it only ends once.

I've been doing things that are keeping me busy and one of those things is marathoning all the TV shows I said I'd watch ~one day~ and one of those shows was Felicity and I enjoyed it but WOWZERS do I have issues with that final bizarro story arc

all i want for jamie fraser

is to live a long life with no regrets

with claire by his side

and to die peacefully in his bed

with claire by his side

surrounded by all his family

bree, roger, jemmy, amanda, ian, jenny, every single one of the lallybroch murrays, william

i do not think i have ever loved a fictional character like this.  maybe because i don't read enough so i don't get to know characters as well on tv as i could in books but like seriously if you asked me to design the perfect male specimen it would be jamie fraser

he is honest, honorable, straightforward, courageous, willing to admit his own faults, capable of extraordinary depths of love, reason, and leadership, and faithful something fierce to his wife. also he's got the mind of a scholar and a rare strength of character (and body lol)

like when he's telling claire about mary mcnab etc and he's like "do you believe i didn't sleep with malva" and she's like "of course i do i never doubted you for a moment or else my entire life has been a lie" and like even as a reader i had no doubt at all for one instant as to his involvement with malva

poor malva

but oh gosh everything was happy - i think amanda's birth was the high point of this series. jamie's surrounded happily by his time-traveling family, roger is a dad again, stephen bonnet's been arrested awaiting death by drowning (literally his worst nightmare lol!), the big house is still standing, and then claire diagnoses amanda and my heart sinks and oh gosh please can't they ever go back i need everyone back together again FOR JAMIE'S SAKE I NEED THEM TO GO BACK TO JAMIE

roger and bree and jemmy and mandy leave through the stones and claire is alone and then donner comes and attempts to abduct claire for the 14398712th time in these books and

oh sidenote every time claire is taken away from jamie she has 100% total confidence he's coming for her and he absolutely does every time without fail. she's just like "ok i've just gotta stay alive until he gets here." and wow, to have so much well-placed faith in a person, that's amazing

ANYWAY

THEN THE HOUSE BURNS DOWN ON DECEMBER 21

and jamie and claire are off to scotland to get the printing press and then coming back

i'm glad jamie found some ideal to grasp re: the revolution beyond just fighting for his family :)

and then my heart found a little piece of warmth at bree buying lallybroch as a fixer-upper and roger driving a mini cooper I KNEW HE HAD GREAT TASTE, lol a step up from his morris minor :)

the very last thing i want from this series (but i'm not holding my breath) is for jamie to get to see where claire/roger/bree are from, just to understand, because he obviously believes them but i want him to see it with his own eyes

I JUST WANT EVERYONE TOGETHER IN THE END IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK (probably)

gosh i really like these books but they're freaking long

i knew the skeleton would be someone claire knew (i mean it was 200 years old obvs!)

also I didn't really have any expectations for "Mrs. Abernathy" but WOW I wasn't expecting Geillis Duncan!

I mean I always adhere to the "If they're a major character and you don't SEE them die, then they didn't die" a la Jack Randall

TOO IMPORTANT TO DIE OFFSCREEN!

but wow so many ppl said geilie was dead so i guess i just thought she was???

and once the cave scene was over i thought the book would end peacefully

it eventually did

BUT NOT BEFORE LITERALLY ALMOST DROWNING

i mean really. yikes. but i really do enjoy the writing because i couldn't really comprehend what was happening which was kind of the point

oh gosh claire was knocked overboard and was being dragged under and jamie dove in after her and saved her life and then floated with her unconscious for literally miles and miles and miles

SHORT RANT: WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR MOST TV SHOWS AND MOVIES TO DO WELL-WRITTEN COUPLES IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER I MEAN THIS IS SO LOVELY THERE'S NO WILL-THEY-WON'T-THEY THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN LIFE AND THE MORE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER THE BETTER THE STORY GETS ugh more couples like this please. intimacy and friendship over time strengthen a relationship and it becomes stronger and that's more profound than all the "will they get together?" stories in the world

