.”  He pulled out his badge and compass, squared his shoulders, and steadied his resolve with a clench of his jaw, then set out, not looking back to see who followed.

May and Skye weren’t far behind him.

Fitz secured the bag on his shoulders and zipped up his coat.  “Well, you heard the man.  We don’t have much time.”  He then gently took Evelyn’s good arm, and helped her down the ramp.

The cold had hit her cheeks before they’d even stepped out of the Bus.  Seven miles would take time.  Time to, as Coulson said, talk on the way.  Evelyn couldn’t be sure if the queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach was from the pain meds, or the impending conversation about her “feelings” and where it may lead.

But for seven miles, Fitz ensured that no such conversation found its way anywhere near Evelyn, or anything more than helping hands and encouragement.  Already weary of Agent Triplett, when he first fell back to chat, Fitz was quick to remind him that Evelyn was injured, medicated, and in no shape to focus on anything more than trudging through the miles of snow.

After the group was a couple miles into their hike, Trip had taken to regularly falling back and checking on Evelyn, seeing if she needed to rest, or if he would need to carry her.  Evelyn declined politely.  Fitz scoffed and glared.  But it was clear that at some point, Coulson had indeed talked with Trip and filled him in on the fact that Evelyn Abel seemed to have an uncanny sense of what was to come, and he was eager to get some time alone with her.

Simmons kept to her schedule, sidling up next to Evelyn when she was due for more meds.  She dispatched them quickly, fumbling slightly with her numbed fingers, and did her best to take Ev’s vitals to make sure she wasn’t pushing herself too hard in her condition.  There was always a risk of infection, pulled stitches, and dehydration, on top of plain old exhaustion; Simmons was a nervous wreck, worrying over her patient.

And all the while, whispers of doubt floated around them.  Fitz did his best to tune them out.  He knew he was right to stand by Coulson.  He knew Coulson would never lead them astray.  And after Evelyn had agreed that they were going the right way, he knew there wasn’t anything anyone could say that would change his mind.

“This is it!” Coulson exclaimed as he came to an abrupt stop.  “There’s got to be something here.  Stay alert; eyes open.”  He continued checking between his compass, the coordinates on his badge, and the surrounding area.  “It’s gotta be here somewhere.”

Evelyn slowly put some space between herself and Fitz, stepping closer to Coulson.  She wanted to reassure him without saying outright that he was right, he shouldn’t doubt his instincts.  Skye was faster, though, and was beside Coulson before he’d finished speaking.

“How long should we look before thinking about heading back?”

“We’re not going back, not until we find whatever Fury has waiting for us.”

Trip continued to look over the area as he asked, “What about the satellite?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Coulson replied.  “The Bus used all its remaining fuel just to get us here.”

Everyone stopped in their tracks, looks were exchanged before everyone’s attention was on Coulson.

“Did you know this before flying us out into the middle of nowhere?” Simmons asked in disbelief, her voice raised.

“It was the right play,” Coulson said, firm in his conviction.  “Fury sent us these coordinates for a reason.”

May sighed heavily as she lowered her hood.  “And what reason is that?”

“I don’t know, May!  I don’t know!”  Coulson huffed in frustration.  “There’s gotta be something here!”  He held out his badge to show her, “This means something!  This has to mean something!”  He waved it about as he explained to the group, meeting each pair of eyes with his own, “The world needs us!  Hydra is out there!”  He brought his focus back to May, “We cannot let them win.  We--we cannot let them define us.  Do you understand that?”

A quick glance and point of his badge in Skye’s direction, “We are not agents of nothing!”  His voice grew in strength, louder as he tried to convince himself, as well as the others, that his life’s work hadn’t been for naught.  “ We are agents of SHIELD, and that still carries weight!  It--that has to carry weight!  After everything we’ve been through, that carries weight!”

A long pause was shared among the bewildered group, snow falling lightly around them.  Catching his breath, Coulson looked between May and his badge, his head bowed over it.  After he found his composure, he seemed to come to a conclusion of his own.

Slowly, he raised his head.  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.  He took one last, long look at his badge, then with a grunt, chucked it into the wilderness.

A turret popped up from the ground, firing rapidly at the badge in the air.

