pen and thoughts

It was an evening on the beach, you finished your tasks, laughing with your team. You met them little after arriving on Speer, they were all nice: girls taught you their traditions, how to blend in, they helped you make you feel at home, while guys never failed you to make you feel back in Sinegard, fighting with each other like children but always ready to help you out and show you around the island. 

You found out they all knew Altan since he was a child, so you often ask them about him, it was fun to know about his childhood and they never fail to make you laugh, mocking Altan and telling you how ‘disgustingly in love’ the two of you seem, or at least that was what the boys always said. 

They were all aware you and Altan were a couple, a perfect couple, nobody was ever going to make a move to hit on you, they respected the two of you and you were really grateful for this relationship, so you found nothing weird when Koa asked you to have a private talk, especially because you knew what that was about. 

You distanced yourself from the group, their quiet chatting in the background as you turned to Koa, waiting for him to ask you what he wanted to. 

“I know you’re new here, but I feel like you can help me” He starts unsure, not really comfortable in the speech he was going to do “But you’re really close to the girls and I kinda, well, I could like Ailani”

You smiled softly, as you bit your cheek not to grin. Oh you knew it. Koa was a nice guy, always ready to help and comfort people around him, but with Ailani he was lost, completely. You were so happy for your friends, they both deserved the best and were perfect together, but they both were too in love to confess their feelings. 

Your smile brightened at the thought of how long it took for you and Altan to get to that point. You placed a hand on his shoulder comforting him. 

“I’m grateful for your trust, so Koa listen to me, you need to talk to her about this, it’ll be fine.” Your voice was warm, as he smiled back, mouth open just about to thank you when his eyes opened wide in confusion, getting pulled back from the behind in the sand. 

You looked around baffled, your friends running to you as Altan stood in front of you. 

“Stay away from her!” He shouted at Koa, staring at him from above.

“What the fuck, Altan?” You call out in disbelief, hands reaching out to step between the two of them. Altan’s eyes snapped to you. 

“He was—” “What? Was he talking to me because he’s a friend who wanted advice? Yes he was, Altan.” You cut him off firmly. His hands reached your waist, holding you close to him as you turned to your friends with an apologetic look. 

“Yeah as if.” He scoffed and you slightly shove him in the chest, a warning glance in your eyes “I guess I overreacted.” He muffled out. 

“Don’t worry Altan, we’re used to your antics.” Your friends exchanged glances, smirks on their lips and the look in their eyes told you that they were having fun watching Altan, the strong and composed Altan Trengsin, acting out of his way for you. 

And you were having fun too. 

You wanted to play a bit. You knew that look in Altan’s eyes which was pure fire, and oh you loved that. 

That was why you were walking through the crowd, chatting and smiling with people, knowing that a pair of eyes was constantly with you. A glass in your hand as you touched Enkh’s chest, one of your friends, his eyes shining when he understood what you had in mind. 

“You’re playing with fire, you know that right?” He asked you, lowering his head to whisper in your ear. You just chuckled and nodded, taking his hands to lead him in the middle of the dances. 

“You’ll get me killed.” “Don’t lie, you all have fun watching us.” You replied, both of you knew you were speaking the truth. 

“But I bet you’re the one who’ll have the most fun out of it tonight.” He winked, your cheeks getting warm, caught red handed. 

Suddenly you felt a hand pulling you against a strong chest, and you saw Enkh smirking at you with a knowing look in his sly eyes. 

“Having fun without me, love?” Warm breath tickled your ear, heat pooling in your stomach. 

“I could never.” You answered, your head turning to meet his haze as you pushed your body back into his, your hips swinging against his, earning a low groan from him. 

Altan lowered his head even more, his lips on your neck, Enkh in front of you was long forgotten, he went back to his own friends, leaving you two teasing each other, not that you noticed. 

“Wanna go to a more private place?” He demanded, murmuring in your neck, a shiver running down your spine. 

“Why? Do you have any problem, darling?” You teased, hips pushing back in his. 

You could see the moment his switch turned off, eyes burning with passion, his mouth leaving one last bite on your neck before parting as his hand left your hips to grab your wrist, leading you through the crowd. 

You barely noticed your friends’ knowing look, your glass left somewhere in the haze, fog clouding your thoughts as Altan’s hand was your only focal point. You saw his broad shoulders in front of you, muscles you learned to know well during years of training at Sinegard, his body solid, hand warm against you, and when he turned to you, you could see his pupils dilated, evident lust mirroring yours. 

His grip hurried you when you arrived at his place, getting harsher when he pushed you in his bedroom, door shutting with a loud thud, your back colliding against it while Altan manhandled your body with experience. Your lips betraying a sense of urgency from both of you, crashing hard, teeth biting each other's lips in a fight of pure passion. 

A low groan escaped from Altan’s throat when you bit his bottom lip harsher, pulling the hair at the back of his neck. In response his hands grabbed the flesh of your thighs, lifting you from the ground like it was nothing, his toned muscles flexing in the dim light as his mouth left yours to trail kisses and bites from your jaw to your shoulder, making you shiver and grab his hair ever tighter.

