LimeChip

Three Rum and Cokes and a couple beers in Some lucky drunk stood up, heavy with where he'd been And he held onto someone and he sung out compelled "You're why I was right to trust myself", he said"Keep me up, keep me out late Keep me close, I need your faith Keep right where you are 'cause I've followed this far Like I'm sure that you're the northern star Oh, I'm sure that you're the northern star"Three hours in to a three-minute call Some gambler wondered if she'd just won it all And she laughed when he asked if his head seemed alright, singing "I've seen the bright sides my whole lovely life", she said"Talk me up and talk me down Talk too long, I'll stick around Talk me into following you somewhere far Like I'm sure that you're the northern star Oh, I'm sure that you're the northern star"Three weeks away from a year since the score And the reckless thieves reckon they could get even more They ain't casing out weddings, nah those are too big a sign They're just looking at dresses and rings that she likes, they said"Keep me up, keep me out late Keep me close, I need your faith Keep right where you are 'cause I've followed this far Like I'm sure that you're the northern star Oh, I'm sure that you're the northern star I'm sure And I'm sure that you're the northern star"

It’s been over 4 years since I’ve left the worst part of my life, but its impacts still haunt me every single day. On the surface level, I know that I’m someone who is easily likeable. However, whenever I try to form a relationship with someone, I’m being asked to be my most vulnerable, but being vulnerable brings up a lot of my past traumas and makes me act in ways that I absolutely hate. Why can’t they just know “I want you to love me and that’s why I hide from you. I want you to be independent, but I that’s when I fear you’re going to leave. I’m going to think you secretly hate me, and I’m going to be cold to test if you really love me.”? 

I feel like I'm a teen again before love always meant hurting, back when I loved recklessly. Let this devastate me, let his hurt me, let this make me never want to fall in love again. Let this be a heartbreak, then at least I know it's real.