nonsense

Sometimes you have to get closer to what frightens you the most to be able to help them and to let yourself heal, other times you better run, run fast and run away from everything concerns them, never to let even their shadow touch you.

Sometimes the only way to protect yourself is standing aside, but we like to lose ourselves, and saying they needed help is easier than saying I couldn't stay away.

More often than not, our selfless acts are fueled by the most selfish reasons. We just pretend we never notice.

First of all there's a huge difference between change and improvement or evolvement.

Change is becoming different, while evolvement is the action of development and growth. Huge difference.

I don't know whether the difference is lost in the translation or is Eda actually waiting for Serkan to change. Because changing one's personality is far fetched. You can change your actions, some beliefs and even your way of thinking, but the core of your personality is somewhat unchangeable.

Evolvement on the other hand is a must, you have to evolve and grow to be able to cope with all the madness happening in the world.

One should enter a relationship with the intention of understanding the other, how they act and react, what they love and hate, and what are the similarities and differences between them. They would see if they click and whether they would want to commit to each other. Then they would start to grow and evolve together, you see relationship is a two way thing.

So Eda and Serkan. Athough Serkan is not actually changing (he is just adjusting some of his ways), I don't really like the fact that Eda is expecting him to do everything differently and I mean everything, like him eating healthy (what does unhealthy eating even affect in that relationship), specially that she had accepted some of those things before. So why do you want him to be completely different from what you fell in love with?

That's why Balca is important, she made Eda think about how this could be unfair, but I disagree with what she said. Yes, expecting people to change is nonsense most of the time, but if they are willing to change some of their actions (because they want to or for the sake of their loved ones), it would be actually endearing.

What I am trying to say is that development and growth require some behavioural changes. Say you want to be healthier (development) you'd need to stop smoking (changing your behaviour). But the main reason of any change should always be, you no one else.

And accepting others' uniqueness (even if we don't always agree with it) is just another way of saying I love you.

I actually like the series, well I like Serkan's personality actually, and I love the chemistry and the friendship of everybody there. But I just want to scream that this is not how relationships work.

And it's frustrating how such amazing characters like Eda and Serkan are wasted with so few meaningful and deep dialogues.

And every episode leaves me with a mind full of arguments about relationships. And I wanna ramble so much. But I end up sleeping.

I think the main reason I understand and relate with him so much is that we are both INTJs (at least I think he is), so I get it when people say he is emotionless or a robot because I was told the same many times.

That said I have to state clearly he is far from a robot. He has feelings, maybe even deeper than anyone else. He just chooses not to show them.

Personality and emotional development rely mainly on how someone deals with psychological crises rising on the different phases of life. And we see that clearly in Serkan's attitude.

Before his brother's death, he could have been an introvert having difficulty showing his emotion as well, but we know he loved his brother. He possibly was his backbone, the person that listened and guided him, his friend and role model, then suddenly he lost that (we don't exactly know how). Not only he has lost a brother, but an opportunity of being supported and loved.

He was a child needing emotional support, he needed his parents with him telling him it would be alright, that they would get through this together, he needed someone teaching him how to grieve and how to cherish his brother's memory. And he found none of that, instead he was abandoned, sent away to deal with all of that by himself. That right there is a psychological crisis, for a child to be alone all of the sudden. I bet his young naive mind made him believe for sometime that it was his fault somehow, that he wasn't loved.

I'm sure his life in boarding school was not easy, he probably was teased for the absence of his parents, he may have fought and was in trouble many times before realising he doesn't have a chance to make a single mistake (as he's told his father). Making mistakes is for children who are protected and loved, who have guidance; it was a welfare he couldn't afford. The good thing though was that he became friends with Engin and learned to trust him (we don't know how but I am sure it took years).

Later he went to university without the help of his parents, became a top student as he wanted, he made every decision right, with no mistakes, he grew in his field without help. He was confident in his knowledge, and he was going to make his father proud. He became friends with Kaan and Seline, so far so good, right? Wrong his father was not as proud as he would be if it was his brother , Kaan turned out to be untrustworthy. Disappointment yet again proving that expectations could hurt and trusting was never a good option.

He learned his lessons the hard way throughout his life: You are on your own, make no mistakes, read people well, who wants to be trusted needs to earn it, make it through by yourself.

He was never taught that he can ask for help, that mistakes are opportunities for growth, that he can trust without reasons.

So here we have a logical smart man, whose every phase of life taught him that showing emotions is weakness, that vulnerability is dangerous. Do you expect he would be open and all fun? No, he developed his defence mechanism, a cold exterior, and built unbreakable walls around himself.

It's sad really how he walks by himself. His friends are Engin who listens without judging, Pırıl who is the most trusted when it comes to business, and Sirius the comforting silent friend. Yet he doesn't have that someone he can go to when he feels overwhelmed, who knows every single thing about him and is there all the time, that can make him feel better with a hug. He has friends he truly loves and yet no one that he dares to show his true self to. He bottles all his feelings, frees them only when he is alone. No on is to know the depth of his feelings.

Yes yes yes, that's what I meant by him being good for her, she told him what she thought loud and clear, and more importantly, he listened.

Yeah I love Dicle and enjoy watching her interacting with each one of them and making thoughtful decisions. She is one of the most relatable characters ever.

I like Bariş as well, he just needs to grow into his own skin.

He lacks self-confidence , although it may not seem like that and he is struggling between being himself and being who others want him to be.

That's why he liked being with Dicle, she is good for him as he said many times, he can act like himself around her, she calms him, she is his assistant girl and his herbal tea. This could sound romantic but it's not, the fact is that at this point he didn't like her persay as much as he liked himself when he is with her. She is an assistant girl that doesn't expect him to be Bariş the actor, that accepted him and listened when he needed, that helped him at every obstacle. And he liked the peacefulness it brought, he could lay his head on her shoulder and rest without being judged, he could be comfortable there.

Being comfortable allows you to see throughly, to observe and to notice small details, and he was comfortable around her so he started to see her, and what a pretty sight she is. He wanted something more than her being his babysitter, friendship perhaps, he wanted this unnamed relationship to be a two-way thing and this would happen if he could help her, if he began being the assist instead of being the liability.

To establish a relationship both must be on equal footing, that's where you need to fully understand yourself, your partner as well as their thoughts about you. That's where his insecurities kicked, how come such an amazing person would want to be with him, a guy that has caused nothing but trouble since the first day, a guy that is not as educated or as good as she is. His insecurities didn't allow him to ask why wouldn't she stay , he just assumed he was the problem.

You would be amazed at how much we think we know and how many times we let our thoughts wrongfully guide us with assumptions that has nothing to do with reality. Nevertheless the ultimate truth is that you can never read minds, if you want to know something just ask, let them explain and listen carefully.

How she is strong in her vulnerability, and how she lets herself grow is admirable.

And how can a mind so optimistic produce such dark thoughts?