(don't get me wrong i love a good will-they-won't-they, this series was a spectacular example of that at the beginning - everything prior to the wedding and even times after that - but there are just SO FEW good ones because that story has been done TOO MANY TIMES)

i loved the first book a ton... them meeting and falling in love was so wonderful... but like the only reason i am still reading these so voraciously is because i love claire and jamie SO MUCH because they love each other SO MUCH. no stupid contrived ~misunderstandings~ to drive them apart or whatever, they're both smart and reasonable and forgiving. they just make a great team and yes they argue and fight but they make up and stick it out because they love each other and they work well together and their skills complement each other

anyway

they're in GA now!

my grandmother read these books, i discovered while she was visiting this past weekend

and she spoiled me a bit. she's through book 5 and so i knew they were coming to america

and with the highland clearances and such, this was the time when my ancestors left scotland for america, i mean probably not under such dramatic circumstances but still it's kind of neat to feel a sort of kinship with these characters in that my ancestors were moving from the same place at the same time

ok some stray thoughts:

claire has seen jamie's grave in scotland.........???? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, is he going home at some point? Where is Claire's grave? :( :( :(

also if i were brianna and roger i would have left craigh na dun as soon as claire went through and continued tracing their history as far as i could. jamie and claire would both be mentioned in the captain's log of the porpoise at least and possibly in other records elsewhere... chartering the artemis maybe? an arrest warrant on hispaniola? idk

the only thing i want from this series

THE ONLY THING

is for brianna and roger to come through the stones (THEY COULD BOTH HEAR THEM, I KNOW THAT'S IMPORTANT, JAMIE COULDN'T HEAR THEM BUT BRIANNA AND ROGER BOTH COULD SO THEY CAN BOTH COME THROUGH I KNOW IT)

and for jamie to meet brianna

i mean the man is basically a walking Found Family magnet, he adopts people from all over the place (FERGUS CLAUDEL FRASER, alllll his various groups of men from lallybroch and the battlefield and prison and all his various business ventures) and he even mentioned kids to claire on their wedding night when he talked about her hips and the man has been a provider for SOOOO many people and yet he's never had the joy of loving his own child even though he has two of them and he wanted to sleep near their photos just to be close to them i mean GOSH i just want him to be able to hold brianna in his arms and for her to say she loves him and then his heart will melt and then MY heart will melt and that's all i want from these stupid books

also claire saying at the end of this book that she hasn't entered menopause yet. i mean. maybe? even though she's 50?

all the photos at the bottom of the ocean. my heart. is breaking.

jamie'll meet brianna i just know it. she and roger have to come through the stones

maybe they saw a record where claire died or jamie died and they knew they could save them so they came through

i mean even if she had any penicillin left it's all at the bottom of the ocean now

both brianna and roger have time traveler ancestors who have been through the stones

so whatever they had, they passed it along to their children

THEN JAMIE AND CLAIRE AND BRIANNA AND ROGER CAN HAVE FRASER FAMILY FUNTIMES AND EVERYTHING WILL BE GREAT

basically roger will take brianna's name a la rory pond

but lol these books like to make you suffer so i expect there'll be quite a bit of that first

OK BRING ON DRUMS OF AUTUMN

FERGUS CLAUDEL FRASER

ofc jamie isn't dead

why didn't claire research as soon as she got back why why why

i would need to know

i would need to read the words

but then maybe being there left too much of a scar

oh gosh oh gosh "name him brian" OH GOSH

i'm not even kidding i kept thinking 'why the name brianna?' and then i let out an audible sob

twenty years twenty years no no no no no no

geillis duncan

gillian edgars

roger wakefield

brianna is rogers sixth cousin a few times removed or something like that

this stupid twisted time traveling family i hate them i love them

roger and brianna are far enough removed that i ship them even though they're distantly related through dougal and ellen but like roger was willing to risk his entire existence to try and save gillian so that makes him a-ok in my book

claire is going to go back for jamie

but when

when in his life will she come, also 20 years later?

