I used to be an Art Sideblog

But worse than that, ultimately, I really do feel bad for her by the end. Maybe because Nattie isn’t even naturally a peppy prom-queen-All American-Sweetheart type. From the get-go, Natalie is not likable. Natalie is not naturally charming or charismatic, even her mother notes this. Natalie didn’t even set out to be an internet celebrity role model for American Christofacism.  Is she judgy? Yeah. Are some of her notions eye-roll worthy? Yeah.  But if it weren’t for this particular series of events, she might’ve just been a regular, normal-level of religious young wife with a family and normal interactions with the modern world. And I think the tragedy isn’t so much what she becomes, it’s that she herself fell into a rabbit hole without realizing. As much as Natalie wants to believe she is the master of her destiny to create a life away from the grind of corporate GirlBoss feminism, she just ends up finding new traps for herself. Poor girl does NOT catch a break.  So is it a bit fun to watch her struggle and watch her plotting sort of fail time and time again? Honestly, yeah.  It’s a drawn-out hate-watch with humanizing moments, but the beauty of it is that any time you come close to feeling too bad, Natalie goes ahead and reminds you why she doesn’t need her pity. The worst part is that sometimes you’ll find yourself nodding along in agreement (Single use plastic? Yeah, that IS awful! High quality long-lasting reusable cotton and linen clothes for kids? Yeah, that IS great! Feeding kids as close to organic as possible? Yeah, sure! Homeschooling the kids to learn that teachers in public schools can and WILL vaccinate you without consent? Hey uh hold on there a sec…) Also, the way this book picks up steam after the half-way point like a snowball rolling down hill is CRAZY. It was just punch after punch after punch and I kind of loved it  Totally the kind of book I might have to reread. Also, awfully, sort of made me want to get out there and give gardening a second try.

The concept for You're No Better promised glaring excisions of the True Crime entertainment industry (call it what it is, tragedy porn) and that was a big draw for me. It doesn't shrink from how skeevy the online world revolving around True Crime and the lives (and deaths) of very real people are reduced to mundane fandom-style giggling about blorbos (And don't we know a thing about that here, on Tumblr?). For that purpose I believe that the social media post-stylized slices really felt uncomfortably realistic. Like, that's not a "Wouldn't it be wild if someone said this!" it's quite literally reading like a very real-existing comment somewhere right now with user names edited for anonymity. Right down to the stomach-roiling countdown. (You'll see.)

"…Clawed until her nails splintered and came off in pieces."

It also crosses paths with the equally unsettling reality of modern day stage parents commodifying the journey of parenthood for online gratification at the cost of the child's well being. I abhor influencers that peddle their children like products, so this hit a nail directly on the head for me. What I didn't feel comfortable diving into on GoodReads was that it specifically goes after the type of mommy blogger that really leans in to being a martyr figure for overcoming the impossible task of raising an autistic child (this is sarcasm, as Morgan's mother really makes it sound at times like having an autistic child is worse than a serial-killer-rapist-husband in jail.). Morgan's mother encapsulates that kind of Autism Speaks puzzle piece mother clinging hard to the classic 'We look so alike we could be sisters' desperation of being Instagram-perfect at all times that tells you how hard she peaked in her younger years. She is grating on the nerves in several ways that only mildly mothers can be. Which, yeah, also brace yourself for the way that being an Autism-Mom and murderer-wife makes her a brave mama warrior but the idea of Morgan transitioning is just TOO far for dear Bellamy.

"…Her best butch-bait outfit, a picture-perfect femme-in-waiting with her crop top and pink corduroy overalls."

I couldn't really go into this either on GoodReads, but when it comes to Alyssa, Morgan's childhood friend, I felt an echo of Manhunt by Gretchen Felker Martin in the palpable tension of friendship as it can only exist in that perfect pressure pot of high school, conservative surroundings and girlhood. Morgan is a trans boy, but his friend Alyssa is a trans girl that was embraced and allowed by her family which really created that atmosphere of saying 'I'm so happy for you' through gritted teeth. The echo was mostly that ugly feeling of jealousy towards the person you're also clinging to like a buoy for survival while you can't have the privilege of looking and being yourself the way they can.

