How to regress when youโve literally never done it and you have no idea what to expect (or itโs been a while)
*turns around in chair like Captain America* so โฆโฆ. you wanna be tiny.
Voluntary regression, when done intentionally, can be immensely fun and healing. Letโs get you set up for success.
Your goal should never be โto regressโ - it may not happen. You may spend all of your time just age dreaming (acting small with your big brain still in). You need to be okay with that.
The reason youโre regressing isnโt the same as your goal. โBecause Iโm traumatized,โ โfor fun,โ and โfor chronic painโ are all valid reasons, but they donโt provide you with the framework for healing that weโre looking for.
Here are some specific, achievable goals:
โI want to relax and have uninterrupted fun after a long day.โ
โI want to reparent my inner child through affirmation work, gentle parenting, and rules for self-care.โ
โI want to work through trauma Iโve experienced through play so I can experiment with new outcomes for tough situations.โ
โI want to complete easy tasks/assignments to give myself a sense of pride and accomplishment.โ
โI want to allow myself to trust and be cared for in a way that I am usually resistant to.โ
โI want to allow Jesus to speak to me when I feel most vulnerable and receptive to His kindness.โ
โI want to improve my self/care habits by making them fun and digestible.โ
โI want to revisit childhood/deep-rooted fears so I can work through them with effective coping mechanisms, like journaling.โ
Step 2: Selecting Your Tools
Here, you might have seen lists of things that people like to use when theyโre little, but rarely do they explain why they like to use them. These lists also may not resonate with older or alternative regressors.
So instead, I will give you categories of things that I believe are relevant to regression, and you fill decide what satisfies it best for you.
Something to wear: do you have clothing that is easy and comfortable to move around in, makes you feel good to wear, and/or gives you sensory input you crave?
Something to watch: do you know of a show, movie, or YouTube channel that holds good memories for you? Is there one out there that piques your interest? It doesnโt have to be โkid-friendly,โ but its effect should be comfort and peace, not intellectual or emotional strain. We are not looking for challenge - that is for developing your grownup brain. Many regressors prefer kids media for this reason.
Something to do (with your hands): Stimulating senses other than sight is vital for grounding, especially in todayโs online world โฆ and, considering the nature of the work we are doing, you may need it. Painting, sensory sand, going to the beach, swimming, making music, woodworking, crocheting, polymer clay, diamond painting, puzzles, coloring books, and more can all bring out your inner child. Again, we are looking for joy, not challenge; perhaps your local dollar store has a craft kit!
Something to read: are you a scientist who loves learning about animals? A horror fan who loves spooky tales? Do you remember a series from your childhood that brought you joy? Reading is a great way to escape into a simpler world and evade screens, especially if itโs crafted without profanity or triggering subjects. Childrenโs books may also minister to you in ways that adults failed, such as teaching emotional regulation, socialization, and how to fight common fears.
Something to hold: plushies have been proven to be beneficial for mental health, but a companion doesnโt have to be stuffed! Action figures, dolls, and other friends can be thrifted, bought, or dug up from closets. They provide sounding boards for scary thoughts that get less scary when said aloud, companionship during play, travel, or sleep, and serve as willing recipients of your creative outputs (bracelets, clothing, drawings, etc). And, when you need a hug, your favorite toy can be right there with you in the absence of a human friend.
Something to nibble: food is fuel for the body, but it is also love. Choose foods that are nutritious and fun, just like youโd give a child. My personal faves are Slim Jimโs, pepperoni, berries, nuts, dairy, and veggies with dip. Treats are great too, but spend your tummy bank on nutritionally valuable food first! Regressors also find fun in experimenting with different vessels for food and drinks, like crazy straws, bottles, ZooPals plates, or character dining sets.
Something to play with: โplayโ has many definitions and types. Below is a short list of types of play. No matter if you like toys or not, gather objects or activities that encourage play.