“Get down!  Get down!”

“Go, go, go!”

Everyone made a mad dash for cover.  Everyone but Evelyn.  She stood still, watching as the turret zeroed in on her.

“Evelyn, get down!” Fitz yelled, his head barely peeking out above the boulder he crouched behind.

Not wanting to test her knowledge too hard, she stood quite still, only shaking her slightly.  “It’s fine.”

“It bloody well isn’t!”  Fitz scrambled out from the large rock, careful to stay low as he made his way to her.

“Fitz!” Simmons called out.

But he was wholly focused on getting to Evelyn.  He reached her quickly, and pulled on the one hand she had dangling at her side.

She groaned as the small movement sent a jolt of pain through her body.  “I said it’s fine,” she grinded out through clenched teeth, not wanting him to see how badly it hurt, but allowed him to keep a hold on her hand.

“Being shot at is not fine,” he said quickly, urgently, looking up at her with pleading eyes.

The turret made a whirring sound as it seemed to search for its next target.  Evelyn looked first at it, then down at Fitz, with a completely neutral look on her face.

“It’s alright, we’ve found it,” she said.

“This is a SHIELD facility,” Coulson agreed from his nearby shelter.

“Shoot first, ask questions later?  Doesn’t sound like SHIELD to me,” Trip argued.

“Coulson’s right,” Evelyn said, her voice louder, and full of confidence.  “This is SHIELD.”

The turret turned to her with a whir, and Fitz’s grip on her hand tightened as he ducked his head down.

A voice sounded from the turret, “Identify yourself.”

“Oh, um…” Evelyn stuttered, she knew hers wasn’t the name needed to get them through the checkpoint.

May’s voice erupted from behind her, “Phil, no!”

In half a heartbeat, Coulson was at Evelyn’s side.  “I’m Phil Coulson, agent of SHIELD.  She’s with me.”

“Welcome, Agent Coulson.  We’ve been expecting you,” the voice from the turret said, then with a final whir, the turret settled back into hiding.

Almost immediately, the craggy rock wall before them slid back, revealing an entrance, and further ahead, a door.  The team exchanged surprised looks as they each slowly rose from the safety of cover.

“How did you know?” Coulson asked, his voice so quiet Evelyn barely heard him.

The corner of her lips turned up.  “It’s such a Fury thing to do, isn’t it?”

A near-chuckle left his chest on a, “Hmm.”

The group proceeded cautiously through the entrance and down the stairs.  

“What is this place?” Skye asked.

“One of Fury’s secret bases,” a voice echoed off the walls.  Then Eric Koenig stepped out of a hallway, adjusting his tie.

Relieved to see things were still happening as they had in the show, Evelyn pulled off her hat, and began to tune out as Koenig talked about the base .  Fitz, still looking quizzically at Koenig, reached over and took her hat, then pulled her glove off for her.  Koenig then beckoned the group to follow him.  She walked along with the others, down the hall, through a set of double doors, and would have run right into May’s back if Trip hadn’t grabbed her good arm to stop her.  A glance of thanks from Ev, a glare from Fitz, but Trip just smiled and gave Evelyn a nod.

She continued to stay wrapped in her own thoughts through Eric Koenig’s introduction, and confirmation that Fury was dead.  Everything would be fine from here on out.  Koenig would take Coulson aside to let him know Fury was actually alive, then it would only be a matter of time until she’d be able to ask to go home.  She’d be able to get back on task with trying to find a way to stop Thanos and save Tony.  Nat.  Everyone.

“...and the Hub.”

She shook her head, falling back into the conversation.  “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said,” Koenig didn’t mind the attention, but seemed to have missed the stunned faces around him.  “We’re all a little shaken up, especially since we’ve lost both the Fridge and the Hub.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Evelyn repeated herself.

“I said,” Koenig began again.

“I think she heard you,” Coulson interrupted.  “I just don’t think she believes what she’s hearing, along with the rest of us.  What happened?”

“Unclear.  We lost contact with the Hub this morning.  And the Fridge, not too long ago.”

“What, that’s not…” Skye was visibly shaken, worried about Ward, no doubt.

