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I don’t recall insinuating you had a lack of citizenship, but some of our community seem to think that civil war is a more viable option than electing a different representative, or overturning the legislature that’s permitted Minister Darling to run for as long as he has. Something that threatens the safety and liberty of every witch and wizard in America. Although they’ve come along way, I sincerely doubt that the no-majs would be wholly accepting of wizardkind living under their noses. I won’t pretend to know what kind of relationship you and your father have, but if you do not recognize the man who raised you then you should address that concern with him. If he was as good of a dad as you say then I see little reason why he wouldn’t listen - and if he doesn’t there’s probably something else going on.

I happen to think splitting people in two is the worst way to go about this, but it’s just what is happening anyway. It’s like what happened when the no-maj community founded the United States government and George Washington stepped away -- a two party system formed. People tend to split themselves in two, unfortunately. Trust me, if an election would solve this problem -- I’d be happier than anyone, but I don’t know if that’s possible. Why do you assume that about no-majs? We live in a joint society together and they’re kind to us already -- why should that change if they knew about us? And, thank you Mr. Beauchamp for the privacy on that matter but I can assure you things are fine. However, as for whether there’s something else going on, I’ve had my suspicions. 

“Hey, stranger.”

“Well hello there, Miss Hazy.”

I didn’t say I was happy about it! Just that Mom’s distraction tactic work, and I remain to this day incredibly susceptible to bribery. I’m a fan of the alliteration, too, but I’m just so damn busy on Mondays, so it’s really not feasible for me. I could change it to Slaughter Saturdays, though, if that will appease your writerly instincts, dear. [She groans, and buries her face in her hands.] Please don’t bring Mom into it. It’s so hard to tell her no! She gets all pale and her eyes water and her lip twitches and I just– I can’t take it. I’ve lost hours of my Sunday evenings doing dishes to that face.

It is strange that she would distract you older kids and not just flat out tell you what was going on. I mean, I get that she was trying to distract me, considering I was what? Three? Maybe four. [ grins ] Slaughter Saturdays works much better for me, really. In fact, if you change it to that, I won’t tell mom on you. [ places a hand under her chin ] See, I know the only way to get you to stop doing things you shouldn’t be doing is to threaten action from Mom, which is why I always threaten action from Mom. That woman is a Saint I tell you. A Saint. She happily puts up with Daddy’s stories of “the good old days” which we both know means 30 years ago before they had kids and could do what they wanted which gross.

I think anyone in his position would make questionable decisions, there’s no right or wrong way to do things. At the very least I should think he’d have the support of his daughter. The worlds turning against him with talks of this ridiculous - rebellion, damn shame his family has started to.

Are you saying I don’t support my father? I said nothing of the sort, Beauchamp. I simply said that he has made decisions I do not agree with. I love my father very much. However, I do not recognize the man who stands before these good people and claims to be a savior while subjugating them. That’s not my father, that’s a different man. You and I, we can talk politics all you want, Mr. Beauchamp, but I suggest we keep the fact my father is the Minister out of it. I’m a citizen just like everyone else and I was given a brain and the ability to think and form opinions for myself just as well as you can. And, just so we’re clear, my father raised his children to think for themselves -- no matter what those thoughts are. 

Today, in a turn of conversation I will never understand no matter how long I live, my class shifted from a thoughtful discussion of triangular trading systems and the transatlantic slave trade to a heated debate about the pros and cons of fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt. I’m not exactly sure what this says about my skills as an educator. I probably don’t want to know.

Fruit on the bottom yogurt? I’m against it. It’s unnatural. Just add it in later.

I check the comics out first every weekend in the Boston Globe. Garfield and I are old friends. 

Excellent choice. Garfield is a good friend to have. He’s got excellent taste in Italian dinners and hatred of days of the week.

Well I didn’t coin any of them myself - will have to pat my publicist on the back. She’s the real hero here. I’m something of a spokesperson for the Alliance, I think people forget how difficult it can be to be the person who makes the tough decisions and live with the consquences. Your father’s a hero in my eyes.

