I hate the culture of children.
Itâs not really children, per se.  Granted, Iâm not fond of them being around, I donât want one in my house or very often in my immediate presence, and I especially donât like it if I have to watch one that canât even talk coherently let alone understand what Iâm saying, but all this is because I have no patience and no strong maternal instincts to speak of.
If Iâm out in public somewhere and a child looks at me, I will smile at it. Â If I see a video or gif of a child doing something adorable, I might coo and share it. Â I donât actively go out of my way to upset children or even discuss them with most people.
But I hate with all my being the culture that surrounds the concept of children.
Thereâs an overwhelming societal expectation of a beuterused person that they must not only have children (usually multiple), but that they must desperately want children, often to the exclusion of all else.  Itâs tied very much into the notion that everyone is supposed to get married and promptly produce offspring and put themselves neatly into heteronormative traditional gender roles so as to be a good adult and a âproductive member of society.â  Indeed, the mere presence of breasts and a presumed uterus is indicative that a personâs worth is whether or not they reproduce.
And itâs this idea that infests every conversation about health or future or family. Â Itâs this concept that makes those of us who do not want children (especially biologically) have to constantly brace ourselves for potential arguments when we talk about any of these things.
Itâs the reason I had to switch doctors when my first one kept insisting that âthe idealâ was for me to âremain a virgin until marriage and then marry a virgin before having children.â  Itâs the reason people with vaginas require checkups for âreproductive healthâ to make sure everything is âfunctioning correctly for reproductionâ instead of just to make sure things donât hurt/arenât infected/need attention.  Itâs the reason we see language used like âbaby-makingâ for het sex with no stated reproductive intent, why the term âbiological clockâ is still exclusively used in regards to reproduction, and why there is an over-emphasis on pregnancy and reproduction language in sex (âbaby goo,â âbaby batter,â âgonna make a baby in you,â etc.).  Itâs why thereâs still so much debate over who gets a say in pregnancy, why pregnancy is still terrifyingly often referred to as a punishment or as a means to control the beuterused.  Itâs the reason why family, friends, and even strangers feel completely within their rights to ask you about your reproductive plans, to make you justify all of your life choices to them at a momentâs notice, to question your thoughts and beliefs as if they know you better than you do yourself.
Itâs the reason why the questions are so intensive when someone asks for lasting birth control.  Itâs the reasons why we are told over and over the rate of regret, the success stories of people who changed their minds, the horror stories of those who didnât.  Itâs the reason why, when you state that you have a âphobia of pregnancyâ in the hope that it will make people stop asking you without making you explain yourself or justify your feelings for the umpteenth time, the only advice you get is, âWell, that needs to be fixed before anything else.â
Itâs the reason why âbecause I donât want childrenâ isnât enough. Â Itâs the reason why adoption is never seen as an option because âyouâll want some of your own someday.â Â Itâs the reason why people put such value on âextending the family lineâ and âcontinuing the family name.â
Itâs the reason I have to say I hate children for people to stop questioning me.  Itâs the reason I have to monitor my conversations with certain people because theyâll say, âAh, see, you DO like kids!!â  Itâs the reason parts of my dysphoria kick in hard when I see the sort of things mentioned above.  Because, unless something happens to remove or damage a uterus, it is not only expected, but demanded of you to know why youâre refusing âthe most precious gift on Earth,â âyour womanly duty,â âthe greatest love youâll ever know,â and so forth.
Itâs the reason why âI hate childrenâ is rolled off my tongue more and more until finally people just stop talking.
But I donât hate children.
I hate the culture of children.
I hate the misogyny that surrounds pregnancy.
Most of all, I hate the people who perpetuate this culture, who deny someone else the right to say they donât want to be part of it, who threaten to make them part of it.
But, you know, itâs so much easier to just say I hate children.