Man·Deep: Light of the Mind

Growing up in the cracks of neglected public programs,

We rose up fast and fought against our expected life spans,

Opening our wings and stretching past the sky,

High and far past those we left, cried and died.

Started from the bottom and now we here,

But yet, I’m still sitting on my throne, so engrained with fear.

Struggling to sleep at night, the tears continue to flow,

I’m tired of this fame, this fatigue,

I don’t want it anymore.

Depression: it greys and muddles the pigments of our lives.

Our eyes closed and watery, fists thrown up in the air,

Just trying to fight this journey of mine. 

Ah I haven’t blogged in awhile. There have been so many things coming at me at once. I can’t believe three full weeks have passed already since I began the program. I feel caught between the feeling that everything is going by so fast and the feeling that I’ve already done and learned so much. I left the USA 9 days ago to fly to São Paulo, Brazil.

My two weeks in New Orleans were absolutely phenomenal. The introduction to the program, the people, and the analytical lens to observing life will take me a long way. I have a lot of thoughts and speculations about NOLA that I’d definitely like to write about sometime soon.

For the last week and a half, I’ve been swamped with classes, guest lectures, site visits and neighborhood days. I am exploring a variety of different aspects of the city through historical, social, cultural and political lenses. I’ve let my mind become a sponge—simply soaking up all the knowledge I can possibly absorb.

From what I’ve picked up in the limited time that I’ve been here, São Paulo is a mind-boggling place. Every time I think of its size and complexity, I get a slight shiver. The actual city population is about 11 million people and the general metropolis area has about 18-20 million people—making it one of the biggest metropolitan regions in the world. In the last 100 years, there has been a 40,000% growth rate!

The weight that the sheer number of people places on the infrastructure here is terrifying. Since the population grew so fast, the city is always playing a game of catch up when it comes to roads and public transportation. Although the train system here is pretty good, there are so many people that there are lines outside the station for people to get in. Trains come about every minute but people literally break arms and legs to get in. Believe me, I almost did.

My host family is AMAZING. I am thoroughly surprised at how I’ve been accepted here. It only costs of my host mom, my host sister, and my host sister’s boyfriend who is around often. This is the first time they’ve hosted students—and they’re doing a great job so far. Our host mom wakes up early to make us a solid breakfast.

She cuts us a fruit salad and makes us fresh squeezed orange juice (which we’ve told her not too) amongst an assortment of other things. Brazilians also don’t typically eat dinner until much later. It’s 9:10pm right now and I still haven’t really seen the site of dinner so far. But the food is always great so I am not even worried one bit.

Our host mom does not speak English-- which was extremely tough at first. However, it’s remarkable how much humans can communicate without speaking the same language. We communicate through point, laughing, music and dance. I’m sharing a room with another student on my program. We’ve both been trying to learn as much Portuguese so we can to communicate as best as possible with her. Google translate is also clutch.

But yet, even though we don’t speak the same language or have the same culture, I feel extremely loved. Since our family is much smaller, there’s so much love to go around. Evanir (mom), Natalia (sister), Joey (roomie) and I have developed a bond that I know will go much farther then the month that we’re here for. I’m really lucky that I was placed in this living situation. During the day I’m critically analyzing urban issues and my personal position within the system of society, but by night, I’m immersing myself in the company of humble people who are teaching me how to simply enjoy life. 

Looking forward to continue dancing samba and learning about the world. Glad that I still have a few more weeks in the country!

Although there is so much I took in this week, these last few days have been quite difficult for me. I haven’t really been drinking coffee as regularly and have been feeling super exhausted with all the activities that have been planned for us. I am not sure if I’ve been overwhelmed or homesick, but I’ve been feeling internally out of balance. My internal axis hasn’t felt aligned and for some reason, I’ve been relapsing into different insecurities that have plagued me throughout this year. Forcing myself to critically think about everything, I guess I am having trouble coming to terms about what all these different experiences mean.

            Missing my mom’s cooking a bit, I was able to go to Nirvana, an Indian restaurant, to make me feel better. Indian food is great wherever you go. On our walk back on Magazine Street, we stopped at an ice cream place where everyone wanted to stop. For some reason, it felt like the universe was speaking to me and offered me a surreal experience that let me get in tune with the oneness around me again. 

            An interesting white man wearing some beads accompanied by another white man entered the ice cream shop we were sitting at. They also were at the Indian place and we acknowledged. Someone made a joke about how we all have a good taste since we were both at the same places. After ordering ice cream, the man came back and stood by us. He seemed to linger for a bit, which I found a tad bizarre. After a few minutes, he says how he could tell that we had a lot of love and positive emotions for each other. He was a really serene person who seemed really comfortable with whom he was. We said thank you and appreciate it—especially since we’ve only known each other for a week at that point.

            He then took off his beads and said that they were made out of tiger-eye stone. The man said its purpose is to see the pain and suffering of others around you. Jokingly, I said I could use one of those. After a minute, he asked if he could do a Buddhist Tibetan prayer. We all closed our eyes and everyone folded their hands to listen to it. I kept my eyes open and felt a little weird. He left after saying the prayer.

            The man came back soon and he had the tiger stone necklace in his hands. He looked directly at me and said you can use it so you can have it. I wasn’t sure how to react and continued I couldn’t take it out of courtesy. I told him I don’t want to take a prized possession of his. I almost said I don’t want to take things from a stranger, but I caught myself because I did not want to be rude. I eventually took it and said thank you and I really appreciated the gesture. I asked for his name and he said which one in a joking manner. The man said his name is Sopo Lopo—meaning Master of Peace. On the way out from the ice cream shop, I went to say thank you again. He got up and gave me a big hug, which was really gentle and warm. I didn’t completely catch what he said at the end but he said something along the lines of “to continuing to find the equality in space.”

It was such a surreal and bizarre experience because it mainly came out of nowhere. All of it happened so I fast and I wasn’t sure how to process it. Sopo Lopo embodied so much patience, reflected through his name. The way he carried himself embodied how spiritual and connected he was with the world around him. I think it was meant for me to meet him and get the necklace. I’ve been trying to become a better nurturer this semester and he gave me a spiritual reminder to continue to engage people who may be in any form of pain or suffering. I hope to use this experience as a reminder for me to be more patient with the people and environment around me. I want to use moments like these to explore my own personal spirituality so that I can become the better person I would like to become.