“Were you jealous, Trengsin?” You teased, your breath short as you searched for his eyes. 

“Should I have been, love?” He smirked, biting your neck softly.

“Oh, you’re that much jealous, Trengsin,  I can see it” You mocked him, pulling his face close to yours so that you could kiss him again. 

“And I can’t deny it,” He murmured on your lips “Because I am yours darling, but you are mine.” He stated, eyes firm in yours as he pulled you off the wall, shoving you on his bed. 

You could only smile on his lips and kiss him harder, he was so damn right.

Hands were exploring each other’s body like they were being discovered for the first time, tunic soon off of your bodies, only the bottom part of your dresses still on. You could feel his muscles flexing under your fingers, tensing when you brushed his abdomen and you continued to head down. 

“Careful, love.” Altan whispered, his voice deeper than before made your stomach twist and thighs clenching. 

You ignored his warning, hand palming his growing bulge through his pants, feeling the throb of need as he bit your nipple, earning a moan from you. 

“I told you to be careful” He smirked, soothing your nipple with his wet tongue, his hand playing with the other one. 

“Don’t want to” You managed to breath out, completely at his mercy, your hand pushing under his waistband to take his cock, feeling it hard and throbbing, wetness already coating the tip when you brushed on it. 

“Fuck—” A deep moan escaped from Altan “You want me dead, doll” 

You chuckled back, lost in the sight in front of you. Dark and soft locks were falling in front of his eyes, some sticking on his forehead dump with sweat; his arms fighting to keep his body from collapsing on top of you, veins showing on his forearms, getting more evident when he gripped the sheets, knocks turning white; his lips panting, leaving open mouthed kisses and bites on your body; he was trembling, pleasure running deep in his body as you slowly stroked his cock, heat flooding in your core at the sight. 

Altan had always been beautiful in your eyes, since Sinegard you had always admired his form from afar and when you got closer to him you learned to love him in and out, but having Altan like this for you only was a blessing for sore eyes, it was mesmerising. 

Suddenly you stopped in your movements, his hand firm on your wrist. You looked eyes with him, his eyes were serious, your mouth getting dry at the stern look he gave you. 

“Stop it darling, I want to repay the favor” He groaned, hands parting your legs and head lowering, blowing teasingly on your cunt. 

You moaned when his tongue traced a long strip on your wet folds, while Altan hummed satisfied, lips closing against your clit as you gripped his hair, pushing his head further in you. You felt him smiling on your dripping core, licking and biting, one of his fingers pushing between your folders. 

“Altan—” You moaned, head pushing back in the pillow and back arching. 

“Yes, love?” He murmured, teasing you with kitten licks on your clit. 

“Fuck Altan, please” 

“Please what?” 

“Trengsin just fuck me” You shouted back, at that he just added another finger, curling them just to hit the right spot inside of your cunt. 

“As you wish” He groaned, taking his fingers out and giving one last lick to your wet folds. 

“Eyes on me, darling” He cupped your cheek, eyes locking in yours “Tell me if it's too much.” 

You nodded, giving a soft kiss on his lips. It wasn't full of passion and urgency like those before, it was more intimate and meaningful. As Altan pushed into you, his tip parting your folds, he took one of your hands in his, grounding you. 

“You're doing well, love” Altan's voice was delicate, his shaft deep into you, his free hand soothing your hip, thumb brushing on your skin in soft circles. You gripped his hand harder, needing to feel him real. 

“Please, move Altan” You tried to keep your eyes locked in his as you moaned out his name. He cursed under his breath, whispering your name like a prayer and coating you with sweet talks; his thrusts got deeper and you felt him throbbing inside of you as your cunt clenched harder on him. His hips stuttered against yours, the hand not closed in yours went down between your bodies, circling your clit, as you felt the knot in your stomach growing tighter, ready to snap. 

“I’m yours Altan” You cried out, reaching your high as your grip got firmer on his hand, your nails scratching his back as you arched to press your body closer to his. 

At your words you felt him reaching his own limit, with a few more thrusts he collapsed on the bed, careful not to crush you with his weight. He rolled on his side, his arm around your body to keep you close, allowing you to rest your head on his chest, hand still close in yours. 

“I know,” He kissed your forehead “And I’m yours, love” 

You smiled tired, nuzzling deeper in his firm chest, as he lowered his head to rest on yours. 

“I should make you jealous more often, Trengsin” You joked. Altan chuckled in response, taking a deep breath and holding you closer. 

“I’d like to see you try if this is the outcome” He whispered in your head, his lips giving you soft pecks. 

“Yeah, I like this too” You murmured, already half asleep as you let yourself rest in the comfort of his arms. 

Altan took his time watching you drifting asleep, making a mental note to clean you up when he was sure he wasn’t going to wake you up so you could rest. He watched your breath getting slower, your body relaxed in his hold, and he couldn’t feel better. 

Altan was a serious and cold man for those who didn’t know him, but he was more than willing to lose his mind for you; he was just so in love with you he couldn’t help it. 

P.S. “Do you think she’s gonna walk tomorrow?” Malie asked the group who watched the two of you leaving. 

