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fuse mains /j

i feel so alone. I’m dealing with grief and school and the stress of work, taking care of my little siblings and everything feels like it’s crushing me. i need straight A’s so i can go to college because i won’t get the scholarship i need for me to continue my education. i never have time for myself anymore because i have to help with the bills, i don’t even get home until 11pm if I’m lucky, i have homework so i don’t even get to bed until 12-1 and we can’t afford day care so on my days off i need to take care of the baby and my younger sister. my mom is expecting me to dedicate my life to my siblings and i don’t even want to be alive so it’s so hard to be there for them. she’s pressuring me to leave my dreams of becoming a marine biologist so i could take care of them when i have my own place. she wants more kids and says since I’m the oldest i can take care of them when she is busy. i am not a baby sitter she can look at when she needs me. i am so sick and tired of being alone. my friends don’t talk to me anymore and i understand why. the only reason i haven’t ended things myself is because i know that without me my siblings would put my mom in a worse financial place and I’m the only one who will listen to them. I want them to have someone there for them, i want better for them than i had. i can hardly do this anymore and i feel like no one i care about cares about me. i feel like they don’t even see me as a person, i feel like they don’t think I’m worth the effort. i don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m so tired. I feel trapped

On Wattpad and soon Quotev