lil bob

• He doesn't like you if you can't beat him

• Doesn't like red. He's so sick of it that he's been wearing anything but red for the last couple centuries

• It feeds on bearings, rocks, your soles (because dumb peasants can't afford clean water)

• Favorite animal is Mao, favorite treat is dragons (toxic green ones are the tastiest)

• He's so progressive, he's got 30+ fathers

• He doesn't like being called a "cow" or "cowboy", but nobody cares

• Lactose intolerant (because his first dad was cow. But he himself is not a cow, please do not confuse)

• Has several jobs, one of which is babysitting - teaching dumb peasants how to wash and babysitting alcoholics

• Likes to give kids sticks to fight against him in a bunch (or rather just beat him with a group). Thus educates them in anarchist thinking, because he likes feudalism only when he is in charge. And since it is now below the plinth, something must be done about it.... and if you raise the kids right, they'll overthrow the current government and then he'll eat them and be in charge. Why can't he do it himself? Firstly, he doesn't have to, secondly, it's not the king's business, and thirdly, he's lazy

• He doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink, and he doesn't swear

• Loves dark and scary alleys where if there's any sound, it's someone's scream

• Can't ride a bike, but a bike can ride him

• Used to work as a speed bump and it was his favorite job

• He has many names, most of which are so profane and obscene swear words that I won't write them (the author was well brought up). But his favorite name is VlaDos. Probably. Actually, anything but "Cow" and "Cowboy"

• The zodiac sign is the rat. Even if there is no such zodiac sign (the author just can't remember)

• His favorite childhood game was "Catch me up, Brick" (Brick always caught up)

• His furrsuit is his skin

• Gave the people fire, hoping that they would chain him to the wall and every hour an eagle would fly in to peck his liver, but they said thank you. So he had to burn them

• Every time he burns himself to ashes the winds take him to a old magical city✨✨✨