life with h

I think in 10-20 years when I look back, Purple Monkey and the music from the Handstand episode of Bluey will be the soundtrack to my memories of babyhood.

am i even a person

How do I tattoo the weight of my baby asleep against my chest?

I'm so tired. But someday I won't be able to hold you anymore, so for now I'll hold you just a little bit longer.

Sometimes I get so caught up in how big he's getting that I forget how little he still is

I closed my eyes last week and had such a clear vision of him in my mind, a year from now, a little boy with a big smile running barefoot in the yard.

slow mornings sipping coffee, cleaning up blowouts, simmering beans, ohfuckitgotontheblanket, watching the wind in the trees

Somewhere along the way he stopped curling against my tummy the way he did when he was inside of it, he started taking more naps in his crib than on my shoulder, he preferred lifting his head to look around over resting it on my chest. Newborn life was gone in the blink of an eye and though I soaked in every second I could it wasn't enough. How could it ever be enough?

Often lately I think he looks more like a little boy than a little baby, but I sometimes catch glimpses of his newborn self - in the pout of his lip when he stretches and the shift of his unfocused eyes when he's tired.

wiping my tears with a milky burp cloth