she'll be 51 at this point, right? she went through at 27, stayed 3 years, and it's been almost 21 years right? ugh all i wanted was for james fraser to hold his baby in his arms oh gosh CAN'T THEY CHANGE THE PAST CAN'T SHE GO BACK DOES IT HAVE TO BE TWENTY YEARS

will brianna come through too

can roger come through

can dudes come through

only two ppl we know of so far are claire and geillis/gillian

all i want is for everyone to have one big happy time travel party and be together and be happy THESE BOOKS ARE FOR MASOCHISTS all i wanted from the beginning of dragonfly in amber was claire and jamie's reunion after 20 years and i'm so happy i have the next book to move onto immediately because I DIDN'T GET THAT

i started this book monday it's 700+ pages and i'm done with it

imma stop writing this and read voyager but ugh so much pain

but two thoughts first:

claire keeps saying she loves frank but honestly not once in the past did she ever think 'wow frank would love this frank would love being here and seeing things and feeling and smelling how things were in history frank loves history he would love being here' and i kept thinking how much of a delight it would be for historian frank to time travel backwards into the world he loved learning so much about and claire has never had that thought so far as i can recall

my biggest problem with this series

is that claire is not very concerned with the time travel-y stuff

ok like she counted 27 dead at prestonpans

but didn't make a note of a FINAL count bc ppl were still dying at that point if i'm correct

THAT WOULD BE MY MAIN CONCERN. DID 27 PPL DIE OR DID 30 BC IF 27 THEN YES WE HAVE A CHANCE TO CHANGE THINGS AND WIN THIS AND IF 30 THEN NO WE DON'T HOW CAN WE STOP THIS SLAUGHTER FROM HAPPENING

oh gosh though i am so glad to be done with all the paris stuff

jamie's duel with randall and castrating him (hooray, alexander randall must be frank's real ancestor and i can only hope he isn't a total creep like his brother), almost better to let randall live like that than to kill him even though i suspect he'll attempt to have his revenge yet again

can i just hug fergus omg i am so glad jamie has basically adopted him he is precious

also claire's miscarriage oh gosh i had a knot in the pit of my stomach the entire time i was reading until they got the letter from charles stuart to distract me

CHARLES STUART WHO I COULD STRING UP BY THE NECK FOR SIGNING JAMIE'S NAME TO THAT STUPID PIECE OF PAPER

i will get back to that later

but also master raymond saved her life ~somehow~

and that whole super weird episode with king louis and comte st germain and raymond like wow super weird and oh gosh poor claire and comte st germain saying he didn't work alone just before dying oh no :( and oh gosh claire agreeing to sleep with louis to free jamie to save scotland but also knowing it'd hurt jamie and then his 'never again never again' 'why didna you tell me about louis, i'm so hurt, you don't trust me to love you' 'how did you feel about what happened with randall when i was in wentworth? you healed me then and now i want to heal you' ugh

ugh like ok charles ii is my big-time history crush and it's his house the jacobites are supposed to be restoring and like he was basically the first jacobite w/ the whole exclusion crisis "my brother james and his descendants will rule whether everyone likes it or not"

seriously the exclusion crisis was so important to Brit and US history. it saw the formations of the first modern political parties and the glorious revolution and the eventual hand-over to the hanovers (pun intended) who introduced things like prime ministers etc. like it's such a boring piece of history (well, mostly boring, some executions and some drama but also lots of boring legal stuff) but it has ramifications even today

and scotland should have been able to keep its relative independence and way of life even though they were formally part of the uk and had been for ~40 years at that point

but then culloden and the highland clearances :(

and george ii was bad as we learned on horrible histories

i'm glad we got some peace at lallybroch though, i'm so scared for it in the highland clearances though, like basically the fallout from culloden ended the clan system and lallybroch has been a welcome patch of calmness in these books that are otherwise quite emotionally jarring

i can think of few things that would prepare someone for 200 years of time travel that would be as effective as medical training and field experience. also vaccines

i know jamie's going to appear to die though or something ugh this story has to have a happy ending please have a happy ending

i just want jamie to hold his own baby in his arms please just give me that, book

everything hurts EVERYTHING HURTS

Part 1 with Claire and Brianna and Roger omg

I think I really like Roger a lot. And Brianna too :) But like WHO IS ROGER he's a MacKenzie so who's great-great-great-grandson is he?

