Now it seems like I’m sad because I’m the one that is.

“ And pass me a bottle, Mr Jones Believe in me, help me believe in anything 'Cause I wanna be someone who believes, yeah “

'Cause it turns out most of the songs I listen to revolve around heartbreak.

Stage 1: Denial 

• Iris - Goo Goo Dolls - “I don’t want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand” - Against the better judgement of everyone around you, you will still have some hope that everything will work out.

• Long Gone and Moved on - The Script - “I still don’t know how to act, don’t know what to say” - The awkward stage in which you have to learn to be friends again.

• Yesterday - The Beatles - “Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be” - When you feel like you need the person you loved to be completed.

• The Break-Up-Song - Abbey Glover - “Then you say: “It’s over, I’m so, so sorry.” I say: Oh God no, please don’t do this to me.” - For repeating the last conversation you had over and over again in your head. 

• I miss the old you - Abbey Glover - “Kiss my cheek and stroke my hair. Is the you I used to know still in there? I don’t know what to do, but I miss the old you?” - When you still hope the two of you can return to what you used to be.

Stage 2: Anger

• Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley - “Love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah” - When you’re tempted to throw away every RomCom you own.

• Goodnight Elizabeth - Counting Crows - “I’ll wait for you when she slips in something comfortable and I will miss you when I’m slipping in between” - An ode to the rebound relationship.

• Breakeven - The Script - “‘Cause she moved on while I’m still grieving” - When everything clearly meant more to you than it did to them.

• No Good in Goodbye - The Script - “Where’s the nice in nice try” - When you’re done with all the well-meant advise.

• Numb - Nick Jonas/Roes - “He love me, he love me, no he don’t” - The moment you have to face the truth.

• Chainsaw - Nick Jonas - “I’m gonna break the fucking china ‘cause it’s just one more reminder you’re gone” - For the post-breakup ‘cleanup’.

• Broken - Abbey Glover - “My heart may be broken, but at least I’ve got one” - It’s so easy to hate, it takes strength to be gentle and kind. (Yes, this is a quote to explain a quote 😂. For the curious ones; it’s a quote from ‘I know it’s over’ by The Smiths.)

Stage 3: Bargaining

• If My name was Whiskey - Carly Pearce - “If my name was Whiskey maybe right now you’d miss me” - For blaming the break-up on anything else then the relationship itself.

• Dive - Ed Sheeran - “Maybe I came on too strong” - Self-doubt.

• Hate me - Blue October - “Hate me for all the things I couldn’t do for you” - It hurts to think about what you could have done differently.

• Stanger things have happened - “I can change, but who do you want me to be?” - For the moments you would do everything to get them back.

Stage 4: Depression

• What hurts the most - Rascal Flatts - “What hurts the most, is being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away” - For every funny article you want to send your ex, which makes you remember how close you were.

• Another love - Tom Odell - “All my tears have been used up” - For the moment you feel empty, numb.

• Happier - Ed Sheeran - “I know I was happier with you” - For the moments you miss them.

• Before the Worst - The Script - “Everything we talked about is gone” - When you’re not ready to start over again. 

• Dead Man Walking - The Script - “Already broken, already gone, already know you’re moving on” - For the moment they move on.

• I’m a mess - Ed Sheeran - “I messed up this time” - For the moments you feel lost.

• Dancing on my own - Calum Scott - “I’m just dancing on my own” - When it’s time to be the crying, drunk girl on the dancefloor. 

Stage 5: Acceptance

• Murder of one - Counting Crows - “Are you happy when you’re sleeping? Does he keep you safe and warm? Does he tell you when you're sorry, does he tell you when you are wrong? - Hopefully, you will reach the point where you want the person you loved to be happy, even if it’s not with you. 

• Six Degrees of Separation - The Script - “... Fourth; you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself. Fifth; you see them out with someone else. And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little” - When distance finally has made things simpler.

• Una Mattina - Ludovico Einaudi - For when everything falls back in place.