“Oh I don’t even think we’re gonna see them tomorrow” Enkh replied, getting hit on the arm by Kailani “Come on I saw the look in their eyes and I can surely tell they’ll have fun tonight.” 

“They’re so cute.” Ailani replied, hugging closer Koa. 

“Yeah, probably even worse than the two of you.” Joked Kailani, nodding toward the couple in front of her, as they all laughed at the tease. 

“They are worse though” Agreed Koa chuckling. 

They all acknowledged that with a smile, happy for the two of you. They watched Altan grow up, and never they saw him so free like he was with you, and you, you were bright and loving, they all adored you. And it was clear to everyone that you belonged to one the other. 

Sometimes you felt overwhelmed, just in need of someone telling you were doing fine, that you weren’t behind, that it was okay to rest and just let it be. But when you woke up you were alone. 

You stared at the ceiling, room feeling suddenly too oppressive, sheets suffocating. You had to get up and do something, anything. 

The first thought you had was to look for Altan. 

Altan Trengsin, the one who brought you here, who gave you a chance to rediscover yourself. You were grateful for what he taught you, in years at school you had always been each other's shoulder to cry on, a safe place for one another and so of course you agreed when he asked you to accompany him back on Speer, and you couldn’t be more happy with your decision. However something was off, you missed him. 

You didn’t want to burden him, you never saw him so careless and joyful in five whole years, his eyes were bright with joy, the constant stiffness in his shoulders long gone, as if he let off a heavy weight, it was a relief to admire him like that. 

But you missed him. 

Not the old gloomy him, who only smiled by your side, with eyes often lost and melancholic, no, not that Altan, you missed the one who was always ready to understand you with a single glance, the one you could always talk with, the one who trusted you, whose warm body hugged you tight and whose lips brushed your forehead, soft and warm, something intimate, and neither of you dared to cross that thrumming line between the two of you. 

After a last, deep breath, you walked outside, eyes squeezing for the light as a soft breeze hit you, making you shiver. You were a bit reassured when you realised it wasn’t too late yet, air still cool, not warmed up from the sun, kids still asleep, but adults and teens were earlier at work. 

A crystal laugh echoed on the beach and from where you stood you could clearly see the seashore, where a young pair was having fun. 

Altan and Kailani. 

You took a deep breath, in and out, you closed your eyes shut. It wasn’t jealousy, you had no reason for it, yet it left a bitter taste on your tongue, a gut feeling you couldn’t really place. Altan found his people after years away from them and it was fine. Really fine. He looked happy when they worked together to train young children, when he was teaching what he learned at Sinegard and she sat next to him, eyes wide with interest, when they laughed at dinner time, eyes shining at the candles light, he looked so at peace around her and you were so happy for Altan. So you couldn’t really explain why your eyes started getting wetter, tears threatening to spill out, you hissed, turning away from the joyful pair and heading inland. 

Your steps were a mechanical sequence, you weren’t conscious about where you were going, but deep down your mind knew and anyways there was only one place every path led to. So you found yourself strolling immersed in the green, sometimes you met families who were gathering for the day to start, other times you saw children chasing each other, however most of your walk was filled with silence, deep in your thoughts surrounded by calm and peace, a contrast with your mind filled with doubt and whys. 

You stopped when you recognised the person you were unknowingly looking for. Hanelai was standing in front of you, before the temple’s entrance, her posture straight and strong, eyes already fixed on you with a knowing look. You admired how fierce she could always act, firm in her position, you had known her for a short time but she already became someone you knew you could trust. 

Altan learned so much from her, you thought, a sudden wave of sadness flashing through your bones. 

“Good morning darling, what brought you here this early?” Her motherly tone was like a soft caress, you smiled at her, a soft smile that didn’t entirely reach your eyes though. 

“I needed space” You shrugged your shoulders, avoiding her inquiring gaze. 

“Space?” She remarked, brows raising. “Does this need for space have something to do with my nephew?” 

Caught. 

You didn’t find it in yourself to answer her question, a bitter smile across your lips and a helpless look was enough of an answer, and even if you had words to describe what was happening, what could you even complain about when you were just… what? Friends? Classmates? Acquaintances? You internally flinched at the possibility of your relationship being reduced to ‘just acquaintances’. 

Hanelai sighed, a soft tug in her chest, after years spent watching over the kids on the island like they were her own children, finally it was time to see her Altan struggling with love life, he grew up so much during the years he spent far from home but he was still the little boy she used to know. 

“I feel like he’s happier without me.” You bit your tongue, regretting saying that the moment you opened your mouth but it was already too late. It wasn’t because it was a lie but it felt strange being this much straight with Altan’s aunt, even if afterall it was Hanelai you were talking to. On the other hand Hanelai looked resigned; yes, Altan was still like a little boy and he was messing up a bit too much. 

“Dear, even if I’ll gladly do so, I can’t speak on my nephew’s behold, but I can tell you one thing for sure, I haven’t seen his eyes shine so brightly with anyone else, trust me on this darling.” She looked so confident, her voice warm and you almost trusted her. Something yet was still painfully stinging in your chest. 