also I am sure we're gonna get a ton of Brianna in later books and I'm looking forward to that, if she's anything like her parents I love her already

I'm glad Frank got to raise her and I'm glad he wanted to even though he said he wasn't sure about loving a child that wasn't his own blood. :) but oh gosh oh gosh just thinking about jamie never getting to meet his baby girl NO NO NO WHYYYYY

oh gosh Claire though. Her first person accounts throughout Part One. BREAK MY HEART WHY DON'T YOU

looking at Brianna while she's sleeping and touching her hair and Brianna smiling in her sleep and Claire thinking 'you are so much like him' NO

and waking up in the middle of the night dreaming about being with jamie after twenty years oh claire honey

and then unexpectedly seeing his gravestone

ok so i am pretty sure claire fled culloden moor

she saw jamie die (or rather THOUGHT she did) and omg it must've been something terrible that drove her to go back through the stones at craigh na dun after 3 years

WHY WAS HE BURIED AT ST. KILNA WITH BLACK JACK THOUGH

so he wasn't dead when claire left (obvs) did he fake his death? is he still alive somewhere after 1746?

how can she save jamie i mean frank's fine and all but can't she change the past so she doesn't have to go back through the stone and we can have fraser family happytimes but then it would change brianna's life and idek what i want

but then part 2 ugh

all through part 1 jamie wasn't there but it felt like he was radiating through the pages and i wanted to get to claire's explanation quickly and then in part 2 i am dying to know about brianna and what happens to make claire go back

also her pregnancy starts in 1744 and she doesn't return to her time until 1746 so i'm assuming we are talking about two children here. oh gosh please don't say there are any problems with this pregnancy please let there be a healthy living child somewhere safe

also i love that she's working in a hospital and LOL the doctor dog! I am going to get a rescue dog in the next few weeks (my uncle is a vet, they found her on the side of the road!) and i'm trying to think of names and Bouton is kinda cute. she's a chihuahua mix and she's absolutely the cutest black and tan with a white stripe down her chest oh gosh

i don't really care about jared's business or the french aristocracy but some of the spy stuff is interesting

ALSO WHAT THE HELL WHY IS THERE YET ANOTHER RANDALL THE FIRST ONE ISN'T EVEN DEAD YET WHY WHY WHY

alexander can leave please and thank you i don't care if he appears to be nice

what the hell was he doing there when mary hawkins was raped i'm so terrified it was him HE JUST SHOWED UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND IF HE REALLY WAS FOLLOWING HER HE DIDN'T ATTEMPT TO STOP IT

also mary hawkins :'( :'( :'( oh gosh claire explaining the birds and the bees to her and then this ugh this is horrid

tobias menzies will be the first actor to win three emmys for three roles for the same show I HATE THEM ALL (ok mainly black jack. frank is ok i guess and alex is a complete toss up but considering his brother and considering the things Jack said to Jamie in Wentworth...........)

and claire hasn't realized yet that this is the alex she knew jack was talking about back when jamie told her everything

ugh jamie still can't sleep sometimes and of course he's still haunted and he will be for a long time ESPECIALLY with black jack still alive and ugh i just want claire to be able to help him

either alex is just as twisted and horrible as his brother or he and jamie and mary hawkins should form a support group for survivors of sexual assault

really though i know claire was crying with mary over her lost virginity and yes it's horrible and maybe in 1744 it's not proper for a married man to speak with an unmarried woman about such things but i want jamie to tell mary that yes it feels like a piece of her soul has been permanently ripped out of her but to tell her that she will find someone who will love her and she will be able to have a fulfilling and rewarding romantic and sexual relationship and he's living proof that there is moving forward from this and it's not the end of her life and that it's not her fault