But so was Evelyn.  The Fridge had fallen, but the only people responsible for it on the show were still being held securely at the Hub as far as she knew…

Coulson’s phone rang, and he answered it at once.

“Ward?”

No.

“Yeah.  I’m glad you’re ok,” Coulson said, then handed his phone to Skye.  “Make sure he gets our coordinates.”

“What?” Evelyn’s throat was tight, the word left unheard on her breath.

“Can I speak to you in private?” Koenig asked Coulson, and the two left behind closed doors to talk.

Skye took a few steps away, putting some distance between herself and the group so she could speak to Ward.  Evelyn held her breath, trying to hear what she could of the conversation, shaking her head back and forth at what little she did.

Returning to the group, Skye’s face was full of conflicting emotions.  “Well, the good news is, Ward is alright.  He’s on the way here now.  But… right after we left the Hub… Hydra attacked again.  All agents there were lost.”

A collective gasp rang through the room. 

“No,” Evelyn’s voice was wavering, and her eyes began to tear.  “That’s not… that’s not right.  That doesn’t happen,” she said, still shaking her head.

“Are you alright?” Simmons asked, approaching Evelyn to check her vitals.

“No,” Evelyn raised trembling hands to keep space between her and Simmons.  “No, no!  That doesn’t happen!  That doesn’t…”

It felt like the room was closing in around her.  All agents there were lost.  Not just Hand.  Not just the handful of agents escorting Garrett to the Fridge with her.  Every SHIELD agent at the Hub.  Lost.  Killed.  Gone forever.  Because Evelyn tried to make a change…

“I-I gotta… I can’t…” she started walking away from the group.

“Evie…”

“I need… I need,” it was getting harder to breathe.  How many lives had she taken?  How many agents had died because she thought she knew what she was doing?

She walked back through the double doors of the dining facility, the team not far behind as they watched her, half worried and completely curious.  She pushed and pulled on each door she came to.  She needed space.  She needed to be alone.  She needed to figure out what went wrong.  She needed--all those people.  I killed all those people…

At last, a door gave way.  She closed it behind her, locked it, then fell to her knees.  Pain radiated through her body as she caught herself with her one free hand.  Tears finally spilled over, and she let herself cry.

“Evie?”

“Go away, Fitz,” she sobbed.

“Evie, please, let me help you.”

She didn’t want help.  She didn’t deserve help.  She pulled her ring off with her teeth, and spit it out.  The sound of it clanging about until it came to rest nearby not even registering.  She’d meddled in things she didn’t know enough about, and people died.  A lot of people died.  Maybe nothing could be changed…  Maybe it would be best to let her demon take her…

The bottle he’d initially brought up with him now sat empty on the desk, next to another nearly finished bottle.  His hair was pulled up on its ends.  He was still wearing the same clothes he’d had on when he flew to Pensacola.  The shadows under his eyes were deep and dark.

There hadn’t been time to sleep.  Once he’d found several ideal properties for sale, Tony had spent the rest of the day, and the next, on the phone with his real estate agent.  He had guys on the ground surveying the lands and checking that he’d be able to secure the proper building permits to get his new facilities started.

Once the balls were rolling, he’d been dead set on starting the designs.  He couldn’t rest until he knew everything he could do to expedite things was done.  He’d finished the plans for the upstate facility and was waiting to hear if the contractor needed any edits made before they were sent to the city for approval.  The deal on the site he’d chosen in Tennessee was still pending, so his focus was now on designing and drawing up plans for the Colorado site.

The sound of approaching footsteps made him glance up momentarily from the holotable.  Rogers and Romanoff.  Finally.  

“T-Tony?” Natasha said, approaching him slowly with Steve by her side.

He looked up at once.  She always called him Stark.  She never stuttered.  Something was wrong.  He rose from his seat slowly.  The looks on their faces…  Something was very wrong.

He swallowed hard.  “What happened.”

“There,” she let out a soft sigh, then took a deep breath in.  She started over.  “We were right.  Hydra did attack the Hub.  Fr-from the data I was able to find, Ev--”  She pressed her lips together and looked to the ceiling as tears welled in her eyes.

Tony’s breath quickened, and his jaw went taut.  “Spit it out, Romanoff.”