• Give me love - Ed Sheeran - “Maybe I should let you go” - When you realise it’s time to move on.

• I know it’s over - The Smiths - “I know it’s over and it never really began, but in my heart, it was so real” - Once you come to terms with your feelings.

• Forget her - Jeff Buckley - “Don’t fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment you met her” - For the moment you have to cut the bullshit.

• I still want you - Abbey Glover - “’Cos I still love you and I still want you back. But I couldn’t put myself through that again. And I still want you, Oh I want you so bad. Don’t know why you’ve got my heart, but I’d like to have it back.” - There will be a moment in every break-up in which you realise they weren’t right for you, even though you wanted them to be.

• I hope you’re happy - Blue October - “I hope you’re happy, I hope you’re good. I hope you get what you wish for and that you’re well-understood.” - The moment you’re truly over the break-up. 

• So much better - Legally Blonde - “I am so much better than before!” - People grow from pain, I hope you will eventually be able to do just that.

The five stages of a break-up that were mentioned in this post were explained in this article of Psychology Today by Jennifer Kromberg PsyD  https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/inside-out/201309/the-5-stages-grieving-the-end-relationship 

"...It may also be a time where something good is happening. I mean, that's the really scary part. It can happen when you are experiencing a beautiful scene, when you're looking at nature. When you are on holiday and you think: God, is wish I was sharing this with that particular person.                                            

So sometimes we have the association that when things are bad, that's when we will miss someone the most, but actually, we often miss someone the most when things are good. When we're experiencing something that we know they would love, or we would love to share with them."

Title: I Won’t Write Your Obituary Author: Nora Cooper Venue: CUPSI 2015 Richmond, VA

You asked if you could call to say goodbye if you were ever really gonna kill yourself. Sure, but I won’t write your obituary. I’ll commission it from some dead-end journalist who will say things like: “At peace… Better place… Fought the good fight…” Maybe reference the loving embrace of Capital-G-God at least 4 times. Maybe quote Charles fucking Bukowski. And I won’t stop them because I won’t write your obituary. But if you call me,

I will write you a new sky, one you can taste. I will write you a D-I-Y cloud maker so on days when you can’t do anything you can still make clouds in whatever shape you want them. I will write you letters, messages in bottles, in cages, in orange peels, in the distance between here and the moon, in forests and rivers and bird songs. I will write you songs. I can’t write music, but I’ll find Rihanna, and I’ll get her to write you music if it will make you want to dance a little longer. I will write you a body whose veins are electricity because outlets are easier to find than good shrinks, but we will find you a good shrink. I will write you 1-800-273-8255, that’s the suicide hotline; we can call it together. 

And yeah, you can call me, but I won’t tell you it’s okay, that I forgive you. I won’t say “goodbye” or “I love you” one last time. You won’t leave on good terms with me, Because I will not forgive you. I won’t read you your last rights, absolve you of sin, watch you sail away on a flaming Viking ship, my hand glued to my forehead. I will not hold your hand steady around a gun. And after, I won’t come by to pick up the package of body parts you will have left specifically for me. I’ll get a call like “Ma’am, what would you have us do with them?” And I’ll say, “Burn them. Feed them to stray cats. Throw them at school children. Hurl them at the sea. I don’t care. I don’t want them.” I don’t want your heart. It’s not yours anymore, it’s just a heart now and I already have one. I don’t want your lungs, just deflated birthday party balloons that can’t breathe anymore. I don’t want a jar of your teeth as a memento. I don’t want your ripped off skin, a blanket to wrap myself in when I need to feel like your still here. You won’t be there. There’s no blood there, there’s no life there, there’s no you there.  I want you.

 And I will write you so many fucking dead friend poems, that people will confuse my tongue with your tombstone and try to plant daisies in my throat before I ever write you an obituary while you’re still fucking here. So the answer to your question is “yes”. If you’re ever really gonna kill yourself, yes, please, call me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------