all we have is right now

hopefully i'll get to do something other than endure soon. that would be really nice

my ultimate fantasy is to have a brain and body that allows me to enjoy being alive

also I don't think parents "these days" are uniquely terrible, I just think neglect is showing up in new ways as technology progresses. today's ipad kid would've been wandering around in a ditch alone all day and night before. parents not wanting to have to deal with children is not a new phenomenon.

at 13 i was so angry about everything and i was right

a lot of your suffering comes from treating your nature like a problem to manage instead of a design to understand

you think that you're so alone in the world then you read literature from hundreds of years ago and you realize that other people have always felt this way

fuuuuck i forgot to give a shit about stupid bullshit that doesnt matter 🤦‍♀️

(me ever since I was 12) okay I actually need to get it together now

no but im so tired of how self-deprecation is always more accepted than self-advocacy. if i say i can't drive because im autistic i get questioned on how exactly that works and given a million suggestions on how to do it anyway and i look like im trying to be special so it's easier to just say im a loser. yeah i don't drive because im kind of a loser lmao. oh well. and people say lmao back and we move on. at worst they say "oh im sure you'll figure it out haha." but no interrogation!! being a loser is more respectable than being disabled. being a loser is something that doesn't make other people feel uncomfortable about their own biases. so no, no im not disabled. i don't struggle to keep friends and do the laundry and make quick trivial decisions and clean my room and brush my teeth because im autistic. it's because im a loser. it's my fault. it is what it is. at least im funny now. do you think im funny? please think im funny

how are you all carrying on like it isnt all happening

[very clearly indulging the urge] im fighting the urge

I actually really like the term genderqueer, because the only thing it specifies about your gender is that it's queer in some way. Does that mean you're nonbinary? Binary trans? Cis with some freaky cool gender presentation stuff going on? None of those or all of those? It doesn't matter and I think that's beautiful.