Pure nonsenses and bad memes

Mrs. Longbottom is shown to have a continued negative impact on her grandson but are we meant to see her behaviour as abusive? I'm going to go out on a limb and say no, JKR did not intend for the character to be read as abusive, even though what we see when she is mentioned in the books is nothing but a military parade of red flags.

The descriptor JKR uses most often when talking about Augusta is "formidable" so I'm assuming she meant for her to come off as strict but ultimately well-meaning. After all, she is one of the Good Guys and we are always meant to excuse a Good Guy's actions, no matter how mean spirited or violent (see: Harry crucio-ing that one dude).

JKR has the unsettling habit of framing abusive parenting as excusable when the person doing said parenting is coming at it with good intentions or from a place of love (see: 70% of Molly Weasley's actions towards her children). I understand she started writing the books in the early nineties when there wasn't much of an open discussion on this topic but some of the behaviours she has her mom characters do feel like abuse evergreens. Take for example the howlers:

A howler's intended use IS public humiliation, there's no two ways about it. If the intent was merely to scold the recipient one could decide when to open them but howlers are designed to open as soon as they've been received. And when are Howlers received, especially when you send them to your school-aged children? In the great hall, a room full of you child's peers and teachers. Both Augusta and Molly know all this and still make the decision to send Howlers. This, in the books, is treated as embarrassing for the receiver but is not ultimately portrayed in a negative light (that is to say, as a malicious act).

So, JKR has a skewed perspective on what constitutes good parenting but what do we, as a modern, presumably non abusive audience, actually see when we look at Augusta Longbottom's actions as a guardian? Let's take a look:

(PS, Neville on how his family discovered he was a wizard)

Neville here is describing his family's terrible attitude towards him and Augusta is not only shown to not have a problem with any of the horrible things being done to her nephew but she is also implied to have shared her relatives' concerns. Would her treatment of Neville have been even worse than what is shown in the books if he was a squib (something which, by the way, he'd have no control over)? Most definitely.

Also, I hate how Augusta's love is portrayed as conditional; don't worry, we'll see more of that in a while (lest you think this was a one-time instance).

(PoA, while preparing to defeat a boggart, Neville describes his greatest fear - Snape - and also casually mentions how he fears his own grandmother)

I'm sorry, did Neville just put Augusta on the same level as Snape, his most fervent bully? This says so much about their relationship (and Augusta's approach to parenting).

(GoF, Neville knows his gran would love for him to enter a potentially deadly competition just to show the world how Brave he is)

Why is it up to a 14 y.o. boy who has so far shown very little aptitude for magic to uphold the family honor? Neville is literally still a child but he's already being measured against his war hero parents, not only that, he's being told regularly through this comparison that he's lacking, and that cannot possibly be good for a child's development.

(OotP, straight from the horse's mouth)

What a perfectly horrible thing to say. Not only is Augusta saying this to Neville's face but she is also telling this to Neville's schoolmates (Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny). Why does she feel the need to dress him down in front of people whose opinion he cares about?

(OotP, Neville casually reveals he is constantly made to feel inadequate, even in front of others)

Once again we are being told that mrs Longbottom is endlessly reminding Neville of all the ways in which he fails to be like his father.

(OotP, Neville is injured and in danger in the Department of Mysteries but he knows his gran's priority is first and foremost his father's wand)

I would like to take this moment to address just how fucked up it is that not only Neville is being constantly compared to his father but that he's also being forced to imitate him via the use of his wand. We know from observing both Ron and future Neville that a wrong wand can seriously hinder one's magic output; this cannot be news to someone of Augusta's age yet it's more important to her that Neville try to live up to his father's image than he be his own person.

and

(HBP, Augusta is finally proud of Neville)

Here we see an aspect of Augusta's behaviour towards Neville that is particularly gross: Neville finally has his grandma's approval (because he's behaving like his father) but it's not his heroics by themselves that she appreciates, it's their public nature. Mrs. Longbottom, who has not talked to the press before (nor will she in the future), is happy to do so because she has an excuse to brag, as if her grandson's achievements are also hers by association.

(HBP, sure Neville is a hero but he's a not Harry Potter-level hero...)

And here we come to yet another evergreen in the abusive parent handbook: the shifting of goalposts. Augusta has been wanting for Neville to behave more like his father (i.e. heroically) all this time but once he starts doing that suddenly it's not enough anymore. Whereas before Neville was lacking because he wasn't behaving bravely, now he's lacking because he's not behaving saviour of the wizarding world-level bravely (an impossible goal to reach).

(HBP, McGonagall says what we're all thinking)

I find this passage interesting because jkr finally has a character acknowledge that mrs. Longbottom is not behaving like a good parent and yet nothing comes from it. In an ideal world, McGonagall would follow this with a letter to Augusta where she talks about the effect her expectations are having on Neville but she doesn't do that. This is especially galling since McGonagall is shown to not have a problem with writing to Augusta if she sees she's acting against her grandson's best interests, after all she does write mrs. Longbottom a letter to help Neville enroll in 6th year Charms (the study of which Augusta discourages because it's a subject SHE had difficulty in).

and also

(DH, Augusta is finally proud of Neville but only because he's behaving like she wants him to)

I can't help but feel like there's better ways to show Neville's growth as a character (and the improvement of his relationship with Augusta) than what we are shown in the books. In the end, mrs. Longbottom is rewarded for her awful parenting by getting exactly the grandson she's wanted all along; it's not her who's adjusted her expectations and seen them as unreasonable, it's Neville who's had to change - and even then it's not because he wanted to but because of external reasons (he's in the middle of a war). Neville rose to her impossible expectation by pure happenstance and I don't say that to discount his resilience and general goodness, only to note that the circumstances were beyond his control.