Symbolic play - using one object to represent another (i.e. a flower becomes a wand - try blocks or play scarves)
Locomotor play - moving play (try roller skates, online exercises/dance classes, or small exercise trampolines)
Creative play - invoking a desired or experimental outcome (try Legos and art supplies)
Deep play and rough-and-tumble play - play that involves bodily risk and movement (try hiking, rock climbing, or swimming)
Dramatic play - orchestrating play without personal involvement (โsetting upโ elaborate scenes with toys was a big part of my childhood play! Try small toys and accessories like Calico Critters, stuffed animals, or dolls)
Exploratory play - play to gain information (try boxed or homemade science experiments, or simply asking, โI wonder what happens if I โฆ?โ)
Fantasy and imaginative play - playing in a way that is unlikely to occur in real life and/or the rules have changed (try dressing up to be a superhero, royalty, animal, etc)
Mastery play - bringing a task to completion (build a campfire, dig holes in sand to fill with water, complete a video game level, etc)
Object play - manipulating objects to learn more about them (common in developing babies and autistic stimming; try fidget toys)
Socio-dramatic play - taking on a role that involves social interaction (I.e. playing house or doctor)
Somewhere to go: novelty can be hugely effective in delighting your inner child. Try hanging out in the backyard, going to a park/museum/aquarium, taking yourself on a โlittleโ shopping spree with a set budget, going to a theme park/state fair, or checking out kids media from your local library. Since you are exiting your safe space, you must be mindful of those around you. This is why I usually recommend this to those who know they will only be age dreaming, unless they are completely alone. For your safety, please do not involve anyone who has not consented in your regression.
Something to see: if you can, decorate your safe space or a portion of your safe space in a way that makes your inner child happy. Try changing your phone wallpaper, collecting figures, displaying stuffies on your bed, putting up wall stickers or drawings youโve made, or changing your bed sheets.
A note on pacifiers: pacis made for adults are a great way to abate thumb-sucking and unhealthy oral stims. They will shift your teeth only if you use them excessively; try limiting use to an hour at a time, and always wear your retainer if you have one. If you feel pain, stop. Disassemble and clean immediately after use.
A note on diapers: I personally do not use diapers because I donโt want or need them, but should you choose differently, there are lots of creators who have more information on them. Most importantly, they are not shameful.
Step 3: Meeting Your Inner Child
How do you know when youโve regressed?
When you find yourself fully engaged in whatโs in front of you, finding captivation in the simplest things, you are regressed. It isnโt some magical transformation - youโre just revising a part of you that has always been there, latent. It is an unlocking of childhood whimsy โฆ a state of being easily awed.
Thoughts may simplify; adult reasoning for comfort objects may reduce to a petulant mine. Anxious spirals may be replaced by a simple mama, Iโm scared. Thoughtful analyses of character arcs and subplots may sound more like yay, ponies!
If you have an internal monologue, it may disappear, replaced with more primal emotions like โangryโ or โscaredโ or โhappyโ or โcalm.โ There have been many times that my husband has asked little me whatโs wrong, but instead of words, only sobs make it out of my mouth. Then, when he holds me, a warmth I canโt name fills my chest and makes me sleepy.
What is your inner child like? Are they more or less โฆ
Your inner child, like all children, is subject to fits and flights of fancy. This is normal! Love them as you would love a normal child.
Step Four: Caring For The Bunchkin
Since our goal is not to regress, we have the freedom to take a third-person point of view while we are in our safe space, check in on ourselves, and see how we are doing.
If your goal is to heal, take things slow. Choose one activity at a time that allows you to explore your deeper thoughts, and allow ample room for fun and relaxation.
Instead of focusing on your trauma and hurt, start by asking yourself - โwhat are my deepest desires? What am I lacking? What is important to me? What can I give myself that I did not receive?โ
Kidsโ โAbout Meโ worksheets are a great place to start, since there are no wrong answers. As you get more comfortable being small, try making or completing worksheets that ask the weightier questions.
