occasionally subtle
#extradirty
Mike Driver
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Claire Keane
Keni
⁂
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
★
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
DEAR READER
izzy's playlists!
will byers stan first human second
Andulka
One Nice Bug Per Day
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
tannertan36
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@lillwhy-is-ded
scared to show up to dance class bc i dont know if my friend will be there who i am assuming is mad at me but hasnt spoken to me since she stormed off at the park -__- would prefer if she is there so i can get clarity but shes pretty avoidant so if she really is mad at me she might not show up 🤦♀️
not everything is about me on repeat in my head
but she just texted in the gc she wont be around for 2 weeks cause of being with family for birthdays or something
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scared to show up to dance class bc i dont know if my friend will be there who i am assuming is mad at me but hasnt spoken to me since she stormed off at the park -__- would prefer if she is there so i can get clarity but shes pretty avoidant so if she really is mad at me she might not show up 🤦♀️
i think abt anne rice’s answer to “what are your work habits for a novel?” probably every single day
my ultimate fantasy is to have a brain and body that allows me to enjoy being alive
talked to anothrr friend on the phone shes been dealing with the complexity anf heaviness of a roommates miscarriage andd i was processing something outloud with her when she told me she felt this directionless but excited energy in her stomach and that to try to guide it upward during my class tonight when i breathe so i have some more clarity/presence of mind
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such an insane month couple months. convinced BV antibiotics might have been giving me peripheral neuropathy and exacerbating+waking up some dormant bipolar symptoms. plus ultimate disordered eating thoughts beliefs regression. nightmares about work constantly and just disproportionate stress levels rivaling what induced so much suffering in years 2020 through 2023. plus coming across my own (cathartic journal practice i think?) suicide notes in my old journals trying to organize various piles of craft supplies i have been leaving in common areas. after my sister had revealed how traumatic my. behavior eating disorder cutting journals etc illness had been for her and my other sister. the initial relief that something had been real and the subsequent haunting of it. confronting how emotionally triggered i get by even the slightest bit of sensed rejection and the disgust at what im scared is my own groveling and insecurity and desperation for interpersonal relationships. through actual external conflicts with new adult friends. noticing patterns of providing money in place of time care understanding and how that might reflect some of what growing up mightve looked like.
hearing myself speak to people in different contexts like observing someone outside of myself. intrigued by my own language and how it changes depending on who im talking to and what about.
understanding how motivated i am by praise and less so money or feeling of accomplishment especially at work. i want to feel loved and valued more than anything. oh well. new month
"butterfly cake" (2009), jess
[“Hui Tzu spoke to Chuang Tzu, saying, ‘I have a big tree, which people call useless. Its trunk is so knotted, no carpenter could work on it, while its branches are too twisted to use a square or compass upon. So, although it is close to the road, no carpenter would look at it. Now, Sir, your words are like this, too big and no use, therefore everyone ignores them.’
Chuang Tzu said, ‘Sir, have you never seen a wild cat or weasel? It lies there, crouching and waiting; east and west it leaps out, not afraid of going high or low; until it is caught in a trap and dies in a net. Yet again, there is the yak, vast like a cloud in heaven. It is big, but cannot use this fact to catch rats. Now you, Sir, have a large tree, and you don’t know how to use it, so why not plant it in the middle of nowhere, where you can go to wander or fall asleep under its shade? No axe under Heaven will attack it, nor shorten its days, for something which is useless will never be disturbed.’”]
the book of chuang tzu, translated by martin palmer, 1996
"a pocket for corduroy" (2006), meriwether lewis elementary school
let’s hatch on the mint leaves with mama
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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polaroid emulsion lifting in my matcha coconut water
im being given so many opportunities to react/behave in a way consistent with how i used to and im catching on kinda late but at least im catching on and have managed to derail some of the spiraling. like when uoure going down a slide but use your feet to stop urself before you reach the bottom
if you start introducing nice things into your life it's a slippery slope and you have to be careful in case you start liking it when things are nice
my mental prison good god i need to unlock it i swear i probably have the key
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Moving on & getting older..