“But he seems so happy with Kailani” You cringed at how you sounded like a whining child, yet you couldn’t help yourself after weeks spent bottling up your feelings. 

Oh, everything clicked in Hanelai’s mind, so it was about this. 

“Whenever you feel ready, talk with him” She stated after a thoughtful silence, her voice soft but stern enough to leave no space for a reply “And be sure I’m not lying when I tell you he lights up with you like he does with no one else.” 

The day was still long and you had plenty of time to talk with him. Except you couldn’t do that. 

You tried to walk a bit around, finding the strength in yourself to talk to him, but every time you went back and forth on the questions to ask him and you were at a loss, you didn’t know what to ask and how, who were you to him, what did you expect from his answer, you didn’t know. 

However, now that you talked with Hanelai there was no turning back, you couldn’t avoid the bitter taste in your gut every time Altan stood close to Kailani, you couldn’t fake a proper smile when talking with the two of them or stopping yourself from running away as soon as possible when you were alone with Altan, not trusting yourself from telling him your feelings. 

The worst thing was Hanelai’s gaze, who knew well what was going on in your mind, and every day passing by it felt like you were disappointing her too. 

And while you were so caught up in your own overthinking, trying hard to let Altan the space you thought he wanted with Kailani, he noticed. Of course he did. 

Altan sensed that something was wrong with you, but he couldn’t understand what. He gave you space at first, maybe you just needed to figure out by yourself the new reality he brought you in,; when he saw you weren’t getting better he tried to include you in his activities, but you always seemed uncomfortable, tense smile on your lips; finally he reached you out to sort things out and you avoided him, no, you actually run from him, and it clicked to him that along the way he missed out something important and he really did mess up something. 

It was a warm night, stars bright in the sky, as bonfires lit up the seashore. It was a Speerly festivity, something Altan talked to you about when you were back at Sinegard, at the time he had that dreamy look in his eyes and you were so caught up in his descriptions that you told him you wished to be there with him next time, it was one of the few times you both nearly crossed the line in your relationship, yet nothing really happened. 

You remembered that, while you were dancing with some other people you got lost in though, a wave of nostalgia hit you but you didn’t want to ruin the night. Not until you saw him. Altan was having fun, dancing and laughing with a group of people, next to him Kailani. 

She was beautiful, long black hair adorned with flowers, tanned skin glowing under the fire light, a bright smile on her lips, she looked so natural there, next to Altan. 

You stopped in your dance, eyes on him as you muttered an excuse to leave; your breath caught in your throat when he lifted his gaze on you, your eyes locking for a second before you turned and walked away. 

Altan felt at a loss, he looked around, no one seemed to have noticed that exchange, yet he felt like he had to run to you and when he met his aunt stern look he knew he had already lost enough time. He didn’t even bother finding a good reason to leave the celebration, hurrying his steps to follow yours. 

It wasn’t much ‘till he found you, sat on a rock while getting lost in the sea rumbling and in your own thoughts. 

“Go back Altan, you were having fun.” Your voice came out rougher than expected, yet it didn’t bother you much.

“You weren’t” “I was.” Your voice leaving no space for answers, it was like you really wanted him to go away and Altan knew he missed out something, but he still knew you well enough to know it wasn’t good to leave you with your own thoughts right now. 

Not when he knew you were overthinking and it was somehow his fault. 

“You’re avoiding me.” You knew he was right but you didn’t want to give it up that easily. 

“You seem to have a lot of things to do.” You just shrugged it off, a voice in the back of your mind screaming at you that you were acting childish and to just talk to him. 

“Do I?” Altan was getting more and more confused, not understanding what was really bothering you.

“Yes.” You wanted to close the conversation, go to bed and act like nothing happened, like you didn’t feel that pain in your chest every time you see him with her. 

“Does she make you that much happier?” You shut your eyes, praying you haven’t said that out loud, you surely haven’t—

“Who?” Altan stepped closer to you, what were you talking about? 

“Kailani” You murmured, the name leaving your lips like a secret held in for too long “Like really I’m happy for the two of you, you make a perfect couple” 

You turned your head to face him for the first time since you started talking, a sad smile on your lips, but you were met with a completely lost look from Altan, his brows frowned, mouth open in search of anything coherent to say, while his brain was connecting everything. 

You make a perfect couple, you said, him and Kailani? He felt so stupid for not noticing before, you asked him if she makes him happier and to him that sounded so weird, because in his eyes it was clear that he couldn’t really be happy without you, and it pained him to know you could even think of him with someone else. 

“We’re not a couple.” Altan stated firmly. 

“You should, you look made for one another, really you—” His hand on your cheek stopped you mid sentence as you let yourself get lost in his touch for a moment. 

It has been weeks since the last time you had been able to indulge in him like this, feel his touch, the warmth of his skin against yours; you missed him so much. 

“That’s a shame,” He muttered, eyes looking firmly in yours, closing the distance between you while kneeling next to you so that you could feel his breath on your own lips “Because you’re the only one I want by my side.” 

Your eyes widened when his lips brushed yours, a gentle touch to give you time to retreat, to take a step back. However you just closed your eyes, hands flew around his neck, tugging the hair at his nape to get him closer, a groan escaping from his lips as you lost your balance, laying on the cold rock, his hand leading your head softly to the ground while the other gripped firmly your side. 

