lil Melody's Place

Addendum – Online Daddy

My tired brain, just woke up and realise that the brain dump of my thoughts from the evening in my last post was … not well written. I’m still processing the thoughts but my brain has definitely latch on to a number of ways I didn’t express myself well and could come across REALLY wrong. So I’ve decided in the interests of transparency (I like owning my shit when I dun messed up) I’d leave the…

Just generally thinking this evening while talking to sissy solidified some things in my head about what I need, what I want, and what I can work with at the moment. At the moment the thing that I crave and really feel like I need is the non-sexual side of the DD/lg dynamic while I struggle with the new work of hybrid working, even less social interaction, and low transportation availability.…

Also, Last year sometime I tried to commission a couple of artists on fiverr. Per their profiles I messaged them first about what I was looking for. Neither of them got back to me at all. (No I wasn’t being a beggar or asking for discounts or anything, I assume that the NSFW component might have put them off?) Basically I was looking for something to do a Chibi picture for me to use as my image…

CC – New hobbies

Okay so after the depressing post yesterday I decided for something short and light today, there will probably be a lot of short and light stuff while I try and get a routine happening again and get posting on the regular back into it. So over the last 3 or so months I’ve taken up three new hobbies. I mean really there’s only so many diamond paintings you really need laying around right? The…

I don’t know anymore

I’m not going to start posts after absences anymore with “I’m sorry I’ve been gone” or “I promise I’m back”. Because I don’t need to be sorry for taking care of, or trying to take care of myself, and I don’t need to make anyone any promises on my own blog, do I? So I’m not doing that anymore. I’m trying to hard to swim up from feeling like I’m at the bottom of the ocean and keep getting pushed…

LJ – Quiet again

So I’ve been quiet again. I’ve been struggling again. I haven’t been seeing my shrink because work has been crazy and lockdown again. I need to start digging back out of the hole again, so I cleaned my room today. I ordered yoga props and am going to start out slow with yin yoga, review my eating and drinking because I have put on way to much pandemic weight over the year and a half of lockdowns…

MHM – Living with others while living with depression

I didn’t do a MHM this week because I’m still processing some stuff. But I wanted to share a post I did back in 2016 on my old blog. Because at the moment, while I’m working so hard to reach my goals etc, a lot of it is bubbling around. Not a lot of contact on the dating sites, not a lot of contact with the outside world, etc. If anyone’s interested in reading my other posts around the time,…

Sexuality – Let’s get controversial

So today I randomly decided I wanted to see the bisexuality flag. The pansexual flag was mentioned in a book I’m reading (honest it was lunch break not avoiding work) and I was like “hmmm so many flags, I’mma check em out”. So I found the bisexual flag. Then I thought “Why is this a thing? If LGBTQAI+ community is as accepting and inclusive as they all say, WHY did Michael Page design a flag in…

LJ – what’s been happening?

When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.C.S. Lewis So I haven’t been doing much exciting in the last week. I did wake up on Saturday and think “I need to do something, something’s gotta change” so I reconfigured my bedroom. The layout is very different now. I’ve had a couple of panic attacks. Mostly because of the…

Dating – So I had a date …

So I had my first date last Thursday night. It was chill. No real connection there and I haven’t heard from him since, but it’s okay, I didn’t think it was actually going to be more than friendship if anything anyway. Over the course of texting it became pretty obvious, but I figured I could be projecting and went anyway. No harm in a milkshake and a chat right? I’ve been texting with another…

BR – The Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

So a couple of weeks ago I read a book called They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera and I’ve been wanting to discuss it with someone since I read it. No one I know has read it, so now it gets to be a book report. So in keeping with my promise of no spoilers … the both die at the end. It’s like right in the name. And it STILL infuriated me when it happened. Even though it would have infuriated…

NSFW – This had me laughing so hard

Okay, so I felt like this was absolutely the right audience to share this with. I’m a fan of Akidearest on YouTube she’s an adorable, geeky, American living in Japan and she posts videos about anime, living in japan, the Japanese themed Cafes, a bit called “Why japan” where she tries things she finds in Japanese shops and rates them for usability, price point, would she keep it etc, and other…

MHM – So Angry

So some stuff is making me really really angry this last week. So that’s what we talked about today in therapy. I’m angry at my neighbour, she’s annoying me by constantly “quitting smoking” which just means she stops buying them and asks me for multiple smokes a day. I don’t feel like I can say no because she’s historically done me favours and currently helps by grabbing things I need while out.…

Games – Ark: Survival Evolved

So after years of not playing any computer games, except a short foray through Final Fantasy XIV last year, my son was showing me his fort and dinosaurs in Ark, which perked up lil melody who decided she wanted her own little foot. So I got Ark myself back in March. It was my first ever open world survival game. And I promptly became hooked. Taming Dinosaurs purely because the colours were…

LJ – The Two Most Important People in my Life

So because of the previous nature of my blog I haven’t really talked about the two most important people in my life. My son and my sister. They are actually an almost constant source of worry for me. They’ve both started their actual career paths late. Sis is just finishing up her diploma of nursing and started her first personal care assistant job last week. Son is working on finishing his…

TV and Thoughts – Killer S1E1

So I got 2 months free on Binge, which I hadn’t really considered before, but I figured why not. Went through the catalogue and added bunches of stuff to my list. Tonight I started watching Killer. From the show description “This series gives an unflinching insight into an array of disparate killers, drawing from exhaustive research of leading professionals to take you into the mind of those…

LF – Today’s got me down

Okay so first up I realised, I have no “room” in my playouse for mental health mondays (didn’t happen this week because public holiday, no appointment) and dating. So I think I’m going to add and “Outside World” section since those happen outside of home? Or some logic like that which made sense for half a second in my own head? Pfft it’s my playhouse, I’ll do what I wanna. There’s a few things…