AVENGERS! ASSEMBLE!

Alright newbie, consider this your initiation, cool? But wasn’t there already a Scooby-Doo meets Batman with Doctor Doom as the villain? Maybe it’s just Scooby-Doo and Batman. I wouldn’t say mind blown, Scooby has done something with almost everyone.

A two for one? Damn man, not so much power next time. Umm… You’re starting to get a little cocky there bud, gonna ask you to turn it down a few notches. I mean, no one is perfect. I guess, whatever helps you sleep at night?

because i’m amazing? short answer. don’t see you winning any races payno. come back to me when you’ve won then we’ll hash out whether or not i’m a tosser for fracturing my elbow winning. i would like to redirect you to the japan comment you made a few years back and how you thought it was hot. but still, you’re missing the whole point here payno. i won the race! i ran the fastest. i’m a winner. screw the fractured elbow, focus on the good part.

no and i wasn’t redirecting you towards a compliment, tommo. i don’t have to race anyone to know that i’m a winner and that’s the difference between you and i. — i’m a winner in general. even if i said such rubbish, i wouldn’t remember it due to the fact that i was shitfaced for five years straight. is this your way of staying young? you know there are other ways to make sure your age doesn’t catch up with you: vitamins, greenies, botox or you could make a deal with a witch. i’d go with the ladder.

Oh wow, how did you manage that, Liam? So you think you’re an amazing player and somehow everyone else isn’t doing that great? Hmm, that’s interesting and I’d still like to hear more.

Oh yikes, sounds like a rough go of it, bud. I’m sorry you’re struggling with it all and I hope it gets better for ya soon. When’s the big match?

yeah yeah, it was not my finest moment, mate. it’s in june so i got a couple of weeks to learn all the do’s and don’ts — also how not to wack your own teammates. 

oh really? nah, they definitely made you captain due to your looks, a thousand percent agreed there. i mean….my favourite from one direction is louis, who even are these other guys? harry who? never heard of him, sorry. oooh shots fired. yeah, try being the supportive girlfriend going to his game, it’s not fun. oii, i have great advice. kick the ball, get it in the goal. best advice you’ll ever hear. and if you don’t get it in the goal, you’re a loser. 

can you really blame 'em? you feel me? yeah, you feel me. who could ever really dislike tommo anyway? i don’t mind losing my number one spot to him, so we’re cool. earlier this bird told me i clearly wasn’t harry styles.— well no shit sherlock. i can imagine that being a massive drag and 90+ minutes of pure hell, but you sure knew how to pick ‘em, pez. you can’t put pressure on my like that, tho. that’s like telling a bloke that you expect at least 30 minutes when you haven’t had sex in a week. — cards on the table, you’re lucky if you get 7 minutes in heaven.

Outch, that last one sounded painful, how come you got out of it unscratched? Ahah! Fair! That is pretty much the law these days, so I won’t talk more of it! Oh okay, I’ll make sure to keep my distances then!! 

have you not seen me? i’m a literal hulk and one cannot simply injure me. that’s just crazy talk. i feel like i’ve overused that sentence ever since encanto aired; so payno, how’s life? we don’t talk about bruno, mate. i mean, don’t dismiss me just yet? we’re just gettin’ deep here. 

you’re the captain this year? my bets were on chunks this year – poor lad, i better check in on him, see how he’s been taking it. tell me you never injured chunks? i couldn’t take that kind of news. well done on getting captain though – might be an idea to try and work on some of your skills though, yeah? don’t want actual injuries on the day. that would be a disaster, and england need to take back the trophy too. need some training sessions, my man? got some time this afternoon, and you know me, up to give some tips. especially, if it is for charity. 

that would be the title i for some reason got. he’s usually very upbeat about my mistakes and fouls and i haven’t yet to injure him.— bless ‘im. thanks, mate. but i don’t think you’ll congratulate me when you hear that the midfielder i collided with was joe cole. you might want to check in on ‘im.. you should know better than anyone the kind of pressure they tend to put on you, but i’ve been trying my best to do as told. for real? that’d be bloody wicked, mate. i’d really appreciate that. 

….damn…that was a lot at once. sounds uh - like you guys could use some help out there. 

.

i suppose your brain needs a little time to process, yeah? i’ll give you a second..

— are you offering or just mocking? 

Why would you go so hard to injure people on your own team? I don’t know, dude. It sounds like you’re playing dirty instead of playing fair. Maybe only take one steroid pill instead of two? I’m totally kidding. Don’t even quote Scott Disick to me right now. I’m not high enough for this bullshit. What do you say? Me and you? One on one? I’ll show you who’s boss on that fucking soccer field. You’ll be eating your words, Payne. You’re no Harry Styles.

hold up. did you just tell me that i was no harry styles? i’ll give you a second to elaborate before we continue this conversation. 

who in their right mind would make you captain? i feel like this is a very, very terrible decision. your team will lose. just joking, i saw your little kick up video earlier, very very good skills. i learned how to do kicks ups before from the ex, but can’t say that i can do more than three at a time. i like that motto…imma steal that and claim it as my own, cheers for that.

people who actually want to raise a pound, pez. in case you didn’t know, i was clearly the most popular lad in the band and regardless of your upcoming words i will stand by that. harry styles who? change my mind. yeah, we can’t all shag up with liverpools finest benchwarmers, and i’m definitely not taking footie advice from you. it’s all yours to keep, love. 

So you’re telling me you injured two players from your own team? Preparing for a soccer aid match?! Not playing it but training for it? How?! Should I be concerned for my own well being around you? 

To be completely fair the midfielder was in the way and it was just a wee touch of his knee. — i can sort of understand that i was the reason behind the goalie’s head injury, but we don’t talk about bruno. Yes... yes you should. 

soon i’ll find out if blink 182 was right, that no one likes you when you’re 23. but i don’t feel like an adult though. i found bigger sized goldfish when i went back to new york after coachella and i was so excited. they were even better than the smaller ones. i’m sabrina, and if you don’t know who i am, you’ll know my aunt. she’s bart simpson.

@cityofdreamsstarters​

did blink sing that? huh.. go figure. but then again i only really listened to all the small things and first date. wait, your aunt is nancy? that’s wicked. how much did you hear her speak in that voice while growing up? 

So, I’m not sure if anyone knows, but I’m a comic book nerd. So is Chris Evans, but he doesn’t want people to know. If you could see a crossover between any two fictional series, what would it be? I would want Deadpool just kinda existing in an Avenger movie. Doesn’t do anything to help either side, he’s just there. @cityofdreamsstarters​

so it turns out, i’m not invincible, who’d have thought? i decided to race my mate and ended up going straight into a wall and fracturing my elbow. but…i won. so it was all completely and utterly worth it. it was also worth taking my sling off on stage and getting a bollocking from my manager afterwards.  @cityofdreamsstarters​

why the fuck am i not the least surprised that you’d stand there and gloat over the fact that you won.— but fractured your elbow.. you’re a bloody tosser, you know that right? one day when you, you know, kicked the bucket, scientists will look at your brain and go ‘huh... who knew’.