Soft Scribbles

Vash loves you. He loves you so much that it almost hurts. More often than he would like to admit, Vash feels the tug and ache of his heart at the thought of you. A pressure that squeezes and constricts his chest. It's almost terrifying, he thinks. Love isn't foreign to him; it's something he's held onto for all his life. His love for Rem. His love for Nai. His love for humanity. And yet, when Vash thinks of the love he has for you, it feels so different. It has him stumbling, stuttering like a complete fool, blindly chasing after that new feeling. As scary as it is to Vash, it feels so beautiful, so exhilarating, so warm. At the realization of his love for you, the acceptance of it, the ache in his chest no longer feels as painful. Instead, it blooms into something wonderful, something that makes him feel light, like he could float like the few clouds that grace the planet.

Vash thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world. No one could ever compare to you, he thinks. And oh, how he wishes to tell you. To proclaim everything he loves and admires about you, to tell you that he thinks of you as not just his world, but the very gravity that brings him back when he has drifted too far. That your voice calls to him like a distant light in the dark, helping to guide him. Your accidental graze of hands washing over him like warm waves on a beach. And if he allowed himself, Vash would let the way you gazed at him pour over him, making him think that, perhaps, he too is beautiful, despite the sins he carries. That he deserves to feel something so delicate and precious, to love and be loved. It’s so overwhelming that it brings him to tears, but it’s something he never wants to let go of. Vash promises to himself that he’ll hold onto this love, letting it grow and prosper. He could never bring himself to let go of it, of you. Despite the guilt that threatens to infect his heart, Vash can’t help but decide to be a little selfish. And when he thinks of the way you take care of him, making sure he eats, patching up his wounds, he indulges his heart and thinks that maybe, just maybe, you love him back. That you too want this beautiful feeling to shine brightly.

It’s these thoughts that make Vash want to tell you his feelings, to let them flourish in not just his heart, but hopefully yours as well. But, he can't. Not yet, at least. He can't bring himself to while he's on the run and searching for Nai. It hurts not to tell you, and with each day it grows harder and harder not letting you know. He so desperately wants to hold you, to caress your cheek and let you know how absolutely stunning you are. It hurts, however, the thought of confessing and bringing you into harm's way is far more painful than the pining he’s dealing with. The mere thought of you being injured because of him and who he is twists his heart painfully, stomach knotting up. With a heavy heart, Vash decides he’ll confess once things have settled down, once he can finally, truly rest.

So for now, Vash will be patient. He'll think of every brush of your hand against his, the way you smile and laugh at him so beautifully. He’ll commit to memory how your arms wrap around him. He’ll imagine the way you cuddle up to him for warmth at night is instead two lovers, embracing each other in a silent act of love. Vash will remember the relief, the happiness he felt when you accepted that he is a plant, how you reassured him that it wouldn't change how you felt about him. He'll focus on that beautiful, stunning warmth that you've brought into his lonely heart, and not the guilt he gets from wishing he could have you despite his dangerous life.

And he'll imagine a future where the two of you have been able to settle down and buy a house. It would be a bit worn down, but that’s alright. You two would slowly fix it up, turning it into the perfect house. He thinks of how you’d browse the stores together in the small city for the perfect furniture and decorations. He imagines you sitting on the porch with him, watching the sunsets and then looking at the stars, wrapping an arm around you, getting you to lean into him. Oh, how he wishes to wake up to your face every morning, cup your face and admire it. He wants to wash the dishes with you, clean the house and go shopping for groceries with you. He'll think of walking down the streets, hand in hand as you run errands. It’s simple, nothing grand, but it’s absolutely perfect to Vash. And as he starts to drift off to sleep, he starts to think of how he’ll watch you walking towards him, dressed oh so gorgeously down the aisle of a church.