BUT UGH GOSH NOT IF SHE GETS MARRIED TO BLACK JACK RANDALL ugh i'm gonna vomit. and now in this society at this time she's considered 'used goods' and jack likes to damage people and then break them and i'm just so scared for her. maybe alex is good and maybe alex is frank's real ancestor?????????? i just can't imagine what he'd do to someone who was considered, under the law, his property. no.

also i don't want to post spoilers but like i kind of think this series should come with a massive trigger warning, especially for ppl who are watching the show and haven't read the books. the end of book 1 is darker than anything I can remember seeing in the seasons of GoT i watched (1-3) and then jamie's nightmare in this book D: also there are several attempted rapes and then mary hawkins oh gosh.  All the picspams i've reblogged have been pretty ppl holding hands in love but like seriously this series gets super dark

i think i like raymond??? but i'm not sure.

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT FERGUS?!?!? I LOVE HIM.

AND MURTAGH SWORE HIS OATH TO JAMIE WHEN HE WAS A NEWBORN OH GOSH OH GOSH HE'S LIKE THE GOOD VERSION OF SNAPE "I LOVED YOUR MOTHER DEARLY AND THOUGH HER CHILD ISNA MINE BECAUSE SHE LOVED ANOTHER MAN I WILL SWEAR TO PROTECT AND SERVE THIS CHILD WITH MY LIFE" geez murtagh :')

murtagh saved claire from black jack when she first arrived and if it weren't for him rescuing her and taking her to that cottage she might not have met jamie and oh gosh murtagh is just kinda great

i'm just really really really sad for mary hawkins

the chapter i'm about to start is called "untimely resurrection" and i'm so scared it's about jack i know he's not dead WHY IS HE NOT DEAD

also jamie's tenderness towards claire's pregnancy NOPE cannot deal.

i think i read somewhere that diana gabaldon requested ppl not write fanfic about her characters but honestly i can't think of anything else i'd want to read about jamie and claire that isn't in her books already

also this series makes me super proud of my Highland heritage :) too bad it's not cold out or i'd read this series wrapped in my tartan

*fans self*

as i said this book and jamie fraser are 110% straight female wish fulfillment fantasy

(not a complaint)

ofc claire is pregnant (frank was probs the sterile one)

and she's saving jamie's life taking him to rome and hopefully saved jenny and ian by giving instructions about the rising (i do hope we see them and lallybroch again, i'll be reading the rest of the books now)

all i want is a scene with jamie freaking out while claire is giving birth in the next room LOL he's going to pace a hole in the floor i can't wait.

ugh gosh when she's like 'i don't have anything to give you' and he's like 'yeah except my life my manhood and my right hand' ugh ugh ugh GET OUT

he 100% committed to that 'you will have the protection of my body' promise and he absolutely gave everything he could possibly give for her short of his life and he was about to give that too but then she broke into a prison and rescued him using a band of scots and a herd of cows and he was just so completely broken in every aspect of his being and then she had the skill to save his life and the love to heal his soul and i just i just

also i know ppl have different lifestyle views and experiences and i don't judge ppls life choices irl and i realize i'm in a tiny minority here but for me personally it's kind of a turnoff when fictional characters are all ~sexytimes~ and they're not married, i'm a bit old-fashioned like that (bless jamie's virginity on his wedding night) so i really enjoyed this story

      i just watched the pilot and will probs catch up on the show tomorrow (also bless the casting directors, jamie was kind of kevin mckidd-ish in my head but this jamie walks a perfect line between adorable and hot, so good job, also i really like claire and also tobias menzies from persuasion who seems like he'll play ~unhinged~ very well)

but i know the wedding episode was last week so dollars to donuts the ~cliffhanger~ tonight is jamie leaving her up at craigh na dun to make her decision

i mean 16 episodes is not that many for this story

especially bc the wedding happens about 25% through the book and last week's episode was 7/16

      if you like the tv show you should absolutely read the book. the pilot was really true to the story.