🪽

ts dude literally said I have the devil inside of me and I'm forcing myself to be miserable and shit because of all of my mental stuff that I'm dealing with and dealt with before

then she has the nerve to tell me she wants me to be close with her and tell her my problems but genuinly acts fucking insane when I do

like all of a sudden I'm a miserable delinquent for staying in my room, slouching and having a bad day

so I've never struggled with fasting, and I could always go atleast 1 day fasting on only water. (that was like 2 months ago)

now, I can't fast longer than 1 day, and when I break my fast early it's usually with alot of food, sometimes a binge.

I know this isn't a rare struggle, but it's still hard for me.

I'm trying my best, I hope my followers know that aswell as those who like my posts.

so I will be fasting and I will not give up because of my habits, I will overcome it🙂

she said shes not going to micromanage like she did, she's just going to ask me if I've eaten so I'm still able to ⭐️

so yes I'm still locked in

theres times where I eat nothing

theres times where I eat everything

doesn't matter what's in my sight, there's this instinct where I have to eat it

no matter how full I am

or how disgusted I feel

I just keep on eating

I can 'recover' with exercise or fasting

but the cycle never truly ends

it will always be there, in thought, then inevitably, in action

and oh how it feels after

only after you give in, will you truly grieve your progress

only then do you realize how disciplined you were

how hard it was to get where you were, but how easy it was to give in

theres moments like these where I wonder if I'm truly meant to get to my goal

if it's just a cycle where at the end, I succumb to my wants. my cravings

when will I realize my potential?

in my collar bones? my waist?

or is it my thighs? my arms? my stomach? my double chin?

that doesn't seem to be enough motivation for me

and it's killing me. mentally

knowing what I could achieve

but also knowing exactly what's holding me back

yet still, I succumb to the person I will never stop being

I will not binge

I will stick to my diet

I will not binge

I had a 130 cal energy bar for breakfast and why am I hungrier then when I skip breakfast?

literally got me thinking what am I going to make when I get home...