lilly

sometimes i talk about my personal physical ailments so much describing the symptoms exactly as i experienced them but i say the exact same thing to so many people that i start to think maybe somehow i am remembering wrong and i am exaggerating to gain sympathy or credibility. to justify why i am acting a certain way or being a certain way or not doing as much or something or so that people just automatically take on a subtle nurturing disposition toward me. but when i ask myself that in the moment im not thinking oh let me gain care its usually bc someone asked how i am and i start to be honest. and in the moment i think if i repeat myself i wont forget the next time i go to a doctor. but i think what if im lying or what if the pain is changing my perception so much that its more in my head than anything and they will find me to have been lying even if i didnt mean to.

scared to show up to dance class bc i dont know if my friend will be there who i am assuming is mad at me but hasnt spoken to me since she stormed off at the park -__- would prefer if she is there so i can get clarity but shes pretty avoidant so if she really is mad at me she might not show up 🤦‍♀️