I can't really express how much it hurt to be pushed out of a space ostensibly about something I started, especially when many of the people responsible continue to act like Everything's Fine
It also really sucks how so many authors, staff, and long time regulars in that space have also been pushed out or otherwise made to feel unwelcome
I wish I had been able to do more. When I realized I had to leave, I had really reached my breaking point. I was having essentially daily (or more!) panic attacks at that point, just trying to keep my head above water in that space, on top of trying to manage my disability, healthcare, benefits, and various other parts of my life (which were not going well and continue to be difficult)
I (and many others) poured so much energy into trying to make that space safe and kind to the people there while also keeping it true to the core aspects of the setting (the disability narrative, ace-type kink, trans sapphic vibes, among others) and all we got for it was being run out of our community while the idea of what HDG is continues to be contorted into a shape increasingly anathema to my understanding of it
Not all the changes are bad, of course, there are many that I think fit well within the core themes of HDG, but some feel very discordant. For example, there's an increasing trend of people acting like florethood is about being super (allo) sexual in a very human sense, complete with affini acting as big-leafy-but-essentially-human-in-behavior partners to those florets, rather than what it is (which is to say, a position analogous to conservatorship but universally good and caring. One where florets, analogous to the disabled, are treated well, and loved, and cherished, in a subversion of what happens in reality all too often)
It's not wrong to write people having sex in HDG, but the depiction of that as what florethood is about feels bad because I'm ace, and I wrote HDG as acekink for both myself and other ace kinky people (and not people, as the case may be!). This was broadly the understanding in the early setting as well. Allo people did write in the setting, of course, but understood that this is an ace space, and were considerate of that
It all just makes me feel so empty
(There were more issues than just this, but I don't really want to sit here and write down all the ways in which I and others were hurt repeatedly over the course of more than a year)
(Also, just to be clear, 90% of the people in the community including the space I'm alluding to are wonderful. If you don't already know what I'm talking about my issues are almost certainly not with you)
Thank you for saying what you did lilmisschipmunk, and all my friends for their support. It really means so much 💜
jacobvanloon
2087
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