okay so i have a v important second-round interview tomorrow for a job which would be the most perfect scenario for me. i told people i got it just bc of the manifestation or affirmation bullshit. but otherwise jm going to prepare today and win this shiet over. it’s for student position and im waaay over qualified so i really do believe so that i’ll get it. fingers crossed madame

I write I paint I read I run I climb trees I play instruments I tell stories I walk I talk to strangers I kiss people I love I learn how to cook new dishes I draw I daydream I explore my surroundings I hitchhike I start arguments Ilearn languages I ask my friends questions I hike I send mail l write letters I go down rabbit holes I play cards I drink wine I swim I sunbathe I follow one ant carrying something interesting for a very long time

what i am mostly afraid of is that im again entering a relationship in which i need to be a nanny to his insecurities and anxiety… im born to be a healer but id like someone to heal me as well… idk i dont feel strong about this relationship but it is what it is ..

But every imagination, every imagined conception, is in every case always false, degrading. Essence is, in essence, always different, and the opposite is always essence itself, essentially. The fact that we exist through illusions and through nothing else requires no words.

okay sooo even tho i thought we were perfect for each other we might just not be it… i think he’s too avoidant and im too anxious; i need lots of reassurance and he needs lots of his space whereas for me it’s not possible when trying to make a living together (at the start). i will be going to cph soon and i need to think whether i even want to have this conversation. cuz if i want to talk about my needs etc maybe i don’t need to tell it all again cuz i did once and he can always ask but also i think open communication is hot and i should communicate like that… but would the words change anything? even if he promises to give me more reasurence? no. because deep down i know that his actions speak louder than words and i just need some classy shit like did y got home safe princess or whateva instead of splitting the day after pill which i will suffer hormonally for . okai , im in full beef mode but i think what to do. i’ll just go, see, and that’s it. and if something im going to to say goodbye but i think he would be a great help so i might stick to that area as well as mean as it sounds …

rewatching fleabag and it’s more relatable than ever

“Love is as love does. Love is an act of will—namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” Since the choice must be made to nurture growth, this definition counters the more widely accepted assumption that we love instinctually.”

i bought new panties for our trip…if this ain’t a sign of love then idk what is. but also he told me today that he read bell book’s all about love and i should read it too so i learn the theory and we practice together … aaaaand i bought a compact areopress… yup. 👍 clearly hooked on

love is a stream. it’s continuous, it doesn’t stop, it doesn’t have a beginning or an end.