warning: art work ahead

It's a biting send-up of both the ways we make ourselves palatable and the ways we transgress, viewed with regards to gender ("Outliars and Hyppocrates" takes a similar focus, but through the lens of mental illness instead). However, inspired by a few factors, I'm personally beginning to read "I / Me / Myself" in an additional way: as an expression of a desire for the innocence conferred by victimhood—a wish for the ontological inability to cause harm. These factors are namely: online discourse over the perpetuation of transmisogyny; Will Wood being a cisgender man, as he (understandably) had to specify around the time the song first got popular; and the alternate lyrics on the 2018 demo version of the track. This urge to martyr oneself falls in line with Will's ambivalence over moral goodness, as seen in "Laplace's Angel" (and both "Half-Decade Hangover" and "Against the Kitchen Floor" off “In case I make it”), and with his more self-referential songs about his struggles with fame (which at their worst are cloyingly self-important, to a degree that would put Morrissey to shame—see the unreleased track usually titled a variant of "Monkey's Paw" or "Public Statement").

The chorus of "I / Me / Myself" repeats the singer's wish to "be a girl." But what does it mean to be a girl, from the viewpoint of the song? It opens with its protagonist having made themself, through the strain of weight loss, fit beneath their "skin"—a mere surface layer, part of their (self-)deception. Here, the implication of disordered eating goes hand in hand with the cultivation of femininity; an implication made explicit in the bridge of the 2018 version, which reaffirms the protagonist's dysmorphic desire to be small and underweight. They make themself "brittle" in order to become "pretty," associating feminine attractiveness with weakness. The first chorus asks if they have made themself "pretty enough to lie to," as in, to be flattered—but also manipulated, gaslit. Even the parody of the stock phrase "a little girl in a big world" makes it clear the desire is to be an ingenue, naive and vulnerable. The final chorus doubles down on the links between victimhood, girlhood, and martyrdom, asking, "Am I pretty enough to fucking die?" Meanwhile, in the 2018 version, they wish they were a girl specifically so the listener would want to "kick [their] fucking teeth in." "Would you please objectify me? I'm just a hunk [of] . . . burning self-loathing," they plead. To be a girl in this way is to be both desirable and deserving of violence.

This fantasy of victimization is obviously a self-destructive one. Its appeal, aside from the allure of self-harm for self-hate's sake, lies in the fact that if one remains forever a victim, one never takes on the role of perpetrator. Innocence means freedom from culpability; the protagonist already avoids responsibility for their sense of self—seeking external validation, allowing others to establish and restrict their identity ("let me be the void you fill with taxidermy fingerprints," offers the 2020 album version)—so why would they want responsibility for their moral or interpersonal failings? Which, taking this character to be drawn from Will's persona, could be numerous indeed (although he maintains plausible deniability about the events of his life for privacy's sake, he is open about his imperfections). This reading places "I / Me / Myself" in the neighborhood of "...well, better than the alternative," a song about an adult who has gone "wrong" and longs for the lost innocence of childhood. This yearning is articulated through projection onto a daughter character in the first verse, after which the lyrics drop the gendered allusions, but not before mentioning "lab rat girls and pretty white rabbits." These dehumanized figures mirror the protagonist of "I / Me / Myself," who hopes that, like a martyr (or daughter, or laboratory sacrifice), their suffering will assure their goodness and value.

Although I find an analysis of the lyrics to support this reading well enough, I'd like to return to the outside influences on my interpretation. With regards to the relevance of transmisogyny, the online queer spaces I occupy have pointed out a specific rhetorical practice of AFAB trans people, namely that of positioning ourselves as inherently more vulnerable and easily victimized because of our upbringings as "girls"—implying, intentionally or not, the inverse: that trans women are more prone to or capable of violence. This position of essentialized innocence is argued from in order to get away with misbehavior, especially towards said women. Given that humanity's universal capacity for harm connects to the wider themes of The Normal Album (as put in "Laplace's Angel," "if you were in my shoes, you'd walk the same damn miles I do"), this gendered dispute over it seems pertinent to the narrative of "I / Me / Myself." I also feel encouraged to read the song as using girlhood as a formulation for a specific kind of idealized victimhood, rather than the more straight-forward trans reading, because of the songwriter's gender. Art is not autobiography, but the personal quality of Will Wood's work leads me to factor in his authorial intent more (although I don't delegitimize readings that discard his input). He made his intentions with this song clear after its initial reception, especially due to the vitriol it received by those who read its message as transphobic. Speaking of vitriol, the newly released 2018 lyrics reemphasize the violence and spite at the heart of the song, winding it tighter around that narrative of self-destruction; I wouldn't be able to factor them into the overall analysis if they hadn't just come out! Altogether, I feel that these elements help paint a clearer picture of how I came away from the material with this observation.

My point is that "I / Me / Myself" is in part about the cultivation of a very specific "myself." A self that—whether loved or hated, spat on or embraced—can do no harm. A claimed identity that absolves any actual behavior to the contrary. This individuation is motivated by a social species' need for approval, its expression found in a uniquely human, superego-tistic drive towards moral purity. In the song's commentary on conformity and deviation, it acknowledges these drives as influenced by environmental actors, but reserves an empathetic frustration for those who lean into that influence. I use the phrase "martyrgender" fairly glibly in the title, fully aware that the gendered performance of vulnerability is often weaponized against the transfeminized and degendered (including women of color); I'm also aware of the dubious images of butch Joan of Arc and ex-Catholic transmasculinity that term might conjure. I see this tune as, in Will's typical irreverent way, an attempt to satirize, and perhaps even reclaim, that performativity.