I felt an immense satisfaction as usual when it comes to reading from the perspective of an autistic protagonist, specifically written by White. The sensory details, whether delicious (the paperclips) or grating (door lock clicking into place), felt satisfying and I found myself also getting stuck on the idea of dirt under my nails on many occasions. I will say that I felt very sad when I realized I was reaching the end of the book. I didn't feel ready to let go of Morgan or his journey. Which I guess ultimately really plays into the closing feeling of his life no longer being plastered online. But also if I'm allowed to say, I will say, I wanted more. AJW doesn't hold back on violence or gore or darkness, but the climax felt a little bit like it was padded, if that makes sense? Like the point of impact wasn't as hard as it was building up to be. Which is perhaps a wild thing to say when multiple deaths still happen. (Spoiler? Not really. We put highly emotional people into a box and shook it up, death was bound to happen.)

"My husband and my child were monsters, here's how I survived."

Coming fresh off White's previous book, You Weren't Meant to Be Human, I will say that it definitely felt like being reeled back into young adult territory (I wont go into more comparisons because this is a reflection on You're No Better, not a side by side). BY NO MEANS DOES THIS MEAN IT'S A WALK IN THE PARK. But you can definitely feel where some parts perhaps had more room to poke around and how it had to scaled down just a bit to fit the rating (14 and up, according to Google). I would personally say that this is very much a book for a seasoned horror/thriller reader for the violence AND psychological themes, it's not a starter book at all (this hypothetical morbid precocious adolescent certainly exists as I deffo remember being 14 and unsupervised on the internet). I don't think it crosses solidly into Adult Reading territory, but I can imagine pearl-clutching at some of the themes that pop up like underage drinking (don't worry parents, the narrative goes out of its way to remind the reader that this is a Bad(TM) thing, and in this setting it is not presented as a Fun thing to do but actually rather miserable in context), intimate scenes (nothing super explicit)(I feel comfortable saying FUCK on Tumblr, so yes, there is one mild scene of glossed-over adolescent fuckery, fully consenting, charmingly awkward), and of course the murder(s)(Varying detail, lots of gruesome little moments).

"Felicity says, "I would've killed myself if I were you." I choke on my water. "What the fuck?"

It also relies (not relies, actually, more like leans on a familiarity) on some baseline knowledge of things like True Crime podcasts/documentaries/exploitation, the Saw movie series, and the hardest part for me was already being familiar with the similarities between Morgan's father Graham Nathanial Slaughter and the real life case of David Parker Ray, who I find so revolting that I wasn't honestly sure if I'd be able to stomach reading continuously (Have to mention this because although we are told from the get-go this is about a child and their serial killer father, the specific kind is not in the general summary). But I did, because the worst part is that intentionally or not (probably intentionally because Andrew Joseph White knows ball when it comes to writing intrusive thoughts/feelings) the character of Graham Nathanial Slaughter is strangely fascinating in that hypnotizing-snake-stare way and I am still not totally sure how they managed to dilute that into writing. But yeah, it was awful to feel myself sinking into the same morbid fascination that True Crime exploitation mills thrive off of.

"So I've just got to keep raw-dogging existence, I guess."

This read is definitely YA, but not the shallow end, and I would definitely say it earns its place in the Andrew Joseph White pantheon. I can't give you a full placement rating on the AJW scale because I haven't read Compound Fracture yet, but I'll say: Gory and Compulsive-inducing as The Spirit Bares Its Teeth, Sensory as Hell Followed With Us, and as Intrusive-thought-leaning as You Weren't Meant To Be Human, though scaled down for the YA rating I imagine.