Never run back to whatever broke you.

you ruined me as a human being. you completely destroyed me and i don’t know how to come back from it. i’m trying to find myself but just as things start to make sense to me i feel the thunder rumbling in my bones again and they shift and move and everything falls right back out of place and in left swallowing down blood and lashing out on people, insisting that i am fine. i am trying so hard to be steady and stand on my feet again but sometimes it’s just so goddamn hard.

i just want you to know that i’m not the easiest person to love. I have a massive part of me that is missing or broken from the last guy and i’m not gonna lie, it’s gonna take a long time to fix those up, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try. I have to be honest to myself and to you and say that a part of me will always love my first love. A part of me is always going to want him, a part of me is always going to be sad and still have hope but every other piece, i want to be consumed by you. My first love has taught me so many lessons. So maybe i’m not going to fall as hard, maybe i’m not going to give in to an “i love you” as easily as i used too, maybe i’m going to have a bit of trouble learning how to trust again but i want to do that. The best part about a second love is it teaches you how to recover from the first, it shows you love when you thought all was gone to waste. I’m going to be difficult at times, I need attention, constantly. I love to be complimented and sometimes i need a reminder that i’m the only one, i love kisses and cuddles and sometimes i’m going to get mad, for no absolute reason except for the pure fact i want to see you get all frustrated and cute. I believe that all relationships have arguments and i am not afraid to have them, sometimes i’ll get sad whether there’s reasons or not and sometimes i need space, other times i need as much as love as you can give. Right now, I have more barriers than i ever have before but i’m okay enough to want to see where this goes. I’m not easy, but believe me, i’m worth it.