mouseymoo

Before we get into it, I will just let you know that these candies are not substitutes for a good clown diet, and should only be fed to your clowns every few days. Also, keep in mind that individual clowns have individual tastes!

1. NEVER give your clowns any form of chocolate or caramels, while clowns can have peanuts, the treats that they are usually packaged with will seriously upset clown stomachs.

2. Swedish fish, Haribo and trolli gummies These candies are great for clowns, but only give small and medium clowns one piece at a time. Large clowns can have two.

3. Laffy Taffy Only give these candies to hardier clowns like Auguste and Tramp clowns.

4. Jolly Rancher Crunch n Chews These candies are great, they go from hard to chewy, giving your clown some extra stimulation!

People who say mimes arent a proper form of clown are wrong!!! The official NCCPA (National Center for Circus Protection Agency) guidelines on what qualifies as a clown are too long to list here, but momes absolutely fit on that list.

Mimes are actually very easy to care for!!! Unlike most clowns they dont require any toys/bedding, as their natural ability to form invisible objects lets them create those at will. Some people think the objects a mime creates are just imaginary, but rest assured, they are as solid and real as can be!!! However, a mime cannot create its own food (due to some universal laws about the creation of energy and such), so you will have to buy food. They can be pretty picky and mostly insist on eating french cuisine. Please do not feed your mime solely baguettes!!! Those should be kept as a treat as they dont have much nutritional value, even though your mime may try to convince you its all they need, it is incredibly unhealthy. They should be fed a regular humans diet composed entirely of french foods.

Aside from their picky diet, mimes can also be picky about their surroundings and hygiene. They prefer things to be neat and tidy so they have room to create objects freely, and they need to be bathed regularly (at least twice a week) to keep up their sleek appearance. But they are perfect pets for clown owners who live in apartments or small houses, as they LOVE confined spaces!!! Oh, and you should always keep an eye on your mime to make sure it hasnt gotten stuck in its invisible box, which can happen sometimes. In the event of that the best thing to do is to find a crowbar and very gently start to dismantle the box.

Most of all, mimes require a lot of love!!! Despite being mute, mimes are very social, and will often look to you for approval or acknowledgement. Be sure to let your mime know how valued and adored it is.

Going to draw some images soon!

Keep in mind these are clown breed *types*, not breeds.  Each type can be subdivided into breeds.  It’s sort of like how toy dogs aren’t a breed, they’re a group of breeds.

Feel free to tell me to make corrections!

Auguste

Bouffon

Harlequin

Jester

Mime

Pierrot

Pueblo

Rodeo

First of all, clowns are NOT obligate dulcivores!!!! YES, they do enjoy sugar, YES, a healthy diet should include plenty of cotton candy to give them energy to caper, but they’re still omnivores!! ALL extant clown breeds descend on some level from the Greater Fool, which feeds mostly on carrion and rodents. Post-Colombian clown husbandry leaned heavily on the sadly extinct Least Clown (and yes, “clown” was once a specific breed!), which was primarily fructivorous with a supplementary diet of natural legumes. BOTH were omnivores, though their respective environments had forced a diet shift. Modern clowns are capable of eating just about anything, and they should! They’re not well adjusted for rough fiber, so stay away from grains and greens, but next time you put a bowl of candyfloss out for your Bozo, give him a mouse too! Don’t be alarmed by the mess - clowns do like to toy with their prey.

THIS GOES DOUBLE FOR MIMES. Mimes are PRIMARILY carnivorous! They were never crossed with the Least Clown - you can tell by their coloration - so a mostly dulcivorous diet is terrible for them! Now, generally people don’t get a mime and feed him taffy, but mime feed is almost as bad. Mimes on dry feed need iron supplements, their blood pressure goes down, and their pelts fade until they’re just grey. Please, PLEASE give your mimes raw meat! Give your mimes live prey if at all possible - your local pet shop or shelter should be able to direct you to their feed mice. Whenever I really want to treat my Pierre chanceux I’ll get him something bigger, like a rat or a garter snake. The pellets are kind of a pain to deal with, but your mime will thank you. Silently. Because he’s a mime.

Mimes are NOT dangerous!!!! They can be scary before you know them, but their claws are fully retractable, and you’ll never find a more caring species. What’s DANGEROUS is mime/fool hybrids. (IMHO, any fool hybridization should be ILLEGAL. They’re wild animals! You’re combining the body mass and predatory instincts of a fool with the clown/mime’s comfort with humans - how the hell do you expect that to go?!) I GUARANTEE that whatever scary story you heard about some feral mime eating somebody’s kid was actually a hybrid.

Speaking of which? Don’t get a fucking fool. They’re endangered. And they’ll kill you. Get a jester if you want capering, they caper just fine and they won’t try to kill you.

Clowns are probably one of the most mistreated creatures people keep as domestic pets. So many parents buy clowns for their children’s birthdays without doing any research on how to properly care for their clown, and therefore, so many clowns live cramped, uncomfortable, and stressed lives! This is an easy to follow guide on how to properly care for your clown, to make sure they live the best life possible.