Does anyone else have these intense waves of jealousy, I don’t like being jealous of people. Ik we live different lives but I can’t help to want what they have. Good home life, amazing parents, going to their dream college and well me… I have a horrible home life and my parents fucked me over so bad and now I can’t go to my dream college. Everyone around me is going to the college they love and I can’t help but feel like I wanna be them, it’s becoming so bad that I’m starting to hate my friends. They can never understand what I through and ik it’s selfish of me to ask that of them but everytime they talk about their perfect major and their perfect family i genuinely wish it all crashes and burns so someone knows how i constantly feel.
College was my escape, my sanctuary away from my parents and that was ripped away from me. Now I’m more alone than ever and the last thing I need to hear is the people around me loving the life they want and have.
Deep down I hate myself for hating my friends. They can’t understand the feeling of desperately wanting to escape. I feel stuck, I feel like I can never escape like I’m just destined to rot in this house. And that’s something no one around me could ever understand.
I want to be seen and understood so I can stop feeling this hatred towards my friends. It’s like they’re torturing me with their perfect lives and I hate it. They get to have everything that I want and not worry about it being ripped away from them violently. It makes me mad. I don’t want to be but I am.
I genuinely hate my friends. But I hate myself more.