“You were jealous.” He whispered like he just realised that, parting from your lips. 

“Shut up, Trengsin.” Altan chuckled as you closed once again the gap between your lips. 

“You know, I like that,” He said, gaining a desperate groan from you “Wanna know why?” 

“Will you shut up and just go back kissing me, if I do?” You ask, wanting to close the topic as fast as possible, embarrassed and wanting to make up for years of walking on a line you finally crossed. 

“Fine, why do you like that, Altan?” You gave up after he eagerly nodded at you. 

“Because I get to remind you that I’m always yours, love, always have been and always will,” The softness and sincerity in his words left you speechless. “I’m sorry for taking so long to make that clear.” 

P.S. Little did you know the first thing Altan did when he came back home was talking about you with Hanelai, so yeah, she knew everything already and just waited for her little boy to stop playing around and finally make a move.

I'm this far to publish it like this I swear, sometimes it feels like it's so much more expressive written like this instead of using paragraphs to describe it lol

BUT I'm going to make it work, I'll try to get everything done I swear😭

however YEAH I AGREE. I have to admit that I never liked jiang much, especially when we found out about hanelai, and then how he never really helped altan or rin (unless at the very end, and rin well - maybe spoiler!!! there's a theory which said that she's his daughter with hanelai) so I always saw him as a coward. he's a really complex and well written character and I really appreciated him for that.

BUT SU DAJI. I was so sad for the trifecta end because of her like I NEED TO KNOW MORE. WHAT WAS HER RELATIONSHIP WITH RIGA? WITH JIANG? WHAT DID SHE THINK WHEN SHE SAW RIGA AWAKEN AGAIN? AND KNEW IT WAS HER FAULT???

⿓ He started loving birthdays because of you. He worships you, you are everything to him, you shows him a reason to want to be alive, not just exist and he wants it to make it special, you might not be a great fan of your own birthday, but be sure he will make you regret it: with Nezha you couldn’t hate your own birthday, he’ll never let that happen

⿓ At first he might think about expensive gifts, silk robes, precious charms, jade sculptures; however it seemed like it was never enough, he felt like he was missing out something, and then he realised what was that 

⿓ He always relied on his money, his status, but you were with him for different reasons. You stayed because of him. And so, your birthday becomes something meaningful, not just a display of his fortune, it was something deeper. 

⿓ He leads you to a romantic spot on a cliff, a trip to some city’s festival you always wanted to visit, he guides you in his hometown showing you secret corners. Under the moonlight, at dawn, or in the warm sunset, he’s always able to amaze you. He wants to do something special for a special person

⿓ Nezha hates birthdays, but yours, your birthday became his favourite day and maybe, just maybe, he starts to appreciate his own too, maybe you get to show him how grateful you are to have him

You were close to Tikany, just a few more small cities and you would reach the capital of the South, Rin’s hometown. It was getting more and more exhausting with each day passing by, sure you were having victories over victories against the Federation, yet there was something off, an unsettling atmosphere you were all able to feel. Every time you were discussing plans with Rin, Kitay and Souji there were new arguments; Rin was on edge for every single word said, Kitay was always trying to make her reasoning and not start an internal fight, you were mediating Souji’s advices struggling with diplomacy, while the latest appeared to be satisfied with causing troubles and making you all nervous, and you were the one who had to deal with his smug arrogance, while on the other side Kitay tried to deal with Rin’s temperament. 

Today was another one of those awful meetings. 

Rin was furious, yelling at Souji while he laid back in his seat relaxed, smiling almost pleased with that outcome. You shot a glance at Kitay, your relationship has always been deep, you were able to understand each other without the need of words, he knew you like his own skin and the same was for you, so you immediately understood what you needed to do. Taking away Souji and trying to keep his favour and alliance, while he tried to make Rin calm down. 

You nodded slightly to let Kitay know you were fine with the plan and hurried to take Souji's wrist. 

“We’re going outside to let you figure it out undisturbed” 

It wasn’t something new, you had done it multiple times, it was your main role to maintain alliances and work on diplomacy, in the group you were the most skilled in, yet you could sense that something was off. 

Kitay’s eyes darted between you and Souji, brows frowned and jaw tightened, you shot a questioning look at him, hand loosening slightly the grip on the wrist, not understanding his sudden change. 

“Are you bothered, Kitay?” Souji inquired, smile bright on his lips as his hand interlocked with yours, leaving you confused by his abrupt fondness. 

“No, I assume I’m not, you can go” Kitay sounded unsure, but you had no time to question him and it wasn’t even the right moment to do it, so his words should have been enough for now, you could have settled things later. 

You felt Souji tugging you along, leading outside, while you crossed your gaze with Kitay one last time before he turned his attention to Rin and you went outside, his look still unsettled and thoughtful, shoulders tense and lips tight, like he was forcing himself to not act on impulse. 

It was strange and what was worse was that Kitay rarely was wrong. 