Nat steadied herself.  “Evelyn was there.  Communications with the Hub indicated that nobody left the base after the initial attack due to critical staffing needs.  But--but contact with the Hub was lost yesterday morning.  There was--”

Steve bowed his head and looked away, hands clasped before him.  Tony watched his jaw clench a couple times before looking back at Romanoff.  She was looking up again, trying not to let tears spill over.

“There was a second attack at the Hub.  It looks like--it looks like there was a sleeper agent left in the ranks.  All of the Hydra agents were released, and every SHIELD agent and,” she took a shuddering deep breath.  “Anyone who wasn’t Hydra… was eliminated.  They found piles of…”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m sorry, Tony, she…”

“Say it,” he challenged her.

“She…”

“SAY IT!” 

“She didn’t make it out.”

The air left him in a huff, and his lungs swiftly turned to stone.  His neck muscles strained, his skin stretched over them as he tried to take his next breath.  The whisky taste on his tongue turned to bile, and he clamped a hand over his mouth when he felt the liquids in his stomach churn.  But his eyes burned into Romanoff’s, and there he found his footing.  He rubbed his hand over his stubble before forcing in a stilted gulp of air.

“You,” he growled, pointing a finger in her direction as he closed in.  “You told her she was a part of the team.  And I,” his mouth began to turn down as he pulled a deep breath in through his nose.  “I told her she was safe here.  I told her we would keep her safe.  Here!  With us!”  

He had a hand in his hair and started pacing a few steps one way, a few steps the other.  He came to a stop by one of the desks, his chest heaving, eyes searching the room wildly.  Abruptly, he slammed his hand down on the desk.  The loud bang resounded through the room.

“God damnit!” he roared.  “She did not come all this way just to-”

Natasha cried silently, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“No, you don’t get to do that,” he yelled.  “You do not get to cry over something you made happen!”

“I think you’ve made your point,” Steve said gently, and laid a hand on Tony’s shoulder.

Tony spun on him, and slugged Steve hard in the jaw.  “Have I made my point, Rogers?!  Have I made my point!?  What is the point?!”  He pulled his hand back for another punch, shaking the sting out of it. 

Steve grabbed Tony’s fist and pulled him into a hug.  “I know,” he said softly as he gave Tony’s back a firm pat.  “I know.”

Tony felt the urge to slump into Steve’s embrace, but his anger bubbled too close to the surface to let him.  Instead, he pulled away, giving Steve a push for good measure, then stepped back, a tilt of the head serving as a warning to not try that again.

He closed his eyes, took a moment to compose himself, then brought his attention back to Romanoff.  His eyes were dark, his voice dangerous.  “I want you out.”

When she didn’t move, he repeated himself, louder this time.  “Get out!”

“Sh-she want--she wanted us to stay together.”

“Yeah?  Well she’s not here to make sure that happens.  Is she?  And who’s fault is that?”

Natasha hesitated only a moment longer, then did as she’d been told.

“You, too, Rogers.  Out.”

“I’m not leaving you alone right now.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“How ‘bout a friend?”

Tony swept everything off the desk beside him with a trembling roar, and braced himself up over it, his arms straight and stiff as they supported his weight.  He closed his eyes and let his head drop between his shoulders.  This wasn’t happening.  It had to be one of his nightmares.  He must have fallen asleep while working…

He looked over at Steve… his face… the pain in his eyes… it was real.  He fell into the nearest chair with a sigh and held a hand firmly over his mouth, trying both to keep himself together, and not lose the contents of his stomach.  The aching in his chest threatened to drown him, filling his heart and lungs so completely that it hurt to breathe.  This couldn’t be how their story ended.  This couldn’t be what the cosmos had planned for her.  This couldn’t be… to have brought her into his life, just to steal her away forever… 

No.

In season 1 episode 18, Coulson sees that his badge is glowing, and it turns out there are coordinates flashing on it.  Fury had given him his badge, so he assumes Fury is alive and has sent these coordinates to him.  He has them fly the bus to as close to the coordinates as possible but still leaving space between where they land and where they’re going because Talbot and the US military are after them, so that’s why the long hike.