Caring for with your inner child can be as simple as imagining them like another person. For example:
If you are shameful of your desire to connect with an old fandom, ask yourself why that might be. Did someone tell you that it was shameful? Did you have a bad experience in that fandom? Were you at a turbulent point of your life? What might you say to a child experiencing these emotions now?
If you are reluctant to make noise or take up space, ask yourself why. Did someone tell you that you were โtoo much?โ Were you afraid to be judged? Did someone punish you for getting in their way? What would you say to a child afraid to take up space in your presence?
If you are distressed at the idea of stimming openly while small, ask yourself why. Did someone - or life experience - teach you to mask? Are you afraid of being judged as a โfaker?โ Are you afraid of looking or feeling incapable in some way? What would you say to a child who is afraid to stim?
If you are upset with yourself for reacting to a trigger, ask yourself why. Do you feel like you should be more healed, or more in control of yourself? Are you afraid of slipping back towards a state you used to be in? Are you afraid of re-experiencing trauma?
What would you say and do for a child who struggles with a trigger?
Showing your little self compassion and modeling joy from an adult headspace is vital. Donโt say anything to your inner child that you wouldnโt say to an actual child.
You may not be quite ready to believe the healing truths you have learned when you are big, but putting them into practice when you are small is a great way to soothe yourself from the inside out.
(I filled up my star chart by making my bed each day! Good job, me! I worked so hard, and now I get a treat!)
(I did a drawing all by myself! I can put it on my fridge now. Wow, Iโm so glad I made something today.)
(I went outside, and there are so many cool things to see! What an awesome world I live in.)
Healing can be tough, but itโs so fantastic. It all starts with being kind to yourself. You can do it!
Step 5 - Putting Out Fires
Oh dear, something went wrong, and now a tantrum is afoot. Or a meltdown. Or a flashback. What do we do?
Hold up your fingers like birthday candles and blow them out to encourage deep breathing.
Play a song that makes you feel good, and dance if you can. Physical movement is your best antidote.
Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.
Repeat your affirmations aloud. There is power in hearing something that isnโt your own mental hurricane. โI am loved, I am safe, I am going to be okay.โ
Assign the trigger to a stuffie (donโt worry, they are willing participants!). Say, โhey, wait a minute, why should you be in charge? These are MY thoughts! Take that! And that! And that!โ Toss your stuffie around and get those crazy thoughts away from both of you!
Assign the trigger to a stuffie, and pretend they are you. What would you say to calm them down and tell them you are here for them?
Get a change of scenery. Go outside, go somewhere else, take a shower or bubble bath.
Scribble your feelings on paper. No, really, go ham. Break some crayons. Then crumple them, tear them, and throw them away.
Most importantly - donโt be mad at yourself.
The debrief - what can we do for next time?
Handle triggers with care, but donโt be afraid of the feelings that accompany them. There is an unmet need somewhere in your soul - what is it, and how can you meet it?
Journaling and affirmations - record what happened and why you think it happened, and then write kind things to and about yourself.
โDo it scaredโ - push past the lies you have been told about yourself and enjoy things anyway.
I am a Christian, and I live by the phrase: โif it isnโt your reality, make it your prayer.โ Even if you donโt believe now that you are safe, loved, and capable, saying these things to yourself constantly will help them be realized.
Obviously, avoiding negative language about yourself in your adult life is the other half of the pizza. Your inner child is doing work for adult you, too! Donโt undermine it!
Well, Kiddo, Iโm so glad youโre taking this step in your healing journey. A few things to remember before you go:
You may grow out of regression! Thatโs good! Itโs a sign that your inner child is happy and content.
You may never grow out of regression. Thatโs okay! Your inner child can get love all your life!
Your regression is your business. You donโt have to tell anyone about it if you donโt want to. Choose who you tell very carefully.
Ignore the haters. Youโre doing great.
Bye, Kiddo! You are so loved!! ๐ฅฐ