You felt uneasy, immediately every feeling seemed to be amplified, you tensed, aware of the strong hold Souji’s hand had on yours, the silence was loud in your ears, as your steps were the only sound around, your breath grew heavier, your eyes darted around even if you weren’t sure what you were looking for. 

It was too calm, and that was never good, not for your senses used to constant battles. 

“You know, sometimes your friends are really bothering” Souji broke the silence with an overly coated voice "Especially Kitay, a mediocre strategist if I dare, I don’t know why you keep him in the team.” 

“Kitay is a good strategist and friend” You asserted, irritation burning at the pit of your stomach, while you attempted a stretched smile. You took a deep breath, diplomacy, you had to remind yourself, you were here to keep good relations with Souji, he was fundamental for your campaign in the South. 

“Friend you said?” You turned to him confused, the smile was even brighter than before on his face, eyes mischievous and his voice seemed pleased. 

“Yes, friend” It wasn’t a lie, he was a good friend, but it wasn’t even the whole truth and you didn’t like how he was questioning your relationship with Kitay. It was something intimate, you never figured it out loud together, it was something deep, something just between the two of you and you didn’t want to explain it to a near stranger. 

You tensed up something was off, really off, but you couldn’t really tell what. It was silent, too silent, no one was around you, you felt the sudden urge to scream or run away but you couldn’t, not when you had to be pleasant and friendly with him, yet you still tried to pull away, moving toward a more frequented site. 

“What’s wrong? You’re free to have fun, aren’t you?” His grip shot to your wrist holding you closer while his other hand went to your hips pulling you hard closer. It was wrong, really wrong. 

Your senses were on full alert mode, heart thrumming in your ears, eyes looking for a way out, you wanted to react but you were frozen on the spot, and the worst thing was that you knew that feeling, you knew it too damn well, since Golyn Niis. 

“Souji get off” You tried to keep your voice stern, but he only laughed it off. 

“Come on, you need to get some fun” He pulled you closer, you could feel his breath hot on your cheeks. 

“Get the fucking off of me” You repeated, voice firm, as your hand flew to his chest, trying to push him away. 

“You should be more lovely with me, what if I decide to break the alliance?” You stopped in the motion. “You think I didn’t know that? Their little diplomatic, you don’t want to let them down, do you?” 

Your eyes widened, locking with his own and he was smiling charmed by your reaction, you both knew he was right. However you also knew your friends, you had to defend yourself, it was more important than any war plan, they would get it. Your gaze hardened, and you can see the smile on his face faltering. 

“I said” You kicked low and firm, your knee colliding with his weak spot “Get the fuck off” 

Souji bent forward yet his grip didn’t waver, instead he threw you on the ground. 

“You bitch!” Souji's yell broke the silence, yet he wasn’t angry, he was laughing. “You sure have fight in yourself, it would have been wasted on that boy” 

You hated how he was talking about you, and even more how he was talking about Kitay, yet you were frozen on the ground, flashbacks filling up your mind. 

Souji’s voice got lost in the background, while all you could hear were the insults of the Mugenese soldiers, you could feel hands on your body, slaps across your face, all you could see were mutilated bodies, corpses and blood. It was too much, you couldn’t discern real life from the past anymore, voices and hands were mixing together, your body was trembling, curling up on the dirty street, and you felt nauseous, the smell of decomposing bodies and carnage coming back to your senses, everything was confused. 

You felt a hand on your cheek and your first impulse was to scream, your hand flew on him trying to push him away, but his hand remained firm on your face strangely warm and grounding. 

“Look at me, please, you’re safe now” You recognised the voice, it felt safe, your hand stopped as you tried to focus again on the present. 

“It’s fine, just focus on me, I’m right here” Your breath calmed down, still heavy but regular, your body loosen a bit, as your eyes were fixed on the person in front of you. 

“Kitay” You breathed out, his lips curved in a tired smile. 

“Welcome back, you’re safe now” His voice was soft, but his gaze was sorrowful. 

“It was Golyn Niis, I saw them, the bodies, it was—” Your voice trailed off, lost once again in your mind. On the other hand Kitay tensed up, he knew well what you were talking about. 

“You’re here now, we’re here, it all ended” 

“It never ends, it’s always here, in the back of my mind, I can’t run away” 

Your eyes locked together and you knew he could understand your thoughts, he was the only one who always understood you at first glance. 

“I shouldn’t let you go with him” He murmured, placing his arm around your body helping you get up. “Let’s go inside, Venka will take care of him.” He didn’t dare saying Souji’s name, not trusting himself not to go back and continuing to hit him like he was doing just a few minutes ago. 

His body was warm against your own, it was comforting and you could feel yourself slowly grounding back. Kitay always felt safe to you, and now it was the only thing keeping you from breaking down at the weight of your own mind, while he led you steadily through the small alleys, arriving at your quarter. You had to stop mid-walk a few times as you felt retching and threw up, memories still taunting your mind, Kitay keeping you steady until you were feeling good enough to move on.

“We’re here” He spoke softly, breaking the silence between the two of you “Do you want to stay alone?” 

Your gaze shot at him, hand gripping his tunic, panic surging while your body and mind were feeling the need of having him near, having someone who could understand you and you trusted blindly. 