I -- well then. I’m glad one of us finds my father to be their hero. My father is a lot of things. Great at making breakfast. Great at small talk. Excellent at taking care of pets over the weekend when you’re away. However, a hero, he’s not. He’s really just a guy who makes -- questionable decisions.

Also go by Broom King - BK for short, not to be confused with the King of Burgers. Uh… Last week at karaoke I got called ‘the songbird of our generation’. It was that or ‘get the hell off the stage!’ It was loud so, hard to tell. I also go by Handsome (like the butler) and Sweet Cheeks (like my cheeks). But wait - you’re… Darling as in… Daughter of..?

You have some fantastic nicknames there, Ollie. I mean, they just call me Lily or “the youngest of those Darling kids.” I will say yours come off the tongue a bit easier. And yes. That Darling. Daughter of that Darling. I’m either pleased to meet you or please don’t throw tomatoes at me, depending on where you stand in the political mess created by freedom of the press. Heh, that rhymed.

I’ll wait until after I finish the whole box in one sitting. I’m Ollie - the uh… The guy on the box.

I’m familiar with who you are. You’re, as they say, the King of the Broom. What else do they call you? I’m Lillian. Lillian Darling. Last name is not important, though.

But… Disappointment tastes so good. They released a double chocolate flavor this month even!

I guess you should be double chocolate-y disappointed in yourself.

Bottom of the food chain…pancakes. [laughs] I’m sorry, I’m probably the exact opposite of the “inspired woman” you were dying to write about. 

Eh. It’s okay. I wouldn’t be allowed to publish it anyway. -grins- You at least seem to have a sense of humor.

Is it bad if I buy this cereal just because my face is on it? I can’t help it if it’s sugary and delicious. 

It’s a terrible decision and you should be disappointed in yourself.

You know it’s a slow day when the tattoo parlor is so empty that it’s ten pm and you’re going stir crazy. Anyone want to drop by and keep an artist sane? I’ll buy you a latte from next door. Shit, I’d take some gossip online over checking my texts forty more times. Whatever it takes, you know.

Aw, sweet Drew. Feeling lonely?

I do remember that, but I think I was mostly just excited about the candy and the teddy bear. I think being nicknamed Death from a young age has really skewed my perception of the world. And now we’re both fucked up–who would have guessed? [She laughs.] He might have said something to that affect. I know you have, and Robbie as well. But the thing is, Dad also has told me to stop with the jokes and allusions, which pretty much guarantees that I’m going to be making them for the rest of my natural life.

I mean, sure the candy was nice but Grandma was dead, Merry! Dead! [Laughs] I mean, obviously we’re both fine and well adjusted individuals now -- apart from your Murder Saturdays which, I wouldn’t be opposed to if it were Murder Mondays but no you can’t go with the alliteration. You’ve gotta be annoying about it. [Chuckles] What if Mom told you to stop? I’m sure then you’d stop in a heartbeat. Not a soul can say no to Mom.

Oh my god, Pip, would you slow down? Nobody’s dead, Jesus fucking Christ. Can’t I just, I don’t know, give my wonderful little sister a present without somebody having died? And, I mean, even if somebody had died, why would it have to be Mom or Dad? It’s Saturday–you know that’s my murder day.

I just assume that every time someone gives me something it’s ‘cause someone died. Remember when Grandma died and Mom gave us all candy before dinner? Then she took us to that old muggle toystore and let us pick out whatever toy we wanted to make us feel better. I still think I have no concept of how to handle grief because of that! And didn’t Henry tell you to stop murdering people? I mean, he does love you but I don’t know how much he’d love you if you were behind bars.

Well, it could have something to do with the fact that your birthday is still months and months away, but I have still acquired a pretty lovely navy blue electric typewriter that needs a home. Or it could just have to do with the fact that I didn’t smother you in your sleep when you were a baby even though I wanted a kitten and Mom and Dad gave me a sister, but I think that’s going back a little far.

Okay -- I’m just going to breeze over the fact you wanted to murder me and go straight to the whole you giving me a present thing. Who is dead? Who died? Did Dad kick the bucket? OH NO IS MOM DEAD? Why are you giving me a present?