“Stay” His features softened, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to” He guided you inside, reaching your bed, and made you sit down, as he took place next to you, his hand placed on your thigh. 

“I’m sorry, I ruined the only chance for an alliance with the Iron Wolves” You spit out, words sounding stupid when you let them out, but you needed to say that and Kitay didn’t stop you. 

“I tried hard to be pleasant, I wanted to be perfect, but then his hands on my body, his voice, his smile” You had to take a sharp breath, disgusted from the image of him in your head and Kitay had to recall all of his self control to let you continue, he was sure Venka would have done a great work but he wished he was the one taking revenge for once. 

“And it was Golyn Niis again, I saw the carnage, I could hear their screams all over again, and I couldn’t do anything, again. Their eyes on my body, their laughters at the massacred bodies as blood was everywhere and, and the smell, I could still recall the nauseous smell of those corpses” 

You felt his arms around you, taking you in a warm hug, calming your trembling which had started all over again, the fabric covering his shoulders getting wet while tears ran from your eyes without you noticing, his hand keeping you close caressing your nape. 

He let you cry and vent, listening to everything you tried to shut in the back of your mind for so long, flashbacks coming in waves but he was always ready to get you back on the surface, not letting you drown in your own mind. 

“You don’t have to deal with it all by yourself, you know it right?” He sighed and you finally took a look at him. He was evidently tired, eyes red and watery, brows frowned as his grip grew firmer on you, as to underline that he was there with you. 

“Thank you” You murmured, melting in his embrace. 

the poppy war

✽ Altan:

➳ Oh, golden boy, don't act like you were kind (fluff, hurt/comfort)

➳ Speer, Les souvenirs d'une patrie perdue (fluff)

➳ Secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide than I thought (fluff)

➳ Maybe I just wanna be yours (smut)

✽ Kitay:

➳ You're real (hurt/comfort, fluff)

➳ …and he did that for you only (fluff)

➳ And maybe we got lost in translation (fluff)

➳ I'm the only one that hasn't walked out, I'm right here (angst, hurt/comfort)

✽ Nezha:

➳ I'll blow out the candles, happy birthday to me (fluff, headcanon)

✽ multiple characters:

➳ So love me like you do... (fluff)

genshin impact

✽ Kaeya:

➳ Don't understand (hurt/comfort, fluff)

✽ Zhongli:

➳ Stay (smut)

writing prompts

“Are you happy to go back home?” You asked barely more than a whisper, eyes fixed in front of you, he wouldn’t have heard you over the waves if he hadn’t been so close to you. He said nothing at first, his hands on your waist soothing your tense body, you hadn’t realised you were so anxious until now. 

“Do you—” His voice unsure “Do you wish to go back?” You turn to him shocked. Never could you deny him from going back home, not when you knew how much he missed it, how hard it was for him spending five years at Sinegard away from his homeland. 

“I could never” You assured him, turning slightly to face him “Just, what if they won’t like me?” His features softened, a warm smile appearing on his lips, while one hand went to rest on your cheek. 

“They will love you for sure, no need to worry.” It wasn’t much, but Altan didn’t give you time to worry further, shutting all your thoughts with a soft kiss. As your body melted into his you could feel his smile on your lips, and you smiled back. 

It would have been just fine.

It wasn’t going to be fine. 

You felt nauseous, your stomach closed, guts tight. Altan got off first, a smile brighter than ever on his face, eyes shining, and he turned to you offering his hand to help you getting off the ship. You needed that, you really needed him to keep you steady because your legs felt so numb they appeared ready to give in at any moment. 

The warm sand under your feet felt grounding, Altan’s hand in yours, as he looked at you to check one last time if you were sure, giving you a chance to back off. You were scared, sure, yet you couldn’t back out now, it wasn’t a choice, so you just nodded and how his face lit up from excitement, was enough to know it was the right choice. 

You and Altan met at Sinegard military academy, both Irjah’s pupils, however he followed lore classes with Jiang, while you continued strategy. However your bond only grew tighter: late nights spent together, studying afternoons in the library, festivity too short for him to go back to Speer so he just stayed with you. And now he was going back home to officially introduce you to his family. 

You heard stories, he used to talk a lot about his homeland when he missed them the most, late at night, eyes fixed on the Phoenix constellation. They sounded fine, really, you were just terrified they might not have liked you; Altan was their pride, a real golden boy, and you could see why, yet you were you, and it was good, you were a top student, smart and fast at learning, you aced every test in school, yet it was hard if you were going to be compared to him, what if they thought you weren’t enough for him? 

Your head was spinning as he led you through roads immersed in nature, flourishing vegetation surrounding you, shades of bright green never seen before and flowers of different colours. Then he stopped, his broad shoulders in front of you, shielding you from the view in front of him.

“We arrived” Altan told you, a fast glance at you and before you could answer, you heard a loud scream as a young girl jumped in his arms, hugging him tight. 

“You're finally back Altan! It was so boring without you here!” The young girl should have been just a few years younger than him, her features resembling his. Altan laughed, a laughter coming straight from the bottom of his heart, reciprocating the hug. 

“Rin, I hope you haven’t bothered aunt Hanelai too much” He chuckled, eyes shining. He was finally home. 

“She doesn’t know the meaning of the word calm” A firm voice stated, you turn your head just to see a woman looking like the older version of the girl in Altan’s arms, her eyes filled with softness, despite the strength given from her presence alone. She was terrifying in the best way, a powerful woman, her face sharp and stern manners, yet from her gaze you saw a deep love for his family. 

“Hanelai, it’s great to see you again” It was your first time seeing Altan so much Altan. He wasn’t a soldier, nor a student, he was just a boy surrounded by his family, and it was really heart warming. Suddenly his eyes went wide open. 

“Mom, dad!” He let go of the girl, Rin, who huffed upset, running towards two other people. The couple waited for him with wide arms, glossy eyes, as they held their son again. Your eyes were fixed on Altan, clouded from tears, and he never looked alive like he was in that moment, a soft smile placed on your lips seeing the person you loved so much being so happy. 

Other people started gathering around Altan, greeting him, bright smiles on their faces, patting his shoulders, while you just stood where he left you, hidden by some plants, watching gratefully from aside, knowing you would have felt too much in this moment. 

You were so focused on Altan, that you didn’t notice a pair of eyes looking keenly at you. 

“Are you not going to introduce your guest to us? It’s a bit rude of you, Altan” Hanelai's voice mocking him, her gaze burning through you, a smirk on her lips. 

You froze. Altan turned in your direction and suddenly understood your restlessness, he immediately came to you, taking your hand in his, a warm look in his eyes before he turned to his aunt, smiling. 

“Seemed like I lost my manners, I want to introduce you to y/n” His head snapping in your direction, eyes fixed in yours “My girlfriend.” 

The silence was loud, you had no strength to look at the reactions happening around you, grounding yourself in his gaze, confident and soft. 

“So someone finally took you” You heard Rin exclaim “Oh girl, are you sure?” She laughed as Altan turned to her trying to slap her jokingly, running to catch her. You laughed, tension dissipated a bit as you watched him playing with Rin and heard people around you chuckling in agreement to Rin’s words. 

“You’re welcome in our family, darling” Hanelai approached you, a motherly look in her eyes, a hand resting on your shoulder “I’ve never seen someone look at our boy with such love and selflessness, nor I’ve seen Altan being so soft and loving with anybody else.” You were grateful for such kind words, blush creeping on your neck now that you were at the centre of their attention, yet all the anxiety was long gone. 

You were introduced to a vast group of people, from his close family to acquaintances curious to see who was the girl who managed to win Altan’s heart. And it was good, really. With Hanelai taking you under her wing, daring anyone to even glance bad at you, and Altan staying by your side all of the time, his warm presence comforting you, you felt safe, they made it feel like home for you too. 

That night they all celebrated the return of their boy, on the white beach you never felt so free. People dancing and singing, children running and playing on the seashore, adults chatting and joking, it was a form of freedom you never get to experience in the strict cities of Nikan, and you allowed yourself to relax and enjoy the moment. 

Rin led you in a group of young girls and women, dancing around a bonfire and asking you gossip from your relationship; How did you fall in love with someone so stubborn and annoying? Was he snooty at school? Was he good in bed? 

You laughed hard, nearly choking on your own spit, cheeks red from embarrassment, as Rin stepped in to help you. 

“Enough, I don’t really wanna know these kinds of details about my cousin.” You glanced at her thankful, and she just winked back, a knowing smirk on her lips. In the background, sitting on the sand looking at you, you locked your eyes with Altan who appeared to be talking to Hanelai. 

“Go to him” Rin nudged at your side, the other girls chuckling in approval. You thanked her again and then approached him. When you were close enough Hanelai smiled at you nodding “I’ll leave the two of you alone, lovebirds” She teased, before heading back. 

You were left speechless for a second, but then you only chuckled and shook your head, you already liked how straightforward they were in this family. You took a seat next to Altan, his eyes fixed on you, an intense gaze you never witnessed before. 

“You are beautiful” He just murmured, taking you by surprise. 

“Thanks, you're quite good yourself” You replied, eyes scanning his beautiful features and sliding down on his bare torso.

“I mean it” His hand went under your chin, forcing your gaze to meet his. “I never thought I could love you more, and here I am; I can’t stop to think about how beautiful you are when you laugh with my family like you were meant to, your smile bright, and I can only imagine about how I want to be yours forever” 

You looked at him, heart blowing up in your chest, and you did the only reasonable thing you could think of. You kissed him. His lips warm on yours, already knowing each other really well, melting in his touch. You heard distant commotion and Rin yelling something, you got away from Altan’s lips laughing softly while he just huffed bothered by the reactions, both of your cheeks bright red and breaths still closed to each other. 

“You know,” He started, his gaze low on your lips “My aunt told me that I should keep you close” He snorted “As if I was planning to lose you.” 

His eyes back to yours, filled with love, and you had one coherent thought. 

Fuck off. 

You kissed him harder, hands flying around his neck as his hands went to rest on your waist keeping you steady. You both smiled in the kiss.